r0ckyreed

I was really hesitant to make this post. But I have just not been able to do this on my own just yet. Information So, I was in a 9 month relationship from August 13, 2022 - May 16, 2023. We had a shared history of going to the same high school. We were both in band, I was a trumpet player and she was in the color guard. At the time of our relationship, she was finishing her senior year of Acting. We got together by her messaging me out of the blue on Instagram. We had many great moments together and had my first sexual experiences with her at 26 years old. I am still a virgin and she was too. In the past couple months of our relationship, I noticed her pulling back of not responding to texts as much and not hanging out very often. When we were together, we hung out once a week, two times a week at most. I noticed she wouldn't kiss me as much and would pull back. I brought up early in our relationship that I was not sure about kids that I go back and forth on my stance. She stated that she wanted to have kids by 35 years old. She is 23 years old now but 22 years old at the time I dated her and I was 25-26. She brought up that we have different values. That she wanted to live in an urban big city and I wanted a more suburban quieter lifestyle. She wanted kids someday but I wasn't sure. She stated that she wanted to breakup with me because "we both need to take time to figure out what we want." By the way, she broke up with me after she graduated from college. She was not sure whether she was going to Chicago to pursue acting. Her goal was to go there. She was crying more than I was when she was breaking up with me. She stated that she needed to break up to work on herself because she does not love herself. We went on one last date where we began. Our first date was bowling and we ended our last date bowling. She cried into my arms after I walked her to the car and I gave her a goodbye kiss and a card that I wrote to her indicating my love for her, my respect for her break, and to never accept love less than I have given her. She told me I raised the bar so high and that she would take 2 years to move on from me. She told me that if we ever see each other out, that she wanted me to say "hi" and acknowledge her existence. She told me that she wanted me in her life. On June 30, 2023 about a month after our breakup, I ran into her randomly at the bar. I was playing pool with my sister on karaoke night and she saw me and waved "hi" and then walked out. I followed her out and told her something along the lines of "hi, how have you been doing? You told me if we ever saw each other out that we wouldn't make it awkward." She was shaking I was talking to her. She said "I am really trying hard not to cry right now. Can I give you a hug?" We hugged. I asked her more questions about what she was doing for work during the Summer after graduating college, but her friends were all surrounding her at this point and said "We are going now." Then, they went off. We have not been texting at all. I told her that I will not contact her at all unless she initiates it. I think it is smart since she is the one who initiated the breakup. I have not communicated with her since that night. But she has been still viewing and liking my social media posts. The Issue So last night, August 27, 2023, my friend encouraged me to go back into online dating. I went on the online dating app back in early July. But I reinstalled Bumble, Tinder, and Hinge. And guess what? After quite a few swipe lefts, I see her on there! My heart was racing and beating. I did not get any sleep last night at all. Only 3 hours. She was on both Bumble and Hinge. I have not swiped right or left. I just left it there and closed out of app. Her friend is also on the app as well. It just feels so weird to me that she is back on dating and moving on after all that she said to me. I just don't get it. I went to the gym this morning at 5am because I couldn't sleep. I am just not sure what to do here guys. I watched Leo's video on How To Get Over Breakups. I have been focusing on myself. But my issue is that I am struggling because I do not have many options for girls. I do not get very many likes on the dating apps, and many of the girls are college students in my town and don't really meet my standards. I am generalizing here. I have been going out to bars by myself. I went to a country dance bar and just danced by myself. I got to dance with some women but that was it. I also went to karaoke bar and sang songs. But other than that, I really do not have much friends. What really bothers me is that she is on these apps moving on when she said that the reason for our breakup seemed to be because she was going to move to Chicago. I am just a little lost and heartbroken. I thought I was over her. This is my first love and first heartbreak by the way. We never had sex at all in our 9 months of being together. She told me during the breakup that the reason for not having sex was because of my position on having kids, which I told her was "probably not, but I am still not sure." I just need some feedback on what to do. I have been having some immature thoughts of swiping right just to show her that I am still here and am moving on too. I also had thoughts of putting the box of all the cards she wrote me and all the things she made for me on her front door step. But I don't think I am going to do any of that. I am just being 100% real and honest with you all. This has fucked with my mind, and I have never done psychedelics. Thanks for your time and thoughts. EDIT: By the way, I am not for sure if I should still keep the box of all the cards, painting, and gifts she made/got for me. It is in my closet. Part of me just wants to get rid of it by dropping it off at her front door step, but that just sounds too immature. Sorry, I have been having a lot of irrational/immature thoughts lately because of the recent events.

Thanks! I am feeling better because I am slowly realizing and gaining insights that I really do deserve more. We only met at most twice a week. That is bullshit. We also never had sex the whole 9 months, and she told me it was because of my position on having children or not. I am moving on, and I am feeling better because she never really opened up her world to me in the way I deserved. Not once did I get to drive her because she was traumatized by a wreck she was in a few months earlier. Not once did she invite me over to her house to see her bedroom. I know I deserve more. She did teach me how to juggle and little bit of dancing too. That was all good, but she was not going to intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually give me what I want out of life. She did give me physical intimacy but nothing else. She just was not mature and developed enough. I am feeling much better. I remember our first date, I asked her if she would take the red pill or blue pill and she picked blue pill. I was still open to building a connection with her though and went with it. But there were other signs that she lacked self-love for herself, and I just don't need that. Long-term, it wouldn't have worked out. I will take this as a test drive and a lesson of what to look for going forward. The benefit I take away from all of this is that this recent experience has helped me wake up earlier. One of my goals was to wake up at 5am to go the gym, and I have been able to do that this week.

Going to the gym has helped me realize that while we did have great memories and times together, she is not my ideal partner. She is not existentially nor psychologically grounded. My thing now is learning how to find a partner who has a love for philosophy and psychology.

Not sure if I understand. What is the adult response move here in this situation?

Have options.

Both. Mostly just trying to move on and find someone better. But I am not getting anywhere. I am 26 yo and time is running thin. I want to have more relationships in my youth so I can decide whether I want kids or not one day. Still not certain on that. Damn. How did that happen?

This is my first experience guys by the way. I am 26 yo with Aspergers Syndrome or ASD and ADHD. Not really sure how to deal with this. Appreciate any support.

Stop consuming nonsense Andrew Tate content.

There is no social backlash. People offered me alcohol and I said no. They offered me weed and said no. I still hung out with them and blew their minds with my magic tricks and dancing skills. I teach people that you can be high without drugs. It is also good for pre-selection because I don’t want friends who are substance abusers. Not interested in women who cannot vibe with me sober on the same level of consciousness. If you need drugs to have fun, something is wrong with your methods. The most spiritual thing you can do at a bar/club is being sober and non attached to drugs. Be the Buddha at the bar.

I agree and am the same way as Leo. Just respect yourself and achieve everything sober. Alcohol lowers your intelligence. I don’t understand why anybody drinks alcohol. It literally shrinks your brain.

In my experience, women like a guy that asks for consent and not just assumes and violates boundaries. I just say something simple like “is it okay if I kiss you right now?” If she says “no.” Then, I just say “no problem.” And then I move the heck on.

Good points. Glad I made a thread about it. What do you think Oregon should do differently? Portugal makes it where they can go to rehab, but if they do not go, then they will be charged with disobedience and will be moved to criminal system. All of these treatment facilities in Portugal are free so I am not sure how they are able to do that. The treatment facilities and healthcare in America are messed up. I am not sure what would fix it. They should have free counseling and rehab services for all. There is a high demand for those services though too, so I can see how it can be difficult.

I agree. I am an existential therapist and see the effects of drugs on people, as well as the limits of health care resources. I am not sure what my stance is on this issue. It all sounds good to legalize it all but am skeptical. Isn’t that logic you used the same that right wingers use to justify having guns? They say it’s so easy to get them from black market, so we might as well make them available to all. I am not against that, I just think drugs and guns need regulation. Some people could be buying drugs and not understand the risks in the same way people buy processed foods and don’t understand the risks. We cannot assume that people will give much thought and research into their decision-making nor make the best choices. That’s the cost of freedom.

I don’t think our healthcare industry is ready for that kind of change. I don’t think the majority of people are either.

It is not about the size of the brain but the right neural connections. Dolphins have bigger brains than humans, but humans on average are still more intelligent than dolphins. Why is that? One hypothesis is because humans have more cerebral capacity than dolphins. My theory is that intelligence is also associated with the body. The human body is more versatile and equipped for more intelligent things like hands to make things. A dolphin cannot make a 3D computer because it does not have the body to do so. But imagine if we gave dolphins artificial limbs to help them be able to have similar levels of intelligence as us. Dolphins are more intelligent in terms of not polluting the earth and being friendly towards each other. Whereas humans have struggles with just co-existing amongst each other. It really depends on how you define intelligence because it is so nuanced.

Yeah! It's amazing! I am just focusing on socializing and making friends. It takes the pressure off. I went up to a group of girls and got rejected, and it didn't matter. It's their loss and my gain. I made 2 new women friends and got their SnapChats.

So we are playing that game, huh? I have a PhD in detecting ratshit. I taught myself because universities are full of it.

Dogshit excuse. I am sure he called plenty of people in his spare time but you weren’t on the list of priorities. Time to move on or have undeniable proof that there is a change and a genuine apology. I wouldn’t expect any change.

This helped me to get out of my house, go to the drag show bar and make two new women friends. We had a great night at the dance club after. Thank you.

I am ready to start socializing more. I am wanting to work on talking to women and getting into “pick up.” By pick up, I don’t mean short term fun. I mean being able to attract many women and go on multiple dates and then choose the one I want. I live in a college town. I am 26 years old. I have had success with attracting women when it comes to me performing magic tricks for them. But I want to be able to do this through my cold reading and conversation skills. My main fear is talking to a woman but she has a boyfriend who is nearby. As a magician, I can do this easier because it is not obvious that I am “picking her up.” But without magic, I fear that when I talk to a woman, she may have a boyfriend and he may see me and try to kick my ass. I saw a beautiful woman walk into Aspen Coffee. I was going to try just to talk to her, but I noticed that she went to a guy who I presume to be her boyfriend. How do you guys go around this? I don’t want to get into any trouble.

What’s wrong with asking?

I would agree with that analysis then.

Please don’t derail the thread.

I can see how you thought the title suggested that. But you need to read my post. Please make sure you read my post and not just my title. Like you are saying, what do you expect if you just read the news headlines and not the articles? You will get an unenlightened brain. Also, nobody here is enlightened. Enlightenment doesn’t exist. If consciousness is infinite, then you will never reach the end. Notice how Leo always says I’ve reached a new level, a new level, a new level, a new level of understanding. That implies that he didn’t have a complete awakening before. There is no such thing as complete awakening or enlightenment.

Nobody said anything about flirting with others spouses. The thing is that you don’t know if a girl is taken until you ask. And yes, I am afraid of getting punched in the face. Do I deserve it? No. In my city, a guy got shot because he was just friends with a girl. The boyfriend thought she was cheating. This kinda stuff is ridiculous.