silene

In the article, Japanese Zen is characterised as an institutional religion with monasteries, a priesthood, temples and lineages etc, and it's that aspect is which is undergoing decline, perhaps in tandem with Japan's transition from SD blue to orange. It says less about how the numbers of lay members is trending. For most young people today in industrialised countries, becoming a monk or priest is a pretty remote idea. At this time the need for keeping up with cultural change is important. But when I was involved in Zen, one thing that struck me was a rigid and inflexible approach, and an attachment to Japanese culture and language, even when transported to entirely different contexts such as Western Europe. Despite Zen's spiritual purity, it was still basically conservative. Maybe in California it's more flexible and adaptable, I dunno. Signs are it's not moving with the generations. But ultimately, the word Zen derives from dhyana, meditation, so no doubt it has plenty of life left.

I can't comment much on the US system, but I fully agree this issue doesn't need to be black and white. A mixture of both private and public healthcare systems could please and provide for the maximum number of the population. In the UK we have the NHS mostly paid from taxes, free-ish at the point of delivery (with notable exceptions); also a thriving private healthcare system. Rich people can go private if they want, but still have to pay their share of taxes for the state system. In fact the NHS regularly uses private hospitals when they lack the capacity themselves. And we don't get much opposition to the NHS from the right wing or the rich; it's a compromise which works pretty well for us. I think the US has state controlled systems for other services like schools, so why the insistence on privatisation for health? Maybe it's the money.

@Yoremo What self help have you been doing, and for how long? It might help me think about your focus and patience issue. However, my initial thought is that much in our consumerist fast-paced society is training us from childhood to be dissatisfied and restless, forever wanting the next fix of product from the market to keep us on a roller coaster of pleasure and comedown. If you're still at school, I guess you must be quite young? In which case this is a normal stage of growing up, 'finding yourself', so please don't pressurise yourself, don't worry, take your time, keep the conversations going and an open mind about what's right for you.

I agree with @Mu_ You're the one with the judgement and shame which is holding you back from healing. Bottling it up is much harder in the long run. Therapists have seen it before, are well trained and won't judge or be shocked, it's their job to be supportive and practical. unconditional positive regard as it's sometimes described.

@Yoremo You have a lot of self-insight and it looks like you're going through a period of reflection and contemplation about your life path: nothing wrong in that, we don't need to be outward bound all the time. Inner time is important to develop the intuition and insight to process the 'outer' experiences. Likewise don't get me wrong, I'm not a Puritan, spending a bit of downtime slobbing out to your favourite trashy youtube videos or soap operas etc to switch off is fine. Sport is an awesome passion to have, combining emotional energy with physical exercise and socialising. But if you're not sure about whether football is your 'big thing' or not, why not keep experimenting with different things and scenes, allowing yourself to make mistakes while you learn more about yourself.

Something doesn't add up to me. If you really have no motivation to pursue anything, then you wouldn't be bored with simply sitting in silence. Perhaps the boredom itself is your motivation energy looking for expression, but you feed yourself with junk food like youtube videos instead of finding your own wholesome passion in life. That sounds pessimistic to me You have the feelings of wanting to do something, the energy is there, but also a thought that you don't have anything to do. Is it the hopeless feeling (or belief) of non-change which is the obstacle? Why can't you do active creative things which express you, your passion, rather than passively watching other people express themselves?

Yes this is the work. Learning to feel safe with the therapist, to trust, to find your courage, to open up to another person when you feel the pain and resistance of past hurts. Try to let them know you struggle with the telling (if they don't already know) - a good therapist already intuits this. Sometimes just crying without talking expresses what you need to 'say'. Patience is the fastest way.

Your behaviour and belief system is effectively your survival mechanism to survive your dysfunctional childhood. It's layered over your amazing and beautiful human being which lies cowering beneath, hidden out of fear. You don't need to reinvent yourself from scratch, but leave the past, in the past. Exactly! You are re-living the coping mechanisms from a past and painful situation. But in a sense, it worked, you survived to live another day, and now the job is to re-tune yourself to the present environment. Rather than facing the present with the past mechanisms still in operation. My suggestion is to find a good therapist who specialises in treating childhood trauma. Nothing wrong with the spiritual work too, but if you're struggling it's hard to pull yourself up by your own bootstraps, so to speak. Getting help from an expert is no weakness, especially when you're lacking the unconditional love which we need from childhood.

These are all painful feelings and my long ingrained habit is to try stopping them, avoiding them. Like right now I have a headache and I've taken some paracetamol to get rid. But what if these are symptoms of something out of balance, out of harmony, something needing attention, which the subconscious body/mind is crying out for a re-balancing? Acceptance of what is true in our direct experience is helpful, as in not believing in thoughts of rejection, but also attention to what the suffering is pointing to. What's the source?

Sometimes it's difficult to make friends and build up a social circle. I think there's a lot to be said for having an extended family around who can provide a reliable supporting network. But family don't always get along either.

Have you got the choice whether to fear or not? For me it happens by itself.

@Blackhawk Good to hear you had a good relationship with your mum, hopefully it was ok with your dad too. Did you have a generally happy childhood? Can you pinpoint when you first started feeling so unhappy and lonely?

@itachi uchiha Would you give us the original quotes (in English)? What you've written looks like your interpretation.

That person is me, I know the feelings intimately It does have a strong physical element which is of course also mental. It doesn't appear to be wilful conscious resistance, but more like a reaction within my conditioning, which gives the situation the illusory appearance of a survival threat; triggering the fight/flight/freeze/fawn response. Almost an out of body experience.

Firstly, don't panic. It may only be a matter of being introverted, and worrying about being schizoid before you've been properly tested by a professional serves no purpose. I would try and find a professional who can get you a diagnosis, rule in or out personality disorders to help direct you to appropriate therapy or treatment if you need it. Who knows, maybe you don't need psychotherapy anyway, perhaps someone like a good life coach or spiritual guide is more appropriate.

I've had and lost a few cats too. Sorry to hear about your loss. Yes it's really unfair, but at least the time he had left was spent with your love. God bless him.

Hi Blackhawk Just checking in to say hello, I don't have any new ideas to suggest without repeating myself, perhaps that's for the best. So how about a bit of chat instead? I was reminded of the idea that it's a masculine trait to try to immediately fix problems, and the feminine version is compassion and empathy. Perhaps you're missing (or missed during childhood) that feminine input, has your mum always been depressed? I guess Sweden gets dark a lot at this time of year, winter gets me down too, and I live further South. Some people get Seasonal Affected Disorder. Having to wrap up in layers of thick clothes every day gets tiresome too. But on the upside Sweden's not so built up, do you like getting out of the city into the countryside? Does Sweden have wild animals like bears and wolves and proper wilderness?

I have pondered this too. The thing is, calling the origin of consciousness 'nothing' assumes that consciousness is all that exists. But how about if subconsciousness or unconsciousness also exist, with our conscious awareness like a narrow beam of light from a torch, illuminating one (or a few) items at a time. Or if awareness is one small compartment of reality, receiving signals in from the invisible unconscious, which it has to interpret into a map or story about what's going on. With inevitable mistakes and illusions. How do we tell the difference between theories like this?

How do we know if these were connected or not? You say the recognition happened for no reason, ok for some people it does, but maybe the desperate seeking and feeling about to lose your mind, made the mind more receptive to what was already the case? I'm thinking that if this nondual recognition flashes into the mind of someone who's totally unprepared, they'll just regard it as some aberration, mental illness, depersonalisation or derealisation disorder etc.

Interesting, so do you now just live a regular life with no 'spiritual' practice, apart from posting in the forum? Or, did you have an awakening in 2018 which completed your seeking and in effect turned your whole life into one unfragmented meditation?

God, please read my post soon so you become aware of me, and create me.

We could still put religious leaders in somewhere, eg the Pope is powerful. Perhaps in 2. CEO of a multinational lol.

@Blackhawk "even if I find someone, then other obstacles shows up." Mate, this looks like a bit of progress here You've moved on from "I'm not good enough" to looking for external problems. Are you beginning to see that maybe you are good enough? Where I'm standing, it looks like your mind keeps throwing up excuses because of some deep seated anxiety and worry. A defence mechanism to protect you from rejection, embarrassment, or whatever it is you're afraid of. But loneliness is the price to pay. You don't need to change yourself much to get started, just choose a positive attitude and try looking further afield if you're not having much luck. If you can't change yourself, change your environment instead.

This is a great starting point. You need to start from where you're at now, rather than running before you can walk. The first thing is to learn how to have an enjoyable social life that fits you, build up a bank of happy experiences and memories as a foundation to build on. If you've got some long-term social anxiety issue then how about looking for a supportive friendship group of like-minded people - believe it or not there's loads of other people out there with similar issues looking for friends. There is specialist help available if you're willing to put in the effort. After all, what have you got to lose, what else are you going to do with the rest of your life, you don't want to go on like this otherwise you wouldn't be venting and asking for our help. And while lust may be based on externals like good looks etc, don't forget the old saying, love is blind. Love is a gift of the gods not under our control. Remember those pictures about Cupid's arrow striking us unwary mortals down here? It's all mythology and symbolism, but based on something real.

@Fearless_Bum "the point between the two polarities yet neither. " Neither here nor there, nowhere and yet everywhere (Home is where the love is).