Thought Art

Lovely day, outside with that freshness, Journaling, writing Qigong routines, listening to some of my song demos. My music is magic. I am glad I invested the time into it.

@Yimpa Haha, I love so love so much. But, also at a point it gets so extreme it almost become infinite. It’s like, perfection, but yeah. My ego is terrified of it. I know the experience with the girl is dualistic human love. But, it’s also a form of unity happening in the human domain. I think this love can be profound and important to human life. But, becoming totally selfless and One. I’ve been there. I’m not there now. It was perfect. But, to me now it’s terrifying.

@Leo Gura That’s fair. The fear I felt with her was similar to my fear in 5meodmt trips. Like I was gonna be washed away into this love… Im not sure it’s the same thing. But, holding her in my arms was so intense and my heart was so open. I might just not be that used to that much love. I’ll have to contemplate this more. Not to be soft lol.

Why is deep love so challenging? This summer I experienced so much love, with another person, I thought I was gonna die. Is awakening related to human love in this way? Worth contemplating.

If you practice Yoga also consider doing 100 hours of Qigong over next 5 years.

Reality isn’t going to change. You’ll still be human, have bills to pay, suffer, etc. For whatever reason this is life.

This is when Leo’s words can be misleading. Especially one of his recent posts about physical and mental stability.

Time for my next adventure. back to work this week. Traveling, planes, atvs and adventure. I made progress with my Qigong the last month or so, my health has improved too. Reconnected with music, in a healthier way this time around. Less pressure, more fun, more heart. A year from now, 5 years from now… what will I have made? Who will I have become? I am watching a Beastie boys recap on Apple TV. I realize that no one who is creative ever knew what was coming next. Things are never certain. Reality is messy for every creator. I will continue to work with my coach, keep earning money, investing in my ability to share, understand and teach Qigong. I’ll network and connect with more people, build my roots in a major city. Begin dating and get a girlfriend. Long term relationship is what I want. All in time. I also feel like I’m buying clothing I like and I’m being more comfortable with myself. I like to dress in a way that feels good to me. Also, I’m Bisexual and feel like I’m healing the shadow of repression on being attracted to men. I’m probably more straight than gay, but I should I suspect fully being whole and honest within myself in this regard matters. Gotta just be me. I will work tomorrow on Qigong routines, and I might go visit my sister again tomorrow or Wednesday. I will play through my album I’m working on again.

@Never_give_up I’ve learned the trick is to just enjoy creating.

Very interesting! It shows the method is so important and how science can be blind to its own limitations. But, also how it progresses.

Rest day

@Nilas Are you taking large doses? I’ve experienced bouts of not remembering which is scary. Happens with vaping especially large doses.

@Natasha Tori Maru I am generally good natured. But, I can flip my lip from time to time which is a character flaw for sure. Especially for this forum and the video catalogue. Gotta stand up for it. But, there is a right and wrong way. I apologize and going forward I will do my best (as usual notice the 13,000 posts) speak with generally respectful words. I see the importance of allowing open dialogue around the nature of the video catalogue, forum, the ideas, concepts, techniques taught in Actualized.org teachings. I would say part of me is still stubborn around having said it, because at the end of the day an intelligent person who honestly tries to learn from Leo isn’t going to end up in a cult. It’s highly unlikely. He teaches studying under many people, reading many books, and getting direct experience. If it’s not true, it’s not real. Simple as that. A cult wouldn’t teach you radical open mindedness, to question everything, to teach consciousness, epistemology, post modernism, philosophy of science, introspection, what it happiness, what is love, 35 fields of self help, etc etc Unfortunately, it is annoying and tiring seeing the disrespectful videos, posts, and threads misleading people and insulting the information that is available here. Calling it a cult, and people insulting them forum etc is foolish to me. Though, I understand why it happens. Actualized.org is a school teaching the pursuit of Truth and pure understanding. The wisdom in the video catalogue is phenomenal. A major problem is I think some of you guys don’t the watch the videos. Forum Leo isn’t like, Leo at his best. Thats light and casual Leo generally unless we ask him a good question well asked. No teacher is perfect clean of self deception 100% of the time, Leo knows that. But, we can do our best.

@Natasha Tori Maru I’m pretty bad. My bad boy era.

Some of what Bryan does does not interest me. My main take away are health fundamentals. Even though I don’t embody them perfectly. I improve.

@LordFall I ride in them a lot for work. Very dangerous. Also, very safe if you are careful. There is a risk in everything. My work is full of safety considerations I have lots to be mindful of. We almost got hit by a Jet who didn’t warn us of him being coming in for landing at a small air strip.

Sorry for swearing everyone. We should always speak as best we can with respect and non-violence.

The challenge with Leo’s work is that it is so massive, sprawling, nuanced and requires so much time to not only listen to, contemplate, do the readings and assignments.. it really takes years and decades understand for those who try to even with the busyness of life and our laziness…. People are gonna struggle to understand the work. It’s some of the deepest philosophical work, if not the deepest ever produced. It isn’t perfect, comes from an imperfect but phenomenal human being… 99% of humans will never know what’s Leo knows. I think even many people on this forum will never know what Leo knows because of his history and genetics. But, that being said so many people here are very intelligent in there own ways and that is important to recognize.

As a Qigong teacher and studying mindfulness coach it’s my duty to accept what is, where I am and what has happened. I accept all of reality as part of my evolutionary process. Swearing, cursing, name calling are rare things for me in my communications for others. Really, other than blowing off steam, feeling powerful, covering shame, etc it generally will always backfire on you. At the same time, it can shake things up for everyone. But, as I realize my role in life this kind of thing should be put to an end. As someone who wants to be a role model for peace and wellbeing that type of communication can’t happen, and when it does it should be addressed. I will though, the occasional conflict, or angry outburst will never convince me to quit working on myself, teaching and learning qigong. But, the goal going forward is that I am not the kind of person who swears, name calls, etc, even if rarely in this group. It doesn’t feel good long term, spreads bad vibe and example on the forum and is opposed to my life purpose. I take ownership and responsibility in my life.