Alex K

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Posts posted by Alex K

  1. Posted · Edited by Alex K

    @NTOgen I would like to comment on each sentence, but let's keep to the juiciest minimum.

    1 hour ago, NTOgen said:

    Think about christians who believe in an eternal afterlife of bliss in heaven. They say they believe it

    I know that real christians only dislike that they are left alone w/o man they used to love and be with. But they firmly believe and act out of the place that the dead are in a better world so no grief for them is due. Suicide is the worst sin -> eternal suffering -> not doing it.

     

    1 hour ago, NTOgen said:

    That's what proper observation, investigation and contemplation is for.

    Let's agree that thinking, investigation and analysis are the same thing - prefrontal cortex logical stuff, our "drill" as Rali puts it.

    So asking yourself who am I, observing, contemplating, analyzing the answer and re-asking from that new place again and again - is what was postulated as "proper" stuff in my initial question, where SDS is a catalyzer. My question is what process do you postulate instead?

    P.S. All this feedbacking and wiring stuff is not good - it's not formal enough to be biologically correct, let's drop it, it's a rabbit hole. (I sometimes think much simpler that pure awareness is one program and ego is the other and logic is the third, emotions is 4th, sensations, memory... and they all communicate with each other in our brain - computer)

    1 hour ago, NTOgen said:

    Yes it would! That's exactly what would do it! How did you arrive at your conclusion? Take a look at this because this is near the heart of the matter.

    This is a misunderstanding -> from your previous points I understood you force that thinking on your belief web alone would do it w/o observations and contemplation and I exactly formulated my point based on that.

  2. Posted · Edited by Alex K

    @Neill Well my wall of excuses exactly shows that I give a fuck and a rather neurotic one at that) So I've read http://www.vegelicacy.com/blog/12/russian-vegan-recipes - it is basically 95% carbohydrates, which I believe is not deemed very healthy by nutritionists.  Where are the fats and proteins? Btw, I do not need Russian-only recipes as I do not know how to cook whatsoever - it is all the same to me) What I need is a good stuff on how to make it cheap, easy and complete in all the macro and micro nutrients we need. Could you help me with that? 

    You colourfull articles do not meet reality - even for the single chain of veg cafes in Moscow http://www.jagannath.ru/ I need to make a 40 minutes trip on top of my 70 min commute and pay three times as much to get filled as in normal eatery on the first floor of my business center. Bitching again niiice. And while I visited some "normal" towns - there is no such places literally AT ALL.

  3. Posted · Edited by Alex K

    @Emerald Wilkins Very nice challenging wording, double hard for me to get through as a non-native speaker) Well, probably it's for you as well to read what I've written below - for me it is a survival instinct and logic not to become fully aware of that vids. I'm very impressionable and I have so much questions and so little energy, I don't want my emotions to hijack me into veganising myself at all costs. They see me bitching, I'm rolling, da da da.... 

    @Neill  As for me, I would be happy if tomorrow a law would be issued - no meat at all in the parts of the worlds where beans are plenty etc. Without that I just don't have power in me to learn how to make vegeterian diet complete in nutrients, how to get food as delicious and as simply and as cheap as chicken with pasta for example. Noone around me is vegan, there are controversies to pure veganism among scientists, in my country I believe it is forbidden to make children below 14 years old follow vegan diet, there is virtually no knowledge of vegan cooking and no nutrients complete vegan foods available in shops and cafes. I can't cook much more then eggs myself. All that makes me choosing to go for meditation for that 30 minutes of quality time I have per day instead of starting learning how to cook, how to cook nice vegan food, how to get it right nutrients vise, how to deal with meat cravings etc. I know that chicken is like 20% of harm of cows, so I eat chicken only and even that I eat twice a week maybe. But still I eat all the types of dairy products. Is dairy really as bad as cow meat death toll vise and for the planet? I would not thought like that logically, am I wrong? I tried almond and tofu milk half year ago for a month. It tastes bad and costs 5 times more than milk and there is no tofu cheese available and soy cream, which basically make my diet. There is a film about sugar where main hero tries sugary diet for 30 days, before that he tells us 70% of his calories come from avocado and nuts fats. So cream and cheese are my avocados and fats! We don't have freaking avocados where I live, like at all! And nuts cost 6 times as much as cheese, 12 times as much as 20% cream! Even my teeth are not good enough to chew the nuts and getting all crowns is out of the question financially and emotionally for me right now) What should I do? So much bitching, at least it's out finally. Sorry for the readers.

  4. Posted · Edited by Alex K

    @Neill 

    - It is not about excuses and it is not vague, it is a very logically likely scenario based on the trends here and you ask for that kind of analytical knowledge.

    - Facts and science are dormant on themselves, they are abstractions whose nature is being encoded as bits and bytes of information. Your ego pushes them onto people here, it is not seeing what is - which I've outlined for you carefully in my previous comment - it is deluding itself from the truth that there is very little point to argue in current setup - and that you could spend your precious life energy and time to reach other people and in other setups - as I again outlined before. 

    "I am concerned with actions taken in the present moment. Isn't that supposed to be all that exists?"

    - Please do not get into that, you are not versed enough in this matter at the moment. In short nothing exists and nothing matters. But it's probably not what you need at a place where you are right now.

  5. Posted · Edited by Alex K

    @Neill Please don't listen to all these guys, including Leo. Their life purpose is to get enlightened currently, they don't want to think about anything else deeply, including because they feel your ego is so strong on this topic, they have a developed nose for that, so they just tell you to get enlightened by all their comments. Consider this: 20000 of them would become enlightened during the next 20 years, they loose money drive, success drive, self image drive etc. They start a natural new search for contributing/impacting the world. Just an example here, 10% would become spiritual teachers, 10% human right defenders, 30% would create beautiful tech and humanitarian products, ... and 10% would become activists to combat global warming, 1-2% of which would participate in an anti-meat programs. That is 400 enlightened people, that is a formidable force that would make a change in the world. Let everything here run it's course, if you can't contribute by any big action, teach your ideas to people around you less knowing than you, ignorant, dormant. Here you would not achieve anything of value with your approach imho.

  6. Posted · Edited by Alex K

    @NTOgen So first of all I was a jerk here because I didn't want the emotional and brain work based of my believes on our precious topic, for that I beg pardon.

    "Also, consider this. Did you need to sit motionless for 5 hours a day to stop believing in the tooth fairy? How would that work? How did you really stop believing in the tooth fairy."

    I think that here we have a problem of qualitative rather then quantitative difference. Tooth fairy believe dies easily because most of other believes about the world from observation, thinking and other people contradict it.

    I have a believe that I'm awareness couched in nothing, etc. etc. But this believe does not get me where I want to be. Also I believe that ego is not a believe, it is a reality for me. I get emotional, caught up in my believes, attached, etc. These are factual observations, not believes as about tooth fairy. And to drop this "delusional reality", I believe I need a new tool - analyzing observations and believes of myself and other people - would not get me there - and here comes SDS and what not.

  12. Posted · Edited by Alex K

    So I felt like I'm in some kind of rot lately, and I'm planning to get out by pumping up my practice. I did SDS for the first time yesterday evening and today in the morning - 1 hr a pop. I sat eyes closed on the bed, swallowing as I salivated much and yawning regularly but no voluntary movement except once each sit I'v straighten my back up. I felt pain in my butt and mainly my back, I superconducted it like Leo describes in how to counter negative emotions or as Shinzen described in his pain relief book- basically equanimed it. I wonder if I should equanimity out the pain, or I should endure it head on as an identified monkey? My head had no strange stuff in it, maybe because I'm doing do nothing for 4-5 month now 30-60 minutes a day at least. Both times I felt for the last 10 minutes a sudden surge of equanimity and yesterday I even felt all the pulsating dots of pain in my back as pulsating bright stars in a night sky, not gonna pitfall into that mind game hopefully. I'm reading threads here and watching videos from Leo and Shinzen on SDS now to establish the practice. During it, I'm and plan to do periods of do nothing, periods of noting, some thinking on the matters of my mind and its development and I'd love to start doing self inqury. I've never really done it before and I'll need to establish it too because it seems very dull to just ask one question and wait for some answers. Anyways, Let's have 10 days commitment to 2hrs SDS from today on till next Sunday Inclusive.

    Points on hardening SDS if it seems too soft to be true ><: Eyes open, Not straightening up as long as possible, sitting on the pillow on the floor in cross legged or try burmeese - and let those legs stay attached after unfreezing )=.

    Haha, cheers!

  14. Posted · Edited by Alex K

    Yes, thank you for your insight.

    So the problem seems to be that I'm not that into life because I see it as a meaningless hardship. I mean I judge everything as being very hard for no reason. Hard on my mind and body, very costly, not worth it. And I see meditation and enlightenment as a way to escape part of the cost, rebalance the game rules. But even for them there is a lot of work entailed, so I pray for the moment when meditation would start meditating itself.

    I just don't want to have any other purpose like making a career, I just see it as a lot of hardship for a very little reward.

    Tell me if you will some more on the idea of how "the more you learn about the game of life the easier it gets".

    What during my life easier times were:

    - When hardship task ends like finishing university.

    - Being on Escitalopram.

    - Meditating.

    Would appreciate much if you answered.

  15. Posted · Edited by Alex K

    @Bob84 I thought about it and I think the thing is that the character in a game is immortal, fearless, flexible, can come and go at a buttons hit if I'm bored or smth; if totally screwed up, a new character could be cooked up. Even not screwed, I just can have 5 characters of different paths, each next would go smoother now that I know the game. The game itself is so much simpler and a ratio of work to reward is so much better then life.

    In Life my performance is widely variable without any input from me, I cannot control my body, can control almost nothing, there are lots of sudden stuff with real danger to it. And it is so complex I want to puke. Just this week - I was on diet, went to bed at 12:00 each day, was in good mental shape.

    And yesterday out of the blue I've ate up all the fridge and stayed up till 4 a.m. watching politics on youtube. Now I'm sitting here, needing to start to work but all I want is to die as I feel like shit that wants to puke, fearing that a depression would come and screw another week out of me.

    Look at me going on, bitching at life, really giving it to it, oh heh.

  19. Posted · Edited by Alex K

    I want to get enlightened but it seems I progress very slowly. I've meditated for 3-3,5 out of 4 last month at least, 30 minutes of do nothing minimum a day, thou I'm not sure I do it properly.

    Somewhere I got the information that from 40 minutes up you get to have a real impact, it also true for me. When I get to meditate 2hrs a day, my head is much more stuffed with it all-the-way. How to meditate 2hrs a day? How? I sleep 9 hrs, I waste 10 hrs for work, my wife needs at least 1-2 hrs from me to be happy, she is not into actualization work and 3 month pregnant currently, I keep discussing meditation with her gently so that she wouldn't burst out on me about how I'm pressuring her into it. I need some time to eat, to do the work around the house, to take a shower, go to the WC. Where do I get the 2 hrs I want ((

    I've got a pomodoro at work, the 50-10 minutes, 10 minutes for meditation. I got information that even 10-15 minutes would make your neurons flexible enough for engaging into meditation at any moment. But every time it hits meditation period, I think to myself that I've done not enough work thus no mediation for me and a bunch of crazy things my mind plays on me not to meditate. I need to rewatch video on higher self with lower self. How to get the higher self more active time through the working hours? 

    I feel that I'm becoming stiller in my everyday tasks, in my mind. My depression periods become much more mindfull. Still it looks like little progress. Patience balm, remember duuuuude.

    I want to start doing enlightenment work as per Leo video on how to get enlightened. But it wants another 30-60 minutes of my time every day and that should be quality time as I should be focused very intensely and alone in a quiet place.

    But I feel that I do not have that much focus in me. I feel like I'm low on energy and not smart enough. 

    Where do I get this 30 minutes to do enlightenment work? How to become more serious about it? 

    I want to want to aspire with all my being to getting to Truth and getting to Reality through enlightenment (but it's just a means to the end for me right now as really I want to get rid of suffering), but I just usually want lousy stuff like greasy food and fapping and music and cartoons and whatnot and that depresses me and when I'm depressed I want nothing but to stop being depressed.

    Actually now when I wrote it down, I think that in the recent weeks I want more of what I want to want, if that makes any sense )=.

    I definetly need that higher vs lower self video watched.

    Actually, just occured to me if I just want ot alleviate suffering, maybe just meditating a lot would get me there enough?

    Then why would I want to get enlightened? Obviously because me - myself - and Ego - thinks enlightened people are better somehow, which I know nad believe - is not the case. Do I believe it though? I just want it soo badly. So my ego is soooo attached to the idea. What a mess I am.

    I think I need to post here regularly.

    I've started a diet last week, hope it will last for the next 6 month hehe, I need to loose that 80 pounds.

    Read 

    Would watch Robert Spira, was on my radar for some time now.

  21. Posted · Edited by Alex K

    why-am-i-depressed audio. Do notes.

    Think about core values. What do I think I should do but I don't. Why that is so?

    There is an exercise about now - maybe do it for 10 minutes.

    If I can't stand to sit at work w/o headphones -> means do it with do nothing, to not hook to your idea of life.

    What happiness is and how to.

    This is the exercise - introspection.

  23. Posted · Edited by Alex K

    I know that our project is to be outsourced to other location and I'll have to find another job somehow.

    I know it will happen in 6 month - 2 years time interval.

    As it happen, I'll have two month paid on internal mobility in my company to find another project to join.

    After that I'd be on unpaid leave, able to search as internal.

    I have a mortgage, my wife is 3 month pregnant.

    I am rather bad at what I do (computer programming), I don't have any motivation, I hate my job.

    I don't know what to do. I don't want to do anything, just lie down. I don't even watch films of tv shows anymore, I barely talk to people.

    I just have silly hope that meditation could miraculously help me. There is no purpose to my life and I do not want one.

    I have so little energy and every day is grey.

    And I know there is no god.

    I don't think I'm depressed, I'm just in a very down and low energy mood.

    What to do, what to do...

  24. Posted · Edited by Alex K

    I feel we are very alike. 

    Describe how do you meditate -> maybe experienced people in here can see there is some major improvements in technique because in my understanding 6 month meditating for an hour a day should bring stability into not taking death thoughts seriously.

    My smart friend gave me simple reasoning behind going on with living -> we ARE dead for 99.9999% of the time of this universe existence, why not use at least somehow that 0.0001%? You can always be dead.

  25. Posted · Edited by Alex K

    So, since my last reply, I've meditated at least 30 minutes each day. So today is day 22 of uninterrupted practice.

    I had 16 days vacation and meditated for 2 hours a day on the average.

    I'm back at work.

    I re watch Leo's video about strategic thinking multiple times, I've started some strategic planning stuff, I want it to be very thorough.

    I've watched some lecture videos on critical thinking and want to incorporate that into my daily life, use it in strategic planning.

    I want to determine my strategic intent, I think is is not unlike that of Leo's, but I need to make it clear for myself, so that it would 'feel' solid and inherent to me, i intuit that it should have some flavours.

    I have a large mindmap about my meditation, I want to implement what I've learned about critical thinking to enhance it -> some strategic analysis.

    I have fears and doubts about my life now, especially my work. I know I don't like it very much. I fear what would happen if I loose it. It sucks up a giant portion of my life energy, my mental energy, time, attention, I stir neurosis based on it in me. I have to think about it critically and include it in my life strategy in some comprehensive way.

     

    Notes on critical thinking:

    Blooms taxonomy of learning: memorisation -> comprehension -> application -> analysis -> synthesis -> evaluation.

    Strive for higher level of learning.

    Six hats thinking: Information, Intuition, Critical/Cons, Pros, Ideas, Thinking management. -> Think on the issue with different facility, build on the results of previous iteration.

    Critical thinking consist of:

    - Attitude to change every you believe under new facts and ideas (Like Open-mindedness) and

    - C.T. Tools:

       - Always ask a question: How does someone arrive at that conclusion? (How has someone come to know what he knows?)

       - Think of counter examples.

       - How could my hypothesis be invalid? (Under what circumstances, what should be the case for my h. to be invalid?)

       - Attach degrees of probability / certainty to hypothesis.

      - Beware of Dunham-Kruger effect: be humble, always say you don't know when you don't know.

      - You should always ask questions and generate ideas without thinking they are stupid or irrelevant.

     

    Another idea is to work somewhat on notes taking skills. How to take notes quickly and with drawings?