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Everything posted by blankisomeone

  1. For someone who’s never had this, does it look CRAZY looking from the outside?
  2. I think I’m going to come up with stories to tel my coworkers so they think I’m an interesting person
  3. I’ve felt depressed all my life. I wish for non-existence every single day of my life, unless I really distract myself so I don’t think about it. I can’t wrap my head around people who actually enjoy life i now got a job which is MIND-NUMBINGLY MONOTONOUS. And I keep losing focus all the time. it really sucks man i might do it tonight honestly lol (I won’t) idk wot to do am sitting at a restaurant right now during break from work holding back my tears
  4. When I imagine myself carrying out suicide this is what I feel happens.. Becoming disembodied and spiraling infinitely out of control in my own dillusional mind... SCARY. I try to imagine that god will embrace me and understand why I did it, but that’s not what I feel happens in reality
  5. But that metaphysical realization is actually amazing and mysterious and feels full not empty. our guy here is talking about loneliness and feeling disconnected which leads to depression and possibly suicide or some kind of premature death not spiritual bliss
  6. Dude if i gave up on life why would I wanna go to India to be a monk or help Africa?
  7. oh god i'd much rather lie depressed in bed for the rest of my life
  8. Were your parents present and engaged and loving with you when you were a kid growing up? Was is it a peaceful, engaging, encouraging environment at home? Usually kids learn to disengage and disconnect from life when home environment wasn't so good. Probably look for therapy if you have the motivation and means to do so.
  9. I really don't want them to suffer because I did it they've tried really hard all their life and i dont want them to think its their fault or something am i imagining the whole thing? will they be alright
  10. I hate my parents They’re constantly fighting with each other, they don’t respect each other. I’m done with stress I hate that my dad smokes and doesn’t respect me idk why I’m holding on to them… If they suffer my death so be it. I hope I get eternal peace. I rly rly rly rly need it, that’s what I’m doing this FOR, I hope I don’t get something other than peace, man. That would really SUCKKK my dads car is just waiting outside for me to hop in it and drive to Rio-Niterói bridge I don’t know why I don’t just do it. I mean people do this all the time right? I really appreciate you guys replies to my post, thank you so much I cried rivers, but unfortunately your words are just comfort words for me that help tide me over another day, I’m not getting some permanent healing from them, it’s just nice to read and it brings me relief but it’s nothing that lasts and I need something that lasts. What am I supposed to do? Just come to this forum every day begging for nice words so I feel better for getting some loving attention? I feel like I’m spiraling out of reality with my thoughts and everyone is becoming distant. I need to feel connected
  11. Yes the power of now was the first spiritual thing I read in my life back in 2019
  12. My parents are in a difficult financial situation and they’re now working really hard and it pains me so much to see them working while I lie depressed in my room Ive disconnected from all friends I don’t like my personality among many other reasons... tsk.. idk what I’ll do and spirituality is making me have second thoughts about killing myself because now I’m open to the idea of an after death state, and that it won’t be the end, it’ll likely just be a transition maybe to something worse (which adds a loooooot of existential dread on top of everything. Ugh, this weighs on my heart more than anything) I don’t know. But anyways, after death doesn’t matter. What matters is that I’m sick right now. I’m crying so much it feels like my lungs are eating yhemselves up. And when I think of my parents it makes me wanna throw up because of how ungrateful I am and when I think of the future i feel like I can’t handle iT And my sins of procrastination, isolation, arrogance, etc.. I don’t like myself going to bed now. I hope I don’t wake up tomorrow morning, I really do (fucking cheesy thing to say)
  13. Do I have to BS myself into a purpose? Or is there an inherent purpose?
  14. Can you invade others privacy even without their permission and openness to the experience?
  15. Dude I’ve thought many times of moving to Europe but everyone’s so depressed it scares me
  16. Or is it gonna make it worse? Or do I just bite the bullet and accept that it's a shot in the dark?
  17. The no BS guide to actual prayer
  18. To work through the trauma more consciously now that I’m older and wiser lol
  19. My parents have said it was stressful times. But I was wondering if I could re-experience it. I definitely experienced it because I was there, but don’t have the memories anymore