blankisomeone

- I used to always be suspiscious that maybe my parents are a WIZARD and a WITCH and they’re tricking me into believing they’re my parents! - I remember I was like 8 years old and I’d hold a pencil and ask myself “what is it like to be this pencil? This pencil exists, it got created, here it is, so it must feel like something to be this pencil.” It’s so funny how I remember exactly the enviorenment when I was having such thoughts. - I’d also look at my friends and wonder “what do they do at home? I can never know... Unless I’m them... I wonder what it’d be like to actually live through them, ACTUALLY BE them. Not speculate, but actually be them... Only then would I know...” - I can also swear on my mom’s dead body that I saw santa claus flying over my house. Even though I now rationalize to the death that I have not. It must have surely been a dream that I had as child and now my brain remembers it as though it actually happened, which is a crazy thing to have happened in an objective world, where everyone agrees that santa claus is imagination, different from the objective world. OBVIOUSLY!!!! (Or maybe I believe it so strong as a child that I ACTUALLY saw it?) LOL BUT EVEN THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN JUST IMAGINATION, BECAUSE THE OBJECTIVE WORLD DOESN’T ALLOW IT, obviously. - When I was a child my default assumption was that the Earth was actually a ball and we were INSIDE the ball rather than walking ON IT. I remember very specifically being in Geography class and having a little bit of a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that we walk ON the earth, and there IS NOT a moment where if we keep walking we’ll end up stepping outside of “the ball we’re in” and fall onto outer space. Like there isn’t a DEAD END. Now it’s OBVIOUS for me how it works. OBVIOUSLY IT’S A GLOBE and we can keep walking around it forever. But it was a bit of a struggle to have the paradigm shift for the first time. - Another thing happened when I was introduced to the concepts of atoms for the first time. I was a bit older now, in my teenage years. I remember my first Chemistry teacher telling the class about the existence of ATOMS. I swear I was the only in class that didn’t buy that shit. I felt like even my teacher had no fucking clue what the hell she was going on about. During lunch break I asked my friends if they were understanding the lesson, I asked them, guys wtf is even an atom? I don’t get it. And of course they convinced me of what it is, by drilling into my head the same story the teacher had told us in class. For many years since that day I conceptualized atoms as little balls floating around, even though I never saw one. I did see Santa as a child though, but never an atom.?? - I also remember very specifically a moment when I tried so hard to ask a question to my geography teacher as a child. I tried so hard to ask her WHY DOES THE WATER AT THE BEACH ONLY GOES UP TO A CERTAIN POINT LIKE IT’S MARKED ON THE TEXTBOOK? LIKE HOW DOES THE WAVE KNOWS THAT IT MUST STOP AT THIS SPECIFIC POINT AND DOESN’T JUST ENGULF ALL LAND? My teacher would just tell me that’s how it is. But obviously it isn’t how it is. Water does engulf the land sometimes with huge waves and destroy cities, the water doesn’t respect the limits of the textbook. And there isn’t a line that clearly separates ocean and land anyways. There’s water under the land, land under the water and everything in between!

Doing more math, more reading, more memory games doesn’t help improve cognition. You need physical exercise, healthy eating, good sleep etc

But if there’s shit even in my water what do u expect me to do?

The game of life lol

Physical exercise! Move that bod!

Treat yourself like you'd treat a puppy. Look at these creatures...

self love hahah

I used to experience back pain after fapping when I was younger because I used to try sucking my own dick LMAO Anyways... I've seen people experience some fatigue but not back pain, that's new... Are you sure the pain is directly linked to masturbation? Have you found other accounts on the interwebs of people experiencing the same?

I don’t know if I laugh or cry… Such a weird feeling ??

Your mind possesses dualistic cognition. That means that you can only think of something and make sense of what you’re thinking if the thing you’re thinking about is contrasted with its opposite. The concept of “good” only makes sense to your mind if it comes up with the concept of its opposite: “evil”. If the concept of “evil” didn’t exist, the concept of “good” couldn’t arise in your mind. Your mind is uncapable of grasping something simply for what it is, it only grasps something when it’s contrasted with its opposite. The human mind is infested with such biased understanding. It goes from clearly made-up concepts such as “left vs. right” and “up vs. down” to more tricky ones such as “good vs. evil” and “birth vs. death”. The trickier the duality gets the realer it seems. Dualities, however, always collapse when carefully analysed. What remains is the Ultimate that arises from the duality. The Ultimate can’t be talked about, because language is dualistic. Transcending dualities is equivalent to transcending your mind, quieting your mind. Having become aware of the dualistic nature of the mind, we can more carefully understand what your spiritual gurus mean when they say “accept the present moment”, “accept your pain”, “accept whatever situation you’re in”. When you’re going through a tough situation or even feeling strong physical or emotional pain, having someone tell you to just accept it is like adding fuel to the fire. It enrages you! Who in their right minds would just accept this horrible situation? Having someone give you such advice feels like they’re mocking you, making fun of you or acting indifferent towards your pain. It feels that way because you’re misunderstanding the teaching. I completely understand your angst, though. Because I understand the dualistic nature of the mind. Things can get complicated quickly if you don’t follow me. It can become even trickier if you have a chattery monkey mind, if your pain is too strong or your situation too sticky and you can’t bring yourself to concentrate. That’s why it helps tremendously to have solid meditation skills. Resistance is not possible. Only acceptance is possible. You won’t come to “accept” something by trying to stop resisting it. You will only come to “accept” something when you understand that there’s no other way it can be. Pick a thing you’re resisting. Focus on it. Whatever it is. It can be a personal problem or the current situation of the world. It can be something about your physical appearance you don’t particularly like. It can be something as natural as the process of aging. It can be the workload you’ve been avoiding by procrastinating. It can be the death of a loved one that you just can’t bring yourself to accept. It can be the environment you find yourself in right now. It can be a physical pain that is bothering you. It can even be life itself, the mere existence of life. Whatever it is that you’re resisting, pick that so we can work with it. Be specific about what it is you feel yourself resisting and turn your awareness inwards. Become aware of the fact that you’re reading this text because there’s something you’re resisting and you’re suffering for it. Notice how you’re suffering. Notice that you want to learn how to “accept” so that you stop suffering. You want to accept the pain in the hopes that it goes away. Now tell me, is hoping that something goes away acceptance? Notice that your attempt to accept something is instantaneously turning into resistance. In your dualistic way of thinking about it, there's a dot of resistance in your acceptance, like in the yin and yang symbol, where there's a dot of black in the white. There’s something you’re doing wrong. You still haven’t accepted it. You’re getting caught up in the duality. You want to accept something so that the suffering stops, so that you’ll more easily go through your workload that you’ve been avoiding, so that you’ll gain more motivation to work, so that your physical/emotional pain stops, so that your life will be easier, so that the situation goes away, so that you’ll stop acting a certain way. “If I accept my pain does that mean the pain goes away?” Pain is pain. By definition, pain hurts. So if you want to accept your pain by wishing it wasn’t painful, are you really accepting the pain? “Ok. So what’s the solution?” The solution is actual acceptance, by realizing that resistance is not possible. “If I accept a certain situation does that mean I won’t do anything about it?” Taking action has nothing to do with the “resistance vs. acceptance” duality. Some people resist situations and still do nothing about them, they just complain. Some people accept situations (or so they say) and do nothing about them, becoming a doormat. The acceptance that I’m talking about has nothing to do with taking action or not. That’s something you’ll decide for yourself. “Do I have to stop resisting things?” No, I’m saying that you must remove the illusory idea of resistance in the first place. Even if you want to change a thing, you must first acknowledge that it’s happening, that’s acceptance. “To accept do I have to stop resisting?” To accept you must realize that what you think of as ‘resistance’ is NOT possible. Ever. To accept is to look at the word “resistance” as an insane idea. Focus on how attaching yourself to the “resistance” end of the “resistance vs acceptance” polarity is unhealthy. Notice how it makes you feel. Notice the inner conflict. Notice the insanity. You’re not LEARNING to accept, you’re just REMEMBERING that it’s the only possibility. Notice that if you don’t take the process of deconstructing the “resistance vs acceptance” duality slowly, you’ll want to force yourself to stop believing in the existence of “resistance”, therefore reinforcing its existence by resisting it! An internal never-ending loop of suffering is then created. You must accept even the dualistic nature of your mind, not wishing it didn't exist, just seeing through it is enough! You CAN’T look in the mirror every day and resist what you see. You CAN’T wake up every single day resisting a situation you’re in. “If I accept this negative situation I’m in, then I won’t do anything about it?” First of all, our goal is to see through the illusion of the ‘resistance vs. acceptance’ duality. Just to label the situation you’re in as ‘negative’ is already going too far by creating yet another duality. Second of all, I can ask you the same question by the opposite end of the duality: ‘if you resist this situation you’re in, will you do anything about it?’ The answer is not clear. Contemplate how your desire to accept something is actually coming from your desire to resist it! Contemplate it so hard that at some point you’ll burst out laughing at your insane attempt at going about doing something in a way that is not sustainable! You cannot accept hardship by wishing it was easy! In fact easy vs hard is another duality! In fact this entire text is a duality! all of it collapses lol

Sure. Just contemplate those questions on your own, you don't have to share it here. I thought you meant you were resisting an insight you had about life in general, not a personal issue, but the questions still apply

?????

Are you suffering? Why are you resisting the insight? What was the insight? What’s so terrible about it that you must resist? Do you accept that you’re resisting it?

Lol let’s try it with GLOBAL WARMING. I’ll try to make it so that each stage is somewhat correct in some aspects, I’ll try not to demonize too much Orange: this is a problem for science to solve. We don’t need all the spiritual, religious ideas to understand the problem we’re facing. We need to invest more in the scientific research. It’s an objective problem that only more investment in science can solve. Science has shown that this problem exists, now science will solve it. Sitting idly won’t help. We need to take action NOW, no time for religious or spiritual mumbo-jumbo. We need new technologies to solve this problem, no feelings involved, just technology. When science solve this problem then you’ll understand how useful hard science is. It’s the only thing that will save our asses. Green: we’re being a disaster to this planet, we’re polluting the world with our selfish actions! All most corporations want is profit, never-ending economical growth. We need to stop that non-sense right now. Climate change is something that can unite us all! There’s hope that we can now understand that we’re equal! We’re in this TOGETHER, in the same boat!The capitalist system needs serious revolutionary changes! We’re one with Nature! The Earth, the Plants, the Animals all live harmoniously with nature and they don’t destroy it like we do! We consciously destroy it knowing full well the consequences of our selfish actions. Humans keep separating themselves from nature, it’s insane! Yellow: there’s many variables in how we can tackle this problem. We need to evolve societies more quickly to the point where their basic needs are met and they’ll have time to worry about global warming or be open-minded enough to even consider it as a legitimate problem, because in some places global warming is something completely outside of people’s area of interest. It’s just not something they care about or even know about. Some people care but just have no idea what to do. We need to completely restructure the education system. We need a system that will cater to each individual according to the level of development they’re at, and then evolve them as quickly as possible to the next stage, which will give them more space to consider things bigger than themselves. That must also be done at the collective level. Many scientific papers have been written about global warming and yet none of them offer solutions that can be readily implemented without a shadow of a doubt that they will work. So many questions haven’t be answered yet. The problem is too complex and must be broken down into actionable steps which is a very difficult thing to do. It’s unclear whether the problem is even solvable or not, but it can’t stop us from trying. But regardless of whether the problem itself is solvable or not, evolving individuals and societies to higher developmental stages that allow them to care about something that is so much bigger than themselves is always a good thing, and it must be done as quickly as possible. Turquoise (Not sure about this one, I’ll just wing it): Love. When we see the disasters happening in our world, the first thing we need is Love. Understanding and acceptance are key. We never know for sure the long-term impacts of our actions. So we must Forgive those that don’t know what they’re doing, hurting themselves and the Earth. Sometimes problems like this are beyond their horizon. They don’t need demonizing. They don’t need changing. They need Love. Acceptance. Believe it or not, that’s all. Love really Is all. It’s the solution to all problems. Big or small. It’s what fuels us to want to understand ourselves, the world and our impact on the world. A problem like this is too big to blame it on anyone or delegate responsibility. Don’t get angry at people, the world, and Life. Live in the Moment and be yourself the change you want to see in the world.❤️

how can u not be in the present??lol

no shit sherlock

These are various excerpts taken from Dylan Klebold's journal (the guy from the Columbine High School massacre). He explains love beautifully, so how could he be in such existential pain? Why didn't love heal him of his madness? EXCERPTS [the red stuff in square brackets are my comments]: "You don't consciously know who I am, & doubtedly unconsciously too. I, who write this, love you beyond infinice. I think about you all the time, how this world would be a better place If you loved me as I do you." [GOD SHOWING HIS LOVE] "To most people, I appear.. well... almost scary, but that's who I appear to be as people are afraid of what they don't understand." [PEOPLE CALLING GOD DEATH] "Anyway, you have noticed me a few times, I catch every one of these gazes w. an open heart." [GLIMPSES OF BEAUTY AND ENLIGHTENMENT] "existence is like infinity times itself. ∞ ∞ " "I UNDERSTAND THE EVERYTHING I AM THE GOD OF THE EVERYTHING" [I wonder, was he in such pain that God actually spoke through him and these words were genuine? Or was he just being egotistical? We can never know, only speculate...] "i love my self" [SO WHY KILL YOURSELF AND HURT OTHERS?] "Love is more valuable than anything I know. To love is to enter a completion of one's self." [SPOT ON, RIGHT?] "everything is true... my love is genuine Love... existence for ever is the happiness" "Some have wealth, some have power, some have great intellect, yet i feel an infinant # of times greater than those as i have found my true love." [SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING A PEACEFUL TIBETAN MONK WOULD SAY, YET HE WAS NO PEACEFUL MONK] "Self-awareness..... Infinince..... Existence..... Knowledge..... Neutrality..... Possibility of Happiness..... Understanding of the everything....." [SOUNDS LIKE MY LIST OF WORDS TO CONTEMPLATE]

Did you also start noticing a lot of synchronicities after starting with spirituality? THEY JUST KEEP HAPPENING VERY OFTEN NOW! Kinda spooky. Here are three examples that happened in the span of two days: - I was in my room studying calculus and then I got stuck on a problem. I got so frustrated and thought to myself WHY THE FUCK WOULD I LEARN THIS SHIT? And literally the second after having that thought, my parents were watching a movie in the living room, I heard someone in the movie say “math is sexy”! LIKE CMON, U CANT MAKE THIS SHIT UP? What are the fucking chances that someone will say “MatH iS sExY” the exact moment I ask “why the fuck would I learn math”!! Like one in a billion? - I was studying outside one day, and then I put on some electronic music to listen to while studying (for concentration lol). Then I looked up from my laptop and I saw 3 birds fly up from the ground onto a wall in PER-FECT synchronicity, they flew up and landed perfectly at the same time. And they did it at the perfect beat of the song I was listening to, too. - I have this friend who I hadn’t talked to in forever. He is gay. I was reading something about homophobia. Then for the first time in many many weeks I thought of this friend of mine. I prayed that he find comfort in his heart if he ever suffers some kind of homophobia. Then I thought “uno what? I’mma send him a text message, ask him whats up”. I only talk to him on Instagram. And I had deleted Instagram. So I downloaded Instagram again just to text him. And guess the fuck what? He beat me to it. He had texted me an hour ago!! After many many weeks we just so fucking happened to text the same day?? Like cmon, is this just random and I’m making a big deal out of it or this shit the intelligence of the universe or whatever?? This shit happens a lot when I’m paying attention. When I’m alert and not too much in my head.

I thought it was?

He was supposedly writing a lot about love because he was in love with a girl. Maybe he thought that's what love boils down to: loving another girl. But the girl didn't love him back. He felt genuine love for the girl. Some people even say the girl he was in love with was imaginary, though. But, still, it's very weird how he writes about self-love, God, consciousness, self-awareness, infinity. He even says he is God

Romans 9:20 Who do you think you are to talk back to God like that? Can an object that was made say to its maker, “Why did you make me like this?” Luke 14:15-20 Hearing this, a man sitting at the table with Jesus exclaimed, “What a blessing it will be to attend a banquet in the Kingdom of God!” Jesus replied with this story: “A man prepared a great feast and sent out many invitations. When the banquet was ready, he sent his servant to tell the guests, ‘Come, the banquet is ready. But they all began making excuses. One said, ‘I have just bought a field and must inspect it. Please excuse me. Another said, ‘I have just bought five pairs of oxen, and I want to try them out. Please excuse me. Another said, ‘I now have a wife, so I can’t come.’ 3. Matthew 7:3-5 Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.

I thought to myself "I didn't even choose to be born!" Then, I decided to question that by going through Byron Katie's 4 questions: Is it true? Can you absolutely know that it's true? (Yes or no.) How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought? Who or what would you be without the thought? But when I got to the second question, I started going on a big rant. Enjoy. ------------------------------- I didn’t choose to be born. Is it true? Yes. Can you absolutely know that it’s true? Yes, absolutely. I don’t ever remember choosing to be born. It was just chance! I was for some reason the fastest sperm. Do you remember being a sperm? No. So why do you think it makes sense to say that you were for sure the fastest sperm but it doesn’t make sense to have chosen to be born? You don’t remember being a sperm, and yet you say you were the fastest sperm. Why couldn’t it be the case that you chose to be born but you don’t remember it? Because science shows sperms going fast with microscopes. Science doesn’t show anyone choosing to be born. Why do you assume the sperm thing happened to you if you don’t remember it? Please, go back to the beginning. Can you absolutely know that it’s true that you did not choose to be born? Don’t dodge the question. The world is too confusing. I can’t see why one would choose to come to it. It doesn’t seem fair that people must go through the struggles of life. Life can get pretty damn horrible for some people. For God’s sake, answer the question. Just because you don’t remember something does that make it untrue? Yes or No? No. But that doesn’t help me! What do you need help with, exactly? I want to remember why I’m here. Feeling confused sucks. Oh please, I noticed it for a second there. I noticed that you’re enjoying this. Isn’t it fun to rediscover yourself? I want other people to come along on the journey. The state the world is in makes me depressed. Not to mention fucking Covid ruining everything. First of all, just wear a mask. Second of all, why don’t you do something about the state of the world if it bothers you so much? I don’t know what to do. Yes, you do. It feels intuitively that I know what to do. But what if I’m kidding myself? Also, there’s too many obstacles! There’s a lot I need to take care of first. I need help. Like, really, really. You have help all around you at all times. Sometimes I think about the suffering of others too much. Then I just start to blame life for having allowed such suffering. It seems so unfair that it makes me disgusted! I hate seeing my dad working and doing everything to help me and my family! He doesn’t have to do that! It saddens me deeply! The things people go through! For nothing! I want everyone to just relax! Your dad likes helping his family. I know it. Just show gratitude and pull your own weight, too. And also, please don’t make it sound like it's the end of the world. Those other people also have help all around them. I haven’t left them. I’m very, very close to them. But still. The world is too chaotic. Things can go wrong at any time! Life is too anxiety-inducing. Also, why are we so dumb and vulnerable? Are you saying that it doesn’t matter whether I help those people or not, since you—whatever You are – are with them anyways. You’re venting too much. You can vent. But there’s a difference between just wanting to vent to get frustration out of your chest and actually calming down to listen to the truth. First, calm down. Now tell me, why do you wanna help “those people”—whoever those people are? Because life is unfair to them. Life is unfair to them? There’s you wanting to help them! You are part of life, too, you know? So how is life being unfair to them? You are offering to help them. But there’s absolutely no way I can help them. I’m too weak, cynic, confused, small… Please, enough with the self-pity. You’re irritating me, honestly… You gave me these limitations, though. Why can't you just give me enough power right now then I can help those people! Like, I snap my fingers and the world is free of suffering! You’re asking for too much, aren’t you? Why can’t you just make it simple? We’ve already been through this! Please admit you’re enjoying this. All this suffering seems ridiculously unnecessary though! Some people are suffering for real and not enjoying it one bit, and you just seem like you’re playing with them. Who are you blaming? Life. Ok, I ask you to go back to the beginning. You’re losing yourself again. Tell me, what if you chose this? I wanna share this on the actualized.org forum. Maybe like this I can start… helping? I don’t know… Contribute somehow? You dodge questions too much. It's laughable... But, sure, you can share it if you want. There’s nothing deep about what I’m writing, though. This is just stupid! Just words on top of words on top words, nothing profound about this shit at all! I need to learn how to write. I suck. I read books on top of books but my writing sucks. You’re not even trying. You’re just spitting these words out. Maybe if you relaxed and practiced you could write something much better. You need to organize your thoughts. Relax. When you were a kid you loved writing, remember? You used to get the highest grades. What made you give up? Revisit that. Also, stop putting yourself down. Remember when you were playing videogame with your friend and he told you to stop putting yourself down? He fucking meant that. Remember how you noticed it in how he said it? Remember how he was such a good friend to you? So many people wish they could have a friend like that. This is ridiculous. This is just me pretending to talk to myself. Am I losing it? Am I just pretending? Am I asking too many questions? Ugh, the world is too noisy! Inner and outer. I just want silence. You can always rest in silence. Even in the noisiest of places. Even in a war zone. I didn’t choose to be here! Is that true? Yes, absolutely! Oh, man. We've been through this bit! I sense another downward spiral coming... Please, go out for a run. Relax. Take a deep breath. Print these sheets out. Quiet your mind. Reread this later. You’re not focused anymore

Me/Us blaming God trying to convince ourselves that we have nothing to do with anything :'D

Yeah, Eric's journal has a very different tone. The oppposite. Much more masculine, articulate and aggressive, while Dylan was more feminine and his writings were purely emotional with no structure. They should've gotten married instead of killing people, if Eric wasn't such a homophobe lol I was just so surprised when I read how much Dylan was writing about love.

Leo will probably ban you.