Loving Radiance

I suggest using a youtube transcript generator like youtubetranscript.com for everyone going through videos and taking notes. You can click on the line and it will take you to the exact spot in the video. This is tremendously helpful when combined with the search tool (for me STRG+F) for finding specific passages and topics. In addition to that, I think I will use this for lectures, talks and interviews because I can read faster than most people speak.

The anger is there for you to protect your boundaries. IMO, instead of holding onto it and letting it eat you from the inside... use the cue of the anger for stating and protecting your boundaries. I assume some things here in order for you to realize your internal processes going on (no matter if you found your tires or the milk first): When you noticed the flat tires, did you already imagine that one of your flatmates may have done it? There was anger arising about somebody causing this. This came up because holes in your tire are outside your boundaries. Anger got again triggered when you noticed the missing milk bag. You have a boundary about wanting your food to be consumed only with your permission or not at all. That anger about the flat tire was then transferred to the milk thief. This transference made you believe that the same evil actor was behind the tire and the milk because the same emotion came up in such a short time and space. Is that accurate or a complete miss? Please give me feedback.

Reviving this thread! This is something I read today, which shows how deep any practice can go. Intriguing how The Work can become a way of living:

Byron Katie: "No one knows what’s good and what’s bad. No one knows what death is. Maybe it’s not a something; maybe it’s not even a nothing. It’s the pure unknown, and I love that. We imagine that death is a state of being or a state of nothingness, and we frighten ourselves with our own concepts. I’m a lover of what is: I love sickness and health, coming and going, life and death. I see life and death as equal. Reality is good; so death must be good, whatever it is, if it’s anything at all."

This is derealization. Full stop and turn around. I'm projecting here on you @michaelcycle00 for sure (even though it might be on point): Let go of everything spiritual that points towards the Absolute and focus on the relative, that which is really important for you right now in this stage of life. Maybe you avoid the relative survival by bypassing into the Absolute. Turn around and get your shit handled. Turn around and burn through that karma first. The Absolute can wait.

How and why would you sacrifice yourself for them? There is no contradiction in "all is one" and having boundaries about who you spend your time with.

@somegirl Yes, smile and feel gratitude for the aspect which brought you here. Then let go. Follow your heart's desire. Feel it.

In addition to "Behavior --> thought --> feeling --> perception --> sensation", start with expressing your anger. Go into nature and scream. Turn on loud techno music and do emotional release. In daily life, clearly protect your boundaries. Every time you get angry at a person, say "stop" internally and say what you want. That is being responsible for your emotions instead of putting them on other people. At first, it will lead to conflict because people are used to overstepping your boundaries. E.g. Somebody gives unwanted advice --> you say, "I imagine that you want to give me advice, and it's not something I asked for. I don't want that." And then move on to other topics or things. Somebody belittles you --> "When you say [specific words] or do [specific action], I feel like you belittle me. I don't want that." When somebody gives you the silent treatment --> "By you not speaking with me, I imagine that you give me the silent treatment. I imagine that you feel hurt by [me doing things] and blame me for it and want me to apologize for it. I am not responsible for how you (make yourself) feel."

Reminded me of this: Behavior --> thought --> feeling --> perception --> sensation

Every day spend dedicated 12 min for it, in quiet undisturbed environment Close eyes, do 2 min breath meditation to get centered Visualize for at least 10 min Imagine & vision your ideal life as vividly & detailed as possible, use multiple senses, make it life-replacingly real, imagine that it’s already the case and completely fulfilled in the present, it’s a perfect life, soak in all feelings & emotions and how the body feels What does it look like to be? How and where would I live? What would I do? How would I feel? How different is my life? What friends do I have? What does my family think about me? When loosing focus or when resistance, come back to the visualization In addition to that, there's also radical discontinuity. It's basically breaking your behavior patterns and confronting the arising shadow aspects. It's like being a hunter searching, tracking and killing prey. Here are some notes I made while attending a training which involved this kind of shamanic self-transformational work:

Intimacy & connection & emotion & beingness & authenticity & stillness & embodiment & living & flow A dream: My mother shows me a picture of a little black-haired boy and her standing besides him having her hand on his shoulder. I ask why she shows me the two standing together; I don't know this boy she's with. She tells me: My parents adopted two children and birthed two children unbeknownst to me. I rejoice to meeting the kids. My heart fills with loving gentleness. The little boy of maybe 2 or 3 years materializes at my mother's desk. I see him coming to me on the carpet of the living room, wanting to hug me, to cuddle. I feel so honored, full of gratitude for his trust in me as his brother although I am still being a stranger to him. Full of trust he lets himself fall into my legs to want to feel my presence in my embrace. I kneel down and hug him dearly. We fall/glide to the side and lay side to side in deep embrace on the carpet. Time stands still. Stillness settles. Beingness emerges. We don't look into each others eyes but we feel this connection, this being beyond emotion. The container of emotion seems empty when faced with this moment. Emotion cannot contain this tranquil connectedness and yet, it just feels like love being the space of our being. Being this intimate being feels just authentic and pure. This tranquil love pervades this being space. It is beyond embodiment, it is being this, living as this, flowing as this being. The boy is just pure innocent joy. Wanting to enjoy the presence that I radiate. Wanting to be felt as he is in his being. Just wanting to rest, to be held, embraced fully. Wanting to be held in the gentlest hand, wanting to rest in the most tender blanket of awareness.

@evolving55555 If you search for things you could do: Come into contemplation mode. The topics of your contemplation depend on what you want to use this retreat for. Are you after enlightenment? Or general wellbeing? Living your purpose here on earth? For myself, as I'm working on grounding in 3D reality before doing any spiritual outer dimensional stuff, I'd do meditation and embody my intuition while letting go of fears and inauthenticities every day. As Kksd already suggested, be social. Yes, some gatherings can run into dead-ends (gossip, politics, conspiracies...), so it's always good to feel into yourself, if you really want to be there. Even if you feel already good in communication, there's always something new learned when talking to people, especially the kinds of people who are at these jungle retreat centers. That's at least the case for me. However, resting days seem to be for resting: That means integrating and preparing for the next journey in any way which seems good. "Doing" things in-between can overload your body and can be too much for your mental health too. Don't overload your schedule. Only operate in a handful of modes. Slow down and only do the essential.

Not only black holes but also matter and dark matter warp/distort light around them. As @Scholar already said, "James Webb Telescope using a galaxy cluster as a magnifying lens to look at some of the very first galaxies." The galaxy cluster is full of matter and dark matter which warps light around it (light which originated from behind the galaxy cluster). This too makes it possible that an early galaxy appears multiple times at different spots around it because the gravity is not distributed equally throughout the cluster.

That podcast was refreshing. Thanks for sharing!

@TheSpiritualBunny You got a sense of the Absolute being complete no matter if you do good or evil (because that is a creation). These concepts of ways to calm down the human are important for human survival. When you're in Infinity then all of this doesn't matter. Make sure you are stable on the body and identity level because this is how you live. If I had the chance, I would have taken a trip stopper too. The root solution is to surrender to any thought. It's okay to be insane. It's okay to not differentiate between good/bad, life/death and calm/agitated. Of course, it's essential to do that only with a sitter present or in an environment which is safe.

True, I can see this too.

In similar situation here. This quote describes me exactly. This is what I found out and what I work on right now: Grounding is the most important. What others wrote, mindfulness of sensation etc., is good. In my heavy dissociation episodes even focusing on sensations and the world is distorted and tainted. If feeling heavily dissociated, talk to somebody who is open to nonjudgmental listening and holding the space for self-expression. Just speaking about it helps. And so does just being silent when no words want to come out. Cut out the distraction with your phone... I know it's hard. Meeting the fear you avoid can make you more dissociated. For that proper grounding is good. When dissociated, embrace your experience right now. It's okay. Hold the space for yourself, like holding space for somebody who's having a good cry. My grounding meditation is focusing on sensation in the body WHILE also noticing the surrounding sensation like bird songs. Focus on the connection of your body IN or WITH the world. Practice this throughout the day to get to 24/7 body awareness. Physical exercise Mindful eating Aim to reduce intellectual activity to short high intensity bursts.

Please explore that "unethical" thing a bit more. How do you feel it is unethical when you tell her stuff about your friend? Do you imagine that her image and behavior towards her will change? Or do you imagine that it's like gossiping, now that she also will know your friend? Or is it something else? Yes, you didn't state your boundaries. Now you did that in your voicemail, about the 1:1 dynamic and communication. On another hand, how do you feel about not having communicated your boundaries? What emotions did arise when you heard that they would talk to each other? Please write that down before continuing to read. Do you feel violated in your boundaries, and do you want to make her be responsible for that? Do you put that violation on your therapist for overstepping your not-communicated boundaries? Did you communicate in that message that your boundary is them speaking 1:1 (no matter if teacher-student communication)? If not, then Annie is justifying and defending herself.

Cut out porn. Figure out your life purpose. Perhaps break up, when you did step 1 & 2 and still feel limited and unhappy in your relationship.

When one plays around with the URL of the forum, one stumbles on a quick way to access old accounts which now are getting overlooked because their posts are stored deep in the dark archives of the forum. Using the URL of profiles, one can access even the oldest accounts and can possibly stumble on some gems. It goes like this: "actualized.org/forum/profile/[#]-[any # or letter]" You get like this to the 2nd account: "actualized.org/forum/profile/2-xyz" --> "Mod1" Experiment a bit and share interesting profiles! I'll start: @Elton Here since the beginning! @ElenaO Former mod and also here since the old days! @Empty One of the oldies and still somewhat active! @Azrael Treasure trove about psychs and also online in the recent past

This thread reads like my biography

My home remedy is cleaning my teeth But for real, when I take my time (10min) and make it a meditation then it's away after few times of brushing.

@TheOneReborn @Oeaohoo Thank you!

@thisintegrated Grace is a mysterious force. Some people who had a shit childhood and upbringing sort themselves out in a few months with help from a therapist. Some other people had a great childhood, where they were loved, held, seen and encouraged by all and still they spend decades in therapy. There seems to be a unique sense of love in those people who grow faster compared to others. @Husseinisdoingfine Are you in therapy to process this? You will suffer less and experience more joy later on when you start early.

That's great! Good that you want to do the work. And I would say that you can still go to therapy. You don't have to open up. It is your choice only. It also depends greatly on how your connection to the therapist is. For example, in my last session I opened up about a topic which was concerning me for long time. The sessions before I felt it wasn't the right time to introduce that topic, and then it came up organically. The timing felt right and I felt welcome & accepted. And it was still hard to talk about it. Some things can only be talked about after a certain time. Like making a soup, some spices are put inside only after certain times, and so it is the same for therapy. Wishing you well Preety.