wesyasz

From direct experience.

I mean the last appearence of physical reality before the experience of death. Or in other words, what the mind will produce to continue the story.

You come back into experiencing through this body only if it is still suitable to be in it. And it's not that you have no choice. You ARE love. And if you come back, you come back to the last "moment", not "all over again". And if so, it is out of love, out of choice.

Nothing happens to awareness. It is aware of another experience. It might manifest another body/reality or might come back into this. Out of love.

Love is everything. Even yours nothing.

My note. My card.

So I started writing posts on my blog. The last one is titled Magician, but it hasn't been this way all the time. First I named it differently, but then something made me change it into magician and I am not sure why I did it as it isn't the word I most often use. Then, today, I checked my email and there has been a mail from a Tarot reading. Last year I discovered astrology and I've registered at this portal and I have been receiving these mails with readings from time to time. But from a few long months I gave it up and I have been sending them straight to trash. But today it's been titled "I drew a really important card for you this week!", so out of curiosity I opened the e-mail. On this week's card, a Magician stands with his arm aloft surrounded by the tools of his trade and the symbol for infinity above his head, suggesting that the possibilities are endless. It left me in wonder. First, because I discovered myself previous weeks that possibilities indeed are endless and everything is possible. But as with all the polarities, it has two sides of the coin. And the dark side of it is consciousness of the fact that there are possibilities which will be sacrificed for the one that will flourish. It also was one of the things I've been crying for along with the fact, that everything will pass, even if I wasn't totally conscious of it by that time. Those were tears for all that will never be directly experienced but is somehow sensed and feeled in the field of possibilities in my concsciousness. It is very difficult, because every possibility is made out of love just as everything else. And somehow I feel as that card is an answer to my prayer. It says that possibilities are endless, which shows me that there is no point to rummage through them, because there always will be another after another after another. And after all, in reality this present moment is all that we have and all that's required to do is to listen to our heart. But then, it is a little painful if your have displayed some of possible "futures", to me it somehow feels like it already happened and I'm just kissing goodbye to it. Also, time doesn't exist so it somehow might be true - just as true as our past is. Second, it left me very curious and concerned, because I have been recently contemplating the nature of thoughts and distinction between thoughts which are or aren't ours. And then, when I realized that I changed the title of my note to next day receive a "Magician" card, it dispatched a question: Who is that is taking actions through me? Who is writing this right now? Who has changed the title into Magician? And there is only silence that is the answer. Just as I am writing this, I sumultaneously joined zoom meeting with Louise Kay. And during silent sitting while she was guiding meditation she has answered my questions I have written above. "There is no you, who is doing anything. And you are that which knows." And it's been the first time I heard it so clearly and something shifted. It probably has been first time I've seen anyone this way - deep beyond thoughts, personality or projection - and seen also everything that is happening on it's own dance. It lasted for a while, it made me burst laugh or feel shaky. And then the thought came - "I see". And then this seeing slowly faded, leaving me startled but in peace. Some time ago I watched a movie called "Mr. Nobody". It's a story of 9 years old boy whos parents split and he has been faced with the choice of choosing his mother or father. And when he is very old and is just about to die, he's interviewed. And it goes as that: - Everything you say, is contradictory. You can't have been in one place or another in the same time. - You mean to say, we have to make the choices... - From all these lives... which one is the right one? - Each of these lives is the right one. Every path is the right path. Everything, could have been everything else and it would have just as much meaning. - But, you can't be dead an still be here. You can't not exist... is there life after death? - (He laughs...) After death?! How can you be so sure, you even exist? You don't exist. Neither do I. We only live in the imagination of a 9 years old child. We are imagined by the 9-years child, faced with an impossible choice. And then, he adds: - In chess, it is called Zugzwang, when the only viable move is not to move. As long as you don't choose, everything remains possible.

I see this connection to everything very clearly now. And anytime I think of something, even of a little thing and then it is given to me, that I see this unimaginable love poured all over me. And it often makes me feel so foolish, because I feel loved no matter what I do, I did or I will do. Sometimes it makes me cry and repeat all of this again... "I'm sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you". It feels that as this happening, God tells me, that no matter my imperfections, shadows or characteristics he loves me unconditionally. And it feels so foolish, because it shows me how unloving often I was or I am, how my mind is judging instead of accepting and understanding and how much love I wasn't or still am unable to see. It's heartbraking. And this is what love is capable of doing. It also feels foolish, because how come we know better what is good for the world or somebody else, when there is perfect magnificent intelligence behind every action? All the urgly and lovely seeds are necessary, there wouldn't be lovely ones without the urgly ones, because the distinction between themselves itself is what brings them into existence, so we can know both and be able to differentiate. Just as the light cannot exist without the shadow, because then light wouldn't know itself as the light. Same way for this existence to happen, I think both low and high energies are necessary and harmony is what we need to find. "It was the pure language of the world. It required no explanation, just as the universe needs none as it travels through endless time... Because, when you know that language, it's easy to understand that someone in the world awaits for you, whether it's in the middle of the desert or in some great city. And when two such people encounter each other, and their eyes meet, the past and the future become unimportant. There is only that moment, and the incredible certainty that everything under the sun has been written by one hand only."

Because the pain of a Dark Night is so intolerable, you will try to escape from yourself. Your own thoughts will become a prison, so your heart and soul will do everything they can to bring you back to life. Eventually, the only escape you'll find is to be present, so you can free yourself from your mind. You will only get away from the pain by breathing, watching the wind caressing the trees, surrendering your will to the will of God. While your primary intention was to escape from yourself, a Dark Night will bring your attention and awareness back into yourself. You will stare at yourself in the mirror and see your pain, addictions, fears, attachments, conditioning, labels, limitations, and you will stop identifying with them. You will wake up from the illusion, by realizing that you are much more than your pain, much more than your suffering, and that the light within you is the purest light of existence. As a result of this, you will tame your ego, and understand that life keeps going. You will look around with compassion discovering that you are not the only one who is suffering. This will expand your vision, and you will understand that the separation was the best thing for your twin and yourself because you both still had things to heal within. Because you both deserved better, and at that time none of you was ready to give and receive unconditional love. Eventually, this will wake you up to the mission of assisting as many people as you can and be of service to others and to God. You will see the magnificent Divine Plan behind the egoic constructs of the mind. The most important lesson from this period of your life, is that separation was an illusion because your twin was within yourself all the time. You were never separate, but the Dark Night of The Soul was needed to let go all the labels and limitations you were identifying yourself with. This Dark Night then becomes light, because you will find who you truly are and the veils of illusion will vanish. At that moment, you will be free. As a result, you will find self love and understand that you don't need anybody to complete you. That you can be happy with and within yourself. That you've always been whole inside, and that your beloved is right there inside your heart. He/She never left you, they were just helping you find your freedom. You will understand that you are the master of your reality and you won't let external situations bring you down. Then you will be so empowered and emanating so much love and light, that you will magnetize your beloved twin flame back to you. Now both of you will be ready to give and receive true unconditional love, and you will have the most beautiful and harmonious union you could ever imagine. But to get there, the pain was necessary to leave behind everything that was no longer serving you to break away from the illusion. It was necessary to leave behind the masks of the ego and remember your true self.

Thoughts Is it boring to have all the answers? Apparently it is if I'm still asking questions. Some questions shouldn't be answered. I've got the answer Why am I still asking questions? Something else? A plan B? Quite like that expression. An alternative? Isn't it loosing all it's beauty Of giving it everything you have? The longer I try to understand that, The less I understand. You can only change yourself NOW. Look how TRULY BEAUTIFUL it is Look around! And if you really need to talk to someone About how amazing it is... Yes, you guessed it right Just talk to yourself How cool is that? Focus on one thing Observe the mind And be STILL STILL STILL Let mud go down to the bottom Make people smile But how to make people smile when I have no energy to smile myself? Wait a minute. Why do I need a job. Because I need money. How else can I make money? By living my purpose. What the fuck is my life purpose? That's YOU who set the rules. Not them! Is loneliness a state of mind? Or is it a real thing? It's when there is nobody who understands you. Why do you need to be understood? Because I can't deal with it on my own Deal with what Deal with my situation What situation??? With memories Nobody will help you to deal with it. You need to do it on your own. Fuck. Fear. What if it won't be as bad as you think? Shit, it will be. Will it? Separation is the biggest illusion ever! Perception is the only true thing There is. Perception creates reality What makes you try to maintain your self image? Infinite love forgive everything Because it's infinite The point of life is to EXPERIENCE If somebody tells or shows you they love you They love themselves expressed through you Moon is always there So is sun! We are so ONE How to put that into words? Literally Make people smile! Like Wave to them :)) You think it's a curse, it's a blessing. Excuse me, do you have time? You are creating the reality with your mind!!!!!! Is losing your mind Good Or a bad thing? Where some people have strength from to turn their pain into the beauty? Is their art Really a beauty? Or is it just still pain Appreciated by others in pain? Are we just attracting particles from the space To channel through us? There is everything In space We attract the ones we attract We collect the ones we want to collect. When love is there. You stop asking questions. You have all the answers. Is this all just my Fantasy land? Why do you care about such a small things? Like social norms? Do them mean anything really? You've got the knowledge It's up to you what you gonna do with it Nirvana Ego death Being just pure love. Being just energy. Just. Nothing else. I have just experienced it. >:D You don't need anything Like ANYTHING To be happy. Because you are the happiness. You are love. You are ENERGY. You are spirit above this form. You are not form. YOU ARE NOT FORM Let others know how beautiful they are! They might actually don't know! 2019

I am recently crying a lot, becoming conscious of the fact, that everything that is appearing, one day will need to be forgotten. Everyone we meet, everything that happens... everything will pass, no matter how much love we are able to share. Everyone will need to be said goodbye to and everything we experience will disappear. It is the tragedy and beauty of existence, it is sadness and happiness dancing together, pain and pleasure, light and dark, yin and yang. But I find this consciousness so important as it is gateway for appreciation, for love and for truth. And, do you think while you were crying, there was a person also dropped her tears for the same thoughts?

Yes, unknown can be lumped with love and whatever else, because those are just words which are trying to point to knowing unknown. What cannot be lumped is your interpratation, but I thought there is no one to have an interpretation. But something is conscious that there is no one.

Privately message who then? Thanks for quick answer by the way You see, communication through words will never be it and I guess we both know it. When I said merging, I meant realizing the illusion of separation. When I have written "we create reality" which you misread as "I create reality" telling me "you can believe you create reality", I was trying to express that this "we create reality" is reality itself as a whole, Love, God, Awareness, Unknown (however you want to call it) or Consciousness which you are in denial of and which you stated in some other topic (one of a few I meant, answering your question) you do not believe (who do not believe then, as you claim there is no you?). But you see, it could also be that "I create reality" because what I am is beyond this body, it is also you, because I am you and you are me. And also by "we", I meant me who write this, and you, who I apparently am able to privately message to .

I didn't read the whole topic, but to me VeganAwake might have realized who he truly is and now he's in some process of denial spinning around every topic in the forum telling everyone how much he doesn't exist. Of course VeganAwake as separate self doesn't, but something run around the forum and spread the posts. Yet, I agree that chasing enlightenment is another story within the dream, but once recognized that it is just a story, realization comes that everything else is a story too, reflection of the mind and we create the reality. So, paradoxically, no enlightenment is enlightenment. I agree with ivankiss, that dissociation is not liberation. Love is true. And to be love is not to be disocciated, but to be fully merged.

This outside world is reflection of the mind. If you mess with the mind, you mess up with reality, which is the point to see what reality is and where it comes from. When I was taking some psychedelics about a year ago, my reality also has been doing things like this, e.g. twisted letters (mirror-like) on the card-payment machine in grocery store.

Keep going

There is no me There is no you I love you Life is beautiful Life is hell Life is what I choose

...maybe I shouldn't ask it. I know explanations destroy magic and beauty, because we fool ourselves that we know. Yet I am coming closer and closer into this realization that we know absolutely nothing. You've asked me if I could explain this magic... And it came to me during previous weeks, that... magic is not there to be explained, because the moment we explain magic, it stops being magic. Isn't it true? Our mind creates delusion of understanding which we believe and we have this feeling of having it figured out. But the wonder is gone. Beauty is gone... When you described that your finger has written exactly the same words.... and you asked me: How come it happened for us? I have got this feeling inside me, which sometimes happens... it is this feeling of knowing or understanding something, but having no idea what it is. Is it the same as what made you shiver? But I don't think it is possible to find the answer to your question. It is the magic and mistery. It is this knowing which cannot be spoken. Recognition of something which cannot be described or understood. Have we met before? Am I you, are you me? Why we seems to be separate if we are one? There is no answer to these questions. If we try to answer any of this, we are losing the answer. It can be known, when we look each other in the eyes and we realize we are there. It's this very moment of understanding beyond thoughts or words, beyond anything that can be explained. It is this love, the unknown, the mistery, the God. It is everywhere, so everywhere that it cannot be seen, because who is going to see it? How can love see itself? It can only be. And when the recognition happens, it is this very moment we are puzzled on mind, we know, but we don't know, what we know. We known unknown and the very characteristic of unknow is that it cannot be known. Yet it is. This is the magic, paradoxicity and everything that is. Time and space which are but aren't, me and you yet one, this very existence, this very moment which no matter how much will be written about cannot be described by words or spoken about. I am this love and you are this love, this is how we know each other so well. "I know God. I am God. And yet God remains a mistery." - Louise Kay

Passion.

18:27 Her music is not from here.

Shakti flow,

You are amazing and perfect. Just be you .

Therefore get up. Prepare to fight and win glory. Conquer your enemies and enjoy a flourishing kingdom. They are already put to death by My arrangement, and you, O Savyasāci, can be but an instrument in the fight. This morning Bhagavad Gita book has opened on page marked 11.33, text 33. Sometimes life push us to take a break. And that’s a good thing! Internet is not working today for entire day, therefore I am unable to continue my tefl course, neither Spanish lessons. Apparently I shouldn’t be doing yoga today as well, but I made a repetition of my day 30 session anyway. Today it made me more tired instead of energizing me, so perhaps I should take a day off everything. Well… I do now. I strolled around, shopping for amazing vegetables in local shops, ate vegan ice-cream for breakfast and stocked myself up with the green tea to get something to get high on in the mornings . Yoga is amazing and I already feel much stronger after 30 days of regular practice, even though it’s basic. As I’ve established the habit of yoga and Spanish lessons daily, I feel it’s time to get back into meditation as I miss it and see how it feels and how it goes. This morning I’ve already managed to do an hour so let’s see if I will manage to repeat this in the evening? And following days? And just as important, how do I feel about it? Actually, I would love to stop some of the habits which are consuming unnecessarily my energy too, instead of just adding the new ones... And that is THE ONE which is a bit trickier. But it requires deepening my presence thorough the day, which is never a bad thing! That’s funny how recently I feel more sensitive to other people’s intentions and energy and its flow thorough interactions. It senses any movement of intentions which aren’t pure and negativity which is trying to pull it into its motion, it automatically take a step back and deny to be part of it, complete refusal. It’s fairly interesting to watch this mechanism until it learns to be more unaffected and less pullable? <- I think I’ve invented a new word here. Yet any of it stirs my mind and takes a while to settle it back down. Recently it means that I adore spending a lot of time just on my own and participating only in interactions which feel true to me. Or, at least that’s how it feels today. Sometimes all it takes is a little event, music, or somebody else's presence and energy to remind you who you are. All the stories of the mind disappear and you are left with your true self, with You, who is beyond all of this, which is unconditional love and happiness. You wake up again, and again, and again. It is a gift, it is a reminder. It's trust, it's Hope. It is Knowing. I am that. I remember. I am this love, which is right here, I have always been here and I will always be. I came here to love. As for truth, there is nothing else that is real. I remember death, countless times of merging into that. This falling asleep into eternity, just to rise up once again. I remember You. I remember Me. I remembers itself. I remember. I am.

I wish they were giving meditation in hospitals

Reading about teaching English while doing my ESL course. And today I have lost a bit track of my thoughts when I was doing breakfast and it flu far away to the other continent and for no reason I was thinking about couple of my friends which I haven't spoke to for a long, long time. Then I turned on my instagram, and she have posted a comment underneath one of my pictures 10 minutes earlier. Apparently connection has been established =)