PlayOnWords

@Deezeetho it has its place. But you're right, it does have an anti-seduction feel to it. It's more of a relationship thing, when the woman is using her power over your fuck up. If you wanna get back to normality with little drama, just fucking apologise. But on a first date? Total AFC move, imo.

A developing nation like Red/Blue? I think showing them Spiral Dynamics could go very sideways. You gotta remember people are going to have strong emotional reactions to this shit. You tell a fundamentalist Christian that you like to suck cock and take it in the ass and it's a problem. You tell a developing nation they're way behind everyone else and everyone they know/will ever know in this country will always be behind, it's a problem. They're not gonna have anything to cross reference it to. Except Paris Hilton, or whatever. I do think you should be bold too though, just maybe not full on Spiral Dynamics. Sprinkle your teaching with nuggets of wisdom for life and develop them that way. Where are you teaching, if you can answer that?

Lol

@Chumbimba I think there's Ayahuasca retreat centres in Canada and Mexico. If you're in the US then that's probably the most convenient place. I've never done ayahuasca but sounds like you have good intentions. Maybe do a 'lesser' trip or two before jumping into ayahuasca though, considering your last one was quite a while ago. Possibly AL-LAD or LSD.

@StarStruck@ I think it just made it come on really quick. @wk197 where are you?

"Universe... Please provide me with a healing, loving, transformational experience. I am ready. Thank you." Intention: Release emotional blockages/trauma Empty stomach Recently masturbated Freshly showered Intro It's hard to recall exactly what happened, but I will try my best. Some of what I experienced I know there are absolutely no words for. Totally incommunicable. Nevertheless, let's begin... 16:45 - Ingestion After getting everything prepared, I dropped the tab. I was a bit nervous, coupled with giddy excitement for what was to come. To try and nullify any unwarranted apprehension, I stuck on some tunes and performed some of my best, and some of my worst moves. This worked pretty well and I felt more comfortable in my body. 17:00 - The Come Up This thing came on like a speed train. Probably partly because of my empty stomach but also, it turned out to be the highest grade I have ever managed to get my hands on. Nearly all of my other trips paled in comparison to this beast of a tab. I could just barely start to tell that it was coming, but I knew there wasn't long to go. I set up my laptop with some gentle rain music and laid down on my bed, fully open and symmetrical. 17:15 - Arrived & Still Arriving I start tripping pretty hard and it was only getting stronger. I wasn't too concerned, I was well ready for whatever was going to come, and the stronger it got, the more I naturally relaxed into it. The visuals were like no other acid I've ever had in my life. Laying there with my eyes closed, I tried to stay present with the energy in my body, letting it guide me, whilst trying to remain vigilant not to be too distracted by the visuals. Waves of what felt like pure, perfect waves of air were washing over me, whilst I was seeing everything from a guitar's whammy bar, to naked women, casino styled stuff. All very animated. All this was accompanied with auditory hallucinations. It didn't feel like I was just seeing these things though, it felt like I was being them. With that said, my inner dialogue was becoming conversations between people. An African mother playfully chastising her children, slutty stuck up girls gossiping, construction men bantering and many other versions of human interaction. This felt as though I was these people, and I was talking and using their mannerisms so fluently and effortlessly, not imitating, but experiencing that kind of person. I was aware of where I was and what I was doing in the back of my mind. But in the front, it's like I was taking a peak into other people's lives. Anyway, I kept bringing my focus back to my body when the visuals and sounds pulled me out. I could certainly feel stuff rising, like little bubbles that started off in my stomach, then resided in my chest before coming to my throat. Then I'd spit out this puke-style saliva. It wasn't vomit, but you know that type of saliva when you have just been sick? Sickliva 20:30 - Peaking I laid on that bed for 3 and a half hours, but what felt like a lifetime. Periodically spitting out my Sickliva, laughing, grinning, shouting, moaning, groaning, and resting in silence (in terms of making sound with my vocal chords, auditory hallucinations were still present) with the experience. Mostly the latter. I also noticed my legs tensing up quite a bit and tried to relax them and keep my whole body in symmetry. Decided to take a break. Went for a cigarette, came back and needed some food. 22:00 - A Warm Hello It took me an hour and a half to have a cigarette outside, go to the toilet and get back into my room. I had listened to Little Wing whilst smoking, YouTube autoplay then shuffled to I'd Love To Change The World by 10 Years After. It was beautiful. Outside, I gazed to the moon. A half crescent, which smiled lovingly back at me. Anyway, I decided after I had had something to eat, I would go back to laying down in perfect symmetry and see what would happen. So I quickly grabbed some slices of melon from the fridge and returned to my room. Wow. I almost feel annoyed for even attempting to write this down. It is just beyond anything I could ever convey to you with symbols. I was munching on my 3rd or 4th melon slice. As I beared my teeth down onto this delicious, succulent fruit... There it was. In the space of a nanosecond my human existence vanished. It felt as though I went through a mini vacuum, one moment I was a human sitting there eating fruit, then gradually descaled into a caveman, then creature type feeling, then just this total primal, immaculate feeling. And then I felt, and saw, but primarily FELT this sparkle of light. Like I said, I was no longer a human being in that tiny fraction of a second. I was that sparkle, and the one perceiving it, and the feeling of it all at once! It felt like God winked at me. It was playful, loving and intimate. Suddenly, I was back eating my melon, and for a second it was like I didn't even realise what had happened. Then I was like "Hold on. That was it. That was IT." I knew that my covering, my little identity had been stripped totally, albeit for a moment. And that was the "I Am" saying hello through me. I didn't go crazy or anything, like screaming and shouting "OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD" like I suspected I might do when I thought about what it would be like to have this kind of experience with a sober mind. I didn't need to. I just smiled and laughed, and laughed some more. Continuing to chomp down on my melon. Then I just hung out with myself, not the ego Conor self that I usually feel at least a mild apathy towards, but with God. It just felt like a casual chill out with my friend, without fear or apprehension, and with total intimacy. It didn't necessarily feel like I was gone, but the bullshit stories I tell myself and the problems and fear I create were not present at all. Which made me realise, it's the bullshit stories CONOR tells himself. The mind-made phantom of Conor telling lie after lie, manipulation after manipulation, scheme after scheme. But I was just there. Just hanging out. 23:00 - Smooth Comedown I knew the melon incident was the peak and after that I'd slowly be returning to normality. I was cool with that. I welcomed it in some ways. I was exhausted. However, I decided to give the laying down in symmetry another go. Just to make sure I had really done my best to be in my body and process energy there. I was there for another hour or so. I found an awesome ambient classical album which I will link below. From here, I dabbled between eating, playing guitar and listening to Jefferson Airplane and marveling at Grace Slick. Slowly but surely, I returned from my trip. 3:00 - Sleep Showered again. Massive headache. Sleep.

@Bazooka Jesus cheers dude!

@Bazooka Jesus That's what my source said. Seems like a fairly professional business too so I would think they know what's going into their product. Who knows? Could be other factors as well like open-mindedness and intention and stuff effecting what is allowed to come up in a 100ug dose.

@Bazooka Jesus Fuck yeah, man. Forgot to tag you, sorry. Glad you saw the report. Can't even begin to imagine how your 400ug-500ug suggestion would have gone, maybe I can very gradually get there I think next time will be 150ug.

@Tanz yeah, after his awakening because he was in a state of pure being and craved for nothing else. Without the mind, sleeping on park benches is no problem. @Mafortu good point. Just a theory. I find it more plausible that a fragment of the Source goes through many lives, kind of like an individual soul of the Total. Like an extension from the nucleus, not separate. Through those lives, it accumulates wisdom and knowledge until it awakens. Then start the game all over again. Would explain why some people have a proneness towards spirituality. I don't have any authority to make these claims though.

@Tanz I remember reading in The Power Of Now that he didn't actually realise what had happened to him, other than a deeply profound transformation. He said something like its only when he started talking with spiritual teachers and reading spiritual texts that he realised he already had what they were pointing to. But yeah, certainly didn't come across as a previous crack smoker or womb raider.

@Leo Gura do you mean work accumulated from previous lives? Cos Eckhart was a poor sucker trapped in anxiety and depression until his awakening and didn't have any spiritual knowledge or foundation as far as I'm aware.

@4201 interesting. I tend to indulge people for the sake of smooth social relationships. But try to speak my mind when I really feel I should.

@Alfonsoo what is your sex life like currently, if you don't mind me asking? I know what it's like to get fixated on one girl, with a boyfriend no less. If I were you, I'd be exploring my sexuality instead of waiting for one girl to maybe break up with her boyfriend. Sounds like you're on the hook with no guarantee of being reeled in.

https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/43998-what-to-do-in-a-trip/

Lol

@Petals are these not two sides of the same coin? Create (become conscious of) you by stripping away the current you. Discover who you are by taking away who you think you are.

Hello people I'm torn. You see, as the great Notorious once said, I am ready to die. I am very interested in dying. Mainly because I am sick of ego dictating my life with fear. I bought Martin Ball's book Entheogenic Liberation: Unraveling the Enigma of Nonduality with 5-MeO-Dmt energetic therapy. Wherein he states, one is strongly advised not to trip alone, and that using this substance can lead to negative side effects for some people. Like if they just use it once or twice, or have some real deep shit inside them which can be exasperated initially. But keep in mind he is talking about freebase. There's enough for 7 breakthroughs and 40mg spare for building up to the big day. HCL salt. And I would be tripping alone. Basically, my main concern is that this just blows my shit way out of whack and I actually end up worse off. On the flip side, it could be one hell of a transformative, healing experience. Which does seem to be the common theme. Some of you will know that my current intention with tripping (and life in general) is healing and releasing emotional blockages and trauma which is keeping me stuck. According to Dr. Ball, 5-MeO is the best for this. But then there's Lucy, whom I am on familiar ground with and have done at least 10+ journeys with since age 16. Nearly all pleasant. I guess I'm looking for a push in the right direction. Should I go for the jackpot with 5-MeO, considering I feel like I am ready to surrender myself and die or go with LSD, attempt some initial healing on a bit of a steadier ship and then move onto 5-MeO? My intuition feels conflicted and is sitting on the fence with this one. I really want the MeO, but caution is telling me to go with LSD. Any help appreciated x

@khalifa sorry to hear you're suffering like this. Martin Ball, the guy who did an interview with Leo on 5-MeO, says something about this. I'm paraphrasing but the essence of it is this: If a person were to engage in taking 5-MeO just the once, instead of 2-3 full rounds, it is possible for them to be traumatized by the experience. Going into the first experience with resistance is common, but if the person were to stop there and not fully go into the experience by taking another hit, it is possible that it will cause trauma in the individual. The person has to have the initial "OH MY FUCKING GOD ARGGGHHH" and then after that, the person can go again immediately and surrender easier to the experience. Basically, the second/third hits will be easier than the initial hit and that's where the positive effects will come from. Stopping at the resistance (first) stage can cause problems and even PTSD afterwards. I strongly suggest you read his book Entheogenic Liberation. It explains it all in there in better detail. You can download it for free from Audible if you sign up for a 30 day free trial. I have no experience with 5-MeO-DMT so don't take my word for any of what I have said. Except the 30 day free trial from Audible I think you will find answers in that book.

@Bazooka Jesus wow. That evokes some apprehension. Lol. Maybe that's a good reason to push through and do it. There is a small supply so could always build up to it with this batch. Tested a small piece today n it seems like powerful stuff. 100 per according to source. I guess it's worth mentioning that it has been over a year since I tripped with serious intention. Me and my girlfriend have done a couple small dose trips over the last few months that were beautiful but mainly about sex and drawing. So I think I'm in rebuilding mode on this one. Probs 1-2 tab for my upcoming planned trip. @outlandish thought so. "this is your captain speaking, prepare for free fall into the unknown" @Serotoninluv I'm sure you're right

@Bazooka Jesus I would say a minor ego death. It wasn't like I lost myself for the entire duration of the trip. It was a glimpse at The Source. But, just exactly that. A glimpse. Very profound though and an afterglow that lasted a couple of days of inner peace and freedom. Then things went back to normal. @kieranperez nice words, thanks x @outlandish AHHHHHHHHHHH.... @Serotoninluv you're absolutely right. I want that change, the old self to die and a new, healthier, free self to flourish. Suppose a less grandiose form of death than originally suggested. But I still forsee the day when I will want to release it all. This seems like a good step and what I want for now though. I'll heed yours and Outlandish's suggestion on lower dosages and experiment with that for now. Thank you brothers/sisters x

@Nahm I do want the sobbing and rage though. I've been yearning for it for so long and I can feel it in me. I can feel a need to purge. This is what I want. In visiting the past, I'm hoping I can put it to bed. Then come back, do some integration and build that foundation. From therein, I can be here now. Could it be that being in a Now-oriented scenario whilst reflecting on the past can heal and propel one into the present moment in their everyday life, after making peace with trauma from their previous experiences? I really do think so. But maybe not. We will see. What you're saying sounds great. And I trust that you are right in the grand scheme of things, from a birds eye view. Nevertheless, I also think that this is just where I'm at right now and I need to take the necessary steps. In the big picture view perhaps it is a step back, but a lot of times in life you have to go back to go forwards. I think what you're suggesting is maybe a tad too complex for me right now. Your advice has not fallen on deaf ears, though...

@Bazooka Jesus I am no n00b to LSD. However, this will be my first (hopefully!) exorcism so I'll proceed with caution, cunning and some confidence. Seems like a good mix!

@Bazooka Jesus sounds perfect. LSD is what I'll be using. I'll update you when I return