Jo96

Why did you decide to post this ?

How can there be awakening if all is one? It’s funny to whom? You ? Your collection of occurrences ?

And because it was intense it is somehow more true than something else? Because you were in the fetal position this was then more of a true reality ?

Yeah it’s really too late for me in a lot of ways. I’m about to have a kid on the way and I’ll be mostly focused on that. It’s pretty impossible to persue enlightenment in these circumstances. Too many things weighing me down. I had a chance but I feel like I’d have to be alone and totally dedicated to do it.i just don’t have that desire maybe it’s time I come to terms with it..

Like what? I’ve done psychadellics. I’ve done retreats, meditation for hours a day. I’ve talked to a guru a spirtual guide. I’ve seen fortune tellers. I’ve thought day in and day out about consciousness. I’ve tried dropping it all. Fundamentally sometimes it just seems like at bottom of it I’m more afraid of truth then actually wanting truth. I want it but I’m afraid to leap. It’s a battle and fear usually wins. You’re videos are helpful. I’ve listened to your advice but practically not much has changed other than a couple ideas and concepts being let go. I had a couple instances of altered states while walking around but I always return to ego or whatever that means. I don’t even know what I’m looking for anymore or why. What does truth even mean? How could anything be more true then anything else? I’m not saying this to throw in the towel or to rag on what you’re saying I am sure you’ve experienced miles more than I have, But to me it’s just words and it doesn’t matter how much you say it if I can’t experience it.

But it seems I have no power to make any journey. Nothing I do seems really in my control. I’m a slave to my habits, my emotions my thoughts and my life circumstance and any which way I imagine it I cannot imagine learning anything that would free me from that. I have chased myself in circles for years now trying to see what you have explained in your videos. I am afraid of taking another step. I cannot see any good reason to I’m paralyzed with fear with no clue how to step any which direction because nothing makes sense anymore.

Why the laugher?

Even that is is no more true than everything, or something relative. That’s what’s crazy about infinity: any point is actually the center

I keep reading all these “spirtual pages” usually on meditation;Talking about how we should not reject or accept a thought or emotion. That is in essence meditation. So then why is anger and jealousy something which is seemingly rejected in spirituality. Why would bliss or happiness be more important then anger or sadness?

I had a strange dream last night I wanted to share.. I was texting my good friend Donald trump in my dream and Leo in some 3 way chat and Donald Trump was discussing his presidency. He was talking on why he made a lot of the decisions he did. I felt somewhat bad for how people had been treating him after the chat. We had a real heart to heart, and it seemed like he was interested in consciousness works. Anyway Leo said to Donald trump that really stuck out and it was this: “I used to believe awakening was a possibility but now after awakening it seems like my Former life was another dream.. another possibility of consciousness.”

I’m comfy though.. I don’t wanna get up yet... 5 more minutes

It was you tho not Leo

Or is it entirely futile? A lie and a sham? Are we forever hear to ride the highs and lows of life enlightenment or not? I mean even if you understand, there nobody to tell? And anyone you do tell won’t believe you? So what’s the point of any of this?

Even if you achieve that wouldn’t all the others you know be not at peace and lost still? What’s the point of being at peace alone? If there’s no one to share it with?

I’ve been an avid seeker for a lot of my life. Searching for truth and spiritual enlightenment (whatever that means). I’ve also come to the point in my search where it feels almost futile. For context I have a very full life. I have a family that loves me and a girlfriend and we are expecting a child together. My life is near perfect and I’m even satisfied but in truth there’s still a part of me that desires to give my all sorta like Leo did to the path of spirituality. I feel it in my heart that it is almost impossible to do it with such a full life. It is because my life is so full that there is not much room for much else but relationships and family and friends. Is it possible to gain insight in my circumstances? In all honesty on the days I spend alone my mind seems more clear but then when I’m with family and friends and my relationship I get all tangled in there problems and faults and good aspects.. facing a hard decision but I’m considering leaving. Any advice for how I can decide more clearly ?

I’m inspired man. Thank you..

Well this is exactly it. It just seems very futile. I stopped doing my practices. It felt like all of it was just entangling me further..maybe I do bail on myself? But then again I’m not aware so what can I even do? I guess my practice as of late is to just stop practicing and stop searching

What kinda magic voodoo is this???

That’s what I was thinking lmao

His jaw has become more defined and the square more squared from what I see. Actually the first video you can see his face is very skinny like he lost a lot weight which is why it’s most defined there. But the last video it’s less so skinny and more so just naturally defined. Look at the sides next to his lymph nodes under his ears.

How can I cultivate this/ what is it in essence ?

I have this experience where I feel totally disconnected from all my senses and breathless and I’m just floating in pure void or emptiness. It’s like there’s this hidden sense underneath my senses though that is literally nothing. I’m not really meditating or doing any spirtual work. It’s quite terrifying, for a while I was panicking because I couldn’t face it. Felt like I was dying. It just comes on randomly. any idea what this is ? Any suggestions to go further ? I was able to face it for 1 minute but it was about all I could take. Idk maybe it’s just in my head

I was wondering if anyone had noticed the steady decline of the search algorithms on say google or YouTube. I remember 5-10 years ago you could search a topic that was somewhat controversial or non mainstream topic and you could find a lot of useful research/ news articles/ YouTube videos on them. I think it started with journalism then slowly google began to change there search algorithms to power dopamine friendly responses and now finally after COVID 19 and president trump and the tea party movement there’s been a radical shift to de platform all conspiracy theories/ controversial topics on YouTube through demonetizing and putting videos on the bottom of search algorithms. At first I was thinking this was alright as they would only remove the stupid nonsensical videos like flat earthers and some racist red pill neo nazi videos but honestly as things begin to progress more and more I can see that this is so dangerous and now some you tubers who post psychedelic videos are being censored. I feel like we need to do something as a community. We need to find an alternative platform or someone should organize some alternative news/ search algorithm. Am I crazy or have you guys noticed this too?

There is no such thing as maya. There is only truth. Reality allows for infinite truths. Reality is perfect. Whatever view you want is the right one and will always lead you to truth.

When I began meditating it was very clear the goal I was seeking. I was seeking truth. I wanted to let go of all the noise in my head, the noise from my brain and thoughts and the noise from other people. Within a month I had an experience of emptiness. I felt as if my whole body reassembled flowing water or what I would describe as dream stuff. The sensation was pure emptiness and as I watched my actions throughout the day it was as if I was faced with a choice. I could give in to whatever response had been planned no matter how much it made sense or I could simply let it go. As I went deeper and deeper into letting things go I felt my whole being disintegrating. I felt such a fear grip me that I had not felt in my entire life. I felt as if all the theory I was learning might be true and it terrified me. If there is no me? If all I am is a belief ? Who would I be ? this experience was again revisited after an 8 day retreat where my body head and chest lost all feeling in it. It felt as if every story I told myself was caving in on itself. I remember calling my girlfriend in a panic and asking her to please start an argument with me so that I could take a definitive stance and in so continue to live the lie that I was living. It worked and I returned to my body, but not for long. The following week I felt such fear/ bliss and pure love for reality. I was afraid of what I was becoming Or unbecoming and I was also in love with and grateful to be here. To have people here to counter me, to disappoint me to give me conflict because it all served a higher purpose to keep my ego in place. I remember looking up at the moon the following week and seeing pure love in the sky. It was so beautiful I can’t even explain it. But I was afraid of leaving so I slowly came back to normal life with only the slight after glow of a dream like feeling in my head that still continues to this day. And every now and then if I focus I can still feel my body dissipate like smoke if I focus hard. After these experiences I decided to put it into practice. I decided to dedicate some of the day to let things go or to meditate. What’s funny is as I go deeper into letting things go I realize the ridiculous nature of that. The act itself of letting things go is doing? How can I choose to let go? Is that not not letting go? The deeper I dive into meditations the more unclear everything seems. Ultimately what I’m saying may be misunderstood because I’m not even sure I totally understand it but all I’ve learned from Leo and other teachers it’s all ultimately words. If I dive deep into them they break down just like my body does. Nothing can really be held onto. I say this with uncertainty. So please correct me if I’m wrong. Just sharing