remember

@iceprincess i‘d say it’s mainly a structural and ideological difference - historical development had three major turning points which boosted the development of some countries. colonialisation which is represented until today in language and trade networks western enlightenment and the development of a more rational mind. secularisation. industrialization and the development of emancipated work. if you look exactly, only the first point was the point where the west really influenced and started to exploit - the two others are the missing of a structural change - if you compare that to spiraldynamics it explains why they are still mostly in blue which are hierarchical authoritatarian structures often religiously backed. these aspects are really technical ones not philosophical ones. without socialistic ideas there would be no west like we know it. there would be no statue of liberty. one of the most interesting dynamics though in world history is: first i get rid of my enslavement then i enslave myself - the way you do the second, makes the difference.

@tenta the funny part is that anti abortion is male liberalism - you don’t value any life. you only value your male supremacist rights. you‘d rather abort a woman than a child in the size of a fly, while you probably eat cow and pig every day.

that’s just because you don’t want to go on tipping toes for a kiss.

conscious abortion would look like that: a woman gets psychological help to make a decision for her interest, she gets also informed about her financial situation from then on which includes a plan on how she does not loose her financial independency or gets scapegoated as being lazy because of being a mother. its endless. if you would ban abortion consciously you would need to give women a lot more credit for doing all the dirty work men usually don’t want to do.

@tenta would you want to go back to a time when women risked their life to get an abortion? like the thousands of years before - lets be honest a ban on abortion is a form of enslavement of the right of a woman to decide for herself if she wants or wants not to risk her life and additionally spend her life energy on child care. if there was a massive shift in men behavior you could maybe think about alternatives - but even giving a child into an adoptive care not knowing who will care for her child and how, is not really a safe option for every mother after ruining maybe her health or even dying - a lot of men don’t even think about paying for the childcare. there are so many stories of abuse i could tell you because men think they have a right to decide what’s the best for themselfs. maybe before going back to the middleages we would need to evolve in these aspects. get yourself a family and care for them even if they leave you and stop trying to control other people’s lifes, at least let them own that.

@Don Wei i thought you would giggle - does not work anti cyclical obviously.

he can edit without it showing, same as moderators. that’s why you don’t have to take them for serious, they can fall you in the back anytime. i don’t care i edit all my posts, but i‘m always suspicious of mods - if leo says sth like that i wouldn’t giggle, he could always remove the traces.

if there is anything to fix - but being not confident and somehow having the feeling for yourself there is more, you can always fix that. in a sense yes, foremost you have always to be aware if there is anything to fix about you. what is the difference between self actualization and fixing sth? and what is the goal of your self actualization? maybe it’s more fun if there is nothing to be fixed but everything open for optimization, which also means to sometimes optimize by just accepting what you cannot change.

@modmyth sorry don’t know the background story - it was just because of the possibility that people are not always going about looks or getting jealous or even having issues with the partner being more attractive - the reason why some women don’t like guys who are more attractive is sometimes because of good looking guys being arrogant and spoiled or because of fear. attention from other women is probably not the issue in a regular relationship. i know couples with size differences - ofc it works, why should anyone want to go on tipping toes to kiss a partner if it wasn’t for love... i doubt it’s only the looks or even the masculinity issue in the most cases. i also know a couple where it is the other way round and she is much taller than him, although that happens less often - people are really different.

although in the case of jason momoa, you can’t really say that it would be problematic because of attention - don’t know if the woman was exceptionally tiny but alone the difference in their size probably makes it difficult to even do basic stuff like kissing. i‘d also say it depends massively on the types of people in a partnership and how safe someone feels in a relationship. i mean ofc we all know classical hollywood dynamics, in front of and off camera - but that’s also because they already usually have an issue with cameras.

there is even a theory that it may increase proportional to beard leangth - but that’s not really up to date. as if female enlightenment would grow proportional to hair length. and the buddha shaved it all...

which means because you are? don‘t mind me i have to wink randomly from tim to time it’s completely without any meaning , just because i‘m getting a bit nervous it’s not because i might like psychopaths. really. putin is actually not my style. but the winking is usually not that bad - it just happens sometimes. are you really?

@Don Wei don’t laugh - never! i mean if you want that psychopath look! ????????< like this always

because he knows how to run the thing, ex kgb and at least got rid of some corruption before he made his own rules. i guess without authoritative patriarchal style it’s difficult to get to power in russia. at least it was then, maybe the next president of russia will be more businessman like, who knows. does anyone ever think about a time after putin?

@Seed mhhh sounds like it. i‘d probably still go there one or two times or until you find another therapist. maybe even just to get a hold of what is really happening there. i‘d probably try to figure out a little bit more. seems like he at least triggers stuff in you. you‘d probably also have the chance to go back to the problematic of the last relationship if you would go on with the therapy. you def have an authority problematic ? (classical one) i don’t judge you - most women have a little bit. but yeah the three fingers back means: your partner and your parents. so it’s your dad, and you actually even really got directly triggered. maybe he’s better than you think he is... but well, your money, your time, your decision. wish you good luck!

@Seed how did you interpret the three fingers back at yourself? maybe he’s pulling out some shadow material, usually it’s codependency stuff why we stay in dysfunctional relationships. if you get emotional at least sth is happening. but you know in the end you have to decide for yourself - i‘m a person who talks like a waterfall sometimes, i‘d also probably not like the pausing. but is this because it is more important for me to get rid of everything on my mind instead of having feedback to some aspects or is this because his technique is weird and he is actually abusing me interfering with my flow of thoughts showing me he also has a will and is present? i don’t know, it’s difficult to say - you see in the end feelings are feelings and sometimes the ego plays tricks on us because we are scared, you may have some kind of guilt problematic or authority problematic which makes the chemistry that explosive. in the end YOU have to go through this therapy, if it’s worse than the trauma, maybe it’s not the right therapy. and i must confess i would probably not go to a male therapist... because there is often more dissonance. although it might reveal more authority topics regarding gender than a female female talk.

@Seed how does what he is saying feel like? you talked about his way of pausing a lot and his working style which is not comfortable for you. you like to experience flow states, what seems to be in your nature, you say you did not get far with the other therapists... i think sympathy is important for a connection between you and the therapist. if the feedback beyond the pausing and introspection is also not getting you anywhere, then it really does make no sense. but if the feedback does actually get you somewhere, then why is the pausing disturbing? i’d try to find out during the next visit what it really is that makes you nervous and unhappy about the situation. if you are not sure yet i‘d try to go on with the therapy until you either really have a break through or you really are sure that it does not fit, if you find out what the problem really is which disturbs you, you‘ll probably also find an answer. could be you are going through some ego backlashing, too. what is you and what is him and is he competent or is he not? i actually don’t see a therapist as someone who has to adapt to my wishes, if he/she would do that i guess i would also have the feeling the therapist was not really helping me to change anything. i mean deapth psychology means to go into deeper levels at least. don’t know, difficult to say from my perspective. also, is the situation, feeling etc. in any way connected to the reason why you are visiting him? (you don’t have to answer to this via text, it’s just to ask yourself)

@Don Wei there is a certain leangth which is super difficult to handle, there are not really many cuts - no difference for men or women. if you want sth longer than chin length you’ll have to go through that phase.

? mhh i also don’t know why you have problems getting the girls you like - maybe it’s actually really that you haven’t tried for a while and moving back to the netherlands, you will probably have the energy to change a bit - also with your experiences in surinam you probably have a change of perspective. you look like you are still quite young so experimenting with style is ofc fun and i would see it as part of the game. but yeah ofc its more about personality in the end - and you already do what certainly makes you develop into who you want to be, as you work on both, identity and looks. generally speaking finding the people you can feel relaxed with and who understand you is difficult for many people, independent of where they come from, even being a stranger among your family is also possible. transgender have a hard time regarding that for example. being different can be something you are proud of, depending on perspective, it’s a narrative that will accompany you, but that’s also a streangth. maybe next time you go for the gura look and shave them all off, maybe a beanie not covering the ears would still look nice then - just a little colder. could also wear that in surinam though maybe... you could def also tie your hair to a bun, even looking feminine, would still work. with your hair, and the given possibility i‘d def go for an afro just once, wouldn’t want to skip it.

@Hello from Russia ? yeah life before ted talks was different mainstream. ice cream tastes nice until the first brain freeze.

@Hello from Russia mhhh i don’t see that, there is some value in the change of perspective they provide - of course it’s a channel and every new speaker is a different person, and some of the talks are not really giving out enough hard facts - but that’s why it’s inspirational talks and not university lessons. it‘s not actually informational in that sense, you could even put some of the talks into the genre of speculative sciences, but it’s ok as long as you get inspiration an data from other sources regarding the topics. ofc the more people watch it the more mainstream it gets. maybe there is also the point that the volume they have to provide is probably watering down the quality a bit. i‘ve seen some really nice ted talks regarding topics i was interested in, but i usually then searched also for further information somewhere else.

@Hello from Russia ? yes so toxic - it’s actually really easy to get addicted.

no, you can still work on it. there are actually a lot of women who like leaner body types. just eat regularly try to build a little more mass, work on posture and you def are able to wear some fashion, which more massive body types can’t wear. style is and always has been sth you can only adapt to what you already have as raw material. its just not possible to make big changes in your physiognomy, except if you do plastic surgery, it’s only possible to work on the finetunes. if you want to gain weight fast, maybe really stuff like gaba can help you, or you have a look into low dose steroids, experimenting with amino acids - there was a guy here who had mild addiction to that - there are certainly possibilities to change the physiognomy to some point without strong invasive medicine. if it’s about that, but you can solve a lot of problems with fashion, too.

@Don Wei a massive afro can also be pretty impressive , are you going for that style? you can def get the attention you want with it if you even grow it longer, that’s because almost no one wears it anymore, (maybe throughout have to go for a bigger city with it though) it’s not possible with any hair, so it’s pretty special, but maybe your curls are not small enough, you‘ll probably figure out a nice cut/style with some help of a good hairstylist, even just talking, what’s possible. if i were you i‘d also try to not make too many big changes in sense of what you like about yourself, if you feel like a look is not exactly your style, i‘d not do it. for example, i don’t know if you are the button shirt guy, you‘d need to test that for yourself. building an identity and being like a catalogue model are two different directions, some girls are more interested in you having style than in how masculine or feminine your style is. in some sense as a guy if it was about getting a certain type of women, i‘d observe their style in sense of what kind of shoes do they wear, what assecories, what colours and then adapting your style a little in putting more effort into that. shoes can make a huge difference. if you come back in autumn a short beanie which does not cover the ears would look really good on your hair for example. if you would wear a t-shirt with roled up sleeves, maybe, would fit to that. but - maybe the type of girl you would want to attract would not like that style... so in the end it’s still difficult. and asides from attracting girls you would have to start checking out situations for fashion not just for girls.

yes, and all women are sluts anyways because they actually can have sex... well wait that‘s because they are women. the way you portray women why does it seem so unhealthy? you don’t really solve these problems but enforce the biases even more.