paradiseengineering

Hi! In dating apps like Hinge I have no problem getting a lot of matches. I match quite a few girls that are 10/10 in my eyes, and a lot of them actually write to me first. The problem is actually having a conversation and landing a date. I just dont know what to write and often they stop replying after a while. Do anyone have any golden tips on how to carry a conversation and land a date as a man? I have been on a few dates but its a very small minority compared to the amount of matches. I can be a bit slow with replying and im a bit sensitive/ artsy dude, not your stereotypical "alpha male" you can say. Sometimes the convo goes well but when I actually ask them out they stop replying.

Hi! I have this ideal of not using any substances like weed, caffeine, nicotine and prescription amphetamines to focus and be productive. Currently 2 weeks sober from weed and i struggle to focus, but the habit also had many downsides. The amphetamine medications help for very structured tasks but kills my personality, creativity and spark over time. Caffeine also helps a bit but also gives me a rebound, and Im trying my best not to get into habitual use. Im diagnosed ADD and my personality type is INFP 4w5 I believe. I find it hard to make money from my creativity and working a normal job often bore me to tears. I know many people with similar traits who use substances like this to perform and function. But I wonder if its all a zero-sum game or not. By this I mean that if the boost comes with an equal crash or if it is actually a benefit over time. I do exercise, meditate and eat fairly healthy. I am question if having a completely drug-free baseline is the best long term, or if strategically self medicating with for example a cup of black tea every morning could be a benefit to people like me. The problem is that I often end up being dependent on them and struggling to moderate use. I know this is a hard question to give a clear answer and I am more looking to hear experiences, thoughts and have a discussion on the topic. Peace.

Thanks! I just ordered some Rhodiola as I have had positve experiences with it before and I dont do caffeine. Gonna try out L-theanine daily with rhodiola on top when I need a boost. Also I would be careful with kratom, ive tried it and its sooo nice and addictive, I heared many people struggling with it and its hard to come off. It works similar to opiods.

I remember having tried it but dont remember much of it. From what I read and have heard from other its sort of like natures Adderall. I have read reports of people feeling super energised, happy and horny on it, followed by a crash. What comes up must come down. Not saying its like this for everybody but I guess the only way out is trough. If you have a different experience Im happy to hear it tho.

I gotta admit, you are totally right. Thanks for pointing out my cognitive bias dude!

Yup, I have been addicted to caffeine, nicotine, ADHD meds and cannabis. Also sleeping to little and constantly putting preassure on myself to perform. To give myself some grace and rest is probably the most productive thing I can do long term (not to mention for my creativity and social connection). I would like to hear a bit more of your situation if you dont mind sharing. When you said you slept for 2 years what did that look like in practice? I get its a exaggeration ofc, but I would like to hear how your life was before / after and how you actually managed to rest.

Hi there! I know there is no size fits all but I am interested in hearing if anyone else have struggled with ongoing diarrhea in the past. If so, how did you overcome it? Did you perhaps notice other improvements in mood or focus as a side effect? A bit about my situation: I have struggled with diarrhea/ upset stomach my whole life. I have had been tested recently by my doctor and he says he cant find any issues. I cut out gluten & milk a couple of years ago and also nicotine and cannabis a couple of weeks ago, but my stomach is not much better. I have had this issue as far as I remember. I pooped 4 times a day as a baby. I eat oatmeal, eggs, chicken & veggies pretty much daily. Is there any diets I can try out? Or is it most likely based on something mental like stress? My friend even recommended me trying an Ayahuasca-retreat to heal my gut. Can this actually work? Thank you for reading

Thanks for the replies. Gonna work on the beliefs I have about myself! Also I figured out that a lot of girls might use theese apps often more for the validation rather than going on dates. But then I realised that is often the case for me too. As within as without, it goes both ways. Going on a Hinge date this week but Im considering just deleting all these apps for a good while and just focus on connecting with people in real life.

I only had very small amounts of it but to me it felt like a more cheap/plastic variation of LSD/MDMA. Felt a bit superficial in a way. But I imagine in a better setting (not party) and a higher dose it could be more profound.

Thanks yall for answering, really appreciate it. I have consulted a new appointment with my doctor. He will put a camera up my ass and check for more conditions. Also going to check my blood for heavy metal pollution🤘🏻 Also good call for the fiber supplement. I got a good one and also switched to a non-processed plant based diet and my tummy is actually much better in just 5 days.

Thanks for the replies yall! I just ordered some L-theanine along with Rhodiola. Good point on not comparing myself to others and chasing external symbols. The low confidence that comes as a byproduct of ADHD is more debilitating than the condition itself for me at least. Also started meditating by training my attention on the breath for 20 mins in the morning and 20 mins in the evening. I have only done the letting go technique before but actually training sustained attention on the breath seems to work wonders so far.

Hi! I have been smoking weed for 12 years and for me its the most addictive substance i´ve ever tried. I had to stop completely because moderation rarely worked for me. I wonder if anyone here have had an addiction to it and managed to develop a healthy relationship with it after a period of abstinence? If so, what worked for you? I know everyone is different. Im not sure if ill ever go back to it, Im just curious.

This is my experience as well. Especally with the creativity part. Funny thing is that my best creative works has been made off the weed. By this I mean the work im most proud of and also have gotten the most attention from other people. Sober I have much more connection to both my heart and my brain. By heart i mean that the emotional range, honesty and nuance in the music/ art I make is just so much deeper. On weed you are kinda stuck in the "chil vibes duuude" state. And the cognitive capacity to actualize the idéas into real life is diminished. The main benefit I got from weed was feeling inspiered and being less self critical when starting. The idéas seemed revolutionary and the beats I made where like re-inventing music (while eating strawberry jam out of the jar in my underwear at 2AM lol). The problem was the next day when I woke up it often sounded sooo bad. When create sober I am much more self critical, but listening to it afterwards Im like "yo this is actually super cool".

I get your point, but I also think that having true freedom also includes being honest with yourself where you are at in your journey and how mentally strong you are at the moment. Would you tell the same thing to an alcoholic? I dont believe there is no size fits all. I have in the past gone from daily smoking straight to "just not buying", and I just end up hanging out with the wrong people just to smoke, going to smoke spots and find roaches to smoke in a apple pipe (nasty shit I know:D). In that case, my identity havent shifted, I still see myself as a weed smoker. But these two weeks I have weed free simply with the mindset that I dont currently smoke I have had little to no urges. Simply beacause my mind dosent see it as an option. For example I was flirting with this pretty goth babe this weekend and at the tram home she opened her purse and it smelled like weed. For some reason it wasnt triggering for me simply because i thought "oh i dont smoke now" and didnt think much of it because I didnt see it as an option. Eventually I would like to get to the point where I only do it socially/special occations or on festivals/cabin trips etc, but I know that im not completely there yet and thats OK. Longest ive gone sober from weed is 46 days (in 12 years). Before that I had a very turbulent childhood and adolescent before I found weed. The most healthy thing would be to build good memories without the herb too before I can eventually re introduce it. After 2 weeks sober my mind already feels much clearer, I feel magic again from life, like cleaning a mirror that was filled with gunk. I notice that people seem much more friendly towards me, girls smile to me, I am so focused on my art and music and building new relationships. Despite the pain I feel just better and better and I dont even want to smoke now. Also luckily most of my friends dont smoke, or they will partake like once a month. I have a couple of stoner friends but I see them really rarely and our relationships seems a bit fractured because of the weed use. Hmmm if there was a bag of weed in front of me now I would throw it away because I know at a low moment my impulses could get me. I think there is levels to freedom and one isnt always 100% free overnight and thats OK. Freedom at this stage would be accepting ones limitations and that one has little controll over moderation. It is not 100% freedom, but it is at least much better than smoking all the time when you dont want to. A first step. And then having felt the freedom of abstaining for a long enough time (and hopefully having grown spiritually), one has leveled up ones freedom to be more flexible. "If you abstain you aren’t free. If you indulge you aren’t free either." May I ask what your definition of freedom would be here? I think I get what you mean im just curious.

I also wanna thank everyone for commenting. Im not sure if im ready for DMT yet haha but mushrooms from time to time are sure a good replacement. I also figured out where the addiction started: (sorry if mentioning this is considered trauma dumping, if so ill remove it): When admitting having smoked weed to the police when I was 19, I got a fine sendt home to my mom. She got so scared that she stopped eating and sleeping for days. I agreed to let her take urine tests of me for over half a year and sign a contract that I would never smoke weed again. The experience was pretty traumatic for both of us and It made me want to even smoke more, and at the same time feeling guilty for it. Im not sure if talking about it with her would solve anything but Im at least meditating 40 min daily now and becoming more aware every day.

Im happy that approach worked for you, everyone is different. I most often used weed to be able to focus on creative projects, rather than for relaxation. But i just ended up smoking all the time and isolating myself kinda. Im 2 weeks sober now just not having smoking weed as an option in my mind feels like the easiest option. Maybe not forever but sure for now.

This is so well summed up! Just wanted to say thanks for posting. Been diagnosed for 2 years myself and it hasnt been easy.

One of my favorite episodes was called something like "advice for creatives" or "advice for artists". Leo said stuff in the means of "slow down your pace of work, have a creative side project" etc. I would love to watch it again but i cant find it. Is it taken down or do anyone have a link?

I watched the video you posted. Is it a good idea to actually have weed in the house if you do it the mindfulness method?

Hi! 28yo man here. I have had decent luck with dating before. Its either tinder, we meet randomly trough friends or the girl approaches. I have this fear of being threatening (im a really sweet dude tho), so if a girl approaches me, its easy to take the lead since I know she actually wants to talk with me. I have had this "attract not chase" attitude, and it gives average results. Would it be the best option to keep this attitude and just work on being more attractive and accomplish more? This seems like a win win. I have never done cold approach, but is it really necessary? Im a very empathetic dude and I dont want to make women uncomfortable.

Hi Actualizers! I have a bit complicated relationship with weed. it is on and off, but I really love it and when I run out of it i usually feel depressed for a day or so. I just ran out of it and I will not get any more in this year. It always feel like a void for a day when i run out. I am replacing it with meditation and it helps a bit! I am an extrovert and crave social interaction but when high i can just sit by myself all day and make art and music. It puts me into a instant flow state. I can sit and make wonderful music for 12 hours and my head is buzzing with ideas. Being a musician is also part of my income and part of my life purpose and many of my favorite artists smoke. I get hooked on weed because it makes sitting alone and making music all day so much more enjoyable and I get way less distracted when smoking. I also dont feel lonely at all while smoking by myself, but I can easily feel loneliness if im not. Do you have any tips for how to get into this relaxed flow state all day without smoking and getting attached to weed? Thanks for reading

My techno group sampled Leos voice from his Holism & Holistic thinking video (12:59)! Hope this is not off-topic and you actualizers might enjoy it <3

Hi Actualizers! So there is this girl I really like and she really like me too. We have been dating for 3 months and she just came back from a 2 week vacation. She came straight to my place after her vacation and we went really fast to the foreplay. She was really eager and I was too. I got a boner but once I took my pants off it went away. We was cuddeling naked for an hour but the boner was non-existent the whole time. We tried again this morning but I still couldnt get it up. It hasnt been a problem with her before and she is really stunning. I feel really sad now actually and I am a bit nervous to have sex with her again because I am afraid it will happen again. I really like this girl and want to give her as much pleasure and love as I can, and I wonder how I can overcome my fear and disapointment of erectile disfunction. Thanks for reading

Thank you so much for taking the time to write this! It helped me a lot.

I hope this is not completely off-topic, but just I had to share this! From 02:02 you can clearly hear Leo´s Live Enlightemnet Experience from 2018: At 02:58 you can hear the original sound from his video: