Eph75

@Julian gabriel Inquire into you background stories and defining moments happening in the past. If what you describe is your compensatory skill, there's a counterpart that defines your fears that those compensatory skills effectively navigates you away from; from the fear of appearing say inferior, you will adopt a stance that shows up as eg. superior in your mind. Those thought are no coincidence. What you describe needs to be defined by you, and your influencing story needs to be discovered by you, and finally that fear is yours to embrace. Typically there are moments, and typically those moments are in our childhood, and often relates to our upbringing/parents, that are such defining moments where we essentially decide about these kind of compensatory strategies to avoid the pain of experiencing the fear. Paradoxically that compensatory strategy is driven by the fear and that fear becomes very dominant in who we are. The compensatory strategy and the fear are not thoughts we choose, they are who we are. What might that be, the fear that creates this compensatory need? Notice that it can be the reverse, a fear of showing up superior and you having compensatory skills that actually show up as being gentle, kind or even inferior - to avoid the fear and shame of seeming smarter than others. The dynamic is important, there still would be a story about who you are, "I am inferior", "I am superior", or something completely different. How has this influenced you life? - the fear in terms of limiting your thoughts and being, and perhaps the compensatory skill in terms of drive, even positive accomplishments but equally so destructive outcomes such as conflicts etc. By getting very clear about these (the fear and the compensatory skill) - and we all have one predominant background story, and likely more than one that defines us, but the predominant one likely influences us the most and in a multi-layered fashion - we can choose to embrace the possibilities that show up along with self-awareness in that process. Keep in mind that whatever you come up with is just a story that you make up that is influenced by all the biases that you have. It's not real, the story is not you, it might be relevant to your past, but it's important that the story (and fear, and compensatory skill) isn't having you, but you having it. Only when you relate differently to that underlying background story does the freedom to embrace your possibilities become real. In that sense it's more about the clarity of the story than who you think you need to be, as those thoughts are strongly influenced by your background story. Only when you are very clear about the background story you can choose to be unreasonable with yourself, and the thoughts that show up to you, thoughts that aren't in that sense yours.

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Didn't read. But.. Oh,no, do whatever "it" is... now. Don't use new years or the abstract idea of an new years resolution as an excuse not to take action, or to delay action. Don't procrastinate. The time to act is now, and after that, seize every following "now"/moment that follows.

Ah yes. But this requires dedication to that cause and practicing it in every moment of every interaction. Changing how we think will not just happen. E.g. make an explicit commitment to introspect in every interaction and event from today until New Year about observing your emotions, read up on affection theory and emotions, books and articles, journal your emotions daily, and use tools like the emotions wheel to articulate what the nuances of exoerienced emotions are. Not lead, keep asking yourself if you are your emotions and your thoughts, or whether you choose to let them go (not surpress). Let the practice completely absorb you, day and night. See what happens.

Well yes, but I mean in it a very literal obtainable sense - not in a "I am God and trancendant one with all". It's impossible to separate development and spirituality, as they're both cognitive/perspective/consciousness evolution but you end up with two different "flavors". Pursuing enlightenment is a false pursuit that can't be obtained from the desire of pursuit - but - cognitive development allows for a structured approach towards increasing complexity. There just needs to be intention and relentless pursuit. There's an emotional trigger here, there's impuls control to be developed where there's a choice to ride along with the emotional content, and being able to detach from going with the motion of the e-motion. There's perspective development that puts what happened into new light. And there's development of cognitive complexity that completely changes the meaning of that event. These are the growing up from human infancy (which might be a triggering expression) into human adulthood - waking up out of the game we're finding ourselves immerced in to a degree that we don't know we're playing games. That situation is happening in the game and you are being so attached to the character in that situation, identifying with "him" so that whatever takes place is happening to "you". Why it hurts is because it's made personal. It's made personal partly because of the personal attachment to emotions. Development is a big topic, but emotional development isn't that hard to take on. It of course depends on surrendering into that developmental process, which means that you have to be ready for it. Sorry, this got bigger than intended, and difficult to grasp from one post.

@gettoefl Imagine there being more perspectives and experiences than these of yours Just a so small thing as the definition of "party" and who might the party-goers be. Also cognitive shifts *can* happen in the mids of and as a result of such conversations, so there can be and often is transformative in nature, albeit the smallest of shifts. Of course if your falling-down-drunk doing this it's not likely to be much else than passing of time - which still, IMO isn't any worse than whatever nonsense otherwise "happens at parties". The dynamic with other still makes all the difference. E.g. no dynamic, only you engaging in verbal diarrhea and the other just nodding and wishing you go away is just ego flexing.

@integral I feel the same, but I would never push or trap anyone in a conversation of depth unless they want to stay in it. So, maybe just be in tune with their signals and if they were to subtly signal that you're trapping them. I tend to be able to dig in depth into a topic for hours and hours at end and be re-energized in that process, but others are not. Most want to shallowly surf away on the surface of things. Yet, people tend to be kind, stay and listen, and if you ramble on or keep asking into something they're not inherently interested to stay with, without giving them the chance to opt out, you're just being self-centric. Anyways, I do find that some people keep coming back, looking for more. If the dynamics are right.. It's right. Also I tend to stay away from parties and noisy environment for that reason.

This maybe does not make any sense from where you are coming, but if that's as humiliating as it gets for a man, what's called for is to become "more than a man", meant in a very much so obtainable way. Without there being that, where this wouldn't have mattered, the only thing you can do is to shake it off and move on. And, maybe, if you're ready, work on how to transcend the definition of "man" where this is made into a problem, allowing for this to be just another piece of information fading away into the void. Meanwhile, remember, this is not about you. Imagine what kind of suffering this involves for the person coming up with this, what to me seems like passive-aggressive behavior, and the suffering that person is enduring around you manifesting in their mind. Must be horrible for them. And isn't it interesting that you hold a certain importance to them for them to make space in their thoughts, wasting their energy away while dearly holding on to you in their mind. That's magnificent.

The point of reference is messing interpretation up. The point of reference of the listening happening, the point of reference of the one form through whose mouth the very words are spoken, and the point of reference from where the information is coming from - are not the same. Yet, the information is being forced into the fragmented mind of one more limiting, more restricted point of reference. Would universal consciousness cross the water without taking the ferry. Yes and no, both, spans both at the same time and any other combination a limited frame of view could dream up of, and, it's happening all the time, including right now. Would universal consciousness take the ferry, because, why not? In limited manifestations through multiple fragmented frames of mind, via multiple "specific and limited" points of reference - yes, all the time, or at least when the ferry and it's schedule allows for. What does talking about these things help a limited conversation? [There] Not very much at all. Unless point of reference experiences a sequence of shifts that changes the dynamics or identification away from being bound to form, ego mind and limiting expression. Could you walk on water? [Loop back to There] There be walking on water.

@StarStruck Meditation, yoga, and so on don't change your way of thinking or how you think - they only help with reducing the nonsensical noise that occurs. That reduction of noise, or if you will, amplification of "signal" helps with focusing on what we perceive "really matters". These things don't fix anything! They're amplifiers, noise reduces, which allows for more efficient introspecting into whatever "signal" is. These amplifiers help you to focus on the actual work. Nothing comes for free. There's still challenge. And you have to figure out what your personal challenges look like, based on what your observations of "signal" might be. Chances are you already know. If you don't, don't get stuck on theorizing, look for whatever action you can take. That's the one thing that matters. It don't even have to be the right action. That will sort itself out in a self-regulating manner. The passivity and stuckness in thought is the real enemy. Force yourself to snap out of it. Action (!) and the sensing into the results of doing is the path forward. Without doing, no progress, no evolution, no development... ...and, that development happens foremost in interactions with others. There's no other path forward. Without others, you're still stuck in theorizing [aka mental masturbation]. If you think you're not social, or too introvert to be social, and that you don't want to pursue challenges that involves others, that's just a coping mechanism that equates to your ego trying to maintain status quo - does not want to change. You cannot evolve in isolation. That's the real challenge. Every moment is an opportunity to change that. In every moment you do have a choice, unless you surrender your authority to "something else". Reality, existens or being is slapping you in your face. It's saying, "time to wake up". Seize the moment! Memento mori. THIS is a defining moment, so, snap out of it - you'll only see the significance of this moment in retrospect. Touche! The results of the actions that we choose, changes who we are, shifts how we think and as a result perceive things. No action, no change. No change no growth. No growth no detachment. No detachment... [insert your own imagination]

@StarStruck Theorizing can become a coping skill, where we feel like we're making a difference from expanding our theoretical knowledge, but it's worth nothing if we don't translate it into practical use. Reading another book, at some point, just becomes about avoiding action. The only way to build self-esteem is to expose ourselves to that which feels challenging so that we can feel it out and prove our ideas about not being good enough, capable, less worth and so on, being false/living in out mind only. Self-esteem, - worth and - confidence grows in the process. If you get stuck in theory, and use theory to talk yourself out of action and challenges, then you're not really looking to change. At the end of the day, wasting everybody's time.

@Leo Gura We're past this "assumption" This has been apparent for many years for anyone who has not been in denial about what is happening day to day and the escalation of crime, or who has been to busy to cry wolf, making false racism claims when trying to raise awareness and discussion around the negative progression. The sitting government hasn't been willing to order BRÅ to analyze the statistics that is being gathered. The Social Democrats previous prime minister Stefan Löven even claimed BRÅ did not need to do any analyze because Stefan already knew immigrant crime claims was not true (his claims can be viewed on YouTube). After a while they gave way, and statistics via BRÅ confirms claims. Still they haven't acted on it, delayed action, and actions that are not directly addressing the problem, predominately concerned about the "Sweden image". This inability to observe, identify act, and defaulting to denial until not possible to deny anymore, is one of the reasons, not to say the reason why Swedish Democrates has advanced for each year that passes. The statistical BRÅ data is readily available to be read. Swedish government come to repeatedly claim that "we didn't see it coming" but truth is they've ignore all signals and dismissed everyone's warnings, often as being a threat against democracy. BRÅ confirms certain crime and severe violent crime being over represented by immigration from certain regions, but interestingly also shows that second generation immigrants being more so over-represented in those statistics. This is again pointing towards integration issues, exclusion from Swedish society and norms, parallel societies emerging and so on. Sweden has cared more about that "Sweden image" where having open borders and hearts sends stronger signals than actually caring about the immigrants and their sustainable integration into the Swedish society. We essentially don't support integrating immigrants, and it's up to them to integrate themselves, which not very many are interested or capable of doing by their own devices. Of course, the group of immigrants that commit these kind of crimes are a small percentage of all immigrants . There are many other problems connected to Swedish government and its inability to deal with immigration from a systemic perspective, but this also by no means limited to immigration and is seen across the board. A deeper inability see and take cause and effect into account.

You seem to be I caught in a loop - what's your evidence otherwise, that it's not part of evoltion though perceived suffering and pain. You don't get away that easily. Also you must respond to your own demands and claims.

@Ulax Massimigration isn't the cause of this. It's one factor. Swedish culture, mentality, ignorance, and resulting politics is what's created and opened up for this, connected to an inability, as a result of handling immigration, integration, etc in not optimal ways. *This is a post modern phenomena side-effect* The friction is expected. This is evolution. What matters most is how we respond to the compleixty of what is now. Basting in negativity doesn't help much. Finding a creative edge towards positive change is what creates the future of tomorrow.

@D2sage Yeah, well.. Let's call this position post modern backlash - surprise! There are two [plus] perspectives to this. 1 - this is bad, they're [all] sons on bitches to blame for this negative progression! And on the other hand.. 2 - this is inevitable progression, evolution and development in the making. Painful as it may seem in "a snatshot in time", it's the very self of instigstion to positive longer term change. [I am a Swede, btw] We get what we deserve. Swedes in particular, but universally in general. Cause and effect. Payday always comes. Ignorance will slap you in the face. We got what we paived our imaginary road with. Is it bad or good? It's both. And it's neither. It just is. It's "bad" seen as the momentary snapshot, but it is also the very development of drive towards change that defines development itself. Without pain, there cannot be growth. True in society. And true within YOU. *We* are leading progression. Change is painful. The idea of it being utopia is an illusion. That is, if you're emotionally attached to the process. Sweden isn't really that bad to live in... yet. Actually one of, if not the, best place to be. It ain't utopia, and it ain't immune to universal evolution. How we respond in this moment the outcome, so let's find what positive influence might be, exercise it, or embrace what is. Acceot act or not. Justifications or blame change naught, internally, not externally.

@Someone here Yes, still fully agree. The knowing from my usage of language is bound to the form, "I", and the limited understanding that we can try to grasp. What you mention is transcending form, and that "I". Language is failing here but "I" sense that we're talking about the same but using different references in language. ? Here's a tought.. Would you like to talk? Seems odd in relation to this"space" but I'd love to actually talk. Maybe it just seems odd in my frame of reference. I'm serious though - not an argument, just a conversation.

Oh, I'm messing thing up, haven't read your post above, my post above was intended to be previous to yours, as a continuation fudged up x2 now, human nature *reading your last post now, I'll be back*

Frist order, but, individual interpretation that is second order to whatever sense-making we have the capability to perform. What does smell, e.g. mean, and how is smell defines by past experiences. That interpretation ❤️ Thank you for pushing me toward thinking new thoughts (no, still not trolling)

@Someone here Oh no, I'm not "trolling" And.. What I'm thinking I'm supporting exactly what you're saying 100% There is a duality here. There's the part that is "me" agreeing with this, from a place that I, myself, can confirm what you're saying and that I "know" that I fully agree with you - AND - there is the part of "me" that acknowledge that it in itself is no more than a thought that appears to "me" to be "mine". That defines the foundation, that above stands on, being the very "unknowing", of everything that "I" know. Not knowing is the foundation that everything stand on. Again, this might be perceived as "being cute", but there's a deeper understanding of "it" being true - and this is where language fails us - it literally equates to nothing (undefinable, unequatible, and unnecessary to define). That does not mean that I, the thinking me, isn't leaning towards preferring some thoughts as "favorable" [fudge up here, continue in nest post]

@Someone here Well I don't know, and I'm not trying to be cute here.. What you say is leaning on a lot of references that I don't know is true. I genuinely don't know. I THINK I just read what you wrote, but I don't even know what that means. I pretend to know what my sense making is telling me what it means.. Yeah it's absurd. But it reveals the game of existence and that what we do, and what we're doing here, ultimately is distraction and game-play. And, that I enjoy that experience. Thank you make making my experience appear enjoyable ❤️ I have no idea what it mean, "I" seem to like it, makes this moment appear "lighter" and I love you for not only that.

Depends on what the reference of knowing what I is. If you don't know what I is, then anything that I imagines knowing is no longer certain. Redefine I and everything I knew gets redefined. You can no longer be certain about anything, except that there being an experience, of being. What that is, is impossible to know. Call that "I am" if you will, or something else.

There's nothing wrong with that, living to have fun seems like a great thing. Although, as with everything, there's balance to be found. Just having fun, and neglecting or avoiding something in that process, will create imbalance that shows up as some kind of negativity and suffering. We're self-regulatory in nature; we sense the imbalance and it shows up in ways that sometimes (often actually) is hard to interpret, and often is incorrectly interpreted. Being and doing ultimate needs to be in balance, and our self-regulatory ways tries to make us alert to imbalances so that we can fix them. There's a place where doing meets fun (being), and where fun doesn't equate to avoidance. The hard part is the interpretation of the signals we give ourselves, and the means, or self-regulation, they call for. In your reply, you mention comparing yourself with others, social media, and not feeling content and even ashamed to share what you've created with others. This is a great start. The negative aspects of social media is likely to overshadow the positives, and the realization that we don't need social media, and that social media is a source of much [kinds of] suffering to many people, is an important realization. Should we and do we need to be a part of that, risking paying a high price in the process? To compare ourselves to others is a mistake, we should instead [learn to] use others as inspiration that give us fuel to focus on our own thing, and have the courage to be who and where we are, so that we can just keep practicing and keep learning in that process. These comparisons are connected to that shame and not feeling content. There's always someone that can do what we do, or try to do, in a more creative way, more efficiently, and with better results/impact... and so on. By stopping ourselves from sharing what we create, we remove the possibility for others to give us the feedback that can help us improve, and to give feedback that isn't distorted by our internal biases [for or] against outselves. It also gives us a chance to find out and prove ourselves wrong, around the false thought and feelings that we might be experiencing. This takes courage, courage to be vulnerable and expose ourselves to others. Meaning facing the fears that we have to be judged by others, and to risk confirming our fears, or having those fears proven irrational and wrong. A meta challenge that we much benefit from facing - challenging those fears of not being worthy of love and belonging, and being rejected by others. I'm just seeing those two perceived paths as being two that really are one. It's what creates a schism between the two, a duality where there is none to begin with. A schism created by our unfavorable thought processes more so that by anything external and objectively true. By facing these challenges, that inherently exists within anything that is difficult to achieve, we find the means to uncover the joys and the fun, and allow the marrying or reuniting of challenging, creative and fun, into one and the same path. There are a number of significant insights, and mindshifts that needs to happen to make this subjectively true. That's the real struggle; the taking on of the challenges that causes anxieties, doubt and suffering, and leading ourselves into those challenges so that we can stay with the uncertainty and disorientation it inevitably brings - leading to our developmental growth, where our minds can shift to see what is, in new ways. Avoiding those challenges, that is the very coping mechanism that is looking to keep us safe in our comfort zone, which is cozy enough, but won't help us grow, and over time the imbalances created is likely to crank up our suffering while lingering in our false sense of comfort and safety. This is human nature - wanting to grow, and the resistence we put up is keeping us from the flow that naturally wants to happen. Becoming aware of, and letting go of those resistences, one by one, allows us to more often flow. There's a need here to drop the sense prestige and approach this in a more playful manner. Life isn't as serious as we make it up to be. We make it harder than it is.

@Jon_Bundesen Focus on the meta. How you approach tasks, what you mindset is, whether you're procrastinating, and when. Not least, setting yourself up for a more energized and focused day, which means a good day and night rhythm, getting to bed in time, sleeping enough, sleeping well, eating well, being mindful about partying and how much and the effect of your own drinking. We need rest and fuel to function well. To add structure to your life. And, to add structure to your school experience. How and when you study. Having a clear plan for the school week, shorter and longer plan. Focusing on priorities, getting to things early so that things get a chance to sit, but also so that important things don't end up competing too much with eachother, resulting in sacrifices. Helps with not putting things off. If you have structure, the content of the classes is going to be easier, and better results are going to be more easy to achieve. Lack of structure makes every day a struggle - not just school work. What you learn in high school is essentially a waste (except language and math) and the real learning happens in the real life, around real experiences, in a direction that is directly connected to the doing. What you should learn in school, but most don't, and it's not taught, is how to approach learning as a structured phenomena, learning to lead yourself through learning with a positive mindset. Learn this and you are setting yourself up for a much easier ride in life. With this kind of outlook, school simply becomes a playground for building self-awareness and experimenting with getting structure into place. Schoolwork happens in that process, but you're dedicated in investing in yourself and not focused on unwanted experiences, or possibly, worthless learning. Even in adult life, people in general don't have a clue about how to approach life with structured thinking; aspirations, visions, goals, goals breakdown, intentful pursuit, visualization of progress, utilizing social support systems, and so on, that's the structure "how we approach something" - whatever the goal might be, that's not important here, that's the content, "what we do and what we accomplish". Nail down the structure and you will accomplish a lot, a lot more effortlessly.

@Javfly33 Regardless of being a janitor or something else more "demanding", including socializing, it's still the tricks the mind plays on us that is the real obstacle, and we will make up whatever suffering we can, regardless of what category we find us placing ourselves in. That's actually part of the problem itself, the need to categorize and compare, ending up with a desire to escape what is, to experience something more simple, and less demanding. Just like childhood trauma - we don't have to have gone through physical, mental or sexual abuse [etc] to be traumatized. We can have had an objectively decent upbringing, but still find those aspects that end up being our trauma, which consumes us inside out. There's little doubt that the sexually abused kid is objectively worse off than the spoilt kid that got everything but didn't get enough or the right kind of closeness and a sense of feeling loved. Both will suffer through their own personal hell, possibly equally subjectively mentally deteriorating. If our minds don't have problems that consumes us, it will invent them, and we will amplify them beyond recognition. Same goes for simpler and more complex times. We live in complex, high pace times, but we shouldn't let that become the excuse for not being able to transcend our current selves and minds, so that we develop and have a more resilient mind ever emerging in that process, rising from the ashes of our former selves. Be it high pace circumstances, or circumstances shaped by survival needs (actual survival), again, we design our personal hells meticulously well, to perfection. Being caught up in the high pace life that we're finding ourselves in, with a pace and demands on productivity that is continuously cranked up as desires and requirements for higher earnings indeed is a problematic factor, makes the journey lined with challenges that needs to be handled, internally but also addressed externally as we're making up a lot of the external pressures that we perceive, and they change when addressed constructively with others around us, relieving that made up part or percieved pressure, allowing for more room and balance to bring being into that doing, while still meeting whatever productivity requirements. We can choose what we do. That choice require us to challenge our own definition of success and how we're influenced and driven by the world around us, into design that perfect personal hell of ours. Carry water, chop wood. It's the perspective that changes, and how we relate and make sense of what's going on around us, not the doing itself, which is the distraction that ensures us staying inside the suffering of undesired being. Meditation escapes the pressures and experiences a moment of more-so equanimity, but only for those miments, it's not fixing anything in absolute terms, it just amplifies our ability to more constructively charge the challenges presented through the entanglement with the world around us, that we find ourselves part of, and being able to do so increasingly well without creating a desire to escape in that process - i.e. doing without attachment to the outcomes, where being and doing can find balance. It takes time to embody the concept of being, and there is no clean cut in that process, but over time the shadow of a former self dissipates and as does the thought patterns of old. The mind does what it does, and will still throw us curve-balls, and the disidentification with our thoughts - thoughts don't define who we are - stands center stage of being. It is the path. There's no destination.

@Someone here I thought your philosophy was to only be concerned with the present moment, as you just declared in your post "My little simple philosophy of life". This is telling a different story. These thing you mention here is not a problem in the present moment, only when you apply the concept of past, future and lack of alignment with that you desire that these phenomena show up. If you return to the present moment, everything returns to the inherently perfect imperfection as the present moment is. This you can experience directly, by absorbing the present and observing how the thoughts and feelings disappate instantly, but soon returns when you get pulled back to the distractions of life. And I'm not implying meditation and blanking your mind out. I'm implying mindfulness in every present moment while engaging with the external world. I get it, if that philosophy is an aspiration of yours, but it wasn't really stated that way, which you might have done purposefully as a means to fake it 'til you've made it? If it's pretend, it's just a false comfort blanket. You have much shadow in yourself, it takes time for it to grow and surface so that you can deal with it properly. How can we deal with it if it hasn't yet grown and manifested enough to become a great enough problem and having had us endure the suffering that comes with it. You're young, things unfold as they will, when it will, and having it all experienced and sorted at your age is wishful thinking. Give it time, but be careful to externalize whatever you are experiencing, that's a dead end and a waste of time. What you hate is yours, and yours to overcome. Looking for something with that external phenomena that makes it "right" is a distraction. Wanting it to go away equally so. If it's inherently there, it's only how we dance with it that can change how it, whatever the underlying triggering phenomena is, is dancing with us. Escaping what challenges us is a coping mechanism, which won't help us to grow. Getting consumed by the concept of a rat race becomes the enemy. It's the reinvention of ourselves to be able to be and flow with what is, that creates an equilibrium between being, and doing, and operating in a world that will take every chance to challenge our ability to keep flowing with what is, pulling us back in to the perceived "race", throwing us out of balance. Wishing for it to be different is a trap. Desiring otherwise is the attachment. There's no escape, but there is a way to show up to what is in a way that does not create reattachment, but unattached doing, enabling being, enabled by being. Something needs to happen to get there. That something is within you. Unconditionally loving what is, is a good start. That hate, it's an expression of the shadows within that make us unable to dance with what is. In your signature, you encourage people to call you to talk about existential shit. This is it. Existential shit showing up in the world we're inevitably entangled with. What would you say to yourself if you were the one calling? Put whatever existential shit you've learned into practical use in your own experience.