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Everything posted by Xochiquetzal

  1. But I dont think willing to *raise your consciousness* through psychedelics, especially 5-MeO-DMT is not quite the right way to see things ... I guess spiritual practice is all about *raising your consciousness* , then, you might want to use a psychedelic to go deeper if you feel like it's necessary for you . But as said above, such trips are just experiences, next day, just memories of feelings ... pretty vaporous I would not rely too much on that . Dont be in a hurry, don't forget to have the best life hygiene as possible, both for your mind and body, don't forget other spiritual practices ... By the way, the trip has to be integrated otherwise you can smoke 5-MeO-DMT or Crack-Cocaine, if you don't work on integration, it will be value-less , you will make it just another drug . And I'd be very careful mixing 5-MeO substituted tryptamine with any serotoninergic drugs ... There have been deaths with MAOIs and their Pharmacology seems complex and not yet understood. I'd be extra careful with MDMA since i's a huge releaser ... Oh and if you have epilepsy ... are you and anti epilletic meds ? Most of them might be deadly combined with 5-MeO-DMT unless it's Lyrica, Pregabalin, or a benzodiazepine. And sadly, 5-MeO-DMT with epilepsy seems even more risky to me than MDMA , have you ever used 5-MeO-DMT ? It's a real massive overload, most people shake, there has been seizures even with healthy individuals so, be real careful, it's not as safe as DMT .
  2. Well, In my opinion, there is no way to rely on psychedelics only to achieve such prolonged state unless you're really reckless and touching the border of schizophrenia, that would be un necessarily dangerous . Various other spiritual pratices are key, not only to benefit from the trip, but also to understand your trip as well, without such foundations, you'll just freak the hell out . That being said, I only have had about 5 experiences with 5-MeO-DMT about a year ago now, and I can say I *never fully came down* lol . Helped me quit terrible habits and mindless behaviors, but did not send me to enlightenment yet
  3. Always have a terrible time waking up due to my psych meds (diazepam, mirtazapine and valproate) and I did not feel like going to work, this reminded me of so many other times I felt I could not wake up, got angry for nothing, and finally going to my job and enjoying it so I didn't b*tch about the particularly hard wake up . I wonder a lot about wether or not I should stop those meds and trip on psychedelics again but I feel like it would be a bad move since I use the same sites that sell benzodiazepines and dissociatives which are pretty addictive and I am prone to addiction so for this year I think I'll stay on medication . I like to practice mindfulness whenever I can and I can in the public transportations or in the few times I have nothing to do like at lunch but I found it really difficult to remain as conscious as usual when I had to multi talk which was exhausting but rewarding in the end . Sadly like most days when I came back from work I smoked weed and while it has some both pleasant and interesting activity, it is quite an addiction for me and I feel like it really hurts my motivation and makes me unnecessarily unsure about reality . For exemple, I can meditate but can't do concentration exercices or practice my guitar, I feel no motivation for it, weed kills my will but I keep enjoying it like a fool... this has to stop . Anyways, I feel more and more sure everyday that my life plan should be to be an educator, social work really seems to stimulate me and I like that I think I'll be able to pass most tests unit stuff is kinda easy for me since I love to research for myself so I'm glad my job seems to fit me and my carrier plans quite right .
  4. My mind is unhealthy and overwhelmed right now and has been for a long time, experienced too many traumas, never learned to accurately manage my emotions . I now have to use psychiatric medications daily to be functioning and am diagnosed with a Personality Disorder ( Schizotypal), nevertheless I enjoy my job which is quite fulfilling I help the poorest of the youngsters in our community finding jobs etc... But otherwise, I have outputs of suicidal thoughts, paranoia and terrible social anxiety, I am now 21 years old and I want to stop thinking I'm a victim and going forward . I also used to have anger outbursts but due to my empathy it was pretty soon that I made a plan for distracting myself from anger and thus not being violent which I am not anymore (my plan is as simple as isolating and meditating when I feel that my emotions go too bad) . But I don't want only to be functional I want a full and actualized life so I'll consider this journal as a track for each small step I take with the goal of becoming a healthier more conscious loving and compassionate person . My first plan is to start meditating daily and to find the motivation to stop smoking weed with tobacco, I already stopped cigarettes, only vape and lower my nicotine until I'll stop vaping, I'd like to vape my weed too instead of smoking it but such gear is expensive . I think meditation and working against my addictions may help with my anxiety and given me back enough mental space to actualize and become a better person .
  5. Hello . I've been struggling with PTSD and Depression lately . Feeling that low I felt like I had to see a psychiatrist . He prescribed me lots of meds, Sertraline (Zoloft) is an ISRS antidepressant, Prazepam which is a benzodiazepine and Zopiclone which is a sedative . The Sertraline only has limited benefits and It makes me loose my appetite and sex drive . So I'm not very glad about addictive sedatives and useless antidepressants, I started looking at what else could help elevate my chemecally imbalanced mood . And I found about Sceletium tortuosum, better known as Kanna is a ancient plan from South Africa, used for mood enhancement and relaxation . It is not that toxic and has similar effects as SSRIs, indeed it acts as a serotonin reuptake inhibitor . I gave it a try and boiled a bit more than half a gram of dried Kanna leaves, I also added some Valeriane for relaxation, honey and ginger for the taste . With enough honey and Valeriane it is pretty good tasting ! The onset was about 1hour and I had a great relief from my depressive and anxious symptoms . I actually felt good just about living, contemplating, reading, all those pleasures that depression and anxiety annihilate . Has anyone used Kanna instead of Anti Depressant drugs ? I would prefer drinking those natural plants than using the conventional and very addictive anti depressants and sedatives . If I ever switch from Anti Depressants to Kanna with success, I will write some kind of natural self medication here . By the way, Kanna acts as a serotonin reuptake inhibitor therefore you should never mix it with Anti Depressants like Zoloft, Prozac, you should also never mix that with tramadol, MDMA, psychedelic drugs or MAOIs . The Sceletium tortuosum plant Love
  6. If your pain becomes too unbearable, you should ask your doctor for stronger painkiller, if you feel ashamed about it, I think you shouldn't . Modern medicine allows us lots of painkillers . Regarding you autism and how hard it is to find a job, I feel you, Neoliberalism sucks out humanity out of us and forces everyone to conform in order to sell its workforce . The is no room for different people in their world . Can't you have financial compensation for your health issues, I mean, your State does not give you any money because you can't work ? Your value should never be defined by your job, we must stop believing this bullshit . You can do Wonderfull things if you are unemployed and have enough money to live . You are so much more than a job . You should hate those who oppress you but you have no reason to feel self hatred or shame .
  7. As we see, our current human society is led by greed and blind consumption which does not let anyplace for consciousness, real freedom and, obviously Nature which is so much more than an economic ressource . That's why I wanted to share this video, psychedelics and consciousness exploration helped me a lot understanding how our current civilisation is toxic . I think we should resist against a system of natural destruction, greed and low consciousness entertainment .
  8. Some experience using 4 ho met and LSA here . 4 ho met is a great tryptamine, it lasts a bit longer than shrooms (7-8H) and the come up is a bit harsher . With 25 mg orally, I have visuals everywhere and I can go really deep in my thoughts (last time, I had a glimpse of non dual consciousness) . The trip is more fast paced and stimulating than shrooms though . Kind of DMT like visuals . Concerning the LSA, I only used the Hawaiian Baby Woodrose seeds, their potency seemed a bit random sometimes 5 seeds would be very mild, sometimes I'd get blasted by 6 . The trip is similar to a sedative LSD but in my opinion it is more mental and less visual . You can also experience rushes of euphoria/divine love to the point of being pure ecstasy . Due to its harsh body load, I never had a fun experience, It's always very Spiritual and contemplative since you feel too bad to enjoy anything else . Intense nausea, vasoconstriction, muscle aches, hot and cold sweat... I call that one "the purge" .
  9. Plugging requires an IMAO, a plug is actually quite similar to oral use (with quicker come up)since the drug ends up in your stomach . Snorting DMT provides a 45mn-1h trip, around 100mg may be required . The noseburn is intense for 15mn and then it goes away .
  10. Changa helped me go through trauma <3 https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/45736-trip-report-changa-and-trauma/
  11. Some background about myself : When I was younger, by 13-16, I used to have depression, I kept having very anxious existential thougts, crying for no reason, I really wasn’t able to enjoy life, I was always judging everything as « bad » or « boring », I was pretty convinced that life = suffuring . I was already very interested in spirituality, especially the Sufi/Muslim spirituality and, one winter when I was 16 I had the chance to buy a few Hawaian Baby Woodrose seeds containing LSA . Taking 10 of the seeds at once gave me a reality shattering experience which helped me so much for my depression and led to the pass of spirituality . Since them I have been meditating regularily, and giving much importance to my spiritual discovery, I also tripped quite a lot . I’ve done LSD, shrooms, 4 aco dmt, 4 ho met, 2CB, 2CE and Salvia . Set and Setting : It feels very odd for me to write this but I will try to do my best . I met a friend, let’s call him Max who, just like me is very interested in Tryptamines and their enlightenment potentiel, he loves DMT, DPT and 5 meo DMT in particular . Though, I never felt that I was ready to try such intense substances (he told me DMT was the « easiest » one) . But one day, something quite terrible happened to me, I was raped and that left a quite traumatic impact on my psyche . About one week after the incident, I called Max to tell him i was now ready for the DMT, I had certainely to will to face that trauma and start life even stronger than before even though I felt very bad . The Trip : We are outside in a very nice patio, I am leaning on a couch, and as I play Abiogenesis from Carbon Based lifeforms, I am offered a changa joint containing 25mg of DMT . As I inhale the smoke, I feel waves of love rushing through my body . I breathe deeply, I feel serene, I am so gratefull for that serenity . I keep inhaling . Alive geometric patterns start to fill up all the walls, at first, I am astonished but in all that cahos, I stay serene and grounded . I think after my aggression, I accepted that I lost a part of myself, therefore the ego loss of the DMT felt natural, hell yeah I just wanted to let go and become the flow . Then I close my eyes . Red fractals, a feeling of warmth and calmess . I am back in my mother’s womb I remember how great that place feels, my soul feels like it’s being regenerated . I open my eyes . Beauty everywhere, beauty=love . I stare at myself in the mirror . I love myself, I love the face I see even though I know it’s not really my face . I smile . My friend brings me outside, the sun is just setting . As I am still feeling the effects of the DMT, we walk in town, I can see an incredible level of detail everywhere . Seeing that town being so beautifull made me very emotionnal . After that, I cry a lot, I feel very miserable releasing my negative thougts and energy . I only feel so bad because of a memory . Sure it’s a horrible memory but a memory isn’t present, a memory isn’t tangible and it should not hurt me . This trip really helped me to handle this trauma, I don’t really know what to say besides this …
  12. Hello everyone, I just wanted to share a great website a friend showed me . There are tons of sacred/religious writings available to read there . I thought you may enjoy it . https://www.sacred-texts.com/index.htm
  13. I highly disagree ! First, you say that your principles are "objective" to me, that's already a nonsense . Secondly I would be way more nuanced about family values, I think they mostly exist to maintain social order, moreover, families can be detrimental for some individuals and you kind of seem to forget the existence of homosexual people . And as Leo said, less humans would be a great thing for earth, many young people those days just don't want to have children anymore because we start to realize that we are no good thing for the planet .
  14. I have a hard time being disciplined . I don’t do much these days to be honest with myself . Yesterday and today, iwalked in my town, I juts wanted to enjoy the architecture and its beauty . I was not disappointed . Sometimes, when I’m in that kind of mood I can just look at anything as if it were art and contemplate its beauty while thinking a lot . in general, I just love contemplating beauty, whether it is visual or musical and doing nothing but thinking . From one perspective, it’s actually a good thing because well… those a easy moments of what seems to be genuine hapiness though, from another pesective, it just seems like I am lazy and I just love doing nothing which, in the long run will end up as a terrible prejudice . I know I have to move my ass to finally ececute processes which will have an impact and results, but some part of me deeply rooted seems quite immature and afraid of taking action . It just loves thinking and contemplating but certainly, not taking risks or moving its ass ! I think I’m afraid to take action because my self esteem is not really great for the moment and I am very afraid of failure because of that rather low self-esteem . Though, it is a stupid vicious circle because not taking action is what creates my low self-esteem for the major part I guess …
  15. Thanks to some of Leo’s videos, I am relizing that I’m already 18 years old now and that those last years, i’ve been living a rather unconscious life, blocked by a radical lack of selm esteem and an unhealthy comfort zone which mostly constisted in being lazy, smoking hash and daydreaming while listening to music or walking outside . Even though those hours of daydreaming were a very important part of my life an they brought me many insights, I feel like I have to go forward and actually do stuff now . I also commited myself toward enlightenment and living the best life I can . Psychedelics and dissociatives, which I have first discovered two years from now first destroyed my depression that I had since my early teens, but they also helped me discover a whole other world and slowly sent me to the path of enlightenment . For what comes to my life purpose, I am still kind of hestistant since I do have quite opposite fields of passion, I would like to find a way to combine all those . First of all, I would like to become the wisest version of myself, I am also a nature lover and I feel genuinely happy and fullfilled when I work in a small old school and organic farm . I feel like growing healthy food while respecting nature is one of the most fullfilling activities one can do . Though it pays very bad, it quite hard on the body and my parents would really not understand me if I directly went into this path . They are very orange like people regarding the spiral . So, my parents pushed me into studying political and human sciences, I successfully entered a « great » college . Even though I can find a lot of value in what I study, I still have a hard time living in a small and dirty town with very success focused students whith whom it is hard for me to find a common ground of interest . I felt so much better with the people of the farm where I spend this and last year’s summer . My goals : ° Meditate Daily ° Read Daily ° Stop abusing hash and weed ° Developping a nuanced and holistic view about modern political issues in order to worrk towards a more consciouss society ° Practice the guitar ° Improving my skills in mastering english and spanish ° Exploring further psychedelics and dissociatives ° Growing an Agreyia nervosa plant and moving towards to growing other plants ° Contemplate daily the beauty of the world ° Being good at collge ° Having a clean flat ° Journaling daily I hope I will be able to trace some growth thanks to this journal . Peace everyone
  16. I’ve been quite addicted to cannabis since last year, though I finally see how it feeds a negative self-destructive part of me that i don’t like anymore . Cannabis used to loose me in the illusion that I felt good whereas I was just slowly sinking in depression and innaction . Though, I still notice that I am very weak towards cannabis and that’s why i want to forbid myself from smoking again . I don’ know for how long, hopefully forever .In the past I would never have had the bravoure to claim « I don’t want to smoke weed again » . But I claim it today . I am also cleaning my flat which is something that had to be done and that i neglected too much . I realized this summer, how much having a purpose, sane habits and a decent place to live was enough to bring me to such a natural good mood (of course, not everyday) that I don’t need cannabis anymore to fill a gap . Now that I understood that, I still have the hardest part to do : integrate this to my routine life which surely won’t be easy, but so fullfilling !
  17. So basically, you understood that what motivates you has its origins in your past suffering ? I don't think at all that it is a negative motivation, actually it is very positive to turn your past wounds into motivational strength . I think many people follow the same path . Concerning the fact that you are studying math and physics, I think you have two choices towards that, the first one would be to stop what you are doing and radically change your way of life but I don't know how wise it is since your life purpose does not seem very clear yet (which is normal at your age) . The second option would be to become very good at hard sciences and using your knowledge in those domains to push humanity further . Remember that you are free to use what you learn to build whatever you want .
  18. Yellow stage people may be great writers of film makers, since they have such an interesting view on different stages of the spiral plus, their understanding of systems thinking . Yellow people tend to be able to write very wise and interesting stories .
  19. I am working in a small farm with lots of rather long a physical work to do and I noticed something quite peculiar with music . Some days, I just feel really tired bored and discouraged to work in the fields, my monkey mind is full of bullshit and I can hardly concentrate on my work . But I find out that playing music while working really calmed down my mind and I could enter an almost meditative state while I am working, my mind being focused on the sound and the work . I no longer feel bored nor do I notice how much time I spend and I manage to work faster and with joy and gratitude. I really feel like music can be used as a tool to reach a mindful and enjoy the moment as it is instead of judging it as « hard » since it is physical and boring work . I also remember that black slaves in the US used to sing some kind of blues or gospel in the fields. Am I the only one to find such a value in music ? The kind of music that really puts me in that mindset are mostly Dub, Ambiant or Goa Trancr, if you are curious I strongly invite you to discover artists such as « Carbon Based Lifeforms », « Zen Baboon » or « Khetzal » . I also feel like that music somewhat has a positive effect on the plants that I grow . Too bad that my boss and co-workers don’t really like those musics and most of times I cannot really play it when I’m not working alone haha . Maybe I should also write a little bit about what it’s like to work in a small organic farm on this forum if you guys are interested about it because I feel like it a very good thing especially for people like us who are curious about the true nature of life and spiritual actualisation . Peace out