PepperBlossoms

Just some things to think about: Consider the clash of ego levels of male with female and how they would interact and respond with each other at various stage combinations. Higher developed ego female may reject sex to lower ego male. Higher developed ego male may reject marriage to lower ego female. If the ego levels are too far off from each other, they may not work. If the pair are close in ego level, they may work better. Lower ego may not see what the higher ego can see and thus won't even consider this as it isn't aware that it is at a low level. Lower ego may be benefitted by suppression in order to move to higher ego stage. Suppression could include one person dominating the other in terms of height/mass, more knowledge, being stuck in quarantine alone in room for 14 days, taking away or missed out resources/opportunity, etc.

@Jeff21 I was just curious.. what are the girls like? What are they usually interested in and talk about? What are their struggles? Do they ever say why they went in to escorting and what they like about it? Does it ever feel awkward? Do you ever turn one away? What do they usually dress like? Do they act confident or shy?

@Jeff21 You are so nice to thank people for replying to you! Thanks for responding to me and for sharing your story! I guess as Leo said in his comment, whatever you are looking for and trying to get out of it. It would be cool theoretically to go as an escort just to see what it is like. Regarding escort as a form of counselling - I guess you could think of it as - do I still need counseling and is this counseling helping me? How do I like my counselor(s)? Do I feel like it is in the right direction that I want to be moving or is it a waste of time? Is this helping me grow or is it not really doing anything for me? Counselling is super helpful up until the client feels that they have worked on themselves enough and gotten the tools they need to where they can figure it out on there own. Maybe you could think of it as, what tools is this counselling helping me with and what more tools do I want to work on and develop? Are the counselors able to help me with that or do I need a different counselor or different method? How will I know when I no longer need counselling or do I want to do it for the rest of my life? Also, counseling is a 2 way street - sure the client learns from the counselor, but the counselor also learns from the client. Idk, it is interesting to take it from the perspective of counselling haha. Could make a list of - What are my options? What are my solutions? What am I trying to create? What is going to help me create that? What do I find really inspiring? (That's nice of you that you are kind to them! Yeah I agree on the clubs part and yeah they probably would need to tend to change their values/beliefs/understandings.)

I was thinking more about this subject and came up with some more ideas. There are different ways to think about it. Non-Duality: There is some happiness about her death, some sadness. Some loss, some gain. Some relief, some regret. Some avoidance, some welcoming. Some holding on, some letting go. Some immortality, some temporary. Some together, some separate. Some of being her, some of being separate from her. Some celebration, some non-celebration. Some acceptance, some fighting. Some weak, some strong. Some remember, some forget. Some love, some hate. Some hope, some helpless. Some okay, some not okay. Some know what to do, some don't know what to do. Some stop, some go. Some dead, some alive. Some existence, some non-existence. Some keep things the same, some change and create. Some focused, some scatter-brained. Some soft and kindness, some harsh and toughness. When one can come to term that all of these are not one or the other but both at the same time, it may tend be easier. Ego Development: One may learn to accept that it is okay to utilize, appreciate, and dislike all the ego levels at the same time. It is okay to set the problem as external, other people's fault, be short-sighted, only consider about the wellbeing of self and self's needs to heal, understand, overcome. It is okay to set the problem as considering new perspectives, getting more info, increasing the scope of concern beyond self and healing not just you but those around you. It is okay to find the good in good and bad situations and appreciate each thing and find the beauty in it. Spiral Dynamics: It is okay to embody stage purple, red, blue, orange, green, yellow, turquoise. Whatever helps you on your journey.

Well said by the others! To top it off, you can work through it so that you are okay and won't get bothered by situations like this. Converging the dualities between you and other as well as applied qualities into one really helped me. Example: I am good at buying presents. I am bad at buying presents. My parent is good at buying presents. My parent is bad at buying presents. I like presents. I do not like presents. My parent likes presents. My parent does not like presents. I am okay with other's responses. I am not okay with other's responses. My parent is okay with other's responses. My parent is not okay with other's responses. I voice my opinion. I do not voice my opinion. My parent voice's his/her opinion. My parent does not voice his/her opinion. I can predict others. I cannot predict others. My parent can predict others. My parent cannot predict others. I consider other's feelings. I do not consider other's feelings. My parent considers other's feelings. My parent does not consider other's feelings. I am honest. I am not honest. My parent is honest. My parent is not honest. I am nice. I am mean. My parent is nice. My parent is mean. I am grateful. I am not grateful. My parent is grateful. My parent is not grateful. To think about it and accept that you and others are both of something and not just one or the other can be super helpful. We as a society tend to accept and promote the idea that we are good/nice/hardworking/sexy/pretty/smart/reliable/helpful but also tend to forget that we are also bad/mean/lazy/gross/ugly/dumb/unreliable/hurtful. I found that when I can accept that I am both and that both situations are present together - it makes it a little easier and less of something to fight and more of something to accept and embody. In a way, the worst thing someone can do is to tell them that they are one quality without telling them that they are also the other quality (but kinda against social norms - "Hey you are lazy but you are also hardworking!" "Thanks man- I appreciate it and do not appreciate it!") Your dad could have said - I like this present and I do not like this present. And you could have said - I want you to like this present and I do not care if you like this present... Various ways to think about it! Can get creative and see how to work past it!

Food obsessions, boy obsessions, perfection obsessions, learning obsessions, blogging obsessions, thinking obsessions, etc. One could get more nuanced and look at what the obsession is. What is my obsession and how is it working out? Is it helping or stifling me, my peers, my goals, my awareness, etc.? Some obsessions may lead to more healthy, creative things and in that case - can be super helpful. Others may lead to unhealthy, toxic situations. It can be interesting to explore an obsession and give it some moments to see how it plays out, observe it, and then make change as needed.

The others had good replies. I am so sorry as well. Oh that must be super tough! It is okay to mourn. Take all of the time you need. You will get through it eventually. You are strong but it is also okay to be weak right now. Creating new things when you are up for it can help based on whatever creativity means to you. Sending a virtual hug.

I am sorry you are having the anger! That is tough! That is great that you have identified it and don't want it! I was in the same situation where I was angry and did not want to be angry but it was lingering - What helped me was I had watched a Susanne Cook Greuter video about different ego level development's reponses to covid and noticed that the ego will have different responses to things and some are more egoic than others- when I realized this - I was super embarrassed and let go of the anger as my anger was based on a low level of ego development. Here's a summary off the top of my head: Lower stages - the problem is out there, it is their fault; My scope of concern only extends to myself; Luck is on my side and I will get lucky - bad stuff happens to others but not me; Being too simple-minded and not looking at all the various aspects to something Middle stages - looking at the situation from multiple perspectives; how am I part of the problem? Learning more about the details to how something works; Doing things to help others; extending the scope of concern beyond just the self. High stages - accepting that everyone is at their own level of ego development and appreciating the benefits that all the ego levels offer - feeling thankful for what each level allows; noticing the beauty in how short life is and appreciating that it is still here and hasn't left yet; embracing the goodness in all types of situations good or bad

@Stakres I'm sorry you aren't feeling well! Some thoughts - A - Sadness is a natural emotion. Could look into the root cause of what is triggering it and letting it linger. B - Could do some research on how to grow your own stuff if relying on the research is too hard... C - Creating ways for your life to be more creative can be helpful - what can you do so that creativity just starts to happen all the time and pretty easily? What tools do you need, what situations do you need to put yourself in? D - You may start to feel better when you can come to the point that you just have to start working on your goals and can't not do them - it may feel super great and powerful!

I had a similar thought after taking an acting class where the actor has to be able to switch from one feeling/emotion to another within a snap. I can see though that it can be really hard to stop feeling one way by just telling oneself too. I find that I have to do more thinking about it - whether I realize I am being ridiculous like crying loudly into a pillow and making it so my crying is loud and dramatic, I feel that the emotion is not needed and no longer authentic, I think the situation through some more, I see some other thing that gets me to draw new connections and think about it differently, I see something that is inspiring and want to be more like that instead of the negative thing I am embodying, I realize that I am just adding more negative thoughts to keep my negativity going and I am the one wanting it to continue and fueling it, etc. Negative thoughts are quite interesting and quite impactful. Interesting topic to explore. Could say that is it hard for someone who is terrified of cockroaches to be automatically no longer terrified of roaches by deciding that they aren't - they may have to reframe it and see the roach as a friend, a visitor, a traveller - could call the roach cute instead of ugly and have some conversations with it like, Hey Mister Roach. How is it going?

@Arcangelo Wow. I try to cut people out (push them away) and then feel like I need them after that and then try to bring them back but then they don't want to come back after that. It is hard to push them away and then stick to it.

@NatureB You could approach it like: I really appreciate you but I want my own space right now.

Cool! Must have been interesting! Agree - there can be lots to learn. Agree here too - you could help one do more than just escorting - could introduce her to so many things! She could be pretty fun to hang out with too. You could really help her a lot. Get her into engineering, research, teaching, design, languages, learning.. something more - she may really, really appreciate it. Also - escorting can be a very needed thing - sex tends to be a common need and the escort helps address that need. We are alive because of sex! Here's an epiphany - Could consider an escort to be the equivalent to a counselor but for sexual urges! It is interesting in the ability to just have someone for the sex but I can see that if that is the closest best that is available, then that is what is selected. Would be interesting to consider the psychology of girls that go into escorting - I remember I wanted to work at the strip club and the owner said I could but my friends told me not to.. so I imagined myself chained to a post.. and did not go. Yeah one could say that us girls have issues that make those type of things attractive to do - there are so many various levels of environmental/social factors too - all the magazines promoting sexy women, Disney/romance movies promoting the girl to find the man, sexy clothing stores for girls, focus on looks/hair/purses, or just the desire for attention - yeah - it is a maze a girl might go down and not realize until they have explored the maze or looked beyond the maze that the maze doesn't really lead to anything else and is basically a dead end. I hadn't realized how amazing learning and creativity really was - I feel like it is hard as a young girl to be able to see advertising and note how much it can influence you and the advertising was really, to me, promoting the sexy woman (boob jobs, straight teeth, designer purses, sexy clothes), more than it was the smart, creative, adventurous, kind, talented woman (but that could have just been me only noticing one sliver of reality).

@Preety_India Just wondering - What do you mean by crab bucket? @James Pyle Hmm.. If you want a partner that participates in Orthodox Christianity, I would look for her at those establishments. Because you're only 20, when you are 30, you may be completely different and your list may be completely different too. I am sorry about your mom's death - that must be tough. Interesting note at how the monks rejected looking at other stuff - kinda a natural human response so can't blame them - but at the same time, they were (maybe) denying being more open-minded. Sometimes unproductive stuff can be super productive in a weird creative way but it depends. That is nice of you to want to adopt some kids. No one is perfect but yeah I can see that some people will be more stable than others - crazy how that happens. I hope you find your girl! @Jeff21 haha wow - spiritual singles - I didn't know there was a site for that!

It is an interesting point at how much emphasis money has. Interesting question to ask @Value ! Money can have a large determination on lots of decisions - where do I live? do I just keep living with my parents, do I move out? What career should I go for? Is this going to provide a livable wage to where I won't care about money or not enough? Does my partner do anything to earn money and if not, how the heck are we going to make it last? How does my income compare to my coworkers and are the newbies getting paid more fairly than the people already there and if so, am I a horrible employee or do I need to ask for a raise or leave the company? Should I buy some crypto just for the fun of it so I can live the crypto wild life? This person is struggling with money - should I give them some? How much? Should I donate to this cause? Money is like the equivalent to the air that we breathe but in terms of interactions and resources. I don't have any money - I am going to starve. Hmm... you would think that people/governments would be better with money and not go into such huge debts or make things more affordable if needed but life is crazy.. Money smells funny (and that rhymes).

@Lazertazer Thank you so much for bringing up creativity! Yes I love the creative parts and it is so inspiring - even if it is just creating these new scheduling things in excel for who is doing what project when to show availability or getting ideas and tasks jotted down in microsoft paint, or even sitting and imagining how to do the design or what steps to do in what order. Yeah this one is tough. I'm currently a civil engineer which to one degree helps to repair damaged infrastructure and provides reliable water/sanitary/flood prevention/streets, but another - If our projects are underwater from rising sea level in 40-100 years, they are not long term.. but the skills that I am getting could be. I have seen lots of animals killed such as dragon flies flying in to the shiny SUPER HOT asphalt that was just placed or frogs that are trapped in a sanitary sewer plant - I felt horrible - or seeing the contractor tear up TONS of trees. To one degree - the planet tends to be always changing; but to another - the existing nature is beautiful and it is sad to see insects/animals/trees with habitat loss and death. Awesome! My brothers do that as well! (Maybe you work with one of them!) Wow! Good job! It is super cool/inspiring to notice things that were never noticed before which is my favorite part. @blankisomeone I'm sorry - I feel like I ruined your thread.. I hope you are still on your excitement path and are enjoying your vacation. Nice job with coming up with new insights and inspirations!

And creativity first too! (Although it may not necessarily matter either)

I think the stuff will depend on the girl. Some girls won't care at all about any of the cultural norms. Others will. You could talk with yo gurl and see where she stands on each one and where you stand so that you two got it cleared up of what is going to be expected/not happening. If she wants to do all of the cultural stuff and you don't, get a cooler girl.. or adapt?! It is not all about her either! It's about you too! I guess some cultures will have far less optimal norms than others.

Yeah it can be hard. I watched a Spice Girls youtube video this morning and one of the comments on there was that "they were not creative enough" and it got me questioning creativity and situations/systems that allow for it to be easier and those that make it harder. I could be making a crazy connection as I hadn't thought it out yet but it seems that the interactions where lots of creativity is happening - new ideas, new thoughts, new conversations, new activities, new adventures, new explorations, new memories, new de-ja-vus, etc. - those are the ones that tend to be the most stimulating. The interactions where there's no push or desire to "create" can get dulled. Some interactions just may have better combinations that allow for it to more easily happen than others. So in that regard, it comes down to- are we as a pair wanting to create some freaking funny, cool, awesome, pretty, colorful stuff together? (and not just wanting, but doing!) Also, the notion of "create" can creatively be explored too.

@Conscious life Ah it is really hard. Especially if you have to see them everyday. I'm sorry you are having this issue! One thing to take note of - Are they holding you back or are you telling yourself that they are? A - could leave the situation and increase distance B - could talk with them and try to be their friend and make it less toxic C - could try to see it from their perspective D - could focus on yourself, your work, your thoughts and try to keep that focus on you E - could talk with them about these issues about how it feels off and is bothering you.. Eventually the toxicity will probably pass.. even if it takes months or years - either you may reframe the situation, you may leave, or get it worked out - IDK toxicity is a strain (for me!) because it takes up so much thought space that I could have spent elsewhere.. but it is also something to note - why is it catching my (your) attention and why am I (you) bothered by it? Maybe it is you wanting to focus more on it because there is something there to learn/observe and once you don't, it won't be as bad? You just have to figure it out and work through it?? Good luck!

@Strangeloop Hmm I guess what "creepy" is will vary from girl to girl and some will be able to tolerate more than others. If you're trying to not be creepy and are getting feedback that it you creepy, you could try to take note of what is getting the reaction that you are creepy and then avoid doing that and try something else; get more creative! I'm sorry you are having these issues! You could turn creepy into attractive if you work on it. Different girls are attracted to different things too - some may like it.

@kindayellow Yeah sure go for it! That was nice of them. I'm glad you are doing better!

Nice!

Love the love!

Money quantities are preferred when it is enough to be reliable and not have to think about it ever.