PepperBlossoms

That is a good point. I have spent quite a bit of time analyzing ideas and concepts. I would say that I create new concepts via epiphanies and then try to integrate those back in to the other concepts. Do you have a creative outlet?

Yeah that is a good point on us all wanting to feel special and that we think we are more special after having gotten insights during and after taking a substance. We can become cocky as we feel special. Yeah there are lots of things to experience. Good catch. That's funny. I guess I am making distinctions of the universe of everything being together but yet still also looking at the relative of things having differences and hence "secrets, normies" but yet what belongs to one belongs to all as it is all one. PepperBlossoms said: Stop believing in the thoughts and just live - - but we have thoughts regardless Regarding zen bs, can you elaborate? I guess I need to study zen devirly and zen and what that is. Yeah I can see that stuff happens so fast and we aren't aware of what we are doing. Good point on removing "during shrooms" as I am still the one having stuff happen regardless of what it was doing - - I have selfish thoughts regardless of whether it was on a substance or not but it was also interesting to see it happen and kinda weird too - - but I am the one making the thoughts.. so I am possibly choosing to think that.. choosing to be selfish or choosing to be selfless. Yes I have historically had problems with feedback and not listening to others and am trying to get better at that. I am being selfish talking about myself. I already tried being more selfless in some of my interviews today and I think it was going better doing that so thanks for aiding in the inspiration to try to move away from that. Thanks everyone so much for the comments. You guys are nice to comment.

When you think or say love, what do you mean?

So I can see that people are picky about different stuff. So if one person is picky about other's dresscode - that person could work on not holding on to the idea or being picky about what their coworkers wear. Or another would be not holding on to the idea that employees are to be on time and arrive at or before 8 am and leave at or after 5 pm. What about how the thoughts are helpful such as don't touch the hot stove? Or, go to bed now so you aren't tired later? Or take a shower so you don't smell? Or earn some money so you will have money saved? If one gives up attachment to the idea of being vegan or health conscious, one will then just eat whatever is put in front of them; regardless of how it is impacting the animals or impacts the physical/mental health (if it was a lot of sugar) If one gives up attachment to being able to retire or trying to benefit things, one will just take whatever job is given to them, regardless of what the work did such as pollute the ocean or how much the work paid. Is the line of thinking then that it doesn't matter what the impact is? Then I can give up the attachment to the idea of being nice and just be however I feel like? Stop believing in the thoughts and just live - - but we have thoughts regardless - - but just see the thoughts as thoughts and focus on what? focus on what I am seeing but not what I am thinking - but what I think impacts what I see and what I see impacts what I think and thinking and seeing is kinda the same thing... so just don't obsess over any idea or image and just float I really appreciate the suggestion - but also I would need to not feel attached to the suggestion either or attachment to the idea that I need the suggestion

@Nahm I have been going to a therapist for 3-4 months now but she's not a psychotherapist. So, in me trying to better understand what you are saying - - is that I may be having an attachment to thoughts, information, and ideas and I may be thinking that I need those things as well as think that I need some outcome, some experience, and some way for life to be. My "narcissism" is the thinking that it needs more of the ideas and information and it tells itself that it feels good when it gets more of that but I need to realize that no one, including me, needs those ideas, thoughts, or ways for life to be and that everything is okay however. So I am tricking myself in thinking I am better for having those thoughts/experiences. So if one does not need it, one may not attach to it, and then one does not have to seek it either. So I need to stop thinking that I need anything or for anything to be any way and have more acceptance of what is. To stop holding on to a dream, ideal, goal, thing and to just go with the flow. To stop believing in the thoughts that we need anything. I used to be super obsessed with my ideas and I couldn't stop thinking about them until I wrote about them or talked about them. I have gotten somewhat better about the obsessions but still have them and will tell others about them. I either need to exhaust the obsessions or just stop. I can see if one stops holding on, does one stop growing/learning/seeking? But yet - it is somewhat opposing as for human prolonged life - we are to believe we need food/water.

I've had problems with being selfish and uncaring for others and so maybe that is just me seeing the selfishness as manifested in the trips. Weed/cbd/delta 8 has inspired more empathy notions for caring about stuff other than the human vessel me. Shrooms has inspired for existential reality reframing but even if during it I am crying/laughing, afterwards has been an ego boost maybe because I feel proud of the info that I have imagined/experienced. Maybe I just haven't taken enough and the ego is wanting to hold on.

When we realize that there is no world to save, that it has been here and has always been here forever (or imagine that it is the case and even imagine that there is a world and imagine that we are the world), then everything done seems temporary, problems seem imagined/constructed, and what is imagined at the current status for now I am imagining will eventually get overthrown, destroyed, forgotten, changed, evolved - the infinite shapeshifting. How have you changed when you had that realization? Do you just plan on forgetting and pretending there is something to save? When someone else acts like the world needs to be saved, how do you respond? It's one thing to be conscious to want to fight climate change, be vegan, etc. - it is another to realize that everything lasts forever anyway and see how even though I won't eat meat, it doesn't make a huge difference if I try to get all the other humans to stop eating meat because relative to all the creatures alive just on Earth - there are so many that are eating each other - - life is eating itself. It is like we all go on pretending there is a world to save because that is what gets us money via the jobs we work and drives our "survival" as humans.

I was noticing how, when I am in a trip, I am telling myself - oh this is the loss of self, non-dual part. But yet - I am believing, intuiting, and imagining that to be the case. I tell myself "this is me losing myself, I am not this, not this, not this, I am no where, the universe is imagined, if I am the universe, I am imagining myself." We feel like, oh this is what I am thinking, this is what I am telling myself I am seeing, so it must be the case. It in a way seems just as delusional as say a religious person being headstrong in the man in the clouds as "I have experienced God/Jesus so it must be the case." Similarly, one can say - "I have experienced nonduality so it must be the case." Both are believing what they think to be describing reality. The non-dual one logically makes more sense as one can see, I am not separate from reality but rather am reality and part of it and everything makes up reality so it is all non-dual. Christianity one is a harder buy as there is the counter-argument that it was all made up by people. Well, non-duality one can say, even that concept was made up by people too. I guess that is why "the truth" is not any idea or cannot be spoken as the truth is just what is, the truth is itself, rather than a concept as non-duality and Christianity are. But even saying something as "the truth" is a concept as well... It is just weird how we have the non-dual experience and the thoughts that come to us or visuals that we see - that we take them so seriously and use them so strongly for our basis for understanding reality. It is like - oh yes this is it - this is the answer. But I just feel weird at how easy I am accepting what I am seeing and how much I am just not questioning it. I guess one thing is that it is hard to imagine any other way other than what I have seen - and because I have not seen anything else, I am just going with what I have.

The futility... tell the hurricane to not come - but then the plants need that hurricane for more water and to fill up the reservoirs - the flooding adds more to the groundwater - - but the people say no as their homes will flood. so we say, how about we bring in dirt to raise your homes and then let the hurricane flood? but then the place we get the dirt from has lots of bugs in it and by transporting them to another place and then compacting the soil, we kill 1000000 trillion bugs and microorganisms just to serve 500 thousand humans. So then what do you do? Do you save the human homes or aid the plants and bugs? But the humans are the ones that can stop climate change more so than the bugs or plants can so you pick the humans to save and destroy the plants and bugs. But then those plants and bugs you destroyed made climate change even worse as there are less plants taking in CO2 and less bugs which is then less animals which then the bacteria has less things that it is scared of so the bacteria takes off and gets into the water and then gets to the humans and creates a virus that kills the humans.. (i just made that up) put up solar panels and destroy habitat in the process. put up wind turbines and destroy birds and some habitat and some bugs in the process. what if you are destroying a trillion trillion bugs/animals to save a few billion humans? what if everything dies by a meteor anyway? IDK - it is tricky. I think we can go for trying to do the most holistic, sustainable thing that does the most to let everyone/thing live in harmony- - AND have fun exploring reality - - even if this reality is imagined anyway

But then to say - why am I preferring the savior of the world like this over the world being like that? Why am I preferring for the hurricane to not come? How will that impact everything else if I stop the hurricane from coming? If I look at evolution and see - hey the world has not always been like this - it used to not even have humans or animals or even bacteria - - but even to say that - who knows I am just believing on blind faith and/or imagining it to be the case... Why have preference for the human world when I can prefer the world where there are no more humans and just rocks and gasses? But yet I deep down still want the creatures to live. But I want to live. But I as a human will die and my death will allow for other things to eat me and be able to use me as their nutrients. But what if this is like the matrix and I am hooked up to a machine and there is no world? ......... If I want to build solar panels but I need 50 million dollars and I have just a scratch, how, what, who? If I apply to all the companies that are doing solar panels but no one hires me, then what? MEH idk... The ego wants to be right - so the ego feels good when it talks bad to people for eating meat or polluting the environment. But then the ego may feel better when it says all that is imagination. But then the ego may say - look the ego is just doing whatever makes it feel the best. But then one may say - the ego is imagined. But then what is imagination?

I can see though that one could be like - oh you are so selfish to spend your time exploring various ideas about reality while we have other animals/people/habitat over here dying... it is like a king in the castle getting to paint art while the peasants are dying of thirst and working all day everyday. It still is a good point of - oh if I was more selfless, I would stop greedily letting my brain explore ideas and get to work on helping others and solving problems. I guess I am noticing though that it can be beneficial to study reality before jumping in to fix/save/help it. There can be value in asking, what is the most pressing issue here on the most macro level. The answer to that question will vary on based on perspective/value/need/etc. Who am I trying to help and in doing so, what will I be hurting? Why am I picking that thing to help and that thing to hurt? Why am I saying that this needs attention? Yes to just sit back and let animals get killed and forests burned - how dare I do nothing. But how to pick? And what exactly do I do? The forests are HUGE. I am one person. The number of meat selling restaurants and grocery stores could be in the hundred thousands or millions. How do I stop all of these places? What about how all the animals are eating other animals and all the bugs are eating other bugs? How do I communicate to the animals and bugs to stop eating each other? How do I communicate to the microbacteria to stop eating other microbacteria? Or how do I tell the volcano to not blow up because it will destroy everything around it or tell the hurricane to not come? If they actually do understand me, what will they eat? How will the grass feel if it starts to get eaten? Am I prioritizing animals and bugs over grass? Does grass feel pain and how do I know if it does? What if animals cannot eat grass? What if there is none? How do I pick whether it is more important to stop the forest fires, work on clean energy, stop the killing of the animals, save poor people, etc.? If the issues are all happening at the same time, how do I pick? What about trying to get others to change their mind and just stop burning forests and stop killing animals and stop driving gasoline cars? How do I get them to listen? Do I put up 100000 billboards and 100000 adds? How did I even decide that these were problems? Someone else showed me. Did they brainwash me? Did I brainwash myself? Is by saying all of this things that are problems are imaginary - is that cruel? What is cruel other than what survival says cruel is? But then am I being a selfish ego to justify to not do anything? Am I justifying my cruelty? Is it cruel to do nothing just as to be the one with the knife killing the whatever? I can't do 50 things at once so if I do 1 thing, am I still being cruel in not addressing the other 49? If we are all collectively doing nothing and that is leading to nothing getting fixed, then we are collectively creating the problem? I just decided to be vegan a few weeks ago - that is almost nothing in the dent of the billions who still eat meat so in a way, I might as well still eat meat.. Ahhhh.. The problem is so big - it feels that to even not drive oil and gas car will do nothing as there are billions that still do as are the cruise ships, tanker ships, etc. But again, if we look at everything - is the universe imagined? Am I imagined? What is real and what is not real? What is okay? Everything will die anyway right? Or am I imagining that? Some stuff seems futile and then you scratch your head and then after that question if you actually ever scratched you head or imagined you did so... And then you see how you are parrotting what everyone else is saying and how you can't escape that and feel trapped. And then if you think in non-duality terms - oh maybe I am everyone - but I am having to imagine that. So futile I just want to close my eyes and pretend nothing is happening. But then is anything even happening at all or am I imagining it? When I die, will it be like nothing happened? ....................

@Tancrede Pouyat That is the idea that is focused on the notion that we need to save the world. Mine is from the perspective that goes meta of that and looks at the imagining/construction of the notion of the problems we have said are problems in the first place as well as the looking at the thinking of the thinking. Looking at the notion of the idea that we are imagining everything imagining everything. 1 - thinks there are problems 2- comes up with models to explain the problems (Meta) 3 - questions the reasoning/imagination/delusions/beliefs behind the creation of the models as well as self as part of the model (Meta of the meta) 4 - questions the model of levels 1-3 that one just made 5 - questions the questioning done in 4 6 - questions 1-5 7 - questions the questioning done in 6 8 - questions how this response relates to the previous responses and what everyone's perspective/opinion is and how everyone sees everything differently and will interpret what everyone says as differently 9 - questions how we come up with what we come up with and why we decide to believe what we do 10 - questions what belief even is 11 - questions what is is ... could keep extrapolating more meta

The notion of flow is imagined. When we are doing stuff, we may select whatever is the easiest - whether that be by doing something hard now because later it will be easier and pay off, picking whatever is currently the most accessible/comfortable thing, etc. Sometimes we are upset and we go "against the flow" but via the upsetness, we are choosing to go in a direction as it is more in flow with how we feel than the "typical flow" that we would have otherwise normally gone in. When we are more conscious of something and what the impact will be, we may find it easier to act against it than to give in and go along with it because of how much we disagree with whatever it is. Or we may not understand the impact so we just stay quiet. Or we may fully understand but feel that us acting out will do nothing so again go with the flow. When we want to do something that is the most loving, we may want it to be on the greatest scale but largeness increases for potentially infinity (or I imagine so) - but yet we still want to have the biggest contribution anyway. These models are imagined by me... and my imagined notion of self... in this imagined reality...

At least you are aware that humans don't live forever in the form they are - a lot of people walk around thinking that they will live forever and are oblivious that they will turn old and "die". It does create a sense of appreciation of beauty for what is here now. (My bf's words) On the other hand, in the perspective of imagining, we are imagining that we were born and imagining that we will die; or if there is infinity, we are imagining that and imagining forever and no death/birth but rather transformations of the universal self. In a way, we don't ask to be born and we don't ask to die (some do).. but also we may ask to have a child and then it is born (but that child is us if we imagine as a universal one self). I guess just appreciate every moment and live every day like it is the last and find the beauty and joy out of every situation. Fear of death is not going to make death go away. Can try to live as healthy as possible to prolong life and make life better. Can try to understand death some more so that it is not a fear.... but yet at the same time, we may never fully understand death. Death seems scary and painful - - but once we are dead, we may not remember the death part and the "we" may be different. Who knows!? It is weird to have to "forget" that death is coming in order to enjoy life - - I totally am struggling with that as well - - also in terms of work and how the work will get destroyed eventually as well so why do it other than just for fun and to create harmony/joy.

This is in regard to Civil Engineering firms (but other companies will fit similar framework). Stage red - "Look at me I am dominating. Look at how good I am at getting work." Cares for employees to the extent that they will do whatever the employer wants, regardless of ethics. Will lie, cheat, steal, etc. as needed. Will do projects without care for the impact such as climate change, animal cruelty, war, etc. - oil/gas, fast food, meat restaurants, pesticides, military bases, coal/plastics plants, etc. Will yell at employees and make demands of them, have no care for work life balance, employee well being, reputation, etc. May pay employees dirt wages and have prostitution/money laundering/etc. Willing to cut corners on checking work and quality of work. Doesn't care if work is polluting the environment or destroying habitat or killing creatures or indirectly contributing to bombing/war. There may be wild cocaine/alcohol/etc. use. Rules/regulations are seen as barriers and not applicable to self. (Ego sees that it is looking bad and creates some rules for itself and moves on to stage blue.) Stage blue - "Look at us, we are a family firm. Look at how good we are at following the rules." Cares for employees to the extent that they agree with the rules the employer has set. Unwavering in whatever rules the employer thinks are necessary even if those rules have nothing to do with the work itself. Employer not open to hybrid or remote work, not open to new ideas, wants things done based on tradition, culture, how they have always been done, etc. Does things by serving the needs of the clients and following rules and regulation but still is not considering/aware of the impact of the work such as on climate change, animal cruelty, war, etc. Management sees employees as dedicated servants who must bow down to the company. Will drug test employees to make sure no one is under the influence and has a zero tolerance drug policy. Enforces a dress code and arrival/leave time that everyone is to abide by. Develops cookie cutter approaches, QA/QC process, and lots of forms to fill out to improve quality in reaction to the stage red issues of errors and getting in trouble. Employees may tattle and shame when someone breaks a company rule. (Ego sees that it could be making more money if it adapted its techniques and methods more and moves on to stage orange.) Stage orange - "Look at how successful we are. Look at how much money we make and how big our company is." Cares for employees to the extent that they make the employer lots of money. When money is a question, the employee is canned. Values profit and share price over anything else. Has goals to grow the company, get more projects, more clients, and more offices. Open to remote/hybrid/clean energy projects if and only if it is profitable. Will seek out work based on what is the most profitable and will adapt based on where the money/success is. Management sees employees as money sources rather than as people and may get cocky. Often has long work hours and tends to not pay overtime as it does not want to pay employees more than it has to because of the profit it values. (Ego sees that it could look better to clients and employees if it claimed it cared about community values other than just money and moves on to stage green.) Stage green - "Look at how much we care about social values, the environment, etc." At this stage and beyond, likely to be more flexible with work hours, provide significantly more PTO and maternity/paternity leave, and allow full remote/hybrid/in office (based on what employee prefers) as it values wellbeing of the employee and sees that happy, well rested employees produce higher quality work and stay longer. Willing to pay employees overtime but also strives to have enough employees such that overtime is not necessary and understands the benefits of work-life balance. Proactively seeks out involvement in some sort of work/activities related to LGBTQ, gender equality, clean energy, net zero carbon, sustainable infrastructure, poverty, education, assisting developing countries, etc. for the intention of making a difference to save the planet/environment/people unlike the previous stage that would have only done it if it made it money/attention/fame as well as also wants to attract the type of people who care about that kind of stuff. Open to point out ethical flaws that it sees in the industry and openly claims that its purpose is for social justice/clean energy/etc. and does not want to tolerate things that would harm that. Open to hiring people with a criminal record as well as of any race/gender/country. May be more likely to give employees healthy food options (and possibly even vegan) rather than junk food/pizza/candy as in previous stages. Coworkers are seen as compassionate teammates to aid in saving the world. (Ego sees that it could do better if it took on some more perspectives other than just the social justice warrior stance and moves on to stage yellow.) Stage yellow - "Look at how holistic and multi-perspectival we are. Look at all the aspects we are considering and knowledge that we have." Looks at the work not just from the company/employee/human perspective but rather from multiple perspectives such as different disciplines, the environment, future generations, long term impact, animals, bugs, aquatic life, birds, trees, aesthetics, etc. Considers the point of view of the client, the people in the city, etc. Considers taking projects all over the world. Considers how work will integrate. Values learning, training, group discussions, and employee feedback and willing to spend money on this. Values beauty and makes an effort for the site to look aesthetically pleasing and interesting. Open-minded to new ideas and collaboration. Open to hiring people with different backgrounds and sees every person as having different experiences, value set, interests, needs, skills, etc. Has more nuance and complexity with design - all projects are unique. Coworkers are seen as peers to theorize, rationalize, and debate models of understanding with. May scientifically still be trying to create models and equations to describe the chaos of rainfall, earthwork, fees, etc. (Ego sees that life is a game and moves on to stage turquoise.) Stage turquoise - "Look at the wild and crazy changes we are imagining and making to the industry and as reflected in our work. Look at all the epiphanies were are having and delusions we are noticing." Willing to take the most risks, perspectives. Notices that the rules of engineering, running a business, social norms, money game/social justice game/engineering game/family game, etc. are all made up and willing to play around with those and change them. Willing to question the norm and question itself and how it fits in to everything else with a universal lens. Has the most awareness of itself, industry concerns, etc. Sees how stuff is typically done and open to radically changing it and trying something completely different as life is a game and everything will get destroyed anyway and all of the employees will not live forever as they are now but rather everything is transforming infinitely forever. Most aware of all of the "structures" humans have created/projected and willing to poke fun at them and change them. May see past all the engineering equations/models as attempts to describe the chaos of reality that can never fully be trusted or relied on and that the chaos will never be fully understood as one will never have all the perspectives or know if one is missing any perspectives and note that reality itself keeps on changing. Coworkers are seen as part of universal self. Aware of the impermanence of everything that is now including the employee, their family, the environment. Thinking heavily about how the work now will impact people/creatures/life/universe of tomorrow with the idea that those tomorrow will then take what one has done now and use that to make more changes. Passion for empathy, equality, beauty, curiosity, etc. not just because it would make it money but rather because it can. Open to allowing employees to take psychedelics to help with the imagination/awareness aspect which gives it a leg up over the majority who are not. One may be the most conflicted at this stage with doing anything related to harming the environment, meat restaurants, pesticides, etc. as it sees through a non-dual lens of everything being one and hence by harming the animals/environment, one is harming oneself as it sees it being one rather than dualistic/separate. One is the most aware at this stage of all of the intricacies and connections there are. One may have trouble with life purpose noting that anything done will get transformed so many times in terms of infinity that it wont be there anymore forever after one finishes it, no matter how good the design is. One may just do stuff for the ride and exploring reality as all money, knowledge, and projects are temporary and in a way, imagined/constructed. Humans are seen as not separate from the universe but rather are the universe. There is no world to save other than the idea of the one we are familiar with as the world isn't going anywhere other than transforming. We are complying with the current money system that humans have set up in the survival game that we are collectively creating even though there is nothing to survive because the universe is forever.

Lets say I go along with the scientific version that the universe is 13.77 billion years old - well in that game, the time started at the big bang and eventually there will be the effect of heat death where the heat in the universe is the same everywhere and hence no life - - so then all this stuff we are doing will just die out anyway. Lets say we go with the infinite version that there is no beginning or end and the universe has been around for infinity and will always be around for infinity. In that one, infinity is forever which is so long - whatever we have now will change over and over again an infinite amount of times and via that transformation, stuff is "lost" and "gained" - hence any ideas we have will be lost and forgotten, any projects we work on will be ruined - but also could keep on coming back in terms of infinity and stuff we have now can be the seed for growth of future stuff but yet again also get ruined but then built up, ruined, and built up. Lets say we go with the imagined version that I am imagining that I am the universe and I am imagining that there even is a universe and I am imagining the idea of infinity and forever. In that version, I am imagining that I am a person, imagining that there are problems, imagining that I am imagining that there are problems... I guess there's really nothing to do other that what we imagine so (as we will never have absolute affirmation on anything) - - so yes I would prefer to imagine myself saving the imagined dream characters instead of imagining myself hurting the imagined dream characters and imagining beauty/fun/curiosity - - and as my imagined self imagines more things about consciousness/awareness, I could integrate those on a more holistic imagined level...... Yeah being in bed or being in a cave could be imagined to be boring but also could be imagined to have lots of possibilities in the realm of finding things to explore - - or not.. hehe.

There is an addiction to wanting to imagine what else to think about in terms of ego, spiral dynamics, infinity, nonduality, reality, etc. It is like the mind keeps on making up problems and scenarios to keep it busy and give it something to do, something to value, etc. as it is here in this infinite realm - to keep it occupied when there isn't anything happening other than the imagination/context it is creating. We are imaging scenarios and get lost in those and forget about infinity and then see the meta of the scenario and go back to infinity and the back and forth pendulum of falling asleep and forgetting and then waking up and remembering. The mind is curious for more - like hungry for food, craving to be mind blown. The mind wants to create more theories and claim more epiphanies for understanding reality when one may never be able to fully understand it but yet it does so anyway. The imagination is like an imagined escape from the imagined responsibilities of the imagined work/social/survival game.

Does it make it harder/easier for you to think in terms of infinity? Conservatives and liberals of today will change over and over again to where they will look nothing like how they look now in terms of infinity. So will humans, the universe, all life, ideas, planets, whatever. Does that make it harder to have a purpose or how do you relate to that? Using the perspective of: I have been here forever and will always be and I as infinity keep on shapeshifting and the stuff I create with my human body will probably get destroyed regardless but then - do you still make stuff anyway?

Red - I want this, this, this. Look how great I am with all I have. - - Sees that it looks bad because it hurts others by not caring about them. Blue - Looks to the rules for playing fair and starts to follow them. Look how great I am, I am following the rules. - - Misses the red of gaining stuff so integrates red and blue to become orange. Orange - Look at me I am playing by the rules and getting all this stuff. - - Sees again that it looks bad because it is hurting the environment, social groups, etc. Green - Looks to social justice and environment, etc. and starts to follow it. Look at how great I am . I am promoting world peace. - - Misses the intricacies of the world and sees flaws in its arguments. Yellow - Look at me I am getting all this information. Look at how smart I am. - - Sees even more flaws and gaps and paradox in its thinking as well as looks at broader picture of self/more imaginative/whack/creative. Turquoise - Look at me I am looking at reality in all these twisted ways. Look at how conscious I am and what all I am aware of. The ego wants to show off how great and worthy it is and as it becomes aware of more things, it uses that new awareness to again show off how great it is because it wants to be like - look at me, look at what I am aware of and look at what I am getting. It goes from caring about material items to accumulate, to material items to fight for, to material items to contemplate. People see then that the show off of stage orange capitalism/materialism is no longer attractive and go towards the show off of one's awareness of green/yellow/turquoise.

I am finding that the people/firms I am interviewing with are pretty unconscious when it comes to the work, activities, and clients - fast food, oil and gas, gas stations, military bases, pesticides, coal/plastics factories, etc. There is no questioning of the impact the work is having. Their justifications to my questioning - we have to keep clients happy, we are following regulation, we have no plans to change, we will keep doing it till the industry changes, those things are necessary, climate change is just a study, the work is interesting, we go where the money is, etc. I am assuming that lots of careers have unconscious stuff with it. How do you deal? Do you try to change the industry, do you stay quiet, do you go to a different industry, do you just stick with the neutral or high conscious stuff and away from the low conscious, do you find the highest conscious firms you can find, work for yourself, etc.? Others to add included building meat restaurants which is contributing to chain of killing animals and them telling me about their BBQ or crawfish boil social events which again is promoting killing animals. There's also building buildings for the sake of building buildings without concern that that will eventually turn every city into Los Angeles. It's also when I ask about company goals the answer is stage orange where they are basically just caring about growth/projects/clients but very few firms are talking about climate change, sustainability, etc. (sometimes stage blue when they bring up family values).

I think shrooms may help with bipolar/depression because in a way, it is an ego boost. One is depressed and sad (or all over the place) and then when one takes the shrooms, one experiences reality in ways one had not before - - there is then an ego boost of - oh look I am better than my previous self, I am better than my peers who have not experienced this - - I have this knowledge that is reality changing and they do not - - I am special. This experience was so amazing and I am so greatful and amazed to have experienced it. The ego boost (and trip) makes one then feel confident, proud, curious, stimulating instead of depressed, suicidal, scared, etc. There is then urge to look at the insights one got and explore them more with great intensity. One focuses on the mind and what ideas one can come up with instead of spending money, sex, high adrenaline activities, alcohol, lack of sleep, unhealthy food, etc. that would have started the bipolar mania cycle or looking at how one is a lame, good for nothing, victim that would have started the depression cycle. The bipolar start of seeking capitalism/fame/sex/adrenaline approach doesn't pay off because those things don't lead to anything and then one goes into depression - - however exploring the mind does pay off because that leads to more explorations which leads to more explorations. Where one was previously lost in the social game or emotion game, one can go meta of that - - and being able to go meta and see all the constructions we have made in reality makes life feel more significant and precious and awe struck - - one may then chose to be curious and actively chose to not be bipolar/depressed as to chose to be bipolar/depressed gets in the way of exploring reality.

I'd like to deconstruct more assumptions, social norms, understandings, delusions, etc. about "reality" etc. via psychedelics, reading, thinking, making observations, discussing, etc. It would be cool to inspire others or share with others the ideas that I have come up with along the way as well as get to listen to other's ideas. I would also hope to integrate these learnings into helping change the way people (including myself) think and explore reality concepts. It would be cool to have some impact on future generations and other non-human beings. I am on the border of - oh it doesn't matter if I change anything and is it really just ego that wants to change stuff and anything I do would get destroyed anyway in terms of infinity vs. oh well it would be cool anyway.

We are imagining that we are the universe imagining that we are the universe. Or in the case of what you put, one is imagining that one is an object in an imagined space in an imagined universe that one imagined that one created.

Aside from getting your first job, GPA doesn't matter. And you already are working anyway as well as working on actualization so you are still on track. No one in the business world cares what your GPA is once you are working- they care if you can do the job. If you have a strong desire to succeed, then you can just have the attitude that I will keep on trying even if it means I have to re-take a class or whatever. There are setbacks all the time in life. They come whenever and it can be hard but they are also helpful as it gives us the skills to get stronger and deal with even harder setbacks.

To get "the love", one has to know what "the love" is. Consciousness is love. In non-duality terms, everything is one so consciousness is love but it is also hate and also neutral. But yet there is a net positive of love rather than it being neutral because hate is what one is doing to love oneself - hate is a subset of love and when hate/neutral do not work, we find more holistic things, greater and greater forms of love via systems. We are the universe trying to do the most loving thing we can and know. We love ourselves - do what ourself wants so it is happy, peaceful; do what we can so that others too are happy and peaceful because when they are happy, so are we. We become so conscious of how we are impacting others and how everything is connected and one that we cannot not do xyz because that is too hurtful to us and others. We become more conscious of how we are creating our own pain and joy and work to stop the pain and grow the joy - for not just the human self but for the infinite self (and for future selves). We want to make a difference on a more macro, universe level rather than micro level - what is going to do the most good for the most of the universe? What is systemically going to make the most difference? However, the pain of the universe that we worked on and got destroyed may be hard but we will keep on doing loving things anyway to keep on making it as good as possible for everyone. Love may require tolerating some things we disagree with; or if we see that it is creating lots of problems and become conscious of that, we do what we can to fix it. One thing I am struggling with is the nihilism of - who cares if we go towards love or not, why bother; and the question of, are we fooling ourselves that we even have to bother moving towards love. Is it more loving for instance to try to talk one's Christian friends' out of their beliefs in the man in the clouds? Or is it more loving to just leave it and try to combat other things? I guess it will depend on what one sees as the most worthwhile thing to assist with and what they feel would be the most worthwhile thing to focus on. Does the universe really love/care or is it just that stuff works more harmoniously when harmony is the goal and hence it is a mere accident? The universe is forever - there is nothing to save as the universe isn't going anywhere and can get transformed infinitely over and over again... but I guess to enjoy the ride and appreciate and "love" life, we do go ahead and try to make life better. @Javfly33 The finite ego self "gets the love" when it sees that it looks bad when it does anything other than love - it wants to look good and feel good - which is why you are asking the question in the first place because your ego wants to know how to find love. It sees that killing/stealing/cheating/excessive speeding would make it look bad and it has too much pride so it won't do that (stage red spiral dynamics), or being too strict with rules would make it look bad so it doesn't do that either (stage blue), it sees that being too greedy with money makes it look bad too (stage orange), it sees that being too strict on social justice makes it look annoying and inconsiderate (stage green), it sees that the models it has come up with don't make sense when looking at all these other perspectives (stage yellow), and then it sees that everything is imagined and enjoys deconstructing reality and moving towards being more loving - the ego loves that. The ego is constantly re-defining what rules it is allowing for itself so as to get to experience being the most egoic - which being loving is something that makes the ego look good and hence it feels super awesome and egoic about. Hence selfishness leads to love...