jimwell

It's not spiritual bypassing, not even near. If you had correctly interpreted my post, you would have grasped that it is selfish and pro-life. I considered cosmic exploration, and technological and societal advancement in my analysis. The difference between my philosophy and yours is that mine sprouts from years of pondering and introspection, while yours sprouts from naivety. Tell God to burn the official document to ashes. I'm not signing it. If it reaches my location, I'll burn it myself. It's pathetic to look forward to reincarnation for a better human life. That's not my style. As the old cliche goes: succeed or die trying. I'm making my earthly life a heavenly life. Beauty, spirituality, philosophy, self-empowerment, and others already exist in my internal world and external world. USD, earthly paradise, aesthetical works, exploration & adventure, a dozen wives & a thousand concubines, and a few kids already exist in my internal world every day when I close my eyes. Eventually they will also exist in my external world every day when I open my eyes. Don't underestimate the existence of my internal world. As I explained in the last thread I started, the Universe or Existence would NOT be complete without it.

Tell God to create the official document, affix his signature, and deliver it to me from heaven down to hell(Earth) in 3 days. I will immediately sign the document to make it official. @LordFall I pondered the idea of becoming immortal seriously and deeply for a few years, about 11 years ago. I didn’t want to die. I wanted to live eternally. At that time, I believed it would be the greatest thing that could ever happen to me. But in the end, I realized I was completely wrong. It would actually be the greatest tragedy that could happen to me. It doesn't matter how intelligent, how handsome, how strong, how charismatic, how healthy, how, grateful, how appreciative, how, joyful, etc I am. In the end, I am a little worm compared to God, the unlimited self who possess unlimited intelligence, beauty, joy, love, excitement, power, etc. This automatically means my capacity to feel good, to comprehend, to succeed, to feel grateful, to explore, to enjoy, etc are limited because I inhabit a human body that is limited in all domains. This eventually results in dissatisfaction and suffering. It doesn’t even matter how beautiful or exciting the world becomes, because the world itself is still limited, and my ability to absorb and enjoy all its beauty is also limited. This surely leads to eventual dissatisfaction and suffering. Suppose I found a way to conquer the suffering, I would still end up feeling bored for eternity. This would be the greatest evil God could inflict on me! But I do support significantly extending the human life span. I think 200 years would be a good starting point. If that functions, then extend to 500 years, then to 1,000 years. I guess a limited human will suffer intensely after a few thousand years of life. The counterargument: "But humans will invent a technology that will upgrade their brain and spiritual capacity that will lead to eternal satisfaction." is weak. I don't and can't buy it. Ponder this: You possess a limited human body but want an unlimited lifespan? That would be a great mismatch, a big error.

Feeling more satisfied, secure, peaceful, and joyful. The best news in the whole universe is this: You are God!

Leo's most recent video about forgiveness has the core principles: 1. People who hurt you in the past did so because of ignorance. 2. They hurt you because they were trying to get love (from you or somebody else) but had limited, unhealthy ways to get it. 3. They hurt you because their level of consciousness was very low. 4. They hurt you because of their selfishness. 5. They hurt you for their survival agenda. That basically means people who hurt you in the past did so because of selfishness and ignorance. And this is true. If you don't see this, it means you have not done enough introspection and have not developed enough awareness of your past pain (and anger). He said being able to forgive is strength and not being able to is weakness. I think both are strength. His video is useful and effective to people who ordinarily got hurt or hurt as an adult. For example, the forum administrator banned you, another is, your boss unfairly fired you. But to that little 6-year-old japanese girl who was repeatedly dragged by his father by the neck from the entrance door to the bathroom and then brutally punched and kicked til blood comes out of her nose and mouth; to the child Teal Swan who was repeatedly sodomized or "analized" by an older family member, to the child me who was enormously mentally-emotionally wounded by his dumb father by being completely ignored and screamed at his entire childhood and teenage years, that forgiveness video is far from enough to heal the wounds, and even adds more harm. If you are in the "second category". You need a deeper perspective and understanding of your pain, anger, and forgiveness. 1. Forgiveness is the letting go of anger, that is, the letting go of the desire for revenge or justice. It is not when you say "I forgive you" to your business partner then suing him for screwing you. Forgiveness is when you say "I forgive you" to your business partner then say "And to prove that, I won't sue you or harm you in any way though you betrayed me.". It is not when you proclaim to everybody in the court "I am a true Christian, so I forgive this psychopath who murdered my daughter and your daughters." But then celebrate when the jury decides to give the death penalty to the serial killer. Those are just empty words, not forgiveness. 2. Complete forgiveness is reconciliation. It is the letting go of anger, that is, the letting go of the desire for revenge or justice, and starting a good relationship with your abuser again. So that means not only suing the business partner who screwed you, but to have another business deal with him again. That means to end the "no contact" situation you have with your NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) father or mother and start visiting or even living with them again. It is obvious this is dangerous. Complete forgiveness or reconciliation should only be given to people who love you though they might have hurt you a few times. It should never be given to people who have NPD or Stage Red or to people who hate you though they might have done a few good things to you. 3. Your anger is valid and must be honored. Don't demonize your anger. Don't believe them when they tell you you are a bad, evil person for holding anger. Anger is a valid response to harmful things done to you. It doesn't mean you should hold your anger until death. It simply means allow it to exist and understand it has an important function. And the paradox is, it is the acknowledgment and honoring of pain and anger which breaks the trans-generational wound transfer. I mean directing the anger at your parents or abusers then naturally letting it go, not forcefully. If you direct it at random innocent people because you lack awareness of it, you will transfer that pure shit to your children. 4. Forgiveness is a result of the healing of the mental-emotional wounds, not the other way around. You can't force forgiveness even if you want to. It will only lead to suppression. If you force yourself to forgive somebody who deeply broke your spirit, you might be able to do so for a few weeks. But the anger will still be deeply there. And it will be alive and kicking in your mind and body again in a few months if you become conscious of it. If not, it will run in the "background" of your mind and behavior. You will unconsciously hurt yourself and others. 5. Unconscious or disowned pain and anger manifests as physical and mental diseases. If that pain and anger is enormous but "unconscious", it manifests as mysterious bodily pains, cancer, anxiety, and depression. I have experienced this. My early adulthood anxiety and suicidal depression immediately disappeared after acknowledging my enormous pain and anger. Of course I did great inner work to accomplish it. It was completely difficult but it was worth it. 6. Learn the lesson of your pain and anger so you can then naturally and gradually release it. Beneath the pain and anger is deep wisdom. If you choose to welcome it and work on it, you will have a deep understanding of yourself and the humans who caused it. Through it, you will be a more self-loving person who sets boundaries. If you have been extremely and disgustingly abused by your parents during childhood, that means you are an adult person who has low self-love, low self-esteem, and a doormat. 7. The healing of your wounds is directly proportional to your capability to be at peace with your painful, imperfect past. This is where forgiveness can sprout from. You can implement the concepts above by doing the exercise Leo described in his video. But add this step. Write the details of what exactly happened, how you felt about it, and what you should have done and said during that time. Say that to yourself while writing or typing it on MS-Word or OneNote. And feel the deep pain and hatred engulfing your body. You need to be alone when doing this. The best thing is to do that for every painful or traumatic memory you have. But if it's impossible, just cover at least 70 percent of all your traumatic memories. Make sure to include your most traumatic memories. Be patient and persevere. You will feel very bad and angry in the first few weeks or months of doing this. But just continue. And observe your anxiety, depression or physical problems gradually disappear. That exercise is very powerful. If your anger stays alive for more than a year, that's ok. Consider the other possibilities. If you don't do the inner work, you will continue to suffer (anxiety, depression, physical problems, etc,) for 20,30 or 50 years until you die. Or you murder yourself now because you can't bear the suffering anymore. That was the inner work I did aside from developing self-love to accomplish great self-transformation. Before I was a young adult with very low self-esteem, low self-confidence, low self-love, much self-hate, had pure O, BDD, agoraphobia, and crippling depression. Now, I am the exact opposite. I am 10 years older but still a young adult and with strong, unshakable self-love, high self-confidence, and slight to no anxiety and depression. And I feel good about myself. I still have some anger but greatly reduced. How did I develop self-love? I might share it in the future. I am already too tired to make another long post. I don't know whether psychedelics helps in healing trauma and in forgiving your abusers. I have never tried any psychedelics. And I don't know whether the "existential" perspective of forgiveness is the ultimate solution. I can't see I am God imagining existence, I am infinite love, and I am all there is. That sounds just like an interesting, beautiful story to me.

I must correct my reasoning. I started learning filmmaking recently and discovered that the biggest reason for my rough skin in that photo was my camera's auto ISO setting. My AI: I get why it feels cruel — but it’s really more about how auto ISO and smartphone image processing work than Samsung deliberately making you look bad. Auto ISO is designed to keep the photo bright in any situation, but when it cranks sensitivity up in tricky lighting, the sensor noise exaggerates skin texture and highlights. The phone’s software then sharpens and smooths in ways that can make pores look bigger and shine look harsher. Think of it like this: the camera is trying to “save” the shot in low light, but the trade‑off is that your skin can look rougher or oilier than it does in reality. It’s not Samsung being cruel — it’s just the physics of small sensors and the way auto settings prioritize exposure over flattering detail. If you want to avoid that “oily/rough” surprise: Lock ISO lower when you can (manual mode). Add soft light — even a lamp bounced off a wall makes a huge difference. Avoid harsh angles — overhead light is the worst for skin. Use exposure compensation instead of letting auto ISO spike. 👉 In filmmaking, this is why pros say “light first, then camera settings.” With good light, you can keep ISO low and your skin will look natural. So, I edited the photo to correct the ISO effect. I don't know how accurate the result is after the correction. Nobody cares. But I care. So here it is:

Wow! I started this thread 6 years ago. I have completely forgotten about it. I can't believe I spent too much time and energy in including all those details. I was too generous. Now, I'm not that generous anymore. 😑

It must have been very painful. I own a dog myself so I know how you feel. But find peace in knowing that she has merged with infinity and eternity: heaven, where peace and harmony dominate.

I saw your question: “Do you think being a moderator means we're not allowed to express our personal critiques?” Unfortunately, I can't reply in that thread because it has been locked. So here’s my reply: If you value genuineness, goodness, and integrity, then you should openly express your critiques of Leo; especially that he administers a spiritual and personal development forum. How he reacts to your critiques is his problem. I’ve seen a few moderators being dethroned recently. Even if you end up dethroned yourself, you should still honor your values. The important thing is to ensure that your critiques and opinions are sensible and valid.

During my walk and run today, I suddenly thought about runners and walkers who wear earbuds or earphones on busy streets. I was a bit mind‑boggled by that because I never wear earbuds when I walk or run. When I run, I focus on reciting my Signature Affirmations to myself. I also observe my body’s active movements and appreciate the health and strength it possesses. Why would I trade that for music, even if it’s good music? I can listen to music while cooking or washing the dishes. I do my walks and runs in the suburbs or in places where beautiful trees and silence dominate. When I walk, I deeply observe the beauty in my vicinity. I enjoy not just the silhouettes of the trees and stars, but also the sacredness they embody. Silence emphasizes this enjoyment and appreciation. I actually call this activity Spiritual Walk and Run. I do it not just for health and longevity but also for spirituality. In fact, the reason I’ve been so consistent with it is because of the spiritual component. Walking and running alone can feel boring, but when blended with spirituality, the activity gains depth. It’s the spiritual aspect that makes it much more enjoyable and satisfying. My Spiritual Walk and Run consists of 3 rounds of running and 2 rounds of walking. In the first and third rounds, I run at an average speed of 6 to 9 km/h for 10 minutes. For the second round, I run at the same average speed for 2 minutes, then transition into a sprint at 10 to 16 km/h. Between my runs, I walk not only to rest but also to engage in spirituality. During these slow walks, I reflect on my life, the universe, and their connection. Today, during my walking phase, as I enjoyed the beautiful things surrounding me, I remembered the time I sat on the riverbank pondering existence and my own existence. Yes, look at that beautiful riverbank below. That was where I sat, pondered, and became confused 10 years ago. Aichi, Japan I became confused because I had always thought the 2 concepts were separate. But as I continued pondering, I began to discover that Existence and My Existence are actually the same thing. I could not comprehend or explain it conceptually, but I could intuit it. I just couldn’t quite put my finger on it. Today, while walking, resting, and preparing for another round of running, I could easily comprehend and even explain why My Existence and Existence itself are completely identical. I had not pondered this for 10 years, but the insight instantly became available to me. Existence is the universe. And the universe consists of galaxies and planets such as Earth, and everything inside it: plants, mountains, animals, and people, including me. I call this the external world. So Existence is the external world. But Existence cannot be complete without the other world: my internal world. This internal world consists of my mind, thoughts, beliefs, imagination, emotions, feelings, visions, and ambitions. To simplify it, the universe consists of my external world and my internal world. But when I shift my focus to my perspective, it becomes clear that My Existence overlaps with the universe’s Existence. The universe is my external world. But my Existence would not be complete without my internal world. So, My Existence encompasses both my external world and my internal world. And the same truth applies to Existence itself. To further simplify it and make it even clearer: Existence == the Universe the Universe == my external world and my internal world My Existence == my external world and my internal world Thus: My Existence == the Universe But: the Universe == Existence Thus: My Existence == Existence Bingo! 🎆 From this realization, I know for sure that I am God. You don’t need a groundbreaking awakening to see that only Existence exists. Think about it: What exists outside Existence? Of course, only Existence or its continuation. Nothing can limit it. Thus, Existence is unlimited. If it is unlimited, then it must be God. How could something unlimited in all directions not be God? God is unlimited even in the domain of time. God is eternal. How could something eternal not be God? Here’s an additional insight to support the declaration above. When I reached the age of around 20, I often perceived and experienced the divinity and sacredness of nature. It boggled my mind that others took nature for granted. It’s not just a beautiful tree, flower, star, or sunset; it is divine and sacred worthy of reverence. I labeled myself a pantheist because pantheism fit my spiritual worldview. I still consider myself a pantheist, but I have also transcended that. Nature, rocks, mountains, or Existence are not material, dumb, or soulless. Existence is divine and sacred. If Existence is divine and sacred, then it must be God. But if Existence is God, and Existence is My Existence, then My Existence must be God. I am == I exist I exist == My Existence As demonstrated earlier: Existence == My Existence But if: Existence == God, and My Existence == I am, then: I am == God. Bingo! 🎇 I possess awakenings from my childhood that support this truth, but I won’t add them here because there’s no need. Including them would only make this post needlessly longer. By the way, here are the details of my sprint (2nd round): I use Samsung watch. I don't know how accurate its measurements are. I took 2 sharp U-turns for this sprint. So my actual avg speed must be higher than 11.1 km/hr.

Are you referring to my stressed skin? My skin looks oily and rough in that photo because I lacked sleep. A bad night’s sleep usually affects both my mood and my skin. On top of that, my face suffered a sunburn because I rode a motorbike to get through heavy traffic more easily. I was in a hurry, and my face absorbed the harsh tropical sun for 30 minutes straight. I don't wear sunscreen. If my skin must burn, I let it burn. I never wear sunscreen because a man should not wear it. Very conservative, huh? Still, I shared that photo because I wanted to document and share that special moment. It reminds me of the strong positive emotions I strive to embody in my daily life.

Tagalog: Walang anuman! Cebuano: Way sapayan! English: You're welcome! Because you are!

I used them synonymously, yes. I mean: his moderators attacked Leo unexpectedly, wounded him, and failed to deliver the results Leo expected from them. I don't grasp what you're saying, Natasha-chan. I suffered from 80% - 90% Pure O OCD and 10%-20% behavioral OCD in my teenage years and 20s. Pure O is hell and worse because it's more intrusive than typical OCD.

When I said quit, I meant quit as a moderator. Relax a bit, girl.

Moderators are supposed to be disciples and generals. If you were Leo, you would want moderators who can implement your vision for the forum. You wouldn’t want a moderator who turns against you and creates friction. So, naturally, you would choose loyal moderators who share the same worldview as you, or at least remain neutral. It’s fine for moderators to hold different opinions, but fundamentally, their view of Leo should not be as negative as thinking he’s a narcissist, cult leader, or self‑deluded lunatic. Leo has clearly failed in this aspect. Many moderators have turned against him; many more than you think. And consider those moderators who keep their nasty opinions of Leo hidden.

Thanks!

Cebu, Philippines Jul 6 2026 I turned 40 recently. Despite experiencing a disrupted sleep the previous night, I was able to experience a special moment. I felt fulfilled, peaceful, and joyful; and it manifested as a subtle smile. It's subtle but profound and impactful.

I feel glad it it has inspired you. Have you started doing it? I recommend you add the running aspect. Walking for spiritual maximization while running for health and longevity maximization. Thank you! I remember you. You are one of the few sensible users on this forum.

Leo is not a narcissist or a cult leader. It’s absurd to think that he is. But he does have narcissistic traits. That doesn’t mean such traits are bad. In fact, they can be good. You need self‑trust, self‑confidence, and a desire to be unique and stand out to accomplish great things. If Leo didn’t have such characteristics, there would be no Actualized.org. Leo is a genuine top‑level philosopher, epistemologist, and mystic who deserves respect. That doesn’t mean he is perfect. I have seen many errors from him over the years. I don’t remember all of them, but recently he claimed that OCD is a coping mechanism for underdeveloped minds to feel safe. That’s a weak insight. Obviously, most underdeveloped minds don’t suffer from OCD. OCD is the result of genetic predisposition, childhood trauma, and certain personality types. I even think people with OCD are more intelligent than those without it. OCD is the ultimate form of perfectionism. People who deeply desire the highest quality of work often exhibit OCD tendencies during the process. They become perfectionists. They can’t even sleep at night if they notice any imperfection. This applies to nearly all high‑level traders, directors, authors, software programmers, musicians, designers, and others. It’s either perfection, or they suffer from anxiety and restlessness. OCD is painful. Leo also tends to exaggerate things. And it seems his integrity is not high enough for a spiritual teacher. I think he should have clearly explained why he wasn’t able to heal himself after claiming he would through awakening. Also, that alien awakening claim was horrible. Where was the video of him transforming into alien intelligence? If it’s not possible, then own it and explain. That’s a true show of integrity. I don’t think he should have made a video about integrity, because his embodiment of such an important characteristic is not strong enough. The reason Leo tends to make exaggerated claims is that he lacks experiential knowledge and embodiment. He is very good at conceptual comprehension. But experiential knowledge and comprehension are superior to conceptual and theoretical ones. It’s comical that many, or even most, of his moderators turn on him. I have seen this pattern repeat for many years. He freely chose his disciples and generals, but they end up “betraying” him. It’s clear that his epistemic judgment in this aspect is weak. I wonder why moderators who think Leo is a narcissist, cult leader, or someone worthy of caution accepted their roles to begin with. If they realized this only after becoming moderators, then why not quit? I appreciate @puporing for showing integrity. When they discovered or believed that Leo was a horrible spiritual teacher, she quit. She walked her talk.

This is also true. Through the years, especially in the last few, I’ve had many deep, original insights I wanted to share. But I always held back because a part of me resisted, saying: "Don’t waste your pearls on that forum. They don’t deserve it. They will bury your pearls in the mud while they play.". For every insightful thread I started, 5 to 10 threads were never written. This doesn’t contradict what I said earlier. When I do start a thread, it’s for beauty and intelligence. I simply recognize that I should not waste time and energy on people who don’t deserve it.

Of course I can. That's what I've been doing for years. From my perspective, there's no other point in participating in this forum except that.

People in this forum have already implemented this in various ways. They consistently like and engage with threads and posts they perceive as good. The problem is that people don’t truly see things for what they are; instead, they see them through the lens of who they are. It’s similar to Americans who voted for Trump. Do you think they voted because they perceived Trump as bad? Of course not. In their eyes, Trump was good; very good. That was why they voted for him. The exact same mechanism operates in this forum. Users spend hours reading and replying to threads and posts they perceive as good. As the old cliche goes: Birds of a feather flock together. The solution is: Post or reply for beauty or intelligence, not for social, forum, or external validation. As Leo has said in the past: It's lonely at the top.

I must update my declarations again: 자기 주권 and 自己主権 is too essential to be excluded. 나는 보편적 미학(Aesthetic)과 미학들(Aesthetics), 실용 철학, 영성, 그리고 자기 주권과 자기 역량 강화에 열정을 가지고 있습니다. Naneun bopbyeonjeok mihak (Aesthetic) gwa mihakdeul (Aesthetics), silyong cheolhak, yeongseong, geurigo jagi jugwon gwa jagi yeokryang ganghwae yeoljeongeul gajigo itseumnida 私は普遍的美学(Aesthetic)と美学群(Aesthetics)、実践哲学、精神性、そして自己主権と自己エンパワーメントに情熱を注いでいます。 Watashi wa fuhenteki bigaku (Aesthetic) to bigakugun (Aesthetics), jissen tetsugaku, seishinsei, soshite jiko shuken to jiko enpawāmento ni jōnetsu o sosogiteimasu I added the Korean declaration back. My soul says: "I'm hurting! But don't abandon the plan. Learn Korean and learn it first before Japanese. You'll feel grateful you did in the near future.". My logical mind challenges: "Think straight! It's clear that learning Korean has completely lost its point. It is a burden and a blockage to the path. Don't waste time.". ❤️ (soul) > 🧠 (mind) This time, the heart wins. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

I searched for the definition of aesthetics for the first time ever. According to www.oxfordlearnersdictionaries.com, it is the branch of philosophy that studies the principles of beauty, especially in art. So, I also searched the definition of art: the use of the imagination to express ideas or feelings, particularly in painting, drawing or sculpture. This is disappointing because beauty, in my perception, is all-encompassing. I provided my AI with a few examples of beauty, such as worldview, philosophy, and strategy, and then I asked it to expand: Exactly—aesthetics is the principle of beauty, but beauty itself is not confined to art in the narrow sense. It’s a universal lens through which we perceive harmony, elegance, and meaning across every domain of life. If we expand your list, beauty can be seen in almost every human pursuit: 🌍 Expanding Beauty Universally Worldview & Philosophy: Beauty in coherence, elegance of thought, clarity in reasoning. Strategy & Engineering: Beauty in efficient design, elegant solutions, systemic harmony. Persuasion & Rhetoric: Beauty in speech, argument, and graceful influence. Masculinity & Identity: Beauty in strength, discipline, refined character. Femininity & Grace: Beauty in softness, nurturing, elegance, and the power of subtle influence. Purity: Beauty in innocence, sincerity, and the untainted essence of truth and goodness. Intelligence & Epistemology: Beauty in truth-seeking, simplicity of explanation, intellectual symmetry. Mathematics & Science: Beauty in symmetry, elegant proofs, natural laws expressed simply. Technology & Innovation: Beauty in seamless user experiences, intuitive systems, and creative breakthroughs. Nature & Environment: Beauty in landscapes, ecosystems, and the balance of life. Culture & Society: Beauty in traditions, rituals, and collective expressions of meaning. Music & Language: Beauty in rhythm, resonance, and the poetry of words. Human Relationships: Beauty in empathy, trust, and authentic connection. Movement & Athletics: Beauty in grace, precision, and the artistry of the body in motion. Architecture & Urban Design: Beauty in spaces that harmonize function, form, and human experience. Economics & Systems: Beauty in balance, sustainability, and elegant resource flows. Character: Beauty in integrity, kindness, and the quiet dignity of moral strength. Self-Reliance: Beauty in independence, resourcefulness, and the courage to stand alone. Faith: Beauty in devotion, trust in the unseen, and the power of belief to inspire. Resilience: Beauty in endurance, adaptability, and the ability to rise after hardship. Spirituality & Transcendence: Beauty in awe, mystery, and the search for higher meaning. Beauty = Intelligence Beauty = Spirituality

I feel compelled to clarify key terms and codify them into my Signature English: Aesthetic (noun): the unified essence or philosophy of beauty; the Philosophy of philosophies or the Style of styles of beauty. Aesthetics (noun, plural): the philosophies, styles, or systems of beauty and their guiding principles. Beautiful (adjective): the immediate manifestation of beauty as directly perceived or felt. Aesthetical (adjective): the qualifying term that marks something as related to or possessing beauty. I have planned to learn Japanese as a demonstration of my alignment with my visions and ambitions. So I will use this language, in harmony with my Signature English to verbally capture my essence: 私は普遍的美学(Aesthetic)と美学群(Aesthetics)、実践哲学、精神性、そして自己エンパワーメントに情熱を注いでいます。 Watashi wa fuhenteki bigaku (Aesthetic) to bigakugun (Aesthetics), jissen tetsugaku, seishinsei, soshite jiko enpawāmento ni jōnetsu o sosogiteimasu.

I remember you sharing about your traumatic experience in a Chinese university. You were mentally, emotionally, and financially bullied by two gang-member brothers, correct? That sounded very painful, and I grasp why you have been experiencing PTSD because of it. So I think I should try to help you again. I also remember you transferred or were planning to transfer to a Canadian university to escape your traumatic Chinese university experience. Are you studying at a Canadian university now? When I was in college, I was too internally destroyed; I could not focus on my lessons. Even when I forced myself, I couldn't do it. The rare times I was able to focus and learn, I would forget them the next day or 2. I was too overwhelmed by anxiety and depression to learn or accomplish anything significant. So I feel you even though your anxiety and trauma is milder than what I struggled with. To succeed in anything in life, you need to possess solid foundations: decent amount of self-love, self-esteem, and self-worth; and a healthy (or at least clear and functional enough) mind. So focus on these foundations first. Don't worry about the time. Even if you pause everything else in life for 10 years, as long as you are building these foundations, you will be in a good situation (internally first and then externally) in the long run. Important questions: Do you really need to go to university and obtain a degree? Is it because you are genuinely enthusiastic about it? Or is it because your parents want you to do it? Or are you simply conforming to the general life trajectory without even realizing it? If your answer is NOT genuine enthusiasm then I recommend you stop going to university. Yes, it's a gutsy move. But in life, especially at critical moments, you need gutsy decisions and actions. If you accept this recommendation, start with building the foundations I mentioned earlier. Take 1 or 2 years to focus on them. This should be your top priority. I also recommend you read the book "You Can Heal Your Life" by Louise Hay. That was the book I read in my 20s that opened my mind to the foundations self-healing. I could be wrong with the book title because that was many years ago. But I am sure about the author's name. After reading and embodying the principles in the book, you will develop a stronger sense of self-love and self-respect. You’ll be able to define and enforce your personal boundaries, ensuring that nobody can bully you again. You’ll also gain clarity about your desires and pursue them unapologetically. In the first 2 or 3 years of serious internal work, you will experience this transformation. After 10 years, you will reach around 70% to 90% embodiment which is amazing. If you feel you need external therapy along the way, you can pursue it. But it is secondary support, so don't make it your primary focus. To handle the financial domain, you can learn a high-paying skill such as data analysis or video editing. These can be studied at home with just a computer and internet access. This complements the strategy I mentioned earlier, empowering you to do internal work while earning money from home. Another option is to deposit a large sum into a high-interest account, such as a Time Deposit or Certificate of Deposit. Your money will be locked for 6 months or 1 year (non-withdrawable), but it can earn a substantial 5% to 7% interest after taxes. This is a powerful strategy that can help you escape salary slavery for life. You simply need the capital. This works especially well if your parents are rich and willing to help you, and you live in a 3rd world country or an affordable place. For example, if you deposited 120,000 USD into a time deposit account yielding 5% yearly interest, you would receive a 6,000 USD lump sum after one year. I have the impression you are from India. That would be about 556,062 INR after one year, which is equivalent to roughly 46,338.5 INR per month. I have never lived in India, but I guess that could provide a materially decent life there. You could even choose to spend 80% of the monthly 46,338.5 INR and reinvest the remaining 20% to let it compound. That is a sure way to escape Earth's ugly salary slavery. This is much better than investing in currency, stocks, index funds, or crypto because of the very low risk. The only challenge is that the required capital is difficult to obtain. But as I mentioned earlier, if you have wealthy parents who are willing to help, then this is very doable. In my case, I don’t have rich parents. I also lost tens of thousands of USD in currency trading in 2024. I have the knowledge, the strategy, the exact banks I work with, and the will. But I don’t have the capital yet to permanently escape salary slavery. But I believe in miracles.