Ulax

@StarStruck Would you be willing to say what, you believe, were your major developments re professional help and trauma healing?

I'd recommend looking at it through a lens of needs. We all have universal needs, i.e. need for food, need for significance. And meeting needs drives everything anything any us will ever do. This is all how ego works. Attraction occurs purely because certain needs are met. It doesn't make sense to me that women are attracted to men with resources and positions of power. Those may be a strategy women tend to unconsciously choose to meet the needs that attraction corresponds to. No one needs positions of power or resources, instead people need things like significance, safety, security, intimacy etc. By what you've said of Buss, it seems to me like he has conflated a common need meeting strategy with an actual need. So, its not that science disagrees with pickup, instead its that Buss has made an arbitrary interpretation of the data. Here's an analogy of what Buss has done and its effect on you. Its like Buss has seen data which says that a certain community only eat soup. He's then said, 'People from this community want soup'. No! What they actually want is to meet their need for food. If this community was given another type of food, assuming no other need got in the way, they would willingly eat this other type of food to meet their need. Because eating soup was only a strategy for meeting their need, not the need itself. So being with a man in a position of power might be a strategy that many women will unconsciously determine meets certain needs effectively. However, if there exists another strategy that women unconsciously determines meets certain needs effectively, she will choose that one. So, by doing pickup you are just learning a strategy that women unconsciously determine meets certain needs effectively. It just that strategy is different to the power and resource strategy. Except, its exactly the same because its still only about whether women unconsciously determine that certain needs will be met!

@StarStruck Bruh, love these analogies

It sounds to me like you've had some success in this area. Why do you think that OP already knows the answers to the questions he's asking though?

second wave v third wave feminism

@integral Ye its totally cool to my mind. As long as you're not being abusive, its other people's responsibility to tell you where there boundaries are or if they'd prefer to talk about something else. Some people won't vibe with this sort of talk and that's not a fault on either person. Way I like to think about it is, imagine everyone at the party is given given a card from a deck of cards. The suits (i.e. hearts, diamonds etc.) are evenly divided amongst the party. Your job is to go and talk to people who have the a card of the same suit as you. If you have a card of diamonds, start talking to someone and they have a card of hearts, then it turns out you guys don't match. Its nothing personal you just don't have cards of the same suit. It might get frustrating, but if you meet enough people and ask what their card is, you'll eventually find a match. I think its the same with finding people of similar interests, just talk to enough people, find out what their interests are and you'll find a match. You are a human being, who seems to me to looooove philosophy and want to talk about it at parties. Imo, there will be many other human beings who loooooove philosophy and want to talk about it at parties too.

@The Mystical Man Looks beautiful to me

@BlessedLion Are you afraid because you don't trust that if you continue the relationship in the present way and then later end it, she won't have the same mindset that she wants you to feel free and do whatever you want?

@UnbornTao Do you think its better to contemplate with a journal or just in your mind?

@PretentiousHuman What do you do to train your mind to be calm?

Is there a specific argument in the video that persuaded you that Leo shouldn't promote weed here in any way?

@Federico del pueblo You're welcome

@Federico del pueblo Nonviolent Communication -- A Language of Life: Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships (Nonviolent Communication Guides) Paperback – 1 Sept. 2015 by Marshall B. Rosenberg. This video, to my mind, also can be used as an alternative to the book:

@Federico del pueblo All the best to you too :). Would you like a book recommendation btw? I believe it helped me to understand the style of perspective I gave to you.

Hey @ThePoint, thank you. And you're welcome. My current understanding is that I think we can stop caring so much what other think of us by doing the following. Identifying what need/ needs the strategy of caring what other people think of us is trying to meet. For example, maybe safety or the need to belong. Then try to meet that need/ needs. I'll note that I am feeling confused because I want more understanding of how exactly to meet your own needs reliably. I personally think depth psychotherapy can be useful. Further, I've been finding value in Thais Gibson's free YouTube videos so far. I'm also aware that someone with that coping strategy might actually be in an environment where its a useful coping strategy in many ways. Hence, meeting the relevant need might require a real world change, i.e. leaving abusive household.

@ThePoint Okay. I'd recommend the following: - Learn how to meet your needs on your own (Note you can still request help from others in doing so, just keep in mind that they are allowed to not do so) - Learn how to change your attachment style to secure - Find other people with secure attachment styles that have similar values and interests to you, and connect with them. - Be wary of trauma bonding and learn about relationship red flags. If you still want to meet up with them despite red flags, then try and identify what need is being met by hanging out with them and try to meet that need in a healthier way. - Read the books 'Non violent communication' by Marshall Rosenburg, and 'The Social Skills Guidebook: Manage Shyness, Improve Your Conversations, and Make Friends, Without Giving Up Who You Are' by Chris MacLeod (this second one is useful, imo, regardless of your unconscious state of mind)

I haven't really explored the discographies of these folks. I like Jay Z tho. I'd say I am a hip hop fan. Not massively so tho. I really like Juice WRLD, and Kanye West. I've liked a few of Young thug, asap rocky and Lil Uzi Vert's songs too. Recently I really vibed with this: I really like this inclusiveness and vibes of that vid. Brought me joy too

@ThePointWould you like to hear my perspective? It may be what you've already heard from me.

@Federico del pueblo Brother I feel sympathetic. I want to try and help meet your need for respect. I will try to do this by guessing at what happened in the situation. So as to try and provide you with an understanding of the situation. The way I see the situation, which can only be a guess, is the following: This other man is living a life where he finds himself wanting a greater sense of ease in his life, and he is looking for some support and understanding in terms of doing so. Maybe too he feels that he isn't significant just as he is, and so he meets his need for significance by thinking his guesses about other people's situations are actually the reality of their situations. Hence, he makes a guess in his mind about what your situation is, and meets his need to feel significant by treating his guess as being true. So he translates his guess that you are taking advantage of the social system into a truth. He then realises that if he could take advantage of the social system in the way he thinks you do, then he could meet his need for understanding regarding how to be at greater ease in his life. Further, he may see you as a useful source of support in doing so. So, to meet this need for understanding and support he asks you the question about how you take advantage of the social system. So, from his side, it may well have been that he was simply trying to meet his needs for significance, ease, support and understanding. To me it follows that what he said wasn't really a result of who you are, instead it was a result of him trying to meet his needs in a way in a way that put him out of touch with the reality of the situation. Also, even if I am mistaken in my guess, I still think its nevertheless true that whatever he was doing was simply a way, based on his life experience and genetics, he was trying to meet his needs in life. Hence, whatever he said wasn't a result of who you are. Moving on to your perspective of the situation. From what it sounds like to me, you interpreted his communications in a way that led to you feeling humiliated because you felt disrespected and misunderstood. My guess being that in your culture, people learn that those who are seen to be taking advantage of the social system should be condemned and treated as lesser people than other citizens. So, to be mistakenly equated with people taking advantage is interpreted as meaning you now are vulnerable to being seen as a lesser person and vulnerable to condemnation. Does that sound accurate to you? I don't know you on a close level personally. However, I see you posting frequently on the forum and I tend to notice what I see to be traits of determination, perseverance and open minded in many of them. And I want to communicate that I respect that and has helped me to meet my need for inspiration and hope before. So, you have been significant in helping me live a better life before, and I personally value your presence on this forum.

Did you feel at great ease? An abundance of love towards things?

I disagree. It seems reasonable that someone who had a profound experience would want to share said experience with other people

Why do you say that?

How did you feel?

To my understanding, its because people unconsciously adopt shy behaviours as part of their coping strategy. A coping strategy being a strategy one unconsciously believes will best meet their needs. Where as because of different life experiences and maybe genetics non-shy folk do not have the unconscious assumption that their needs will be met best via shy behaviours.

@mamad Imo, unless you're remarkably strategic in what you do, whether you protest or not will make no difference.