Ulax

@Raze I disagree that its ridiculous. The aim isn't for the email alone to cause university to take action. Its that the university will be more urgent in the action they take if there are reports by girls at the relevant campus.

@Ampresus You're welcome mate. Also, If those meditation techniques don't work out for you, feel free to message or tag me. If so, I'll send you some other meditation options as well.

@HadhADHKJASD2 Hey dude, Sorry to hear you are going through all this. Sounds like you have an extensive trauma history. My recommendation would be that you focus your self-improvement efforts on deeper inner work. My guess would be that a lot of your issues are because of unresolved trauma you have experienced in the past. I think the following playlist and channel, in general, could be a useful place to explore. https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PL1tOAzOD0sB0RTbXVBXeiYm48EIToqR_F

@Harman I'd say work on taking a growth mindset. Everything you do towards a goal is an experiment. There is no winning or failure, only feedback. Its feedback and reflecting on the feedback that is really valuable. I'd recommend focusing on valuing getting feedback over achieving a positive result. This is called being process-oriented rather than results oriented. For example, if your goal was to practice your tennis swing you could approach it in a process-oriented or results-oriented manner. The results-oriented manner would be that you set the goal of achieving a certain result in the world, i.e. hitting the ball over the net 60% of your shots. You therefore reward yourself when you get the specific certain result. The process-oriented manner would be that you set the goal of just taking certain actions, i.e. hitting 20 shots, and each 5 shots reflecting on one effective thing you think you are doing, and one ineffective thing. You therefore reward yourself when you take a certain action. The results-oriented approach is destined to be less sustainable than the process-oriented approach in my opinion. Because you will have lots of emotional ups and downs because whether you hit your goal will change day to day. And you will have a tougher time dealing with frustration. The key issue is that you don't have total control over whether you hit your goal. So your metric of success is something you don't have full control over. With the process-oriented approach, you have total control over whether you meet your goal each time. You will have less emotional ups and downs because your goal is just to practice effectively, rather than to achieve a certain external outcome. And, all you need to do is practice effectively and results will come. So, in my recommendation, the key is to focus your goals on the process. ------- A book recommendation is 'Atomic habits' by James Clear.

@integral I'm not going to engage in further argument besides this comment, but its not as much her fault. She isn't at fault at all. There were likely more effective ways she could have handled the situation. And, it would be wise for her to take personal responsibility to minimize risk as is reasonable in future. For example, being discerning in who she engages sexually with. However, its a dangerous, non-productive attitude, in my mind, to say that the victim of a non-consensual groping is at fault for it. And, I find it a pretty vile comment to say a girl is as at fault as their assaulter. I get you seemingly feel strongly about stressing the need for her to overcome naivety and unsafe behavior's but I think language around this subject is key. Particularly for others who will view this forum, and as you have mod status your language choices will have more impact. Just my recommendation, and perspective.

@Ampresus Firstly, I suppose you could email the university he ends up going to stating you know/ have heard of multiple young girls who this person has sexually assaulted over the course of various years. And that you are greatly concerned he will perpetrate further acts of sexual assault at the university, and that you are writing this email to alert the university to be very responsive to any harassment/ criminal complaints made against the individual. I'd just email someone at the university, i.e. get an email from its website. Then ask for the email of whoever deals with sexual harassment complaints at the university. I'm from the UK, and I'm confident the university would keep a log of what you said. And, if anything does happen it could mean that they respond more urgently to any reports against him on campus too. I think university departments are quite fearful of being seen to have negative press surrounding things like sexual assault. So i think an email to them could make a difference. Particularly if you note that you urge them to be responsive if a report is made against that individual. Because if he did commit sexual assaults and the press found out you sent that email, then the uni could be heavily criticized by the press. Also, I think you would still have the same effect with the email too if you sent this email anonymously, too. As well, as if you make the description of Secondly, On a personal note, I really feel for your and your girlfriends situation. I'm very sorry to hear that there is such injustice there. Thirdly, Some IFS therapy could be useful on an emotional level, particularly for your girlfriend i feel. If you need funding you could use 'youarerad.org' too. Said therapy can be done online, and can process/ integrate traumas at the deepest level. Fourthly, alternatively or perhaps, in addition, some centering prayer practice (its a letting go meditation that originates from a christian teacher), and some mindfulness meditation could help too. Link 1: https://www.contemplative.org/contemplative-practice/centering-prayer/. Link 2: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1W30oR1UDBI&t=12s&pp=ygUZYmFzaWMgbm90aW5nIGtlbm5ldGggZm9saw%3D%3D I reckon the centering prayer practice could help process the trauma for both of you. I think mindfulness meditation could help you both manage difficult emotions that are coming up now, and would come up in the process of processing too. Lastly, I'd recommend your gf stop hanging out with her current bff. My thinking is the brother likely suffers from some deep toxicity. And, that originates because of a toxic family structure. Hence, the bff will also have some sort of deep toxicity too i reckon. I say this particularly if your gf finds strong signs that the bff values loyalty > integrity, which i reason from her favoring her brother absolutely. Hence, i think it would be unhealthy to your gf to keep friends with said bff. Perhaps, making up some excuse for ending the friendship that doesn't trigger the bff into a toxic reaction could be useful. That said, i understand that ending said relationship could be too emotionally difficult thing to do for your gf. Or, if you would feel too uncomfortable making that recommendation. Hope this can be of value mate.

@Raze I think the groping could come under sexual assault. Would depend on the jurisdictional law though. But the need for proof would likely render that avenue unusable.

@VoidJumper Sure. My criticism is only that it is used as a distraction from deep inner work. If its not used as a distraction from deep inner work then I have no criticism. But I think you make a valid point about the getting addicted to feeling good and explore deep inner work as a further means of doing so. But I still doubt whether that is common. I guess Ayahuasca is the most common deep inner work people into cold showers might explore. Part of why I'm persuaded to me point of view is hearing about people, both online and in person, who go into self development quite hardcore. But it turns out they had some deep trauma from their past, which they are sort of papering over with things like cold showers, whim hoff, pick up etc. For example, Tim Ferris. Myself as well.

@VoidJumper Because the way I think many who use these sorts of practices actually need to do things like depth psychotherapy or deep meditation. Things which change one's unconscious dynamics. However, instead of doing that they do things like cold showers, which don't change those dynamics. I don't have anything against cold shower practice per se. Its just problematic to me when used in the place of working with unconscious dynamics.

@Epikur I guess it could be a useful way of getting someone out of dissociation, or a way of training courage as a habit. However, overall, I really see it generally as a distraction from doing deep inner work.

@Bobby_2021 Hey dude, I have an idea of something that you might find value on contemplating on. The idea, as described in the above video, is to practice making finer and varied distinctions. Here I see you as asking the question of whether being in a relationship with a woman is worth the sacrifice for men. However, I would argue that if you made more distinctions in the categories of 'men', 'women' , and 'relationship' you would get a more nuanced, and informative view. What are the relevant subcategories of men? What are relevant subcategories of women? What are the relevant subcategories of relationship? For example, I would argue that if a very traumatized man, and very traumatized woman get together in a long distance relationship that is going to lead to a very different relationship than if a psychological healthy and mature couple get married and live together. Therefore, if I were to say that it isn't or is worth the sacrifice for a man to be in a relationship with a women, I'd argue that it would depend on the following factors. The type of man, the type of woman, and the type of relationship. ---------------------- In regards to an important distinction I'd highlight, I'd highlight the distinction of 'emotional maturity v emotional immaturity' as important. I think, loosely, that the degree to which a man is emotionally mature is the degree to which a relationship is worth the sacrifices. Firstly, because there will likely be less costs, i.e. can manage their emotions healthily and thus create less unhealthy conflict. Secondly, the man will be less needy, i.e. less likely to be unconsciously engaging in fulfilling unmet needs like a sense of approval. Accordingly, I would argue the man would consequently be much more natural, and much more relaxed and satisfied in the relationship. Therefore, the relationship could be based upon two fulfilled people sharing in the beauty of each other's company. In contrast to a neurotic one, where the couple are each on edge, and stressed. And are therefore chronically and unconsciously using the relationship to chronically meet unfulfilled needs. Hence, the relationship entailing much burden for both parties.

1. The ISIS members in the Badush prison massacre. ----------------------------------------------------------------- 2. The Wehrmacht in the Babi Yar massacre https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Babi_Yar (See section titled: 'Massacres of September 1941') ------------------------------------------------------------------ 3. The Taliban in the 2014 Peshawar school massacre

@3Observant6Observer9 I'd say they actually can compliment each other, as they have seemingly quite distinct aims imo. Ingram's book sort of details his understanding of the practical and theoretical aspects of the buddha's teachings. It focuses on the three trainings of the buddha: 1) Training in morality, 2) Training in concentration, and 3) Training in insight. To my recollection, his writings, in that book, were very brief in regards to the second training. He really just said 'concentrate on something'. It doesn't matter what it is really. Its just important to cultivate concentration, and there are a couple side effects involved in the process of doing. The book is focused much more on the first and third trainings. In contrast, Culadasa's book is, to my recollection, only about concentration meditation. And, goes very detailed and in depth about the process of mastering concentration meditation. Hence, you could see Culadasa's book as being a very in-depth book about the second training of the buddha. So, if you were to read both you would have a very comprehensive understanding of the three trainings of the buddha. I'd read Ingram's book first if you want to focus on: (1) Getting an understanding of what a very balanced and integrated meditative practice looks like, and/ or 2) Want to focus on improving your training in Buddhist morality, or insight. Alternatively, if first you want to focus on really improving your concentration meditation then I'd read Culadasa. ------- Regarding my own personal preferences, I didn't find either book of great use, to me, practically.

Here is, what I find to be, a useful audio course on the meditative practice: https://www.soundstrue.com/products/centering-prayer-meditations

@Sugarcoat Sounds great mate!

Hi, Intro I've come up with a way of potentially enhancing body scan meditation. I think this alternative body scan technique can be particularly useful for those who struggle with moderate-severe dissociation. I've put in numerous sections to this post, but the key idea is just in the 'technique' section directly below this intro section. So, yeah no pressure to read it all. Technique; Body scan with mantra Essentially, you do the normal body scan but when you get to a certain point you internally voice a mantra, then continue scanning. Example For example, every time you reach your feet in the body scan you can internally voice 'Mantra, mantra, mantra' then continue scanning. Options of how to use mantra I don't want to overcomplicate things. My key idea is just to use a mantra to help with the body scan. However, I thought of some ways that folks could experiment with making the technique best suit them. I think it can be useful to experiment with the: 1) Word used in the mantra, (i.e. could say 'zebra' each time, or 'ahum' each time. Maybe you like one syllable mantras like 'om' or two syllabled ones. or you like words because you have a pleasant association with it) 2) Amount of times you say the selected word each time (i.e. saying chosen word once each time or twice each time) 3) Body trigger (aka what body part you select as the point at which you say the mantra, i.e. could be your feet, or whenever you reach the top of your head), 4) Frequency ( maybe you would prefer not to say the mantra every time you reached your body trigger, i.e. foot. And, so you could use the mantra every say second or third time you reach the body trigger, i.e. foot) 5) Pacing (i.e. how fast or slowly you say the chosen word. Also, if you are repeating the word multiple times each mantra, then you play around with using different lengths of pauses between each repetition) *) Eyes open, eyes closed (Not a different way of using mantra, but can experiment with doing technique with eyes open or eyes closed. *) Posture (Can experiment with different postures too, i.e. lying down, sitting up, slouching) Personally observed benefits of technique I find this helps scanning as it stops me spacing out into other sensory experiences, i.e. thinking. Plus, I find it prevents me getting frustrated and/ or impatient as quickly. Therefore, helping me keep my awareness in the body and getting significantly more out of the practice. I struggle with pretty severe dissociation, which means I'm chronically 'out of awareness' of my body. Hence, I imagine the spacing out i experience is much more common and serious than the norm. So, I'm not sure how much more useful this alternative body scan meditation would be for non moderate-severe dissociating folks. That is, in comparison to traditional/ normal body scan meditation.

@Sugarcoat When spaced out during the meditation I'm in a sort of lala land. I find it hard to even remember. Sometimes its memories from the past that come up, sometimes i suddenly realize horrible things actually happened, and sometimes i'm just creating fantastical daydreams.

@UnbornTao Lol, the EA Sports intro to fifa games is so iconic.

Fifa

@Caoimhin Yes, I find it can be difficult to fake these sorts of things too. One of the conclusions i came to on my own journey was that an incredible amount of game is simply sub communications. I.e. you will unconsciously be communicating all sorts of messages to each other during an interaction. For example, we all have mirror neurons that are constantly pinging and processing what other people's emotional states are. Hence, the sort of rsd mantra of 'what you feel she feels'. Its this sort of learning that actually got me into deeper, inner personal development work. Also, if you want a tip, I read a book from a guy called AG Avery who recommended the following practice for increasing sexual desire. Essentially, each day sit down and visualize yourself going out, interacting with, then having sex with girls you are attracted too. That said, I think the more one sees themselves as a sex worthy guy, and has more optimistic beliefs, libido rises naturally. I'm sort of lower intermediate in terms of my game journey so far in life. So i only have i'd say a moderate level of direct experience with the above being true. But yeah hope this helps dude. Edit: Also, I think somatic meditations can help with this cultivating more sexual energy, i.e. yoga nidra

@Jacob Morres From a brief contemplation, I've selected several categories that are the main reasons people don't succeed. I'd say each category exist on a spectrum of severity: 1) Limiting beliefs, i.e. abused in childhood so lack sense of self worth that deserve success, victim mindset, etc. (I include experiencing trauma in this category) 2) Disabilities, i.e. undiagnosed ADHD, dyslexia down syndrome, PTSD (in terms of having disabling symptoms), chronic health conditions, imprisonment (i.e. by state or private person (e.g. organized crime) 3) Location, i.e. born in village in third world country. 4) Poor mentorship, i.e. deadbeat parents 5) Inability to resonate with or access healthy mentors, i.e. limiting beliefs mean that they unconsciously avoid or devalue would-be healthy mentors. Or, lack the means to access healthy mentors, i.e. lack internet access, or ability to read. Most preventative category It may be surprising but I would argue that number (5) is actually the most preventative. Because if you lack the means or ability to even entertain healthy advice you have no ability to succeed at all. Because you wouldn't even be able to entertain the idea that you could be successful or that it would be worth it. In my opinion, its actually an enormous privilege to even be able to entertain self development mentors. Because some people simply can't in my opinion. For example, I believe its not uncommon amongst the homeless population, particularly those severely abused, i.e. sexually, to not even have the capacity to entertain healthy self dev advice - let alone follow said advice. Some might argue (2) because say if someone is trapped in modern day slavery, but even then there are some people who miraculously escape and manage to become successful.

@Davino I see. With the centering prayer practice, I think the 'prayer' terminology can be misleading. Its essentially a meditation practice, rather than what one would typically call a prayer practice.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Regress_argument

@zurew I'd probably distinguish amateur porn. Onlyfans wise i don't really understand how organised the industry is. @Princess Arabia I see the point you are making. However, I would distinguish your example from the porn industry. There are still many good parts to Jamaica I imagine. However, there are few good things about porn I'd say.