Ulax

@bensenbiz I think it depends on what type of meditation you are doing, and also you might be working through some shadow stuff, hence the judgmentalness/ sensitivity. These vids might be of value to you: https://youtu.be/3gv05sLZQBU

@StarStruck Maybe try some independent films i.e. via mubi. Perhaps you'll come across a more niche director you really like

Hardly the most nuanced view that its 'BS' lmao. Edit: I read the rest of the article. I think she makes some valid points. What I think she is saying at least in part is that the socio-historical context of the developers of the model means that they make certain distinctions. However, if they were from a different socio-historical context they would make different distinctions. And further, in part, development simply occurs differently in different socio-historical contexts anyhow. So, any stage model could only really ever apply to one socio-historical context. And, there are so many different socio-historical contexts even within members of one school class, i.e. poor kid v rich kid, that any stage theory is doomed to to be misleading and unuseful. I sort of struggled to understand what she was arguing but I think that is part of it. But I think you could rebut that by arguing that you just need studies in various different cultures, and then do a meta analysis of studies, and draw patterns. Then also make sure the research methodology isn't biased too. But to conclude that it makes stage theories 'bs' is not a very helpful conclusion I think. But hey its twitter i guess.

@StarStruck Organize a press conference, and make it clear that no one should ever be given this sort of power. And call for legislation restricting this ever happening again. Then immediately resign.

Rip self employed women

@StarStruck To me, it appears the mode of introduction is a core boundary of taking part in the group. So, I think refusing to use that mode of introduction, whilst still trying to take part would be wrong of you. I think you could benefit from taking more ownership over your opinions. For example, stating 'I think X is the case' or 'I disagree with Y', rather than 'X is the case' or 'Y is wrong'. And, I think it would be plainly inflammatory to tell them they are full of shit or something akin. I don't see anything wrong with voicing that you disagree with the way the treatment is structured and that you disagree with some of their core beliefs around healing from addictions. I'd just do so in a civil, non-inflammatory manner.

Author: Thomas Ashley-Farrand

@StarStruck How do you see chess as collaborative?

@StarStruck Yeah I think its a great analogy. Though maybe a critique could be that it takes a competitive attitude to life instead of a collaborative one. So sometimes I prefer to see life as a puzzle instead. Maybe in masculine activities the chess analogy is preferable, and feminine activities the puzzle analogy is preferable.

Lilya 4-ever Come and see (1985) ^ Not futuristic films but contain very desperate stories imo

Actually having read @Swarnim's comment, I sort of disagree with my view expressed in my above comment. I think someone can have really good theory but struggle with implementation in their life. For example, they might understand the importance of changing their attachment style to secure, but struggle with how to go and about making sure it happens. So, I think there is something lost by only taking advice from people who you want to be like.

@StarStruck Yeah I like the idea of only taking advice from people who you want to be like. Thanks for reminding me of that, I'd sort of forgot that nugget of wisdom. And re psychotherapists, day by day my irritation and despair at the state of many of the practioners grows. Imo, its so irresponsible to be taking on clients when you haven't dealt with your own shit. Just the other day I was hearing a story of people becoming psychotherapists whilst they still met the diagnosis for CPTSD. It just baffles me how irresponsible and misguided that decision is.

http://www.natural-stress-relief.com/ Its a mantra based non-directive meditation technique.

@Raze I disagree that its ridiculous. The aim isn't for the email alone to cause university to take action. Its that the university will be more urgent in the action they take if there are reports by girls at the relevant campus.

@Ampresus You're welcome mate. Also, If those meditation techniques don't work out for you, feel free to message or tag me. If so, I'll send you some other meditation options as well.

@HadhADHKJASD2 Hey dude, Sorry to hear you are going through all this. Sounds like you have an extensive trauma history. My recommendation would be that you focus your self-improvement efforts on deeper inner work. My guess would be that a lot of your issues are because of unresolved trauma you have experienced in the past. I think the following playlist and channel, in general, could be a useful place to explore. https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PL1tOAzOD0sB0RTbXVBXeiYm48EIToqR_F

@Harman I'd say work on taking a growth mindset. Everything you do towards a goal is an experiment. There is no winning or failure, only feedback. Its feedback and reflecting on the feedback that is really valuable. I'd recommend focusing on valuing getting feedback over achieving a positive result. This is called being process-oriented rather than results oriented. For example, if your goal was to practice your tennis swing you could approach it in a process-oriented or results-oriented manner. The results-oriented manner would be that you set the goal of achieving a certain result in the world, i.e. hitting the ball over the net 60% of your shots. You therefore reward yourself when you get the specific certain result. The process-oriented manner would be that you set the goal of just taking certain actions, i.e. hitting 20 shots, and each 5 shots reflecting on one effective thing you think you are doing, and one ineffective thing. You therefore reward yourself when you take a certain action. The results-oriented approach is destined to be less sustainable than the process-oriented approach in my opinion. Because you will have lots of emotional ups and downs because whether you hit your goal will change day to day. And you will have a tougher time dealing with frustration. The key issue is that you don't have total control over whether you hit your goal. So your metric of success is something you don't have full control over. With the process-oriented approach, you have total control over whether you meet your goal each time. You will have less emotional ups and downs because your goal is just to practice effectively, rather than to achieve a certain external outcome. And, all you need to do is practice effectively and results will come. So, in my recommendation, the key is to focus your goals on the process. ------- A book recommendation is 'Atomic habits' by James Clear.

@integral I'm not going to engage in further argument besides this comment, but its not as much her fault. She isn't at fault at all. There were likely more effective ways she could have handled the situation. And, it would be wise for her to take personal responsibility to minimize risk as is reasonable in future. For example, being discerning in who she engages sexually with. However, its a dangerous, non-productive attitude, in my mind, to say that the victim of a non-consensual groping is at fault for it. And, I find it a pretty vile comment to say a girl is as at fault as their assaulter. I get you seemingly feel strongly about stressing the need for her to overcome naivety and unsafe behavior's but I think language around this subject is key. Particularly for others who will view this forum, and as you have mod status your language choices will have more impact. Just my recommendation, and perspective.

@Ampresus Firstly, I suppose you could email the university he ends up going to stating you know/ have heard of multiple young girls who this person has sexually assaulted over the course of various years. And that you are greatly concerned he will perpetrate further acts of sexual assault at the university, and that you are writing this email to alert the university to be very responsive to any harassment/ criminal complaints made against the individual. I'd just email someone at the university, i.e. get an email from its website. Then ask for the email of whoever deals with sexual harassment complaints at the university. I'm from the UK, and I'm confident the university would keep a log of what you said. And, if anything does happen it could mean that they respond more urgently to any reports against him on campus too. I think university departments are quite fearful of being seen to have negative press surrounding things like sexual assault. So i think an email to them could make a difference. Particularly if you note that you urge them to be responsive if a report is made against that individual. Because if he did commit sexual assaults and the press found out you sent that email, then the uni could be heavily criticized by the press. Also, I think you would still have the same effect with the email too if you sent this email anonymously, too. As well, as if you make the description of Secondly, On a personal note, I really feel for your and your girlfriends situation. I'm very sorry to hear that there is such injustice there. Thirdly, Some IFS therapy could be useful on an emotional level, particularly for your girlfriend i feel. If you need funding you could use 'youarerad.org' too. Said therapy can be done online, and can process/ integrate traumas at the deepest level. Fourthly, alternatively or perhaps, in addition, some centering prayer practice (its a letting go meditation that originates from a christian teacher), and some mindfulness meditation could help too. Link 1: https://www.contemplative.org/contemplative-practice/centering-prayer/. Link 2: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1W30oR1UDBI&t=12s&pp=ygUZYmFzaWMgbm90aW5nIGtlbm5ldGggZm9saw%3D%3D I reckon the centering prayer practice could help process the trauma for both of you. I think mindfulness meditation could help you both manage difficult emotions that are coming up now, and would come up in the process of processing too. Lastly, I'd recommend your gf stop hanging out with her current bff. My thinking is the brother likely suffers from some deep toxicity. And, that originates because of a toxic family structure. Hence, the bff will also have some sort of deep toxicity too i reckon. I say this particularly if your gf finds strong signs that the bff values loyalty > integrity, which i reason from her favoring her brother absolutely. Hence, i think it would be unhealthy to your gf to keep friends with said bff. Perhaps, making up some excuse for ending the friendship that doesn't trigger the bff into a toxic reaction could be useful. That said, i understand that ending said relationship could be too emotionally difficult thing to do for your gf. Or, if you would feel too uncomfortable making that recommendation. Hope this can be of value mate.

@Raze I think the groping could come under sexual assault. Would depend on the jurisdictional law though. But the need for proof would likely render that avenue unusable.

@VoidJumper Sure. My criticism is only that it is used as a distraction from deep inner work. If its not used as a distraction from deep inner work then I have no criticism. But I think you make a valid point about the getting addicted to feeling good and explore deep inner work as a further means of doing so. But I still doubt whether that is common. I guess Ayahuasca is the most common deep inner work people into cold showers might explore. Part of why I'm persuaded to me point of view is hearing about people, both online and in person, who go into self development quite hardcore. But it turns out they had some deep trauma from their past, which they are sort of papering over with things like cold showers, whim hoff, pick up etc. For example, Tim Ferris. Myself as well.

@VoidJumper Because the way I think many who use these sorts of practices actually need to do things like depth psychotherapy or deep meditation. Things which change one's unconscious dynamics. However, instead of doing that they do things like cold showers, which don't change those dynamics. I don't have anything against cold shower practice per se. Its just problematic to me when used in the place of working with unconscious dynamics.

@Epikur I guess it could be a useful way of getting someone out of dissociation, or a way of training courage as a habit. However, overall, I really see it generally as a distraction from doing deep inner work.

@Bobby_2021 Hey dude, I have an idea of something that you might find value on contemplating on. The idea, as described in the above video, is to practice making finer and varied distinctions. Here I see you as asking the question of whether being in a relationship with a woman is worth the sacrifice for men. However, I would argue that if you made more distinctions in the categories of 'men', 'women' , and 'relationship' you would get a more nuanced, and informative view. What are the relevant subcategories of men? What are relevant subcategories of women? What are the relevant subcategories of relationship? For example, I would argue that if a very traumatized man, and very traumatized woman get together in a long distance relationship that is going to lead to a very different relationship than if a psychological healthy and mature couple get married and live together. Therefore, if I were to say that it isn't or is worth the sacrifice for a man to be in a relationship with a women, I'd argue that it would depend on the following factors. The type of man, the type of woman, and the type of relationship. ---------------------- In regards to an important distinction I'd highlight, I'd highlight the distinction of 'emotional maturity v emotional immaturity' as important. I think, loosely, that the degree to which a man is emotionally mature is the degree to which a relationship is worth the sacrifices. Firstly, because there will likely be less costs, i.e. can manage their emotions healthily and thus create less unhealthy conflict. Secondly, the man will be less needy, i.e. less likely to be unconsciously engaging in fulfilling unmet needs like a sense of approval. Accordingly, I would argue the man would consequently be much more natural, and much more relaxed and satisfied in the relationship. Therefore, the relationship could be based upon two fulfilled people sharing in the beauty of each other's company. In contrast to a neurotic one, where the couple are each on edge, and stressed. And are therefore chronically and unconsciously using the relationship to chronically meet unfulfilled needs. Hence, the relationship entailing much burden for both parties.