Roy

Sorry about the radio silence. I've slowed down on dating quite a bit. Going through an emotionally confusing time. Idk how to feel. I also had an experience I'm not sure what to think about, but I don't feel comfortable sharing it. For anyone following the thread just forget about it for a while. It will remain inactive until I'm feeling better about things. Apologies.

Kamloops could hit near 50C on Tuesday. I invite people to look on a map of where that is lol.

I'm in the Cowichan Valley where it's getting pretty bad. I've gotta work in it this weekend....... AND probably gonna have to fight some wildfires too AND my ankle is bummed............. On top of that I have to listen to fucking boomers during the day, "Oh global warming isn't real this is just the way the Earth is, it's actually getting COLDER! Justin Trudeau something something....." we live in a clown world!

There is value in what he's saying. But it doesn't apply to be useful or the right advice for everyone. He's not a paragon of relationship mastery either btw. There are many others to learn from. I think it's an extremely rare thing that only certain couples can pull off, so chances are you are both that kind of person are low. Also it's usually much older people who have accumulated huge amounts of experience and understanding of themselves that they can do it healthily. Like someone said it's playing with fire. If it did go the distance, what's wrong with that? Stop trying to analyze and pick apart happiness, it's in your hands!!!!

Stop overthinking and possibly self-sabotaging the relationship by worrying about juvenile selfish stuff like "sampling a buffet" (lol how material does that sound?). Why throw away a good thing? Definitely don't seriously entertain the idea of an open relationship either. ENJOY your current relationship! Love the hell out of each other, spend time together, grow together. Look @Actualizer777. It's both your first serious relationship right? Let's be honest, chances are this thing isn't going the distance. Enjoy it for what it is. Maybe within the next few years you split up. You'll still be in your mid/late 20's and then you'll be able to "test the field" all you want. Hell even if it happened later in your 30's or 40's who cares? Is there an age limit on enjoying yourself and having sex with people? People need to seriously stop with this archetype of how relationship cycles are supposed to function in life. Don't behave like fuckin sheep! Grow a pair and take your own journey, and don't apologize for it. You don't have to bang 10-20 girls as a prerequisite to become a "man" or find "the one" girl you want to settle down in your life with. Especially don't do it just because "Leo said so".

I had some epiphanies and spiritual insights growing up, even while I was in my atheistic phase. During that time I always intuited that there something "more" to life, I just knew it wasn't being advertised properly by others. My atheism and skepticism was just purely serving as a necessary filter for a lot of the bullshit I saw until I was ready to move on and felt I knew what was "legit". Now I'm at a point where I'm starting to deeply understand those insights and experiences better, and I recognize it's a highly individual effort. I've gotten pretty far with thinking, contemplating, reflection so far, but I'll be looking to add in some actual spiritual practices now. This might shock some but I don't even have more than 5 hours meditation experience for my entire life lol, and I haven't done any psychedelic's in my life besides a hit of salvia. Also just a personal note; I feel we should all be weary of trying to centralize spirituality, sabotages the core of it too much. Anytime you try to organize something and create power dynamics around it, it's corrupting.

Maybe there were some truth inside what you felt, but still you want to temper them and stay rational until you meet him and spend a lot of time together.

What was the context of the conversation that made you say something like this? That's one of the most incredibly direct and intense things you could say to anyone, let alone a potential date.

Don't try to escalate to pull her to your house on the same night as date 3 if you haven't even kissed her yet. That's reckless advice here for this girl. That's how you blow it by ramping up from 0-60, makes you look confused and inexperienced when what she wants is someone confident and at ease. There is no set dates you need to have sex by, don't get caught about about statistical details. You won't learn anything that way. You guage the pacing of physical connection by each individual girl. You just respond as a decent caring person but ALSO who has their own life going on and is cool enough that he doesn't care about the outcome. Texting is just for staying in touch so you can set up another meet, that's where you will build the connection. If a day or two passes without any messages don't get in your head, it's not like they have forgotten you exist lol. With a brand new girl you maybe ask her a 1-2 questions to get the ball rolling on a connection/points of interest and then within hopefully the context of the short conversation ask for a date. I aim to ask within 4-7 messages. Seems to be the sweet spot. My record for securing a date so far is 2 messages, still aiming for the gold medal first message. It's tough though very few women are receptive to that. It doesn't give them a chance to do their cessing out of you.

This forum is owed better threads than this c'mon guys lol.

She could genuinely be very tired from work and scorching weather. Which is not something you plan, you feel awful the day it happens. If you've ever felt exhausted and burnt out from heat then you know how awful it is. You're only going to feel shitty thinking she's maliciously trying to test you. It's paranoid to worry about such stuff anyways, it's only a small % of psychopathic younger girls who do that sort of scheming and games. Most people are actually pretty decent people. They might make mistakes but they don't do shitty things like that. And guess what? If she WAS that kind of girl you don't want her anyways. You dodged a bullet and can do better. Either way the correct response is to be chill about it. Say something casual, "No worries, get hydrated and rest !" Sit back for a day or two, give her time to think about you > Then ask her if she's feeling better and suggest meeting (within 1-2 days ideally).

Idk dude it's complicated haha. I'm still figuring out my strengths and weaknesses. To be honest I've struggled a lot in life so far and have been a late bloomer for most things. I'm sure I got way ahead in some areas compared to other people, but it was at the sacrifice of other areas. I guess off the top of my head with no detail my strengths and weaknesses +++ Intuition. Level-headedness. Altruism. --- Feeling of being lost/behind. Lack of confidence. Indecision. I feel things starting to gel together though after years of depression and hard times, like I'm finally becoming a man and shaping up to the person I want to be. Not exactly in the way I naively envisioned when I was younger but something different and probably better.

There is nothing bad about it. In fact if you're honest and pay close attention you'll realize everyone is actually "single" all the time for their entire lives. No matter who is in your life or how connected you are, you are always in the solitude of your own mind. The reason it gets stigmatized is because it's bad for normies who don't have the inner strength and can't stand to be alone with themselves lol. Just make sure you're working on yourself, content, and can actually enjoy being alone. If you choose to no longer be single, make sure you're seeking a relationship for the right reasons and from a place of health.

Simply because these kind of topics draw out peoples insecurities and light them up like a neon sign. Then they distract themselves from those insecurities by turning things into a dick measuring contest - both figurately and sometimes literally

To hook-up is to sleep with someone without seriously intending to get to know them, or stay with them for a relationship. Or alternatively it means you are planning on leaving after after sex. Dating could mean a lot of things, it doesn't say anything about intentions. Dating just means you are looking to meet people as "more than friends". I've had hooked-up and had sex with a bunch of people since I got here. About a new person every month, of course a lot of the times it was "fun" but largely been unsatisfying for me. I can't really do it anymore. I even fucked a 9 who had the best rack I've ever encountered, omg they were nice , but even THAT didn't do it for me because I didn't end up liking her that much. There was a more serious partner in January for a month who was a great woman, and the sex was very very good. Our physicality and drives matched well, I think we did it like 6 times one day? But it just wasn't a super practical relationship for long term so I ended it to save future deeper pain. I realize that phase just isn't for me anymore. I have to like or love someone emotionally if I am going to be physically intimate. Otherwise honestly I can give myself a better orgasm than 9/10 women can, but obviously that gets boring after a while. This doesn't mean I will never have a fling again. If there is some amazing encounter where it resonates in the moment deeply I will go for it. Otherwise no.

This is my tinder. Two notes - Not my main profile pic I screenshotted here. I haven't really adjusted text thing since I got here 9 months ago lol. I'm too lazy to try hard and learn all the tricks and gimmicks. I just went with the first thing that came to mind and it works well enough for me. It seems to filter out all the girls I wouldn't want to match with. I could probably spend a few hours learning the ins and outs and getting some better pictures.... buuuuuuut I don't care lol. Maybe it would be an ego boost to get more matches, but I have enough now where I get somewhat exhausted thinking about who to invest in and who not to.

Doesn't it feel like a huge relief when you realize a lot of the shit in our heads is just thin air that can leave in an instant ? The truth is if we are honest - we can't really predict the future, so why stress about it? Just a tip if you find it useful: Don't worry too much about she wants to do, she said she'd like to do something (with you) on friday. Lead and come up with something that you really want to do so it's fun and you'll be at ease during the time and can therefore share that energy with her. Have fun!

People need to drop the whole "Alpha/Beta" lingo and frame/understand things in a healthier way. Those terms might be useful to a complete newbie but should be discarded pretty quickly. People are more dynamic and layered than, "He is just a beta-male. While this guy is clearly an Alpha!" It can slow down so much progress if you're neurotically tethered to fulfilling simple childish archetypes. Center your focus on working to fix specific issues you might have. Don't get distracted by labels and narratives. If you really want to believe that, then yes it can be "true". Luckily for you, you don't have to.

I get that same problem occasionally. I don't just want to make any joke, but the "best" one. Causing me to overthink and the moment to pass by. Meditation and mindfulness certainly helps like you mentioned. Knowing it's a feedback loop makes you aware of it, so now you can interject and break it! Don't think about it in the frame of "recovering" because that feeds the idea you've lost (which is ok if it does happen sometimes = experience). Frame it that you are gaining control. Something as simple as taking a deep breathe (silently through the mouth works for me), can eliminate that shakiness pretty fast. You are using a physical solution to solve a physical problem. Instead of trying to "think" your way out of shakiness. If you don't seize an opportunity here or there, remember the logical reality that there are going to be literally THOUSANDS more encounters in your life. All good

Sometimes those negative emotions/thoughts are just there, don't worry so much about "getting rid of them" all the time. As if you aren't aloud to try being funny, charismatic, or interesting just because you don't feel 100%? Why would you think that ?

I posted a couple things here over the weekend but it looks like there was a forum issue or something. Idk if I have the energy to rehash what I wrote. I might later. Anyways in short had a nice 5 hour date (3rd date) on the beach last night with Natalie. Connected pretty well with her, I'm not clear about commitment levels though after we had our departing conversation. It will remain tentative for now which is ok with me.

I'd say 20+, for either gender. I don't buy into the red pill laced talking point and attitude that women "should" have a lower lay count than men. It just comes from insecurity from thousands of years of subconscious patriarchy eroding Also have to keep in mind this is a self improvement forum, with some dysfunctional people, and PUA's who will distort perceptions of what is normal or "healthy". Of all the "normies" I've met in my life (99.9999% of people not doing self-help), I would discern most of them have never had more than 5-15ish sexual partners. Which seems like a pretty reasonable and healthy number of people to engage with in that way.

Well I only have so much energy right. I can only talk so much, so naturally it balances out any neediness I have because even if I end up liking 4-6 of them as potential partners I won't be able to text daily to all of them, or spam anybody I REALLY like. I'm sending sparse, but meaningful messages and just trying to arrange simple dates that are 1-2 hours max so it doesn't drain TOO much time. Not to mention my commitments are really simple right now. Day job for 8 hours, volunteer firefighting for 4-8 hours a week, and just dating/hobbies otherwise. Once I find someone I want dating will take even less time. It's counter-intuitive. For me if I'm dating just one person or 2-3 I tend to exhaust myself more by overthinking and trying too hard to impress them or make it work. But I'm kind of spreading it out a bit now which feels easier actually. I am really getting a keen sense of what I like most, and because I have so many options I can also see who likes ME the most too. I'm sure it will get exhausting if I add too many people in the loop. At which point I will be more aggressive at cutting the least compatible people out. A simple, "Hey you're a great person and I had some fun dates with you, but I don't want to waste either of our time too much I don't sense we are a long term match." Or something similar to that.

I don't think there is anything inherently "wrong" with having a high lay count. If you are responsible with consent and protection then that's good. But once the number starts to get to a certain point, eyebrows should be raised. It starts to say something about someone, especially with how they talk about it. Not to mention the obvious if you get to higher numbers it becomes reckless with their health and the people they meet. Even with protection. Someone with a high body count, especially at a younger age should be viewed with "reservation" when being considered for a long term intimate relationship. That kind of behavior isn't indicative of someone who will be able to stick around. Not that they can't. I think people get what I mean. It all depends. Sometimes people have phases in life and change their relationship styles. A person can be an animal early in life and then have a 10 year purposeful dry spell and be perfect partner material. In personal life for this topic you have to be willing to learn about people and give them a chance. My last serious GF was pretty promiscuous before she met me, but I "locked" her down and never had any doubts after her faith to us, because I could read her well and ask certain questions about her past and current attitudes.

Relax. What you're doing right now isn't helping. Get some sleep. Important to take care of your body so your mind can be in a better headspace. When you have time in the next day or two, tell her she is a lot of fun and suggest another date. Suggest stuff where you can naturally get physical together, like playing a sport casually, or something you might be familiar with that you have to "show" her by actually touching her and guiding her. You have gotten physical with her in some way on this last date right? If she is comfortable with that then she will definitely give you another opportunity for a kiss next time you see her. Just focus on having fun and building a bit more of a connection. Then next time you're sitting down together and there is a moment of peace and silence, you look at her and go for it. If you haven't done it yet after 2 dates, what's going to happen is on your next date she will at some point deliberately open her body language at on the date when you are close together. She doesn't want to have to say what she wants out loud, but if you sense that moment and go for it it's exactly what she wants. It will feel like a relief for her, and she'll probably kiss the hell out of you back lol. Just make sure you don't pester her with texts for now, but do stay in contact to arrange a 3rd meeting. You got this shit.