Roy

I withheld sex from my first long-term girlfriend. It was a really good decision, built a really good foundation for the relationship. Don't view me as a hero though, it was only like 2 or 3 weeks . Enough though.

I don't entirely agree nor disagree with @Leo Gura but I think he's being too harsh here. Two people should both have good communication about their general intentions about what kind of relationship it will be before having sex. So you don't "give up the cookie" and expect something more and then have the guy (or girl) bounce on you the next day. It happens way too much and people get hurt for no reason. Have the courage to set the boundary and share your ambitions (and have them share theirs too) before getting too involved with each other, because yes sex IS another layer of involvement. Sex is not a casual thing unless it's happening in an explicitly clear casual setting like a fucking brothel or in the bathroom of a bar. It's all nice to be "organic" and "flowing" about sexuality but let's be honest and not forget it's mostly a transactional thing. You are making a subtle business deal in every relationship, don't let your selfish intentions cloud you to that reality. I banged a French girl earlier this year on the first date, and while the hours up to and during the sex were great and we seemed on the same page with our energy and intentions, what we were both REALLY after were completely different things. It seemed all fine but obviously we read each other wrong somewhere because she was quite upset when I said I wasn't sure I was after a continuous thing after we did the deed. I still feel awful about it. So yeah, talk about your intentions @cjoseph90 Don't treat your encounters like a joke. It's good to have a little bit of fear, it keeps you from being stupid. There are MANY guys out there who won't hesitate to fuck you and delete your number the next morning. They will play all charming and say all the right things just to get what they want.

If you want to find something specific, like someone on the same life mission, you need to go looking for it. It's a shot in the dark waiting for a certain kind of thing to come around. That will be a lot of waiting. Which is ok if you're patient and able to handle it. It sounds like maybe though you aren't content with that anymore which is why you made this thread? Where do you think your ideal person would be (with that certain life mission)? What places could you put yourself in where you think you could meet them?

It's not great, but I wouldn't be too harsh on it. It looks like someone is just trying to learn the system and got too excited to throw together some webpage.

No shit. You can't give radically consciousness alternating and reality shattering substances to most people and expect them to make sense of it without some sort of serious ground work being laid. It's like trying to teach calculus to a camel. You might as well put a blindfolded person in a labyrinth and ask them to find their way out. Also not to pick on you personally, but more of a public service announcement - watch the hubris of thinking you "get it" while others "don't".

Reality really is a spectacle, ain't it

I have no idea what the fuck people are talking about. The 2nd and 3rd Matrix movies are good movies and not bad by any means. People just want to seem cool by unconsciously jumping in the dog pile? The Matrix trilogy is likely the best set of science fiction movies made to date. Yes even better than Star Wars, I love Star Wars and they are fun movies, but it's mostly just a simple hero's journey tale talking place in a science fiction backdrop. The Matrix on the other hand has way more complex implications that dives into real world issues and ties a lot of philosophy in as well.

Are you missing out? Maybe, I don't know you. Perhaps it's not as amazing and not a "big deal" as you might think it is, once you have it. Perhaps there will be that "aha" moment and you realize you were creating a lot of suffering for yourself, or at least allowing the suffering to come in from culture and the social matrix. If you really want it though, you can totally have it. Why not? Put yourself in the places where people are having sex (or want to). How often are you in those places? Be honest?

Keep in mind both Russia and China historically have had incomprehensible amounts of death (combined 50+ million) and destruction happen on their own soil from invasions and civil wars, while the US and a lot of other developed countries simply haven't. At least not to the same degree by a country mile. So it makes sense why those countries fostered larger authoritarian governments. It was necessary to reign in huge populations and govern large landmasses. They needed to collectivize to defend themselves and survive. Smaller governments for medium or larger countries where it's population is free to participate and develop the economy with not such intrusive oversight is a luxury of peace. It's not just about the size of the government either (idk how you would accurately measure that anyways), it's about efficiency. Corruption hinders efficiency quite a bit, as actors will leech and siphon off resources of the collective for their own selfish benefit.

You don't use "systems". You learn from them and pick the best parts, but you think for yourself and adopt a dynamic and specific set of ideas and strategies that best suit who you are and your strengths.

It's what you make it . Don't let it pass you by, trying to find where the "answer" is written down. How much less would you have to push yourself, if you reoriented all the "things" in your life to be on a hill that is going downwards? Do you believe that's possible? And if so what things do you think you could change today, to do what I described?

I think there is a lot of projection and armchair psychoanalysis going on when people make such claims and assumptions about people who partake in these things. I'm sure it has something to do with it, but not everyone who is into a niche sexual activity has some kind of damaged or warped psyche. Sometimes the only way to get off is having a cattle prod shoved up your ass, you know?

Yup. This was a fuck up for sure. Buuuut you are really lucky you didn't have sex or this entire situation would be a LOT worse. Now when you let her go it won't sting as much because there isn't that experience involved. Needless to say it WILL upset her and you as well, but it's necessary. These things can't always be clean. This probably isn't the best analogy but it's the first thing that came to my mind - Relationships between two people are kind of like a pile of electronic cords behind a computer, as you get more involved and spend more time together and "add more cords" by sharing emotions and getting intimate, the pile can become pretty complicated. Even between the most well adjusted healthy people when they try to end a relationship and pull their "cord" out it can be pretty difficult because you will be pulling on a lot of other cords. Pulling yourself out of that pile can be difficult and painful, that's a feature, not a bug. However it's much less painful the sooner you do it when there aren't so many cords tangled up in the pile.

It's simply because most colleges and universities are bullshit, and complete debt traps. Unless you go to learn and train for something specific and in demand in the economy, you are better off to simply start working to save money and use that time to get experience and things to put on your resume. As for the "women won't find suitable partners" issue well, to put it bluntly they'll just have to get over it and lower their standards and the dynamic and balance will have to change so we live in a more equalized society. You can't have your cake and eat it too, so to speak. I know plenty of couples in LTRs where the women makes more than the man, and I've been in quite a few myself now where my partner makes more than me. It's not a big deal at all, it just seems unusual still because it's a relatively new thing after THOUSANDS OF YEARS OF PATRIARCHY LOL.

That's called Margin trading and it's extremely fucking stupid, don't do it. Do not do it. DO. NOT. DO IT.

This again lol?

It's stuff like this that serves as an example of why maybe some form of regulation for certain newer industries would be a good idea. It's hard to think about how it could be done since it's such a dynamic and emerging market, but right now there is really nothing standing in the way of people outrageously charging out of proportion for a product or experience. Of course you expect people to have some street smarts and not fall for obvious scams, but there is always a vague grey line to be toed. Some sort of ethical or practical standards need to be set so desperate people aren't tempted into pissing away their life savings for amateur services. Additionally there is the problem of the toxic positivity culture around these things that rationalize any criticism away and gaslight the shit out of you saying stuff like, "You weren't trying hard enough." or "You get out of it what you put in." While they laugh to the bank like @JonasVE12 has pointed out here. I wonder what @Leo Gura thinks of this considering he was involved the sphere for a while. It's the skeptic in me talking right now, but the whole thing just feels looking at spoiled food where you're looking at it wondering if you should eat it like ehhhhh .

Carry yourself with such high integrity and be such an example that nobody reasonable would question you or take any accusations seriously.

Here is the proper answer if you want to live a better life for yourself - You are too invested in her and care too much about what she thinks, when you shouldn't. You don't do that with people who don't have that spark for you. She IS NOT the girl of your dreams, because the girl of your dreams should be everything you want AND be crazy for you. There isn't anything wrong with you because she doesn't have a burning excitement for you. Go and find that person and fuck everybody else!

Relax @Preety_India, I've only responded to like 3 of your posts in the past couple months. You're too reactive and sensitive. Everything is fine.

@Matt23 listed all the good ones. Also remember you can simply find the people you want with perseverance. You could live in a small town and if you looked hard enough even out of a few hundred or thousand people you could find that REALLY awesome green person that makes all the difference in your life

I'm just playin . I can't jump on you anyways I have a bad knee.

Remember you are always 2 stage lower than what you think you are

Not picking on Teal here (didn't even watch the video), just wanted to say on the topic; It amazes me the hubris a lot of people have about things they really know nothing about. It's ever more apparent in this internet age where everyone has a platform. It's amazing ideas have a place to clash and there is so much interaction to breed innovation, but on the other hand there is also so much ignorance, misinformation, and stupidity going around. People have such insanely confident notions to the point they will get violent about how government should function, and what policies would work etc. but really they have absolutely zero clue and can't comprehend how things would become a disaster if they were taken seriously. It's like they are saying they how to get to Mars better than NASA - which of course they absolutely fucking don't. If they were in charge of the space program there is an overwhelming chance the rockets would explode immediately upon liftoff and all crew onboard would die lol. Likewise a comparable scenario if they were put in charge of any other part of society, generally. Of course everyone is entitled to an opinion, just realize most peoples opinions are extremely informed and absurd.

Who are you talking to lmao?