aurum

@KennedyCarter I've done a lot of balancing of my masculine / feminine over the years. When I was a boy, I often didn't resonate with hanging out with the other boys in my school. It just seemed like the whole purpose of guys getting together was to hurt each other, both physically and emotionally, as much as possible. And given I didn't have a lot of positive male role models in my life, I didn't really form a good relationship with masculinity. It wasn't until I went to an all-guys high school and joined a fraternity in college that I started to really appreciate this idea of "being a man". My understanding was immature, but I was beginning to see what masculinity could offer. As I come up on age 30, I feel much more balanced. I'll never fit some of the stereotypes around men, but I feel that I've begun to mix and match the feminine and masculine energies in my own way.

I'd like to get to the bottom of why you seriously just linked to Sean Hannity on this forum.

If he’s open to vipassana meditation, that could definitely help. Doing body scans is basically just feeling all the sensations going on in your body, without judging. Trauma can then be released as old energy surfaces and clears.

Oh I know. Your posts I’ve seen in the other subforums are often insightful. But when it comes to dating, your posts often miss. This is clearly a sore spot for you. And no shade by the way. I recognize it because I recognize it in myself. Happy to work with you if you want. It’s a really common pattern for guys. Traumatic past experiences -> learn to not feel your emotions -> become emotionally repressed adult.

Yup, no trauma at all in these statements. Sounds totally healthy.

She has repressed her sexuality. Nothing more to really say.

Oh god this was pure cringe. Everyone wants to be woke these days. I pity anyone who took this seriously.

You don’t need a CS degree for this man. Websites are just getting easier and easier to create these days. Feel and introspect on this emotion. What are you afraid of? What will happen if you make the wrong choice? Can you make a wrong choice? Get very specific. To your dilemma, it sounds to me like you should stick with engineering. But the reality is this decision is likely not nearly as significant as you feel it may be. You could graduate with an engineering degree at 21 and then decide to spend the next decade of your life becoming a poet. And you’d only still be 30. You simply don’t have to have all the answers at this point. It can be overwhelming having this many choices as far as what you should do with your career. So don’t get sucked into that if you can.

@Waves I also grew up with significant economic privilege. I think you're not in as bad of a place as you think you are. The reality is that the majority of people in society feel the way you feel, regardless of how they grew up financially. Yes, there may be some motivation towards action if you grew up poor in order to experience the opposite. But then what? That won't last forever. At some point, you have to go beyond being motivated purely by money anyway. It also assumes that making money is what motivates us in the first place. Obviously there's some truth to this, in that money is directly linked to our survival in modern society, thus obtaining it can be motivating. But what are we really talking about? Some pieces of paper? Digits in a computer? Money is made up. It can't possibly be your driving motivating force for life because it's not real. There's nothing there. These are all good things in general. I'd really recommend them to anyone. Some other ideas that maybe useful: Travel to 3rd world countries and experience poverty there Decide to limit your expenses to only the minimum wage for a period of time Spend some time in the Peace Corps All in all, realize your financial privilege is not a debilitation. Oh, you mean you're not motivated to participate in wage slavery? Color me shocked. I think your lack of motivation has far more to do with society itself than your specific financial condition. But you will have to explore. You will have to discover what you care about. So I'd use your situation to immerse yourself in as many experiences that seem interesting to you as possible.

That’s actually not that far off. I wouldn’t say God is trolling us, but why else are we here but to learn? And we have to be presented with both good and bad choices in order to learn. Only because both exist can we become wise.

@Shiva99 @Swarnim I think there's a couple of tiers of solutions: Tier 1: Shut up, grit your teeth and just discipline yourself to not do it anymore. The problem with this one of course is that it doesn't solve root cause, requires a lot of willpower and can be neurotic. Tier 2: Embrace it. I'd stay from porn, but you can turn masturbation into a conscious activity. Set a time to do it, slow it down, and treat it almost like a meditation where you're focusing on every sensation. You could also look up solo Tantric activities. Tier 3: Get a partner. This is the best option IMO and is how most people deal with this. But it may not be in the cards for you at the moment.

@Late Boomer What is the alternative? For me, once I understood that this is what I wanted my life to be about, just going back to simply meeting my survival needs seemed absurd. I'm not saying every option in the world is still available to you at 56. It's not, and that's okay. You don't need or even want every option available. There is never a time where you can't find something that is meaningful to YOU to do with your life. Following your highest excitement is available to you always. It might not make you millions dollars, but this ain't the "make millions of dollars" forum. The fact that you're feeling a bit confused and even lost can be a good sign. That's the first step to finding something new. We have to get lost first from whatever we were doing before.

Why do you still want to be a pro soccer player? What are you expecting will happen if you achieve that?

No one here can give you that answer. That’s the point. A life purpose doesn’t come in a box, it’s uniquely chosen and created by you. That point may seem trite but it’s significant. It means you have to be truly creative and a lot more “unknown” factor involved. Don’t expect too much too fast either. I’m approaching 30 and have been doing this work for years. Only now do I really feel like I’m starting to zero in on my LP. Everything else was just preparation. It might take you even longer. That said, there is of course guidance that can be given. At 21 I’d say you’re definitely on a good course. You’ve got a decent job that will handle your survival needs, but you’ve also found Actualized.org and therefore understand there can be so much more. And you’re already studying to make that happen. My advice to you then would be to just keep following what excites you. Experiment a lot. What do you WANT your career / LP to look like? What matters to you? What do you care about? Those are the more important questions.

I think the actual sex is only part of it. For a lot of us guys, there is a big aspect of validation that can come into it. If you “successfully” pick up a lot of girls, you feel better about yourself. Because that is what is cool and shows you are a desirable man. I remember even back in middle school, it was the guys who were “good with girls” who were respected by other guys and seemed to have the most friends. If girls didn’t like you and didn’t want to hook up with you, then you were a loser and labeled as such. And then through high school and college that only escalated. I’m not saying that’s a healthy way of thinking. But it is a pattern I’ve observed.

Sounds like you and your parents had some additional conversations. Are these their words? Regardless, I think going to college will not be such a bad option. It will give you time to explore and develop yourself. You’ll have fun. And yes you’ll have debt, but if you’re smart you can minimize the damage. I would really consider this not “college” but four years to discover and start working on your LP. Whether it’s engineering or something else, I wouldn’t just think about it as a stepping stone to a job. Think bigger about the whole thing. You have time and you’re not gonna starve. So be strategic. You may not nail down every detail of your LP by the time you graduate, but you can make significant progress if you take it seriously. Your other plan about moving to Miami was dubious. Not saying you couldn’t pull it off, and it’s good that you’re willing to eat shit for your dreams. I lived in Miami for several years doing something similar. But it is a brutal path. College will be gentler.

In my experience, you don’t necessarily need any ritual to talk to the angels or any other guides. Just talk. You can literally just think a thought right now and they will hear you. Or you could speak out loud if you want. This is how the best channels I know do it. It’s just very normal and conversational. More important is learning to listen to them. If you still want a ritual, that’s fine. Rituals can be powerful tools for the mind. I’d create one that has personal significance for you. Something that makes you feel tuned in, relaxed and in a state of receptivity.

I've recommended Slow Sex by Diana Richardson many times. Totally shifted my perspective on sexuality and what the goal of it should be.

Traveling is good, but in my experience you will eventually hit diminishing returns in terms of growth. You’ll most likely want to settle some where and plant roots. The plus is that traveling can expose you to new experience to help you find out what your interests are. So if you feel you just lack experience, this is a good choice. The negative is that traveling won’t really let you commit to anything too deeply. And all the new options you are presented with can actually become overwhelming. So be aware of that.

Then I’d say go for it. I don’t know anything about the coffee business but I’m sure you can carve out some kind of niche.

Seems like a risky business. What is your reason, besides money, to open a coffee stand? Do you just love coffee?

A caveat to everything I’m about to say: my longest romantic relationship has only lasted a couple of years. So I could be talking out of my ass. But in my experience, these sort of novelty experiences don’t have staying power. It’s maybe a bit exciting for how ever long it’s exciting. Then it’s gone, and you’re onto the next novelty kick. Which is not to say you can’t do it. But I think that if you really want to keep things going, you need something deeper than a chocolate dick. What really seems to work is moving into higher consciousness forms of love. That’s a love that isn’t driven by novelty. You may want to research tantric love practices.

@Dumuzzi Interesting post, very thorough. We don’t talk much about deities / light beings on this forum. I suspect the discussion will only really kick up if Leo makes a video about it. But it’s definitely a topic I’m fascinated by. From the non-dual perspective, even higher dimensional light beings / deities are YOU. But from the world of relativity, they’re quite unique and intriguing. Especially if you grew up believing such beings did not exist.

Didn’t you say you went on a date with her? How did she not possibly know you were interested? Unless it wasn’t really a date. More like just friends hanging out. I am actually very pro just being friends with girls, but not knowing how to assert your needs can be problematic.

Oh yeah, this is relatable. I've taken a bunch of these bullshit, part time jobs to pay the bills. I remember I tried driving Uber once. Didn't last more than a couple of days. I can't even fathom how people do that full time for many years. The reality is this is how our economic system is set up. People don't participate in wage slavery for the fun of it, they do it because they have to. Those experiences gave me a lot more appreciation for everyday, "regular" working people. As well as more egalitarian, politically progressive policies. My advice would be to just slug it out as best you can. Yes, it's going to suck. Just put your head down, do your work the best you can, and then go home and focus on your passion projects.