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@Eva Who says you always have to be the bigger person? Sometimes what is needed is confrontation and to stand up for yourself. Ask her why she went to the boss on you after you helped her out. When people sense a lack of boundaries, which I believe is what is happening here, they will take advantage of that. You have to define what is acceptable to you and what is not. And no, boundaries are not being "egotistical". In fact I'd argue the opposite, because people who lack boundaries often do so due out of fear of confrontation or low self-esteem. Not because they're "the bigger person" or "enlightened" or whatever other story they're telling themselves. Ask yourself: what lesson is this experience trying to show you about you?

@Miguel Oliveira Part of developing self-love comes from realizing that your old paradigm results in pain. That's what you're experiencing now. It's a bit like sticking your hand in fire. Once you get burned enough, eventually you put two and two together and realize that you probably shouldn't be doing that. So don't shy away from any negative emotions you might be feeling. If you're angry, be fucking angry. Consciously sit and let it all come up. I know how badly it sucks cause I've been there. But trust me, you do not want the alternative of going through life with getting negative feedback. That's a recipe for disaster because then there's rarely incentive to change your behavior.

@Slade I agree to an extent. If you can't enjoy being alone to a certain degree, that's a problem. Everyone undoubtedly needs to be comfortable with themselves. But from there, relationships can be an amazing experience to have if you choose. I see a lot of idealization about being some sort of "lone crusader" in the spiritual community. There is value in doing certain activities alone, but I see a lot of value in working with people as well. You're not an isolated island.

@thehero It actually sounds like pretty normal behavior considering you guys are just friends. If you were a couple maybe it would be different.

@Xin As long as you are growing you will have setbacks. They're incredibly challenging, but you want to not resist this as much as possible because it's inevitable. There is no point where you just do things perfectly. Once you realize it's part of the process and move into non-resistance, you'll almost crave setbacks because you know the growth that's on the otherside. Just don't use that as an excuse to self sabotage. You don't need to create setbacks, they're plenty capable of finding their way.

@Eudaimonia If the reason you don't care is because you're numb, apathetic or secretly don't think you deserve the money anyway, that's bad. But if you're truly this zen monk that can just let that shit go than congratulations. My guess is it's somewhere closer to the first option. Did you make any attempt to get the money back?

You definitely should get these things handled. You're 22, this is the time to start building for the rest of your life. Also, bouncing around is pretty normal for your age. Obviously you want to commit to something eventually but you've still got time. Let things evolve.

@Onecirrus Recognizing someone won't fulfill you is not the same as not desiring them.

First off, there is nothing new to be said. Not when it comes to the deepest principles of life. Every religion is trying to say the same thing, but they all have massive followers. Every spiritual teacher says the same thing, but many of them are able to get tons followers. It's not the content. It's more so the energy and uniqueness you will bring to it by being authentic. Another thing I think you're massively underestimating is how ignorant people are. If you're involved in self-actualization and are surrounded by peers who do self-actualization, you tend to think everyone knows this stuff. But in reality most people do not understand it or have even considered it. And if they have considered it, they have blind spots. And you can fill those gaps. Final point. You're underestimating how much people just do things for convenience sake. I'd like to say I'm the world's greatest coach, but that's probably not true. However people I meet will want coaching from me simply because I'm there, they like me, and I think I can help them. It's a simple as that. Go learn marketing. Realize that people do not buy for the reasons we think that they buy. Then no one should do anything ever. Master is an ideal. You will always be in the process of mastery. How would you even know if you became a master? Is a light going to open up from the sky and speak to you? At some point you just have to accept yourself and say that you're good enough. That doesn't mean stop improving. But if you're entertaining these thoughts my guess is you're further ahead than you think.

@MM1988 The reason you get angry is due to insecurity. But it's deeper than you think, Yes, you're mad that they're getting attention and you're not. It makes you feel inadequate and that sucks. But you know why it really bothers you? Because you know it's bullshit. You know that guy could be you. You know there's no real reason that you should suck with girls. Listen. Not being an attractive man is 100% a learned behavior. It's not "you". "You" are already good with girls. But you don't know how to tap into it. All this talk about becoming a monk is just an excuse to take the path of least resistance. Think about it. The idea of being a monk is something you're probably already fairly comfortable with. Don't have to socialize. Don't have to face rejection. Don't have to change core beliefs about yourself. You can just sit in your room and mediate all day. If you actually want to fix this, do the hard thing. Go out and interact with girls. Figure out what they want and tap into that. If you don't like pickup, find some other way. But actually do it.

Yes, but you have to be careful with your definition of "feel better". It's not uncommon throughout my day that I get hits of ecstasy of unconditional love. Love so beautiful that all you want to do is share it with others. That never happened to me before I started personal development. I also do believe is possible to improve your "baseline" level of feeling good on a day to day basis. But...as far as I can tell, none of that is permanent. Where the real fulfillment comes from is not being attached to any of the highs or lows. You're in non-resistance to it all. Right now I'm in the middle of a 3 day water fast. I'm hungry, tired and kind of cranky. And yet I've consciously choosen to put myself through this. Why? Partially because I like it. I like challenging myself and even feeling the bit of pain that comes with that. I also like things like cold showers, doing nothing and eating food most people think tastes terrible. So it's not just this pleasure orgy, although you do get a lot of pleasure. Just wanting to "feel good" and not ever "feel bad" is ego. Really it's about the full experience of everything. And the meta-level calm, present feeling you get from realizing that it is all temporary and not to cling to anything.

@Slade Yes it's objectively better. And with the problems that I still do face, I have a different perspective.

@Kindle Do you feel you're still getting the same value out of the trainings that you used to? Sometimes a lack of motivation can simply be a lack of perceived value. ,

Everything you said is accurate, but my sense is that the way you're interpreting these concepts is not helping you. Try this instead. You should look for your life purpose. You're young and probably don't have much self-awareness about what you want or what you want to contribute or what you're even good at. That's fine. You gotta be unsure before you're sure. That's what being young is for. But you're not going to figure it out if you take a "whatever happens, happens" attitude. You have the be curious and engaged. Experiment. Travel. Introspect. Meditate. That is what will narrow down your purpose. Not doing nothing.

@hazedwin Yeah I'm going to echo some of what Leo said. When spiritual people talk about detachment, they're not suggesting that you should simply do nothing. That's called apathy. It's a fine distinction. If you're not able to wrap your head around it yet, that's fine. Detachment is just another concept. Concepts are meant to serve you. If thinking about detachment isn't helping you, get rid of it.

@Kode13 If you want to meet the perfectionist standards of the logical mind, that will likely never happen. Sometimes you just got to take action and see what happens. I think a better question would be, what do you feel will happen if you make the "wrong" decision?

@zoey101 I think most people would given the right circumstance, don't you?

The fact you even asked this already shows you're overly invested. She should be on the phone with her girlfriends asking those questions about you. Now if you want to just make friends with this girl and add her to your social circle, that's totally fine. In fact I encourage it because having female friends and a social circle is incredibly important. BUT you still want her to see you as the kind of guy who she would fuck, even if she isn't. I'm not getting the vibe at all she sees you that way. Why does she not see you that way? It's because you're not BEING sexual. Guys who are sexual are physical. They make sexual jokes. They can talk about sex casually and aren't afraid to express what they want. It might be friendly and playful, but it's never platonic. Understand that she wants a guy who she is attracted to and owns his sexuality. You're not doing her any favors by NOT being those things. So next thing you should ask yourself is what do my conversations look like? Are they filled with just nice, safe small talk? If so, she might feel comfortable around you but she doesn't feel anything FOR you. Learn what causes attraction. Learn what is in a woman's mind and what they want. That's far more important than trying to figure out how to get this specific girl.

@SFRL I want a girl who is very comfortable with her sexuality. Down with girl on girl. Great sense of humor. Social and outgoing. And overall is in love with herself and the life she has created.

@Ether First major discintion you have to make is between what is ACTUALLY love and what people have been conditioned into believing is love. For many people, love = neediness. When in fact the exact opposite is true, love can't need anything. One of the best examples of this in mainstream culture is the movie Bruce Almighty with Jim Carrey. Watch that shit if you haven't, it's hilarious and actually makes some real lessons if you're capable of seeing them. Basically what happens is that Jim really, really wants to love his girl and for her to love him back. It doesn't work and he ends up tanking the relationship. The redemption in the movie happens when Jim switches his mindset from "I want this girl because she makes me happy" to "I want her to be happy, EVEN IF THAT MEANS WE ARE NOT TOGETHER". That's ironically when they get back together. In essence, Jim moved from having a fearful intention to a loving one. So you don't want to do anything out of fear. This requires high degrees of self-awareness, because you have to be conscious enough of what your true intentions are. Are you pulling away because you're afraid of getting hurt? Or are you pulling away because she crossed a boundary? Did you get her that gift because you're afraid she might leave otherwise? Or did you get it because it's a representation of how you feel about her? Did you not text her back because you were trying to "be aloof"? Or did you not text her back because you were too busy dominating your path and your mission to even remember? It's the subtleties that make the difference, not the gross. It's also just the basic principles of pickup extended. If you buy a girl a drink because that's what society told you to do and you feel like you have to buy her attention, you're a loser and you suck. Hence why the front row of every strip club is called "perverts row". But Dan Bilzerian can fly girls in private jets and shit because he has high status subcommunication and brings the fucking FUN. Every guy who is looking to get better with girls should study that guy.

@Slade If you honestly just expect that the accumulation of success and resources alone will fulfill you, you're in for a rude awakening. It will not. Fulfillment requires an inner shift where you become grounded in spiritual essence. BUT that does not mean success is irrelevant. This is the part Sadhguru didn't mention. There's still plenty of reasons to go out and be successful. Here is a small list: 1) The more successful you are, the more of a positive impact you can make 2) Success motivates you to keep pursuing your life purpose 3) Success often forces you to evolve and grow 4) Success leads to pride in your accomplishments and who you are 5) Success can provide you with the resources to take on more meaningful challenges So no, you don't have to commit yourself to pursuing mastery in only consciousness. There are many, many valid paths. But people always like to claim that their path is the "true path", which is of course bullshit.

@Why? If you want to get really subtle and talk root cause, I'd argue it's because one or all of the participants conversation have fallen out of the flow. What I mean by that is there's this sort of natural way in which a conversation tends to evolve. The energy is flowing freely with no resistance from anyone. But when someone starts thinking too much or has too much of an agenda, what happens is they start resisting the flow. They think the conversation "should" go somewhere else. And that's what creates the awkwardness. I know this is very esoteric so let me give a practical example. Have you ever had an experience where you're in a group conversation and you thought of something really clever or funny to add. But before you could chime in, the topic changes onto something completely different. In that moment, the energy of the conversation has shifted. The flow is moving in a different direction. If you were present to the moment and just enjoying yourself, you'd let it go. You'd accept that that the conversation has moved on and that your clever remark is no longer relevant. BUT, if you were insecure or attached to "looking cool" or "having to say the right thing", you'd get anxious. Everyone was going to finally approve of you when you made that clever remark, and now you're losing the opportunity! Quick, make sure to inject it into the conversation anyway! You might not be able to think of another one later... Of course if you did this, it immediately would be awkward. Everyone would wonder why you were bringing back this topic that clearly everyone else had moved on from. And it would completely derail the current flow of things. Ironically, because of your desire for approval and inability to remain cool, now everyone actually does think you're weird. You actually spent more energy and got a worse result than if you had done nothing at all.

I don't know if you'll be ready for the lessons in these books yet, but I would check out The Charisma Myth by Olivia Fox Cabane, Captivate by Vanessa Van Edwards and The Solution To Social Anxiety by Dr. Aziz. That'll give you a lot of theory to start. Many of those concepts you may not really embody for years to come, but it will at least set you down the right path. No it's not because of your MBTI type. In fact I would be very careful not to identity too much with MBTI, remember that it's just a general model. I've also asked myself this question about "fitting in" a lot in my life. I can remember as a teenager just being utterly confused why some kids were "cool" and other kids were clearly not. You're a hyper logical guy. And that's okay, so am I and so is probably everybody else on this forum. That's why we've all been attracted to each other. The problem for you socially is when all you know how to do is communicate logically. The difference between socializing and your physics exam is that there's no logical reason to socialize. Nothing to figure out, nothing to accomplish. No end goal at all. Socializing is purely about the emotional experience of it all. We do it because it feels good. This is actually harder than it sounds because it means letting go of attachments to agendas and the need to "get" anywhere. You have to become present. There are other layers to this and I could go much deeper. But I would just take that and see where your mind goes for now.

You're missing the easy solution. If you want to get over being socially awkward, why not go socialize? Meditation and contemplation is your comfort zone. Those are activities you can do alone, i.e not having to be social.

@SFRL There's some truth to that. But you can definitely find cases where that isn't true at all.