aurum

***leg reveal***

@somegirl Mother issues run deep. I’ve been to numerous therapy sessions with my own mother to heal our relationship. There has been progress but it’s like dragging someone kicking and screaming. Whenever I feel like maybe we’ve really put the past in the past, suddenly something else comes up and it’s like we are right where we started. Your mother may never change. As long as you don’t think your living situation is at stake, you can draw boundaries with her and firmly maintain them. You could try therapy if she is open to that. But those are essentially the extent of your options until you move away. Unfortunately, it just seems like a facet of modern life that most of us grow up in households we would rather get away from. Parenting is in the dark ages.

Perhaps one or two. This is just my understanding of the spiral. It takes a long time to truly move into a new color. It doesn't happen in a week. For myself, when I read the descriptions of each stage, I find the most resonance with Green / Yellow. Even if I intellectually understand that Turquoise is the goal, my behavior and thought process often doesn't line up if I'm being honest. I suspect most people are struggling to even just move solidly into Green. That is basically the pinnacle of modern society. But it's still a minority. So for anyone to get beyond that is really impressive. You basically have to outgrow all of modern society.

@Rasheed Philosophy and psychology are easy picks. Sociology is probably decent too as @Elham said.

Actually companies change their name in the early stages often. Obviously you want to avoid that if you can. It can be costly to have to redo all your branding. But it does happen. And unless you're already a huge company, changing a name will likely be a small endevour. And if you are a huge company, then congratulations, you've already built a huge company anyway. I wouldn't make this a top priority. People will buy from a brand named zcgi87 if you truly solve their problem. There are things that are way more challenging in starting a brand than picking a name, and that's where you want your attention to be.

I doubt you’re going to find anybody on this forum. Turquoise seems to be extremely rare. I certainly don’t think I’m stable in turquoise myself.

This one is niche. It’s for songwriters who write using the guitar: I find most people who teach music theory make it extremely complicated and dry. Jake Lizzio does neither of those things. His videos are always highly engaging but also informative and practical. He can teach you just about all the theory you need to know to become a solid songwriter. The second channel is Jordan Hall, colleague of Daniel Schamachtenberger: If you like Daniel, you’ll find a lot of crossover with Jordan. He has an interesting series about his alternative way of structuring society called Civium. I don’t know if I agree that his ideas will work, but I accept that they’re well thought out and can get you thinking along some interesting lines. Worth checking out for serious systemic thinkers interested in social change. Third channel is Isabel Paige. She’s kind of a hippie, yogi, vegan girl living in the mountains and starting a farm. Hits a lot of cliche stage Green tropes. Her videos are mostly just for entertainment but they have great energy. She seems to be very much enjoying her life and that’s what I like about it. I also love nature so I’m a sucker for these kind of things:

Yeah this is good. I made a similar point earlier in this thread. Sure, I like sexual novelty to a degree. And maybe there’s some biological impulse in me to “spread the seed”. But realistically, I’m now in my 30s and not looking to crank my lay count into the stratosphere. I’m looking for something much deeper than that. And so, it’s not worth it for me to use strategies that maybe will get more women attracted to me if that means sacrificing quality. And by quality I mean quality of partner and of the relationship itself. The strategies I want to implement are the ones that are going to get me the highest quality match. Damn anything else. Who cares if I could potentially attract more women with a Rolls Royce? If that’s why she’s with me, that’s a bad sign to begin with. We’re not going to be compatible. Which is of course not to say women should have no needs in relationships. Or that there’s nothing for you to do as a man to develop. But there’s certainly needs that are more conscious than others. And that’s what I’m screening for. As a large generalization, I feel like the debates that have been having on this subforum can be broken down to two types of guys: 1) Guys who have yet to integrate leadership / assertiveness / dominance 2) Guys who have and are looking for what’s beyond The guys who haven’t integrated these concepts to a sufficient degree want to keep hammering the importance of status / leadership etc because that’s what they feel they lack.

??? MC Hammer

Yes I'd say that was well said. I had deep insecurities related to female validation in my early pickup days, and they're probably still there to some degree. I'd hardly even care if the sex was terrible with the girl I hooked up with. As long as I "got laid", I'd feel good about myself. The more girls wanted to have sex with me, the more I felt like a boss. I'd even fudge my own lay count in my head to make it larger than it was. Oral sex counts as sex right? I'm so cool... Underneath all of that, I basically just wanted to feel desirable. But chasing that through pickup was just a black hole. How many girls was it going to take before I get there? 5? 10? 20? 50? It was never ending. Much like a millionaire who is convinced their next million is going to bring them happiness, I was doing much of the same thing but with women. Now my interactions look much different. They look more like what you described above, although I don't do much cold approach these days. If I do cold approach it's very casual. It's more about being social than anything else, like striking up a conversation with the person sitting next to you on a plane. I'm mostly just focused on my life purpose, my friends, my family, my happiness and just being myself. And sometimes women come into my life, and sometimes they don't. There is an illusion of control that pickup gives over your dating life. But the reality is that when it's time for you to meet someone, you'll meet them. And when it's not, you won't. Ironically though, I had to go through pickup to learn that. So I don't shit on pickup. That would be hypocritical. Any guy reading this who wants to try it, go ahead. It can be a lot of fun. But these same insights are likely awaiting you on the other side of that journey.

Diana Richardson:

More Layla:

Layla Martin is good for this:

But we also need to acknowledge that there are likely degrees to which this is true. For some women, status is way more important than others. Likewise with men and "nice tits", which is already a subjective notion. And that as people raise in consciousness, it's accurate to say these things become less important.

Yes I have no plans to eschew status. But as I'm looking for a committed relationship, my main priority is how to build that properly.

No dude. This is so backwards.

I agree. And I don’t think that contradicts anything I said. You will attract people who want what you’re offering, so be conscious of what that is.

That’s certainly what my years in PUA have taught me. Status, status, status. My point still stands regardless. If my hook is status, I will attract women who are interested in status. And this is potentially not going to be the most conscious women who would make for the best relationship. I am not suggesting men abandon leadership. I do think that’s essential. I am simply pointing out how chasing status could actually backfire.

A corollary to this would be that men who are seeking a good relationship are shooting themselves in the foot by trying so hard to obtain status. If you project all this status as a man, then you are likely only to attract women who appreciate status, and therefore who are in their masculine. Or to put it in spiral dynamics terms, Orange attracts Orange. It does seem to me that a healthy balance exists, and that women do appreciate more objective attraction triggers to a certain degree. But at a certain point you have to let that go.

It’s interesting because I feel like RSD (one of the biggest PUA companies) taught something similar. They always railed against guys who believed that their success with women came down to object measures like looks, money or even status. They often would push a narrative that attraction with women was way more subjective and based on how she felt, versus an objective resume type of mindset. It was this fluidity and subjectivity in female sexuality that they taught was the reason you could easily pick up women. In other words, because women don’t care how you look or the money you have, you could go out to a bar and find success right now. All those things you thought you needed, you didn’t. That was the core message I took away from them. The reason RSD would always push this narrative was because there were so many insecure guys who refused to believe it. They just could not grasp that women really were not judging their looks that harshly. And they constantly projected onto women how they would get picked up. I know you are not a fan of cold approach. But I do find it fascinating that you seem to be saying something similar in terms of subjectivity. Where you and RSD seem to diverge is about selectivity. You’re arguing that female selectivity is because of women’s ability to perceive men as unique. While a company like RSD would probably argue female selectivity exists because women are biologically driven to seek out alpha males and then to get them to commit. This was also the origin of female subjectivity, as women were looking for subliminal hints of alpha male behavior, like body language or vocal tonality, rather than object measures. Thanks for clarifying. I love this topic so these ideas have been fun to play with.

@AndylizedAAY A lot of people say it’s a sign of a spiritual awakening. You’re more in tune with the flow and you’re getting winks from the universe and / or your guides. I definitely went through a phase where I felt like I was seeing repeating numbers all the time as well.

The right partner is ultimately the one you decide to commit to. There is no perfect partner waiting in the ether. You create one by deciding to go all in. Of course, there are some people with red flags. I’m not suggesting abandoning all boundaries. But at a certain point, you just have to pick someone and commit.

Can you expand on this? How are you defining subjectivity and objectivity? I’m pretty sure I have an idea of what you’re getting at but I’d like to hear it from you.

Unless they’ve learned tantric techniques of transmuting sexual energy, I seriously doubt those guys were really so fine with that. Especially if they got close to the point of no return. If a guy doesn’t cum during sex, it doesn’t mean he couldn’t enjoy the part where he is having sex. But that finishing part is also super important. Otherwise, it’s going to just create a feeling of anxiety, incompleteness or even blue balls. Like if someone teased you really, really badly, but then never delivered the goods.

I’m very pro-therapy if you can find a good therapist. Unfortunately some therapists are very unconscious themselves. I’m surprised you didn’t mention this problem of him not ejaculating in your previous thread. It seems significant.