Nemo28

but here we are speaking haha. Idk im just so sick of myself of this loneliness but i also like it ..somedays more than others. I will just trust the univere to do with me as it pleases, thats all i can do at the moment..

im afraid to lose it. Like i did few years ago where i was totally lost not knowing myself at all, it was much worse than suffering this isolation, at least i can take refuge into the I-ness.

Its when i feel it the strongest. I dont want my I-am-ness to be disturbed, but staying in this state creates isolation, so ultimetelly its suffering too.

@Someone here @peachboy But thats the dillema i dont really want to see poeple but i also dont want to be alone. I also dont want to feel like i need someone, that would imply i lack something, which doesnt fit well with me. How can i be alone and content? Seems its not possible, i just cant leave the society and not feel depressed..but what i do is trying to detach from depression and abiding in this I am-ness so thats my only remedy.

@Someone here from my experience only one, its the I am of everything. But i feel so alone in this I am-ness.

In search for this Peace and abiding in this Peace i have cut all connections with the society and am totally alone, i have isolated myself too much, and its causing me suffering.

@Mu_ yes pretty accurate. Ultimatelly its suffering. So i guess its not really the peace im looking for,,

i feel like a badass like i transcend death and fear. If you are ready to die, what else there is to fear?

@Brittany I know that I am, but its boring realization, what am i supposed to do with it?

@VeganAwake maybe i already know that im nothing, but it doesnt make my life any more enriching..i feel bored, but i also dont want to change anything that would disturb my peace, so here i am ..

@Mu_ I dont really know what i want, i want it stop to be so boring. I want to really feel like im creating reality to transcend the laws of physics, but probably thats not possible..

So mind must die and then reality shall be revealed. Thats what im doing with psychadelics, im killing the mind.

@Nahm whats so funny ?

Words do me no good, they are just sounds, i need drugs to understand this.. I thought i died 2 months ago when i fully surrendered to ayahuasca, but here i am again seeking something again..its never ending, its like life is telling me to to do ayahuasca every month, maybe then i will get it.. Love you too <3

Yeah i wish i could see it directly without drugs too.. its so obvious, yet i cant see it..its soul crushing and depressive.

So in the end I can't have the cake and eat it? Today especially I noticed background of stillness to everything that's happening around me, very nice, it's like all the passing cars are like little rocks thrown into the vast ocean and barely make any sound I feel like ayahuasca is helping me to collapse that seeker/self difference into one. I might do peyote retreat to further melt into oneness. Much love <3

@peachboy Hahahaaa hillarious! :DD

Durring this last year i have noticed my dreams start to make more sense, they are more consistent and logical to what i experienced before when it was total nonsense, and hard to make any sense. Sometimes when im dreaming its very surprising to wake up from it knowing it was just a dream, cause it felt so life like. The sights, sounds, bodily sensations seem just like now. Also the dreams are pretty much always nice so much that i would choose to never wake up from them if it would be possible. But i suppose im still dreaming now, since there is no difference between a dream and reality in my experience, i guess everything is just a dream. But if so why people are so desperate to awake from dreaming (seeking liberation), wouldnt that lead to awaking in another dream? Since there is nothing but dreams within dreams..

@ivankiss wow amazing read! I very much resonated with what you said. Interestingly enough I made a short animation describing my feelings on encountering a "shadow". If you want, please take a look - >

On ayahuasca I see this current life as nothing but beautiful (beyond description) dream and I have the power to know, to change what's going to happen next, how people will behave what they will do, I could forsee their actions and create the reality I desire, but at end of the trip or the peak I always choose this one, where I'm sorta ignorant and not knowing what's going to happen next, it's as if I'm learning how to trust the universe. Hmm maybe that's it, I'm here to learn how to trust! Wow thank you Nahm! bless you and much love my dear friend <3

i would also like to know how im doing it in this sober state. On ayahuasca its easy, but once im back in the dream i dont know anything Maybe its the feature of this dream.. @Nahm please tell me!! Im begging you, you must know! Give me some clues, please.

Hello my selves So I had a dream where I dreamt I was chosen to be the one who would create new human by trusting the universe to fill me with love energy. So as I lied down to merge with love I experienced intense overwhelming sensations of love that came in and out from my throat region. So was wondering if this means my throat chakra is opening? I was never into the whole chakra game but weird things start to happen to me, the same thing also happened from my chest few times.. And I wouldn't say it was a dream it felt very real. Does anyone experience something similar?

I made this animation, which illustrates the concept of "shadow". Its not very brainy ^^

I can think of so many reasons why people do things, usually there is lots of negativity involved. I feel hate, jelousy, disguist etc., i get so much bad vibes from people. I dont know where all this comming from? The negativity is soul crushing sometimes.. I try to love, accept everyone with my best ability, but usually i dont recieve that back which i give, so it makes me sad.

Did you use psychadelics? Ok instead of feeling guilty i will feel gratitude ^^ Yeah i am very aligned with my hearth. I dont really do meditation or any spiritual practices, i just observe and remain in the silence. I do feel im diving deeper into something progresivly. Sinking in my hearth. Yes, im so sick of trying to be spiritual..there is still some fear in me, the fear of comiting sins, i feel like if i do something universe doesnt like it will punish me and will suffer greatly. So there is this little ego still.. Yes, there is still resistance to love i sense. Sometimes im just writing radom persons "i love you" this helps ^^ ITs like all this built up resistance and fear just vanishes cause i did the one thing that i fear the most which is to say those words and it destroys my image of myself i have built, till im left with nothing. And its nice I dont really meditate, only when i feel like it, i feel like all my life is meditation. I never leave my awreness, im always there. Yes, this is what im learning now, that being here in whatever state you are right now in, is the perfect state and doesnt need to be changed. I am with the Truth in this presence be it sad or joyfull. Yeah i have problem saying those words to me, it feels kinda fake and weird but i know this is the way, the love is the way..