Nemo28

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Everything posted by Nemo28

  1. @VeganAwake I personaly am not atracted to these things unless its psychodelics..but sometimes i wonder if they are that different from hard drugs..in the end im just a junky
  2. so if i say to myself "There is feelings of loneliness, depression, sadness occuring" would that make anything different Than saying "I am feeling these feelings", isnt this form of detachement?
  3. so if i say to myself "There is feelings of loneliness, depression, sadness occuring" would that make anything different Than saying "I am feeling these feelings", isnt this form of detachement?
  4. probabbly Okay fuck that enlightenment shit. Yes, i had an shattering experience of eternal loneliness, where all things known to be real turned out to be illusions. It was horrible. I also experienced love,god, i saw the dream the god is dreaming and how everything stems out from me, and that i somehow create my reality. This lead me to abandon society and cut all conections with people since there is only Me, and all else is illusion, so i dont want to live with illusion. I thought if i isolate myself the truth shall be revealed, cause i would be stuck with myself. In a way i have found it, its Me, the ""I am"" this is the truth, its doesnt change when all things does, so i discard all things and remain as this witness, but yes i still suffer this loneliness feeling, right now its very intense. I usually try to rise above these feelings and thoughts when they happen to me, i guess you could call it a form of detachement. Would you think detachement is good practice?
  5. but here we are speaking haha. Idk im just so sick of myself of this loneliness but i also like it ..somedays more than others. I will just trust the univere to do with me as it pleases, thats all i can do at the moment..
  6. im afraid to lose it. Like i did few years ago where i was totally lost not knowing myself at all, it was much worse than suffering this isolation, at least i can take refuge into the I-ness.
  7. Its when i feel it the strongest. I dont want my I-am-ness to be disturbed, but staying in this state creates isolation, so ultimetelly its suffering too.
  8. @Someone here @peachboy But thats the dillema i dont really want to see poeple but i also dont want to be alone. I also dont want to feel like i need someone, that would imply i lack something, which doesnt fit well with me. How can i be alone and content? Seems its not possible, i just cant leave the society and not feel depressed..but what i do is trying to detach from depression and abiding in this I am-ness so thats my only remedy.
  9. @Someone here from my experience only one, its the I am of everything. But i feel so alone in this I am-ness.
  10. In search for this Peace and abiding in this Peace i have cut all connections with the society and am totally alone, i have isolated myself too much, and its causing me suffering.
  11. @Mu_ yes pretty accurate. Ultimatelly its suffering. So i guess its not really the peace im looking for,,
  12. i feel like a badass like i transcend death and fear. If you are ready to die, what else there is to fear?
  13. @Brittany I know that I am, but its boring realization, what am i supposed to do with it?
  14. @VeganAwake maybe i already know that im nothing, but it doesnt make my life any more enriching..i feel bored, but i also dont want to change anything that would disturb my peace, so here i am ..
  15. @Mu_ I dont really know what i want, i want it stop to be so boring. I want to really feel like im creating reality to transcend the laws of physics, but probably thats not possible..
  16. So mind must die and then reality shall be revealed. Thats what im doing with psychadelics, im killing the mind.
  17. Words do me no good, they are just sounds, i need drugs to understand this.. I thought i died 2 months ago when i fully surrendered to ayahuasca, but here i am again seeking something again..its never ending, its like life is telling me to to do ayahuasca every month, maybe then i will get it.. Love you too <3
  18. Yeah i wish i could see it directly without drugs too.. its so obvious, yet i cant see it..its soul crushing and depressive.
  19. So in the end I can't have the cake and eat it? Today especially I noticed background of stillness to everything that's happening around me, very nice, it's like all the passing cars are like little rocks thrown into the vast ocean and barely make any sound I feel like ayahuasca is helping me to collapse that seeker/self difference into one. I might do peyote retreat to further melt into oneness. Much love <3
  20. Durring this last year i have noticed my dreams start to make more sense, they are more consistent and logical to what i experienced before when it was total nonsense, and hard to make any sense. Sometimes when im dreaming its very surprising to wake up from it knowing it was just a dream, cause it felt so life like. The sights, sounds, bodily sensations seem just like now. Also the dreams are pretty much always nice so much that i would choose to never wake up from them if it would be possible. But i suppose im still dreaming now, since there is no difference between a dream and reality in my experience, i guess everything is just a dream. But if so why people are so desperate to awake from dreaming (seeking liberation), wouldnt that lead to awaking in another dream? Since there is nothing but dreams within dreams..