StarStruck

The three replies above are very humbling. Totally didn’t see it that I was narcissistic and arrogant. @Salvijus @Salvijus @RendHeaven especially the relevant/irrelevant analogy and trying to learn instead of trying to preach cut it.

Thanks for the heads up. I’m busy with the life purpose course so still very conceptual and I’m excited if this is only the beginning.

I want to start a career in programming and I understand that I should align my purpose with the greater good, not only for my own good, as far as I understand. So I started thinking how I can do that. I don’t know how I want to specialize but I thought about this question: “how can I contribute to the world?” First answer that came up “start making medical apps or something, or any apps that will make the world better”. This sounded so fake to me. I know I just want to program because I think I like programming, and of course I like the money in programming although I know I should love the journey as much as the produce of the journey. Isn’t saying I want to become a life coach, programmer, psychologist or whatever to make the world a better place a pseudo life purpose??? The real purpose, if we don’t kid ourselves, is just to make a living and stay alive. Everything is secondary it feels to me. I’m struggling with Leo’s “competition versus creation” metaphor. He said that he stopped programming because he didn’t want to compete but create (be creative). Isn’t all programming jobs like this? So should I even follow a programming career? I’m asking because I don’t know and soon I have to make an important choice which is my life purpose

Yesterday I had an experience where my intuition(god?) spoke to me I think. I could be wrong. He gave me a real image of what is waiting at the end of the road if I don’t change. This came after the “life is a maze” video and the video about intuition. Perhaps it wasn’t god but just intuition. It felt like I “downloaded” information. I don’t want to share it here because it is private and only concerning my life. It felt like I got “possessed” by dark energy or something. The feeling was only in my body. Not around me. Perhaps it was just intuition. My sub conscious mind doing the calculation. I didn’t ask a question. It just struck me. There were signals I had to follow but the signals were so neutral that it was so easily deniable. It could be coincidence or it couldn’t be coincidence. It felt different than intuition so I tried to have a conversation with it, asking if my planned life course is the right path is the right one and it refused and it got angry, signaling I didn’t understand the process by asking a question. He just told me if you go “this path” you will end up like “this horror scenario”. Not in words by the way. It felt like I had a mental power that I didn’t have before. Over time the feeling faded away. Afterwards I had a crazy dream which I can’t remember. I wished this intuition could have helped me with the question if the life purpose I’m planning is the right path. Did I do something wrong? I know intuition doesn’t work like that but I wished there was a way to have my intuition to give the same clear answer to the question if my planned purpose is the right one instead giving me an insight of what is waiting when I take the wrong path.

The funny thing is that couple of months ago I started a drawing course and one of the first exercises was drawing a fractal. When I start drawing a fractal now (as a drawing exercise) I get so many insights. That is the story behind it.

I will put that book on my to-read list and read it ASAP. I actually already know what you mean with the money trap because I’m busy with Leo’s life purpose course. By the way what about my avatar? ?

@outlandish that was the thought I was having a moment ago. If I become so good at programming that I can earn enough money so money wouldn’t be a first priority; I would effectively move from survival mode to creative mode. The question I have to ask myself is if I have the potential to be very good at programming. Thing is that a career choice is like opening a door you have never been in. You don’t know what is in the dark room. I would be less afraid if I was 20 but I’m 30. I have to be more careful. One makes important life choices in the first 40 years and then follows up his choices the next 40 years. That is how it works because I don’t have endless life and I will be happy if I become 80.

Self help sector is relatively new. It isn’t a dog eat dog world like in other sectors. That is what I’m trying to say.

Thanks for the answer.

That is what I’m thinking too plus you have to compete to get the wage slave job. Option would be to create my own company but then I still have to compete to keep the boat floating, stay alive and keep my future potential family alive. Leo has it easy because he chose a sector which isn’t prone to competition. There is nobody to compete with Leo. Only thing that comes close is RSD (real social dynamics) and that is not even direct competition. If enlightenment becomes mainstream Leo would have to compete with at least 10 other actualized YouTube channels. I want a career in programming but not a company anyway. So I have to compete for the job first and then compete with other companies who are a rival for the company I’m working for. The field of art (like painting) and such seems to me like the only sector in which you can create instead of compete. I could be wrong though. These are my thoughts.

I would like to know which video was about the chimp because I got that insight too when I was on mushrooms.

What is the point of life video struck the cord.

I watched the perception video and how I made myself understand it was by understanding that humans are like a figurative octopus (the ego) holding on to the balloon/bubble (true self). Every ego has to let go one day which will make the bubble dissolve into the environment. Probably an aquarium (with unending waters) is a good metaphor. For me once I became present of the octopus who was leaching on the true self not wanting to let it go, I could remove its tentacles and I experienced what Leo was talking about. At the end the octopus got his hold on the balloon back. To me it is just a temporary experience. Even if it is impossible to have that experience for a long time. I don’t see the point. Now I think about it. I know where I got the octopus analogy from. In the movie the matrix there were sentinels who looked like octopus. These sentinels attacked people who were outside the matrix. Isn’t the ego doing this to these higher thoughts when we try to break out of the illusion/matrix? I don’t know if this metaphor fits but these are my thoughts.

Thing about 30 day retreat. It is very long. I don’t have free time in the form of lumped up 30 days.

Is there a guide for the solo retreat? Is only meditation allowed? Is reading books allowed? Etc. edit: I found the video

Though years of meditation one can reach it. I liked your video on this topic of paranormal activity/powers. I’m open minded but skeptical but at the same time I see links between intuition and paranormal abilities. For example how one man called Bobby Fisch beating the Soviet chess master and his whole team pure on intuition. There is truth to it.

I used mushrooms twice. Both instances were before I discovered actualized org. I discovered actualized org one year ago and I watched from time to time, skipping the religious videos but two weeks ago I started watching the “spiritual videos” and it clicked. Recently I watched the paranormal themed video from Leo. And I started my quest for the paranormal and I quickly ended up in the dark corner of the web and movie production: aka paranormal events in households, families being murdered by ghosts, and actors who experience paranormal events while filming. Personally I experienced also some unexplainable things. A lot of it I forgot but recently I’m experiencing dejavu’s (not really crazy) like in those movies. So at some point I want to use mushrooms again. Like I said I used mushrooms twice (both were before my discovering of actualized org). My first time was a pretty good experience. I got off the “train track” really good and it felt good. I won’t go into details because that is not what this topic is about. The second time was a different story. I got off the “train track” but not in a good way. Main issue is that I believed I couldn’t breathe and I felt extremely sleepy, and if I slept I would die because my breathing wasn’t automatic. I had to push myself to breath. I experienced time stopping or going very slow. I felt how death felt like but in a bad way. I’m still trying to figure out if me not able to breath was an illusion or really true. I actually freaked out and I wanted to call the ambulance but my the guy from who I bought the mushrooms stopped me. I also had major hallucinations like spiders on people’s heads and people popping out of the tv screen. I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t think. Probably I took too high of a dose. The mistake I made was to take my first usage of mushrooms as a yardstick and expecting the same experience the second time What I’m trying to say is this: how do we know which paranormal activity is real and what paranormal activity is a hoax? Watching these paranormal Hollywood movies were a mistake. Normally I hate that stuff but Leo said go do some research on paranormal activity and you quickly end up in that weird corner. I want to do mushrooms again and i don’t have anybody at the same consciousness level. So I have to go solo if I want to do mushrooms. I’m sure you guys had bad trips. How would you deal with that if you are in a solo retreat?

Einstein said he doesn’t believe in religious dogma. He said and I’m paraphrasing here because I read his biography not in English: “the religion of the future is the religion of the universe.” Now I think about it. All major scientists were religious or mystic in some way:

Love the illusion/dilution. I just became conscious that I fell in the trap of making a mistake of the illusion / not illusion (reality) duality. The illusion is as real as what is not the illusion. That gave me such a peace of mind.

A simpler way of thinking of it that you are a ship (on infinite waters but that is besides the point) and that the instruments you have is your destination(coordinates) you set out and the motivation (why you want to go there). Basically you can tweak two things: your coordinates (your goal in life) and your motivation why you want to go there (the compass). Sometimes it is not even necessary to change your goal in life. Sometimes the problem is your mental block because you want to reach certain goals for the wrong reasons.

By the way, to hack a phone you need to find a back door. Probably Ramanujan found one of those back doors.

Why is Srinivasa Aaiyangar Ramanujan not included?

Another insight I had was that perception/reality (for humans) is like a carpet, on for example stairs. When you look at the carpet on a stairs it looks 3D but when you detach the carpet from the stairs and pull it from both ends it becomes flat. What the human is is just another chink in the carpet on the stairs. The chink is in resistance to the carpet but eventually one day the pull will dissolve the chink. The thing that this carpet or “fabric” if you will extends infinitely into every direction. It is like a film and currently the film is being played(that is how the human perceives it). In a weird way it is like an actor who plays in a movie, who thinks he has a free will(unscripted role), and that the movie is being captured on film right now while the reality is that the film has already been finished and was already always there. This reminds me of Srinivasa Aaiyangar Ramanujan who was a math genius. We still don’t know how he formulated his findings. He said god told him the math equations and we still don’t know how but we know that his theories are working. This makes me believe if you get truly enlightened you can do science by using mysticism like Srinivasa Aaiyangar Ramanujan did.

To see through the illusion of the four dimensions. That is when I saw infinite space. The last dimension I had to break through (which you did or did not mention in that perception video I can’t remember) was time. I remembered you words “do you think this is all a coincidence?” and I understood it.

They copying Actualized org now.