StarStruck

@bejapuskas @Natasha thanks a lot.

If I don’t take notes I just don’t get anything of the books and videos that I’m consuming. I really have to sit down and take notes and afterwards piece things together, rearrange things in my mind and then reread my notes couple of times Is this something prone to me because perhaps I’m not use to this and over time it will get better? I’m wondering how many people take notes while watching actualized org for example..... I have been watching actualized org for couple of months and I just rewatched one video (about strategy) that I watched a while back (before my breakthrough). And I just released nothing stuck. Perhaps because I didn’t give my full attention and was at the gym. The purpose of this thread is this: soon I will be starting my 200 book challenge and if I’m forced to take notes it will considerably slow down my speed. What strategy is smart? Do you take notes? Do you read fast or slow?

@Natasha thanks a lot. Also that just came to my mind: there are book summaries on the internet I can use after I read the actual book. @bejapuskas in which sub thread is that?

But how does that jive with self interest from a turquoise/yellow point of view? So it is not contradicting to defend yourself (at the expense of others if you must, but preferably not), defend your country (so for example blue/orange stage society doesn’t take over), enrich yourself (to get financial freedom to have time to self actualize)because one’s self interest represents the good of the greater picture??

The thing that comes to my mind when reading this is this: the human mind can only piece together so many perspectives. Our mind is like a laser so we can put our attention on limited amount of things. I try to imagine how it is to be turquoise. It seems to me it is very hard to piece together all the perspective and still function as a normal human being because one’s attention would go in every direction. For example imagine a green stage person in an office who looks at things from his own and his company’s perspective. And imagine a turquoise colleague of the green stage person who doesn’t look at things from his own perspective but from the “network of perspectives” or sum total of perspectives. Why would he even work for that company? Is the turquoise person looking at things from sum total of the perspectives but still pursuing self interest?

So the only thing we can “grab on” is the absolute? Because all perspectives and concepts are relative?

I was going to ask: wouldn’t that make us nihilistic?... but I just realized that is another perspective.

I read one of her books about spiritual exercises. It was very good.

I’m 30 and in my culture I have maxed out being single and not having a family. The answer is I shouldn’t care what other people think. And I don’t but my choice to start a family and my life purpose go hand in hand. What are my options? I have two. I have the option to chose to get a 9-5 job in accountancy which I hate, get my life straight like finding a apartment, find a gf and be fully plugged into the matrix. The other option is do what I think I want: learning programming, start a business which would give me time/money to go full throttle on actualization. Second option is risky because I don’t know if I’m capable of creating a side business to finance my journey to learn a new craft (programming) and give me time to go full throttle on actualization. I have actually enough money to be independent for 4 years which would give me enough times to get a bachelor in programming. I actually thought myself programming but I discovered they want a diploma. Costs of a bachelor is 2k euro per year here. No insane costs like in the US. Other option would to go lone gun, not get a degree and build a programming portfolio to get into a traineeship or something. The replies I will get to this thread I can already predict. To go for 9-5 accountancy job I hate is craziness... but how do I address the part of my inner self who is going full ape shit right now? I can deal with family members who ostracize me. How do I deal with my insecurity? I want to start a family one day. I can easily postpone it and because I’m not female I don’t have to worry about my biological clock either. It is probably because I don’t want to fail.

@Elisabeth thanks. It must be harder for females, if they want family/children one day, since they have a biological clock. I think I have to weigh the options. If I’m going to rush it I will be unhappy. That is for sure.

I want to try this. Is it ok to sit at a window and look outside?

Why would Turkish be fitting language?

Last year, before I discovered actualized org, I tried mushrooms for the first time. The first time was a good one. Short after that I tried a second one and that was one of my worst experiences ever so I stopped taking them, until recently. I don’t know what I was expecting. I was completely open minded. I hoped great insights about life but I ended up with my nose in all the suppressed feelings that I apparently have. It revealed neglect from my parents when I was a child, lack of love and absence(I will spare you the details). Today I’m an adult. I don’t need these things like parental love and so on but back in the day I did. It left me big scars. To this day I have always avoided this topic. When I tried to journal about it in the past 10 years it didn’t lead anywhere but the mushrooms gave me such an insight that I just got the whole picture. At the height of the trip I saw my inner demon like a moving picture. It was giant with almost devil like apparent with flames and darkness around it. In summary, not a very fun trip, but it was definitely something more important than fun; it revealed how traumatized the inner child is and that suppressing and not talking about it is the last thing I should do. The weird thing is that I already knew the things I know now but the mushroom trip gave me new insights, made me literally see the inner demon and connect all the dots. Probably if I start addressing my trauma’s and start the healing process, good sized chunk of my other problems will dissolve. This is a major obstacle for enlightenment for me.

@Elisabeth My grand parents / parents are immigrants. They are liberal but even liberal parents can wish their children to have a serious relationship, get married and get children. Perhaps somebody from actualized org who has read spiral dynamics is above this and can see that having kids is not the end all of things but I’m sure big chunk of liberals on the world think having babies is important. Otherwise their breed and their ideology will be extinct in at most three generations. I think I know where you are getting at. I have to look into why I want a girlfriend who I can marry and have kids. And the answer is this: escaping loneliness. To make my parents happy. But if I look deeper into it to see what i want? I want a wife and children one day to share life. We are humans and we have social needs. And social needs aren’t that different than needing food and water.

Thanks a trillion. I never saw it like that. The carrot or whip analogy made me understand everything. Perhaps I should go into therapy about this but I wonder if the therapist would have given the same insights you have given me. Perhaps yes and perhaps no but this is definitely a subject I need to talk about. It is huge obstacle for my enlightenment. I took mushrooms today (first time in a year) and all the suppressed hit me hard. It is weird that I never talked about this or never written about it but actually it is not weird because prior to me taking mushrooms these “issues” didn’t exist. I only got the smell of the issue and that probably made me create this thread. I’m facing a major inner demon which I didn’t know existed and mushrooms made me understand that. In the past I tried to talk about these topics and somehow I don’t continue doing that because the inner demon didn’t reveal himself (now I can actually see the inner demon). If I don’t talk about it I will be stuck in this stage of “enlightenment”(darkness) forever. I mean I’m not 70 or 80 and not married and not have kids but it feels like that. Especially now I’m on mushrooms. I’m 30 so I have enough time to think about major life decisions. It is actually good that I’m becoming aware of it at age 30 instead of age 80. I will definitely take mushrooms once a week from now on. It unleashed so many suppressed emotions. I mean is it weird that I started such a thread when I have many suppressed emotions about it?

I already admitted that this thoughts i have been having are irrational. This thread me asking how to deal with this inner critic. Just ignore the inner critic and plow through? @ExodiaGearCEO

God created out of love. I want that too. And having a family/baby is one of that.

Which kind of magic truffle was this?

While talking to non enlightened people I’m always aware to not say stuff that is way above their head. It is tiresome to explain it and a lot of times they won’t get it. And if they get the insight they are impressed which isn’t good either. I don’t want to look like the crazy scientist. I wonder how other people deal with this situation. As Leo says when you are enlightened you don’t have the need to impress others. For me the solution is watering down my concepts I have in my head so it is digestible for the other person. I’m curious how other people on this forum deal with this. How much do you give away? For me, when at school: my goal is not to enlighten people. I’m there just to fit in but sometimes (like when talking about male/female dynamics) I’m making statements which are too far to grasp for people, and understandably so.

Is Leo still doing coaching?

It is important not to be reactive. If he sees it has an impact he knows that is your weak part and he will continue to manipulate you through the weak part. Also you want your brother to do something. Perhaps you should rethink your strategy and approach so he doesn’t feel cut off. Book recommendation: “Friend or Foe” by Galinsky.

I’m a different person if you sleep less than 7-8 hours. And not in a good way.

The three replies above are very humbling. Totally didn’t see it that I was narcissistic and arrogant. @Salvijus @Salvijus @RendHeaven especially the relevant/irrelevant analogy and trying to learn instead of trying to preach cut it.

Thanks for the heads up. I’m busy with the life purpose course so still very conceptual and I’m excited if this is only the beginning.

I want to start a career in programming and I understand that I should align my purpose with the greater good, not only for my own good, as far as I understand. So I started thinking how I can do that. I don’t know how I want to specialize but I thought about this question: “how can I contribute to the world?” First answer that came up “start making medical apps or something, or any apps that will make the world better”. This sounded so fake to me. I know I just want to program because I think I like programming, and of course I like the money in programming although I know I should love the journey as much as the produce of the journey. Isn’t saying I want to become a life coach, programmer, psychologist or whatever to make the world a better place a pseudo life purpose??? The real purpose, if we don’t kid ourselves, is just to make a living and stay alive. Everything is secondary it feels to me. I’m struggling with Leo’s “competition versus creation” metaphor. He said that he stopped programming because he didn’t want to compete but create (be creative). Isn’t all programming jobs like this? So should I even follow a programming career? I’m asking because I don’t know and soon I have to make an important choice which is my life purpose