StarStruck

This book is a real gem: https://www.amazon.com/Black-Butterfly-Invitation-Radical-Aliveness/dp/0890874751

You need to go of self-limiting beliefs. If you are capable of writing such a long text you don't have ADHD. I recommend schematherapy. You need to work on your self-image first before anything, so put everything like spirituality and shit on the backburner for now and concentrate on what is important.

Videos have become less frequent since then. Perhaps his choice to make less videos have to do with something else but that is what I noticed.

Just looking at a graph and making predictions is one of the dumbest things you can do.

For me it is a little apple cider vinegar

Since he started patreon, he stopped making youtube videos.

I feel worthy.

Thanks. I think you are right. There can only be 1 mayor general on the battlefield. I think I ask other people advice who are "on my team", but I give them too much authority and stake in the decision making. Sometimes I even care about the opinions of people who are not even close to me, which is a whole other topic. That is true. I'm working on my superego and inner critic. This inner critic is so subtle that I don't even notice it although I'm poring a lot of energy into with therapy and so on.

You have to find out what works for your body. Not everybody is the same. For me: high volume in greens with good quality meats, and healthy source of fiber.

Sorry, I wasn't clear. I meant in the sense of learning something new, and then constantly thinking, how could I explain this to people in my environment. There is this sense of need for validation.

That is what everybody does, no?

How do you balance knowing and not knowing though? You had to know the meaning of these words to type something.

So why do we read books then if knowing is illusion?

I'm moving towards enlightenment and in my dreams I could sense I was afraid of enlightenment. I don't remember a lot from this dream but it does resonate with my fears. What if I get enlightened and I don't like it? There is no way going back. I don't want to be that bald dude from the Matrix who is all disillusioned and bitter. Last couple of months I worked on my productivity, procrastination, trauma's and I made a long way through. Previously I had a weak ego and now it is becoming more defined and I see enlightenment as a possibility but I don't know if I want it. This year I will have to make the choice. Afterwards, it is going to be more difficult. Currently I don't have a lot of obligations, so it is now or never.

"You think because you understand 'one' you must also understand 'two', because one and one make two. But you must also understand 'and'. -Rumi What did he mean?

Only 20-30 minutes per day It was shocking.

I guess, I'm afraid whether or not I will make it out of the prison. The prison has negatives but it has also positives. It would be stupid to prematurely break out of prison and freeze to death in the forest. I did psychedelics and on average it was a horrible experience. I don't want that to repeat. I'm in therapy working through old stuff and trauma of the past. Perhaps after that I might try it again.

So is there an opposite of duality? So I guess you are saying duality is duality, and nonduality transcends all duality as a wrapper? That and until recently it was the poor man's vehicle of that region. A horse was like a ferari. A donkey was a tesla. I didn't get the first part of the second sentence. I will think about it.

Thanks but I didn't get the Buddhism reference. I still have to look into that when I have time. @mandyjw Rumi had a donkey ?

Why rush it though? If it doesn't matter, why not wait until - so called - physical death? To be honest, I only want enlightenment if it serves me. If I get knocked out and get alienated by it, if it interferes with my life purpose. I don't want it.

@Intraplanetary are you making money with that?

But doesn't take the mystery away? If I know how titanic behind the scenes is made, I wouldn't enjoy the movie as much.

I'm being pushed towards it. Yesterday, I had the experience of the now, and how my identity is a symbol/wrapper for my subjective experiences. Today it dwindled away though.

That is bollocks.

You mean sameness/difference?