StarStruck

I'm not even telling the whole story how she cancelled and rescheduled like 3 times and after that some other things happened. I just didn't want to make my story very complicated. Some people might think I'm overreacting but I'm not. I'm a very mild person in normal circumstances but she made me very mad. My therapist sees me as a nice guy too. If I tell my therapist what I did she wouldn't believe me so I'm not going to.

That is so sweet. Thank you. That is so true. You described me very well. The thing is that I really opened up my heart to her and I saw she opened up her heart for me. What really hurt me is her sudden change of attitude. She texted me and she agreed to come to my home, and she cancelled few hours before it would happen. Afterwards she gave me the cold shower and then just totally ghosting me. I just couldn't understand somebody being like that. She knew my feelings for her. It was vile, immature and evil. Afterwards she saw me suffering; was trying to call me and text her to get an explanation and she didn't respond. What I did I did out of self-love and healthy egoism. She thought she would get away with it because I was a nice guy. Guess what? I'm not that guy any more. You are - somewhat - right about my insecurities.. but people with insecurities deserve to be treated with respect too. I was already working on those issues and I'm not pointing fingers at her. I'm already working on myself regarding that topic.

This is so true. Those are a lot of assumptions. It is the exact opposite, I'm a person who doesn't lash out. She knew that and that is why she treated me like trash. It is in human nature to lash out. I was always a person who would swallow it and this time, I just couldn't bare it. Yes, it felt great to have her on the phone crying, and then I told her off and I said I don't want anything to do with it. It is part of character building. This happening changed me so I won't be the same and don't do the same. Lashing out was just a new learning experience. Something I don't have experience with. lol. Let's not all act stoic here. It is part of self-love. I did everything in my power to not do it. In the past, not so long ago I would actually dissociate from my feelings and that would just destroy me. Last two weeks I actually started feeling and I got very unstable. When you feel anger you want to direct it to something. This time it was by lashing out and to be honest it felt liberating but I wouldn't do the same thing again. I learned from dating her so I don't think I will be hurt again; in the same way. Recently I read Peter Levine's book about trauma and they say you can either fight, flight or freeze. This time I just decided to fight back. Next time I won't put myself in the same vulnerable position that I have the necessity to strike back and hurt others. I got flaked a lot in the last several months and I take it wonderfully. This girl strung me along, played with my feelings, lied to me, made false promises and just disappeared without saying anything although we had the same feelings towards each other; this can't be faked. Ok, she can change her feelings but I just got surprised by how quickly women can change their feelings about a guy. After that she just enjoyed my misery by not responding and giving any explanation. That is truthless. I was just to hurt to not strike back. If I wouldn't have done it I would hate myself.

Leo told me I should not incite other people on this forum so I'm not going to do that. All I can say it is very devilish and clever. I hit her where it would hurt the most. That is all I can say. Details are not important.

I'm already in therapy for half a year. After trauma healing I'm sure I will be a better person. @NoSelfSelf @Jacob Morres

In my language that sentence doesn't have that connotation. This was the context: She told me she gets angry a lot. So I said "you didn't get angry at me". And then she said "no you are a nice guy". Well... currently she doesn't think I'm a nice guy. Today she was screaming at me and I told her I don't want her and she hung up. It was a 360 and it felt empowering but I'm not proud.

I read that book and that book made me do it. Mentally I was very bad the last week. I tried everything to not do it as I explained in my thread. Will I do it again? No way. I'm a different person right now. There is fire in my eyes and I won't hesitate to strike back if somebody crosses my boundaries. It is important to value yourself and not take bullshit. I'm working on my traumas to heal it so I become a person who deals with these situations in a better way. Unfortunately I don't have a social circle, otherwise I wouldn't be here. It is very hard to enter one because I work from home, I go to the gym and that is about it. Perhaps after the lockdown I could join some clubs and have more chance but even then it is hard to enter a friend group. I'm full blown in trauma healing right now but I'm doing pickup on the side. I got a phone number from a cute blond girl today and she agreed to go on a coffee this weekend. If she flakes, I think I will stop doing pickup for a week or something to full concentrate on healing. I don't want to come across as a cry baby or something but last week was just terrible for me. I wish this event wouldn't affect me this way but I don't have a choice over my emotional reactions, traumas and past.

You are right but I have trauma. I think my trauma from my past got triggered. I tried to work on it but it was too much. Working on my game is difficult. I'm kind of insecure. I do get a lot of phone numbers but flake rate is insane. Like 99% flake. So I was angry about that and on top of that she blocked me on socials while I begged her to give me an explanation what is happening. She was ruthless so I was ruthless. It is not hard to understand.

I got a phone number of a cute blonde girl called "Brit". There was immediate sexual tension. This is promising but then again ..... I'm not very hopeful. All girls that I fixed bailed on me in the last two weeks. I'm not going to beat around the bush. I'm doing well with picking up phone numbers but not landing any dates. I'm kind of chasing girls who's number I got to train my healthy egoism by being a little pushy. I know being pushy doesn't work but it is a mental exercise to become more assertive. I mean: she doesn't want to go on a date, she uses me as a boost for her ego, then what? I will use her for my ego too and exercise leading/pushing and trespassing their personal boundaries. I'm try to push only for 3 times. After that I give up. I really need to stop pickup but it has become an addiction. If I only had one gf I would completely stop doing pickup for a while but I'm not that far. I need to go inward. Develop myself.

@Leo Gura you already know when you dating pickup program will be finished?

How is shadow work going to make me less needy? And what do you mean with deconstructing my psychology? You mean reaching absolute truth?

Only way to not be needy is to get what you want. There is a great saying. The hungry don't get fed. And the people who are not hungry get fed. The question is how to get out of the paradox. I know I shouldn't pretend and just be less needy but how.

The word of a girl is worth nothing when doing pickup. I can safely say this after having approached hundreds of women. Today I saw a girl who's number I got. I told her why she doesn't text me. She told me she would and I'm still waiting. Logic = promises = men Logic =/= girls Emotions = girls Pickup = emotions = male self-love = you get to do whatever you like with her This is the insight: as a male you can talk the biggest nonsense but enjoy yourself and give her good vibes, and you would make multitudes more chance with her if you are a honest, moral, nice guy that is perfect but is boring and logical.

True. It is about the heart chakra. Loving the self, loving life, having passions, loving her, loving the life purpose.

I'm kind of depressed and I don't have a strong purpose. Context: I'm working on trauma's. Focusing on healing myself. That would be my purpose right now.

I love khan academy. Thanks.

Everybody is trying to get the best deal. As a guy, it is important not to seem desperate in this negotiation. A good negotiation is not only about the goods being transfered but also about customer service. As a guy it is basically necessary to play that slick salesman until you get the (her) deal.

That is like trying to find a needle in a haystack: spiritual girls are rare here. Most of stage orange. Currently just lightening up the phone number of girls that flake on me. I just want honest answers. I'm kind of done with being nice. Girls want a guy who know what he wants and knows how to get it. What I need to learn is to value my own time and not take bullshit. It is about building up character.

@Preety_India I got one female friend but she has already a bf. I made some other platonic gfs, like two, both of them have bfs. And I just wanted to hang out with them. And she says it is not appropriate, although she gave me her phone number. I'm already doing what you are saying. I'm building up an emotional connection and just having fun. What they say is this: If you approach 100 girls, 20 girl will give their number and only 5 will go on a date. I'm not even getting that kind of result. Girls are just using me for their ego gratification but probably there is also something else. One girl literally said to me that she didn't told me she has a bf because she liked the attention she got from me. After she told that to me she was kind of embarrassed about her honesty.

What is superficial about trying to get a gf?

I'm doing pickup for couple of months right now and I noticed that most girls that give me their number are insecure girls, they just give their number for an ego boost, and afterwards they are very flakey. My sexual tension towards them is very mild and I treat them as a friend so the advice women are giving is definitely not working. I will try to up the implicit sexual tension and see how that works.

He is probably an asian guy who seeks for help.

@ll Ontology ll authenticity is something I'm practicing in my life. I call it healthy egoism. I practice it with people around me but also on this forum but it is not appreciated by Leo. I do have some toxic elements and that is not weird from my pov considering my trauma's.

Insights Girl just admitted she used me for her ego. I was kind of blind of this perspective. I need to develop systems to counter this. Perhaps let her qualify more. Ask she has a bf straight up. 99% of Girls only give about their own emotions. They are ruthless about their interests. So should I. I should dive into the experience without interpretation and trust my instincts. I made massive progress by doing this. My resentment against girls shines through. I noticed this today.

@Leo Gura Ok. I got it. I was overcompensating to get out of my nice guy syndrome.