StarStruck

I'm doing much better with dating but I'm still nowhere I want to be: chatting up girls is a walk in the park, getting numbers is easy too, but I have to work on my text game and my personality because most of the time they don't want to meet up. Anyway, so I want to park my dating endeavors and focus on IT (which is my LP) and self improvement. It is very hard though. I'm actually doing good with self improvement (reading spirituality books, going to therapy, and journaling) but with my LP I have a harder time. The main cause of this behavior is that what I really want is a gf. This sounds kind of pathetic and I know I should focus on my LP (which will make me more magnetic and make it easier for a girl to get interested in me) so I can think long term and justify it to myself why I should focus on my LP but I can't get my ass moving.

Those are good points and I think there is a central issue and the thing you summed up are hitting the problem from different angles. So since couple of days I was in close communication with her (that is why I wasn't here) and I thought everything was going great. I made her laugh through text. She wanted to meet up but we couldn't because of planning. She started talking about sex (asked me if I was good in sex) and I thought everything was going great until I ignored her for half a day. She told me I was boring (probably hissy fit for not responding quick enough) and I kind of got reactive and defensive; long story short I blew it and she blocked me. I'm trying not to take it personal and just try to learn the lessons. She made couple of good points and the main point she had was that I'm boring. Yesterday I was out for a drink and people and especially girls don't like boring guys/closed off guys/non-authentic guys. Not sure how to work on this. I'm doing RSD at home by Owen and that is a program focused on exactly the problems I'm having. Unfortunately there is no quick solution to this problem as far as I know.

Krishna was talking about the quantum field.

That is so true and it also explains why some girls were interested and lose interests later on. Is it correct to say that the more self-worth one has, the less needy that person is? I think another factor that is important is the appearance of not being needy. Through text girls can interpret me as needy while I'm not.

Learning to go with the flow is important. If you already "know" you will have a shitty night you will have a shitty night. Rather start from a place of not knowing; with that consciousness a window for creative co-creation with a girl can manifest.

Integrating my anima has been a great but it is not a magic pill. Last girl I was dating was blowing up my phone and treating me like I was her therapist telling me all of her problems. I was accepted that because I was nice. Afterwards she told me she didn't feel the vibe although I met her emotional needs. I think I was also a little boring at sometimes but still.

Sorry I forgot about this thread. I live in the Netherlands too. And I did ask girls what the problem is. Most girls don't tell me but the ones who I get close with and trust me do give me valuable information: the vibe is off is a big one, they say they aren't sure about my intentions (only one girl said this) and I'm kind of "offline" sometimes if that makes sense.

I made huge progress. Thanks to pickup, I don't have approach anxiety. Now I'm a much better conversationalist, I know how to flirt, be light hearted, and know how to lead and I can basically get numbers all the time. The problem is that girls give their numbers, agree on a coffee date on the spot and some how they change their mind and just bail on me. It is NOT that they get pushed into giving their numbers. I always approach them in crowd places and the vibe is just spot on. I'm doing as good as those pickup artists on youtube. There was only one success that I had. I did date a very cute blonde girl that I liked very much: She was exactly what I wanted in terms of personality and looks. It was going great. She took contact with me for a third date (she proposed she would visit my home) and cancelled it because she was sick. She rescheduled it again but she had a job interview. Afterwards I got frustrated and ask her for next week and now her excuses are that she is busy, although she only works 35 hours and schools are closed. I confronted her and said "I get the feeling you don't want to meet any more" and she said "that is not true, I'm just busy". I can get so mad about this because she tells me there is nothing wrong but I can clearly see she is less invested in the relationship. So I got frustrated and approached some girls yesterday, I got two numbers and both of them bailed on me for a coffee date although the vibe was 10/10. I did everything by the book. The thing is that I do get small successes with pickup but the cost/benefit ratio is way off. I'm starting to think, is it my appearance? I look to other guys who walk around with hot girls and I can tell it is not my appearance. Is this amount of flaking and this amount of failure normal? I'm starting to doubt about my pickup journey.

I put it on a slow burner. I'm just too frustrated with my lack of results. My outer game is on par but my inner game is just so off. I'm too needy and depending. Too much stuff from the past. I need to work on my inner shit because it is sabotaging my progress. I'm busy with solving what Owen is talking about:

My pickup endeavors are still very bumpy. I can get girls interested in me but they quickly get disinterested once they get to know me. I'm not sure what the problem is. Probably I'm too boring, I'm not qualifying them enough and not letting them jump through my hoops. The most recent girl got frustrated because she didn't get enough attention from me and stopped acting feminine around me. It is frustrating. Pickup is forcing me to turn inwards. Just too many land mines from my past that just fuck shit up. This girl told me she wasn't sure about my intentions and I think it is over. Previously she was complaining about me not giving her enough attention and that my vibe was off compared to the beginning. We met like two times to train in the gym and the vibe was good. She liked it and bombarded me with text but somewhere in the middle of the week started being annoying. I think there wasn't enough man to woman dynamic through texting. I'm just a sucker with text game.

So I stopped giving approval to girls and they seem to seek it and when I don't give it, they want it even more. Should I keep this dynamic? For now it works but I'm afraid they will give up and just scoot off if I don't give it to them. For now I just give tiny bits of indirect approval and it seems to work but I was wondering what the right way is. To be honest, I'm still beta and I'm looking for validation and approval too and I'm just masking it. It is for my own good will. I noticed that it is a huge turn off for girls if I seek it so I'm just acting I'm not seeking it but girls are not dumb they can sense it. For now I'm just faking it until I make it and I don't need validation and approval. In the meantime I need to keep this dynamic going where they seek my validation and approval. If I know one thing it is this: don't feed pigs until they are full, always keep them begging for more!

That is a good point. I don't trust girls so I won't play open card with them anyway. I found this interesting video below. At 5:29 they say don't be a girl's emotional support: do you agree with that? This girl is just sharing a lot of her day with me and I'm just acknowledging her "emotional hardships" but I'm kind of confused how to act. I met her in the gym and we worked out couple of times. I could invite her to my home and she would come but I'm more in the relationship to learn from her. She is really great at flirting and I hope it rubs off onto me. @Javfly33 True, the moment I gave up on girls, I really started making leaps with pickup.

Change your association with facing resistance. When the resistance is highest you are closest to success. It reminds me of the saying: the darkest hour is before dawn. The key is to let go of resistance of feeling resistance. See resistance as a sign of growth. Like you are sitting in the gym and pumping iron. You are not really working out if you are not sweating.

Which book of his focuses on the chakra system? I saw one of his graphs explaining the chakra model in detail on the internet and I got interested. I'm not referring to the psychograph. I already read integral psychology and integral relationships.

Is that a things? So I have been reading Wilber and his integral theory. I'm a very chaotic person so it really helped me to think straight but I feel like I'm too analytical right now because I'm always looking how something fits into the bigger picture. Systems thinking is a great tool but I feel like I have become too dependent on it. Perhaps I should just stick to it and I will outgrow it? Currently I'm busy with fixing my personal issues and integral psychology by Wilber gives a great frame work: especially the psychograph which combines the great nest theory and the four quadrants. I integrated the knowledge so much that I don't even have to use my active mind to psycho analyze people or myself: I'm just observing and my mind just uses passive knowledge to analyze. For people who are new to systems thinking: I recommend integral theory over spiral dynamics. It encompasses the bigger picture. If systems thinking taught me something it is better to move from big picture to small picture than the other way around. In my experience moving from small picture to big picture, makes the small picture recontextualize and I just lose the wisdom.

Preferably a course.

So I started with pickup in May. In the beginning it was really difficult but currently it is very easy for me to connect to girls in a fun, open and carefree fashion. My close rate with a phone number is very high so I should be happy but I'm not. All the phone numbers I get lead to nothing. I send a text: no reply. I call: they don't pick up. People on this forum told me to create more comfort and vibe more. A guy can only do so much in 10-20 minutes. I think my emotional connection building skills are OK. I'm really interested in them and I don't get the feeling they just give their number to get rid of me. That happened only once or twice. So currently I have like 6 girls I acquired recently. Last couple of days I tried to text them or call them. None of them answered me. I'm collectively being punished for something and I'm totally blind to it. I have already worked on Building emotional connection Throwing in some negative emotional spikes Being funny Outcome independence and being carefree People told me abundance would solve my problem. I have abundance in phone numbers but it isn't leading anyway.

Usually I say " Hi, what is up?" Or "Hi, this is x and this is my phone number" but usually I open very customized and refer back to the interaction. Even if they respond, they stop responding after the initial phase. I'm guessing I just don't have enough value for them.

You have to go where the people are that you want to meet. Besides that you need some charisma to attract friends. It is very hard. I'm struggling with it too.

I'm not.

Turkish

It is hard not to stress about it. It shouldn't be this hard. I see people with no PUA background killing it. Guys with no confidence and nothing special about them. I bet even criminals in jail get more game than me. Today I saw a documentary how hot feminine sending mail to these criminal guys... all the while I can't even get a bitch to text me back. It is hard to not be enraged by this. I'm trying to enjoy the plateau of the learning curve but I didn't expect it to be like this. Especially after another week when I text 4-5 girls and none of them respond back. These are my favourite openers: Observation (about her) opener Opinion opener Direct opener: compliment Funny/weird canned openers Definitely need to work on my confidence and self-esteem but it is not that bad. My confidence and self-esteem is actually ok. I have more balls than 95% of the guys around here. Perhaps I could work on my self-esteem a little bit more by reading pillars of self-esteem.

I'm only doing this since May. In the beginning it was hard but now it is very easy. Getting a phone number doesn't mean anything. How can I not take it personal if I text 5 girls to do something with me this weekend and none doesn't take the time to send a freaking text back? My expectations aren't that even high. I'm aiming at 10% success rate (from phone number to date) and I'm not even reaching that. So I started in May and I got around 25 phone numbers and I've only gone on dates with two girls. With one girl: 3 dates and with the other: 1 date. Most of my phone numbers I have gotten this month and last month. In the beginning of my PUA career I was very ineffective with getting phone numbers. If I'm doing what I'm doing right now it is not worth it. I'm putting a lot of time and energy into it and I'm not getting back my minimalist expectations. I did two PUA programs on natural game. Perhaps I should do another one. That is a lot. I wish I had those results. How many phone numbers resulted in 20 dates?

I remember your advice and I did try to build a social circle but it is not easy. I get some dudes numbers from the gym and they are just as flakey as girls. I'm just wanting a training buddy for starters but they just don't see the value in it. They rather train alone or when they want, I guess. I experimented with this and it is true. The chance they reply is much higher but from my experience they flake on me/ignore me sooner or later but that doesn´t take away from the fact that this is a good practise. I wish I knew this earlier. Some people give the exact opposite advice. They told me to totally ignore the girl after setting up the date (that doesn't work). I will try what you told me for a change. Very clever but usually I don't even get that far. I get her number and I try to text her or call her and she just doesn't respond. It is very hard to proceed from this spot. I can try to call her every couple of days hoping she picks up but they rarely do. From my experimentation, if I bog them down enough, they will be forced to reject me so I stop trying. So my conclusion is that most girls give their number and they are too lazy to reject the guy. My male brain says "so just don't give me your number then if you don't want me" and I still can't understand that part from female psychology. I should just stop trying to understand them. At this point I really don't know what I can do more. I exhausted all of my options. Only thing that comes to mind is to consume more PUA material and become more manipulative and push their buttons more. The natural PUA material just doesn't work with me. They don't want a nice and authentic guy. I need to play the game and push their buttons. My social life sucks and my social media sucks even more. I don't look great in pictures. I discovered this after going on tinder where girls rejected me on a collective scale. That is hard to believe.

I watched Leo's video on being funny. It really helps getting phone numbers. Leo's latest video on loneliness also helped me. Girls just don't want to meet me after giving their phone number. There was one Ukrainian who wanted me but she canceled last minute, told me if I wanted to meet next week and then start ignoring me. They give their number and they agree on a date. And when it is weekend and I call them or text them, they are not home. You might be right about them not seeing value in me. I don't know how to solve this though. These girls are just wasting my time. Just tell me you don't want me instead of giving me your number and letting my hang high and dry.