StarStruck

I notice that girls can pick up on those subtle things like if I'm bothered by paying or if she talks about going out a lot or other guy's. I try not to judge her but it is very hard not to. I either have to stop judging or be a better actor and conceal it.

This really hit the nail. Tonight I went out doing night game and I was totally stuck in logical mode. As a nerd I can't just help it. From experience I know it is hard to go out of logical mode and just vibe. It is a matter of luck; sometimes I can vibe in logical mode and sometimes I can't. I couldn't find the catalyst for non logical vibing.. yet.

Night game Night game is new for me. Day before yesterday I went out and that was great and I went out this night and it was awful. There were only total bitches and me as a nice guy just didn't make any chance. In such "bad ass clubs" confidence and knowhow is all that counts. There was one girl who respected me and my approach and I felt like a wolf without teeth. I'm trying to have compassion for myself. I'm new with night game and it is totally different compared to day game. I got rejected like 10 times in a night and it really stung because there was a friend who was watching. If no one is watching I wouldn't even care.

Ok. So basically demonstration of value through stories and shit. When she threw out that shit test about fuckboys I just froze up. I fucked up so hard. Also when she brought the topic of me trying to kiss her, I didn't know how to handle it, I asked her why she didn't want to kiss me like a total fool. I already knew the answer: I couldn't establish the right vibe where she would put out.

I want to get my dick wet. If I'm not practical it is not going to happen. Try being a man for a day. No offense.

I don't get how that is related to her shit test. That is now how I'm passing her shit test.

There is something I wanted to ask about the date: She brought the topic up about fuckboys and I didn't know what to say. She said she hated fuckboys and I just went silent because if I told her no I'm not a fuckboy I would fall into the category of cuck and if I say yes I'm a fuckboy she would he turned off. It was a lose lose situation. How would you guys have done?

Agreed. But I don't believe in that fairy tail crap anyway. My frustration comes from not being accepted as I am. Because women tell me just be yourself; they are totally clueless. I'm not good at making friends though because I'm so needy/unhappy/clueless. I hope pickup will weed out my neediness which will make it easier to make friends. True. How to know I'm my true/real self though? Being a needy nice guy feels like my true self because those needs feel real.

You don't know me enough to make such statements. I wish I was crazy; girls love that. And I know that for a fact.

I'm already doing therapy. I don't know what you want me to do more.

Calling me a sociopath is like calling a wolf without sharp teeth a predator. I wish I was a wolf with sharp teeth.

You have to develop a killer instinct and get touch with this killer instinct. If you can you will reach this discipline called execution and you can just do it! The killer instinct is a psychopathic trait that should be combined with traits like social awareness, carefreeness, humor and calibration. My advice is to go 10% out of your comfort zone and - push - it. It is no different than training a muscle in the gym. You just have to do it.

Thank you so much for posting this! This is what I really needed to hear. I'm a guy who didn't get the love and attention from my mother. The article says such guys are not naive enough to expect real love from a female. That is not correct. I do expect unconditional love from a girl on an emotional level. It is hard to stamp that need out because I desire something I didn't get from my mother. I will talk about this topic with my therapist. I don't know him enough to tell him about this sensitive stuff. I'm just being done with being nice. And for a nice guy it is not possible to be 50% less nice. I noticed that I really have to swing to the opposite side of the pendulum. Yesterday night I was out, and I came across a girl who I approached months ago. She gave me her number at the time but she didn't want to go out with me when I texted her. I asked her why and she said "You don't look happy!". Well she was a little drunk and I think she is a little bit autistic but that really hit the nail. Girls just care about themselves and what feelings they get from a man. That is the crux when it is boiled down to its essence.

I decided to pickup again. As you can see in the journey, I was offline between begin-August to the middle of October. It will be low intensity pickup. I'm over hyperactivity. I have the skills to get phone numbers with minimal effort. My effort is really on my self, inner game (self-acceptance and self-transformation), and most importantly my work ethic and LP. My mindset is totally different than in the beginning of my journey. Girls really disappointed me and I'm learning a lot from them. And the more I learn about them, the more I learn about myself.

Fair enough. It is hard to grasp when I'm in the middle of this shit show but I understand it now. That rung a bell. I try my best to look from a third person perspective to my feelings right now but it only works partly. I just want to punch somebody or something. I'm trying to channel that anger towards self-improvement and self-acceptance. I'm doing Joe Dispenza's meditations: mainly doing release work from root chakra towards crown chakra, and a second meditation that focuses on the heart chakra

This is some good resources on not being creepy:

I have huge personality flaws. Acting like those doesn't exist doesn't help me. I have tried that.

You are a woman though so you have it easier. I'm weird and in my head. Today my gym mate told me I was not sharp and easily distracted. He probably doesn't want to train with my anymore. Until I solved this I'm not going to date. It is self chastity.

I have abundance right now. I already have a date with another girl but that doesn't change the hurt. That Polish girl literally took my heart and stamped on it. And I don't blame her. I was kind of in my head, too logical, and insecurities at the end of the date took me over. There is a part of me that doesn't want to date anymore. Dating feels like slamming my foot with a hammer. I can just see how I fuck up things and I can't help it.

For me manipulation doesn't have a bad connotation. When I drove home I manipulated my car to drive me home. Now I'm manipulating my phone to write a msg to you. And you are trying to manipulate me in the same manner. That is what we do. Manipulate. And other guys manipulated the polish girl and slept with her. And I failed to do that.

Pickup is all about manipulation. Being human is all about manipulation. Have you ever done pickup?

I totally understand what you mean. I did my homework on spirituality. So you suggest I should ruminate about what you wrote and that will solve my problems? I guess I'm trying to find the magic pill but there is no magic pill for my problem. Perhaps infinite love is the magic pill. To be honest, my ego doesn't even want to listen to what you are saying. I really had to push myself to read what you wrote. I just want to wallow in my misery because I'm addicted to those feelings while what I really need is existential love or loving life. I hate life. I'm creating my own future by choosing the emotions.

So I should be content with what happened? I'm content with the fact that I got a chance/date with her. I can't be content with her blocking me and treating me like trash after I paid everything for her and I was a real gentlemen. If I played my cards right I would have a smile on my face right now. How can I be content with that? Very good point. In the park she jokingly said "I don't trust you", I guess that was not a joke but a message. She didn't trust me because I didn't trust myself. My mindset was like this: "I can't believe this beautiful girl is with me, is this real life? Don't fuck this up!!!" Yesss. This is so true. She felt I need her more than she needs me. I could see it on her face.

True, the conscious and mental bandwidth get's capitalized by negativity and where one puts attention there the life force goes. I'm not somebody who cries but I'm already going the things I highlighted. Yesterday I ran my ass off. Read a book. I journalled and did some seminars. I'm more productive than ever but I still want to go. My inner fire is too big. I'm afraid I will do stupid stuff again like calling her, going to her place or not doing that and taking cannabis. So why would I even do pickup? Obviously I'm not her, she is not with me right now. Perhaps from God or Quantum perspective I could accept everything is 1 so I'm also the Polish girl that I like but that doesn't change anything in the material world we are in right now. You are typing this msg in the material world right now and me too.

Update about my psychological state after yesterday's date and resulting rejection. ? This is really the straw that broke the camels back. ? My internal fire ? is raging. I want to tear something apart. Punch something. Conquer a fucking country. Beat a squeel with a bat. I really don't give a fuck (!!) about women anymore. I give only a fuck in the extend that it will give me what I want. That is how they are. Just like in the famous words: you are all about her and she is all about hers as Lil Wayne says: Girls are forming what I will become. It is a process. It will take time but I'm going balls deep. Really not giving a fuck is not easy and it will take time. At the end of this year "I will fuck what I want and fuck what I don't!"