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  1. Hello everyone, I would like some advice in regards to communication with my employer. I’m in Germany and have been working with my GP (amazing woman) to be on sick leave since beginning of December .. to give me the space and time I need to work through some serious trauma and heal. This has been a great decision, making a lot of progress right now and finding tons of stuff that is helping me. Just can’t do that while trapped in the 9to5 ratrace. Was also just failing and my body was shutting down after going right back to work after a 14day dieta in Peru. I do feel so much better in the past weeks. Now with my employer the communication about this has been very “minimal”. The company certainly has a lot of issues and they contributed to my depression as well. However I’m also grateful for what they’ve done and provided for me. Right now the health insurance is paying my salary, but they still pay for some not-insignificant benefits. Yesterday I drank some Aya and it came to me that it could be really beneficial writing one of the bosses an email, asking for a meeting in-person and be really clear and open about what is happening. I guess the risk here is exposing myself and it could backfire somewhat if they’re not understanding. I’m not 100% clear yet what they could actually do to me though. As I really do fight some depression, and am really sick. So far I communicated that my doc thinks its depression and that I’m pretty clueless and want to take time though and figure it out. Not sure in how far they buy this story and my last call with HR could have been better probably. Somehow I feel most of my fears wont happen and I can only learn and grow from this. Perhaps make this company a better place and their impact on the whole more positive. I do feel people there care for me. Any thoughts on this really appreciated. Thank you -Explorer
  2. Yes I'm aware it wont be freebase anymore (that was the goal). My rectum is pretty sensitive as it is, so I would really like to minimize any further irritation. Will it not help absorption if the 5-MeO is dissolved in the liquid? Or lessen irritation by potentially having more surface area compared to the oxalate which may end up being concentrated more in one area as it is not dissolved in the liquid? Also right now I only have 10ml syringes, which i fill with 2-4ml solution. It does work but even 50mg oxalate does not go too deep. I'm not sure if that is it not letting me go too deep .. or simply not enough being absorbed/me needing more than 50mg.
  3. What would be nicer on the rectum, 1.) 5-MeO-DMT freebase dissolved in water with minimum amount of citric acid required OR 2.) 5-MeO-DMT oxalate NOT dissolved in water. Or does it not make such a big difference at amounts around 50mg? What about absorption? Thanks
  4. I need some advice regarding redosing. If I want to spend more time in this 5meo state, what would be a good redose amount, say initial dose about 30mg freebase. I'm concerned about overloading the body by taking too much. Or would it be better to wait a few hours, or even the next day? But man, this Ego suxx Thanks!
  5. Thanks, well that kind of sucks .. thought I could do some nice volumetric dosing. Should it be somewhat evenly distributed in the liquid when stirred? As i only want to take like 1/20 of it for starters.
  6. Is it normal to have a kind of cloudy/not-clear liquid after dissolving 5-Meo-DMT.oxalate in tap-water? UPDATE: Now it looks like the 5-MeO-DMT settled at the bottom of the glass-jar. Liquid is clear, but nothing has been dissolved? This is pretty clean tap-water here in Germany.
  7. Think i will give a little more context: I attended a 14 day dieta in Peru, drinking Ayahuasca several times and working with a master plant. Im really glad i went and I think it made a huge impact. Ever since I'm back, my social anxiety is greatly decreased and I can deal with social settings much better. I'm still integrating all this and learning a lot. However, I'm still a bit stuck in my old patterns and alone too much. This causes anxiety and depression. I'm looking to find a psychologist right now to help me with this. Yesterday I took 900mg of SJW-extract and it definitely helps with anxiety, less reactive around strangers. I think it could be this little push to help me expand my comfort zone more and Change these patterns of isolation. My biggest fear is that it could be a crutch and I'm not actually learning the lessons behind my anxiety, the anxiety just being suppressed.
  8. Food can be drugs pretty much. Refined sugar is a drug. All just another form of escapism, not facing your pain.
  9. Hi, So today I was at my doc and she prescribed me some St. John's Wort extract capsules. I suffer some anxiety/depression .. which is caused by my current living situation and certainly trauma that I still work on in various ways. The dark winter here in Germany does not help So I wonder if taking this stuff could be a good thing overall? I always wanted to stay away from SSRI, even if this is a natural one. Seems like a complex plant. Appreciate any thoughts on this. Thanks!
  10. I think its highly debatable if a chemically extracted version of Ayahuasca, i think people call it Pharmahuasca, is actually superior. For sure it reduces nausea and vomiting, but it also removes a lot of the alkaloids present in those full-spectrum brews using whole plants. For instance, I find drinking Caapi Tea way more healing than just eating harmala extract. It has quite a different feel and after effects to it as well.
  11. Hmmm wow, reading through this thread is a bit confusing I just got the two Kriya books from the booklist, but now i wonder if these are wrong and i should find a guru? I wish there was more clarity, but that seems rarely the case with so many things
  12. 5-MeO-DMT as training-wheels for letting go of your life
  13. I liked the video, Think it relates a lot to the Sedona Method
  14. @NahmI have some trouble decoding what you're saying, but i think we are on the same page I just had a powerful meditation on Keith's Cacao (ceremonial grade), and in general I notice how important daily meditation is on this journey of transformation and staying on track. A lot of stuff is happening right now: A few days ago I went to see a girl for cuddle therapy I never met before. There is good chemistry and connection. During the session she was holding me and at first there was resistance. I noticed that deep breaths would help me to allow this. After a while I started the weep and cry for like 10 minutes. Pretty intense. After sitting up again, I noticed my arms and hands and maybe my whole body vibrating strongly, tingly sensations. A sensation that I recognized from a Kambo session about 2 months back. I believe this is energetic blockages being released from the body. Will probably have more sessions with her as I think she can really help me. There was also a lesson here that I still need to integrate: That it is Okay giving and receiving love, that I deserve it and that Yes - it is possible to be betrayed, but this true core of me can never be "hurt" or "diminished" by it. Only the Ego can. This insight seems actually a bit confusing/conflicting with the whole healing the inner child/trauma stuff. Not sure how this connects yet. Ideas? I decided to do the dieta in Peru and already had an introduction call with them and paid a deposit. Think this can be really powerful. I saw this girl again I was writing about in my initial post and she invited me to an alternative festival the upcoming weekend. Not really in my comfort zone, but will go as I think it should be good for me.