@Skanzi @Nahm @d0ornokeyThank you all so much for your thoughtful replies, this is my first post on the forum and the fact that this is the level of detail that I received on the first re few replies is pretty astonishing. A quick follow up, since the "high" point of my life I've been meditating diligently for ~ 2 years, and for the past few months I've begun with self inquiry meditations, so in many ways I agree with the sentiments I am more evolved now than I was in the past, especially considering the fact that never in my life before this had I really taken spirituality or enlightenment seriously. I have no desire to go back to a point in my life whereby I didn't understand the potential of a practice of meditation/enlightenment, but at the same time its difficult more to me to accept that in the meantime I am not enlightened and there exists a version my self that is more confident, has higher esteem, etc that I don't have access too. My plan is to continue with the contemplation about this "higher" state, and I will also contemplate on why I feel I need/want this state in the first place.
Also, given that I don't really have anyone to discuss these things with in my life I feel like i'm going to be asking a lot of questions on this forum, but at the same time I don't really know what the limits are for clarification/insight. I feel like I could ask for 1000 clarification points on this thread alone but that seems very selfish and isn't fair to other people here. Any insight on how to balance the desire to seek thorough advice, without sucking up too many resources would be appreciated.
Thanks a lot guys.
