Raptorsin7

@zeroISinfinity I have a hard time crying. I want to cry all day but I don't know how to bring out the tears. The path is rough man. I was having suicidal thoughts on Lsd recently, I'm really hoping I can be done with all this non duality stuff soon

What practices do you do that produce good feeling? I'm trying to cultivate feelings of joy, bliss, appreciation, gratitude etc but i'm having trouble. I find simple meditation on the feeling of being me isn't enough to get me bliss and joy, are there are specific meditation practices that can generate these high tier feelings? Any other thoughts on how to feel better?

It's okay to cry. Crying is good. Theres nothing to be ashamed of when crying.

Okay I can get a good effect with these drugs if i take them as often as possible honestly. The main thing holding me back has got to be the fears of being a drug addict. The stigma around arounds is strong, I think it makes me an inferior person for being on drugs. Which is somewhat true. It's a partial truth to say that you are inferior for wanting to be on drugs, its true to say that I have a lot of fucked of beliefs from factors that I cannot control and I need a way to make sense of it. Honesty is so important. Radical honesty. Until it would be a radical move not be honest. Life flipped inside out. Full on embrace of bizzaro land. I think this is true of me. I've always feared sickness because i didn't want to die because death=bad. But i am sick. I need help. If it's not obvious yet its obvious now. I am in recovery. I need to heal from life. This is my life now. Healing myself, and finding a way to heal people is where its at. It's all i care about. Its all i care about anyways.

@Ry4n how do you do it? know any resources?

@RendHeaven People are already playing the games. Imagine learning to play in a way that makes you feel good and become happier, and also makes you better at the game. The buddha used the breathe to enlighten people, I will use league of legends and video games as my vehicle.

@RendHeaven I have 100% confidence in my idea. Your concerns are your own. @Nahm 2 weeks ago my response would have been different haha

3 things i'm grateful for. I have free time before my final exams to work on feeling better. My exams are in about 3 weeks, and i need to start studying soon to be prepared. I'm only going for average marks so it shouldn't be too hard, but still. Having this time now is nice. I'm not worried about the exams, and i'm free to work on feeling good and playing league. I am grateful for the path to enlightenment. The path has gave me a clear way to improve my life and feel better. That's all i've ever wanted in my entire life was to feel better and improve my life. The path has made these goals real for me. I know through acceptance, surrender, love, compassoin, understanding, awareness, that i can feel good. I have faith that if i continue on the path i will feel better and better, and my life will be dream/heaven like. I have faith. I believe. I am also grateful that faith comes naturally to me. I don't have to lie to myself, i actually have faith that my life is only going to get better and better and that this is simply the base of the mountain for how good my life can get. I am grateful for legue of legends. I can't believe i'm going to make millions of dollars just playing this online game. I've always loved and been talented at games since i was a little kid. Now i get to actualize this potential and make millions of dollars from it. Wow what a life, am i right. This game is changing my life for the better, and it provides me with an opportunity to give back to the world. I can teach non-duality through my website, and i can raise money for charity through boosting and charity streams and tournaments. Wow. Incredible. So much good can come of this, so much good is coming of tihs as we speak. It's already coming. I'm in the process, in the unfolding as we speak. It is really about surrendering and accepting, because what i want is already coming.

Being honest with people is difficult. I just told a friend that I don't want to play duo q with him. I get tilted playing with my friends because i expect a lot out of them and its suffocating to both me and him. Expectations. These are part of my identity. I expect great things. But do? Is the issue with the expectation, or is the issue that i don't expect it enough. It feels better to expect more. I want to try using the dream board with each individual game. This is an interesting project. I will write down the focus of each solo q game before i play it. So if i want to improve csing, map awareness, team fight positioning, tracking cooldowns etc, then i can put it on the board. How about 3 things, that number came to me. I will write 3 things on the board that I believe are most important to my success in the coming game. Write down the 3 things that you think are MOST important to winning the game. If you execute well on these 3 things you will win the game, and make that your focus.

I forgot what I was going to put in the journal. What do i want? I want to be challenger in league. Ok so what's the next step in the path to challenger. The next step is to climb in league Climbing in league involves playing the game, and learning from my mistakes. I think an important growth factor will be watching replays of losses as much you can. It doesn't have to be every game. Don't be so rigid. Be flexible.

I try my absolute best in every league i play I try my best to win, no matter what is happening I do not flame my teammates, i take 100% responsibility for everything that goes wrong in the game. I take full responsibility for whatever happens in league of legends. I take full responsibility for how I feel I am responsible for everything that happens in my life I own all of it Everything is my fault, and that's totally okay. Becuae if you don't take full responsiblity then there are parts of your life that you can't control, so if something bad is happening and you dont own it, then how can you change it? Exactly, you can't. So take full ownership for everything. Own it. Feel bad because your soraka inted? Well OWN IT BITCH. Why were they high enough hp to killl your raka? Why didn't you support her? Why did you die? Why weren't you pinging her? There's so much to own. So own it. It feels good to take responsibility. I take full responsiblity for everything. So now the question is what can i do? The answer is nothing. I am just a thought. So there's nothing to do, and no one to do it. Now go do it.

@billiesimon The presence is our true nature. I think now it's a matter of depth. Idk, i'm just here to feel amazing and find the greatest version of the human. Once i find that, i'm out lol.

@Nahm Once you recognize the distinction between feeling and thinking, then what? The human can reach a place where there is consistent attention on feeling rather than thinking, and as a result the sensations in the third eye region pulse and vibrate to varying degrees. But then what? The human isn't feeling the love. What's the next step after re-connecting with feeling?

Challenger ADC Playing league of legends is effortless Joy, love, bliss, freedom, creativity, playing league of legends Pushing the limits in every game.

Jhana practice from the mind illuminated. I'm going to look for specific types of meditation to cultivate bliss, joy, ectasy, etc. All the pleasant feels i've been craving. There is resistance in the way. Resistant thinking. But simply be pressent of who you really are, hint it's not the guy in the thoughts. And then act.

Looking at reality with a different Lens. Leave it to god. If gods will is then so be it. Acceptance.

The relationship between feeling and thinking. There are negative emotions, in the sense that these emotions have so far been avoided. Shame, guilt, fear, insecurity. These have been labeled bad, and the human has been living to avoid these. So the human is trapped in a narrow life, because growth would produce these feelings. But those feelins are in relation to thoughts, those feelings are there to show that those thoughts aren't true and you should pick a better feeling thought, a thought that doesn't lead to feelings of shame, guilt, fear etc. On weed the relationship between thinking and feeling so clear. But when i'm pure sober it's rough. Man, i am fucked up. I am legit fucked. But it's okay. First step is to admit there's a problem. If you can't admit there's a problem, then you have no chance. Because then you have good reason to change. @Nahm is this accurate?

@TrynaBeTurquoise Its nice to have goals to orient the trips around. Like right now i don't feel good, i want to feel happy, blissed out, amazing etc. So i know for me that's the goal of these trips is to find good feeling. I'm also trying to master league of legends, so i try playing on the drugs too which helps me measure progress. Like my last trip was 1.5 tab and i felt connected to the game while playing it was really surreal. Having those clear goals with the trips is great because i can measure progress on and off the drugs. Like i know what's possible for myself in the game now, i can literally feel connected to the virtual world. So when i play the game sober i know what i'm going for.

@TrynaBeTurquoise I did like 50ug of LSD a few weeks ago because my baseline was already pretty psychidelic so i thought a minor dose would push me to a break though into bliss. But i just got stuck prior to full surrender, and I was just in misery. I find going with larger doses is good because it forces a sink or swim situation. Especially, for me because i have a hard time pushing my comfort zone, the drugs just do it for me. Especially at higher doses.

@Mada_ I think the best thing for the world is for people to wake up to the truth, and become happier and more conscious. Video games is my channel to spread the truth. I just want people to be happy. Video games will be how i reach people.

Emotional scale work. How to best use the scale to feel better This music changes feeling for the better. I am worried that i won't find the zone in league of legends, and my website idea will fail. The zone is feeling good, i believe the key to my success is to find my highest feeling self prior to playing the game. I doubt that i'll be able to find the zone while playing. I doubt that I will feel amazing while playing. I am dissapointed that i don't yet feel good while playing my game, like how long is this going to take? I am overwhelmed with all these teachings. I just want some teachings that will help me feel good while playing my game. I want to feel my best, i want to be in the zone. I am frustrated and impatient that i am not in the zone yet. Like wtf, how am i not in the zone yet. This is really frustrating me, i just want to play my best and be as good as I can possibly be at league, which is at least challenger. I don't know if this stuff is going to work. Like who knows if this emotional scale stuff is even what gets me to feel good. Am i even donig this right? Idk, like how do i know if i'm even using the emotional scale correctly. I am getting sick of just sitting here and writing about how i want to feel. Can i just feel good already? Like how hard is this? How hard is it to just feel good, am i right? I can accept i'm at. I can be at peace with the moment. I really hope i can find good feeling through this journal. How incredible would that be? If i could just tune into good feeling through writing about emotions. That would be so awesome. I hope i can learn to do this. I will keep trying no matter what. i HOPE i can tune into good feeling and feel love and joy by simply writing about thoughts and feelings. I am hopeful. I really hope it's possible. I can do this. I believe i can find good feeling by simply writing about thoughts and emotions. I can do this. I believe that I can find good feeling by writing about thoughts and emotions. I expect to find good feeling by writing about it in my journal. I expect to feel really good while playing league. I expect to have fun everytime I play, win or lose. I believe i can do it. I believe i can find love and joy while playing league of legends. I believe i can do it. I believe i can find love and joy and happiness playing league of legends. I can't wait to feel good. I'm so excited to finallly feel good. OMG. i can't wait. Heaven on earth baby. I'm so pumped. I'm exctied to finally feel so good that i can just try my best and be free. I am confident that this feeling good will carry to me to challenger effortlessly. Putting my faith outside of myself, into god. InTO LOVE. I trust love. I believe in love. lOVE IS THE WAY. Alhamdulah. I am exctied to finally feel good.

I want to move up the emotional scale. How do i feel now? How is this fking idiot challenger. Fking retard. Doesn't make fking sense, what a fking clo wn. Fking idiot, toxic fuck. What a fking clwon. I would fking stab this kid in the neck. I would love to fking torture this fking clown. I would love a fking reason. Give me a fking reason bitch. Fking goof, fgt. Fking bitch pussy, i would fuck this clwon up. I would fking love it. GIve me a fking knife, i'll cut his fucking finger off. Fuck this shit. Fuck everyone. Fucking mother fuclers. Fucking iidot humans. I fking wish we were in the olden times, so these fking retards would just get fking slaughtered in the streets. Fucking clowns. Does this stuff even work. Like, does the emotional scale even do anything? Like i've never gotten to joy and love. Like i use the scale, like Nahm tells me, and it doensn't fking all the time. Like wtf. This is fucking not fair. Like why me, why does shit happen to me. Why does everyone else to get be happy, and i cant be happy. Wtf. This isn't fair. This is not fair. Its all my parents fault. Its also Nahm's fault, fucking idiot life coach can't fking enlightenment me. FUCKING idiots on this fourm, are enlightened and can't even help me.Fucking trash can enlighteneted people. Fucking idiots. When i'm enlightened i'll fucking help everyone. But these idiots can't help me wtf. I blame them. I blame everyone. its' allthere fault. I blame my idiot mother. For not teachign me to be happy. My mom is a fking idiot. She doesn't know how to raise kids. my dad is a fking tool. The guys a huge fking pussy. My family is full of retards. These fking clowns don't even know how to live. Like fking idiot rich hill billys. Fking trash can foools. No wisdom behind their actions. FUCKING ID ing idiots. How the fuck do you not know how to raise kids. Like how fking hard is it? This shit is a fking joke. I blame these tretards. All this shit oculd have been solved growing up, if i had good fucking parents. But i didn't. My PARENTS ARE FKING RETARDS. i'M GOING TO fking waste all there fking money, because theye are fking idiots. And they don't deserve to be happy. Fking idiot parents I'm going to fucking show everyone who fking doubted me. Fking idiot teaches, who thought they wre fking smsarter then me. Fking retards. How fking dare they. Who the fuck do they think they are. I am fking smarter than allyou fking idiots. And you fking idiots try to tell me what to do. I will fking show you retards. I will show all u fking retards. I will fking show you what it menas to be a fking human being. I have gods favor. Fking idiots don't even belive in god. What a bunch of fking clowns. I am fking pissed. I AM FKING ANGRY. i'M FKING RATTLED. iM FKING HEATED. i'M GETTING FKING MORE AND MORE MAD. fUCK THESE IDIOTS. fking clowns. These fking goof idiots. Like fk man. Wtf is this shit. Fking retards. Fking mother fkers. I would fking take all ur shit, if this was the old days. I would fking ride into your stupid fking village, and i would fucking pillage all your shit. And none of you fking idiots would do fking anything abou tit. You fking clowns. I would fking destroy all of you mother fkers. I would fkining destroy you. I feel frustration. Frustratoin. Impatience. Why? Because i should be playing the game. Okay lets play. Sorry for the homophonia, i need to find other anger words, but it's kind of built into my vernacular.

What's next? Smoke weed Do some push ups and yoga Play normals on league of legends and be create and do the best I can Order food after.

The human is stuck sitting here just thinking and procrasting now. But now the human is listening to Leo's talk. The human will listen to Leo and watch some league of legends. Then the human will smoke some weed and play the game.

@Chumbimba There is nothing inherently wrong with video games. What if you coupled meditatoin and gaming? Do 30 minutes of meditation, and bring that heightened consciousness to the game. It could basically be viewed as 1 long meditative session. 30 minutes on the breathe, 30 minutes with attention on the game etc.