Raptorsin7

What Am I feeling? I feel a pressure/sensation/tension in between the eyes and in the foreheadro Why Do i feel this pressure in my head? I don't know what to do with myself to resolve the tension. When i try to do nothing and just witness I get restless and get involved in some fashion. Let's try and do nothing and surrender to whatever feeling is present. Sink into the feeling. I don't understand what's happening with feeling. What is feeling? What is the tension? Where is the tension in the coming from, what is the cause? I don't think i'm getting anywhere just sitting with the tension/feeling. Let's see how thoughts affect the tension and sensations. I'm going to laydown and rather than do nothing and sit with the tension, i'm going to adjust my thinking and perspectives to see how they impact the tension.

What is wrong right now? I don't like the way I feel. What's wrong with how I feel? I'm not sure what's wrong with how I feel. I just know this feeling is not right, something feels not right. What feel's not right, where is the not right feeling located? I don't know what is wrong with this feeling, but there is something not right. I'm not happy. There is feeling, and I believe the way forward is go to deeper into the feeling. But i'm stuck. I'm aware of the feeling. Who is aware of the feeling? I am. What is the experience or feeling of I am. Something happens during these meditations of surrender. Something is off. I am either trying too hard to surrender... or i'm reacting to thoughts and feeling which blocks the surrender... or i'm focused on the wrong sensation. It feels like I can connect to the sensation in my head, and I can breathe into it gently and I can feel into it gently but something is blocking the full release. How can i go into this feeling of I am. I still feel like something's wrong. There's something not right about how I feel. I don't know what's wrong, but there's a felt blockage in my head that I am unable to let go of. I'm going to laydown and focus on this blockage, and remain as calm as possible and non-reactive to the felt blockage. I am going to go into the feeling as deeply as possible without resistance and judgement. @Nahm is this the right idea of contemplation of what's wrong?

Has anyone had an experience on psychidelics that led to permanent changes in your conscious experience. Each time I take a trip I am subtly hoping to have some kind of revelation that will permanently change me for the better.... but most times what happens is I will have a sense that I've gone deeper into myself and had some positive insights and moments but ultimately I end back to my baseline state of consciousness with virtually no different pre and post trip. What are some of the most profound changes that can happen from a single psychidelic experience? Any other thoughts or insights are appreciated.

I'm going to practice this for the next hour. Let's see how this goes.

Okay, what can i do right now that could lead me to heaven. I think the key is accepting what's happening fully without resistance... whatever comes up you fully accept it and love it. Being aware of being aware. EGO=ME. When people talking about being egotistical they are talking about being all about me... excessive worry about oneself. Okay bring myself back to the moment. Being aware of being aware. Witness of thoughts. You don't have to believe every thought, thoughts will come and go but you don't have to respond to them. Writing meditation may be the best thing for me right now. This is pretty interesting. The way i'm typing hurts haha, it's too rigid and tense. Come back to the moment. Right now I feel in control. But i feel so out of control as well. I want so many things but i don't have faith in my ability to get what I want. It's as simple as not knowing how to get what i want. Or not knowing the right things to want. I have control, but I also don't have control. Okay i find myself getting distracted by thoughts and I have moments of being but i feel resistance and tension. i'm pretty sure that if I could stick with the tension and remain in a state of being that eventually the tension would resolve and i'd feel better... but right now I keep reacting to thoughts and feelings and stop pure being. I think that's the problem. I react to thoughts and feelings, and that causes tension. But what if i reacted to positive thoughts and feelings, is that the goal or is the goal to not react to any thoughts and feelings. React to thoughts- feel bad- engage in compulsive and addictive behaviors to avoid feeling bad- become aware- Now what do i do when I become aware. This is what I struggle with. I could go from where I am right now, to heaven, from a single moment of being aware.

@erik8lrl I thought psychidelics can help you in all those areas? If a person had all those facets of life settled then why would they be seeking in the first place? A main driver of me using psychs is to help with emotional issues and get my life moving forward

@Nahm How? Right now I would say I feel... a knot or pressure in the area of the eyes, I feel a tingling in my stomach, I feel a tension or pulse of energy between the head. What's the point of writing about how you feel?

Is it that much of a dramatic jump? I've had about 10 LSD trips of between 100-200 ug and I've done one mushroom trip of about 3 grams. My trips have a consistent pattern of affecting my ability to release tension in the head and feel more deeply into what's happening in my experience. On the good trips the tension gets released and I get shifts in my perspective and how my body feels etc, the release always coordinates with heigheneted states of being. On the not so good trips, i've never had a really bad trip, I get stuck on some feeling and my mind ends up just ruminating about it, like how it is while sober, and because I can't release I just have to kinda wait it out with some mild discomfort. Do you think that pattern would changed on higher dose shrooms? I'm pretty confident that If i can surrender deeper into the feeling that it would release, i'm assuming a higher dose will just force me to a point of surrender and it will faciliate the release. I've tried it but I can't discipline myself to the point where I can keep attention deep breathing for like 20-30 minutes plus. I always get distracted and aversive to the feeling and I can never get a rhythm with the breathe. My hope is that after experiencing the emotional release, and the benefits, on psychidelics that it will be easier to sober as a result. Like a positive feed back loop.

@Forestluv Up until now i've been avoiding/fearful of doing heroic doses of mushrooms or LSD. My last trip I did about 3g of shrooms and I didn't get to a point where I could release the tension so I was kinda just stuck witnessing myself being stuck and on the verge of release. I'm hoping that with higher doses, planning on doing between 5-6g next time, I'll be able to have the emotional release and then once I find a strong dose I'm thinking i'm going to do like Bi-weekly big trips and microdose in between the bigger trips. I've seen some studies that show microdosing actually can more positive effects than macro doses in some cases because of the growth effects on neurotransmitters on low doses I think. How exactly did the micro dosing help you "bridge the gap"?

@Forestluv I have an idea. When I tune into what's happening now, I notice there's a uncomfortable feeling/emotional state. There's also a sense of throbbing or tense muscles in the head/brain region. On psychs, and a few times on sober long meditation sessions, i've felt deeper into the tension and current emotional state and it's possible to let go of the tension and let go of the emotional state. The result is a complete shift in how the body feels and how the mind operates. It's like i'm living with a weighted vest and it gets removed from each part of the body when the tension is let go of. I do believe that if I were just to sit down and be for long hours eventually I could reach the same place, but I find myself getting so distracted and there's so much aversion to the process of just being, even though I have a good sense of where it would lead. I'm thinking if the psychs can facilitate this letting go and release, then it will be easier to have the same experience while sober. Even if I had to keep dong psychs to let go and feel better I wouldn't be opposed to it, at least until I can bridge the gap between what's happening on psychs that let's me release the tension/emotional block

@Nahm In David Hawkin's book letting go he talked about how letting is a pre-lude to spiritual investigation for some people because they have unresolved emotional issues that need to be let go of before they can really get deeper into spirituality. I've been aware of this emotional blockage for a few months now, and almost all of my behavior can be divided into either feeling into and accepting the moment/emotional state or distracting myself somehow. Any practice it seems like is going to work only to the extent that it helps release this muk I feel, and allows me to feel more peace, relaxation etc. If the underlying issue is the tension/emotions "underneath" the thinking then the underlying block should be addressed directly no? I've been a person who's "Meditated" for multiple months at a time for an hour a day with little to no progress because I didn't have any context of the meditation and I didn't know that resistance to emotions and feelings was driving my behavior. As far as focusing on feeling and perception instead of thinking... it's not as simple as just re-directing attention. I can notice the difference between thinking and putting attention on feeling, but i've gotten stuck in the same pattern here.... I'll bring attention to feeling but the feeling is tense and uncomfortable so I end up back thinking about how to address the feelings etc and I just go back and forth with little progress. The advice would work better imo if the underlying tension and emotional blocks were eased to some degree so attention on feeling was more pleasant or captivating than thinking. I don't see what I'm missing here... if suffering and monkey mind are largely a result of resistance to the emotional/being state in the now then unless you do something to address the underlying state of the being you will be stuck on the surface and never go deeper into yourself. A person unable to let go of their repressed emotional state could spend 30 years "meditating" without ever getting close to addressing the root of their disordered thinking/monkey mind.

@mandyjw I'm hoping to go deeper into the tension/emotions that i've been struggling with for a while now. There's a way to let go of the tension by feeling deeply into it but the capacity to feel into it and let it go is dramatically different on psychs. I think this tension/emotional muck is driving a lot of behavior and thinking because I am constantly resisting it, and I want to let it go. A breakthrough experience on psychs will allow for the emotional release, at least temporarily, and that may make it easier to find ways to release while sober and it could make it easier to make changes to my behavior and thinking to get unstuck.

What do you think happened during that trip? Did you process unresolved emotional/body traumas... have a dramatic shift in thinking or perception? I know my good trips all have the same flavor of relieving tension and pressure in my head and face. When the pressure releases I literally feel like a different person in my body. @bejapuskas What do you think of what @Javfly33 wrote? And what is a better way to go about transforming your life from scratch without psychedelic's?

@James123 In hindsight do you understand why the trip was so profound, and why it took you two years of constant meditation to breakthrough? @James123 @electroBeam I'm stuck and i'm hoping the psychidelic can ignite some momentum to facilitate change...I think many of my current issues are due to unresolved emotional issues and maybe the psychidelics can shine some light here.

30 Mins- Sober-Laying Down-Music I tried to just sit with whatever feelings are here but it's very difficult to just sit and be. It feels like I'm holding my breathe and I can't go more than like 10-20 seconds of just doing nothing without feeling like I have to breathe to deal with the discomfort. I feel the knot of tension in my head, but It's hard to get relief and start relaxing the tension. I noticed i'm very reactive to thoughts and discomfort. If I just sit and be, i feel uncomfortable and I feel the need to take a breathe to cope with the discomfort. Summary: I think the ideal technique for where i'm at is to become aware of what i'm feeling in the moment and to sit with that feeling and fully accept the feeling without constant aversion. And as the feeling/emotional state is accepted, calm breathing while fully accepting the feeling should have a positive effect. Be mindful of how reactive you are to what's happening in reality. And try to sit with the current emotional state without aversion as much as possible. I want to find a more effective way to record these meditations, I think this is too wordy and intellectual and I feel tense just writing it. I also want to find a way to reconcile the different teachings from Rupert Spira, The sedona Method, Acceptance/Surrender teachings.

I want to track my meditation progress after each session so I can see what's working and what's not working. I want a consistent meditation technique that allows me to get in touch with repressed emotions/feelings and work through them and let them go. My general philosophy around meditation right now is a combination of BEING AWARE OF BEING, ACCEPTING EVERYTHING IN DIRECT EXPERIENCE WITH ACCEPTANCE INSTEAD OF RESISTANCE/AVERSION, and FEELING INTO WHATEVER EMOTIONS ARE PREASENT WITH COMPLETE ACCEPTANCE. I'll record the duration and how I used my attention during the session so hopefully I can triangulate on a single meditation technique/philosophy that allows me to move forward with my life.

What does everyone think of this visualization technique to help with surrender and awakening. One technique that may work: Imagine a dream life/scenario, the best possible option for your existence it doesn't even matter how unrealistic it is just imagine it, and then think about how all you really want from that scenario is how it would make you feel... it's realistic that you could feel just like that now without actually getting what it is you want, then once you have a sense of some ideal version of yourself (and how that would feel/be).... bring your attention to how you feel in the moment and fully accept whatever is happening. If you get off track or distracted etc then use that ideal version as a reminder of what is possible to gain from just accepting everything as it is right with all your heart/being. The path to everything you want starts with fully accepting and embracing whatever is happening right in direct experience. Most of us have a tendency to run away from what is... thinking that what we want has to be somewhere other than the present moment, because we think we are in the present moment and yet we are dissatisfied... but the trick is that we aren't accepting what is happening right now with our full being, instead we are constantly distracting ourselves from how are we feeling in the moment with various addictions/distractions. Feel free to expand on this or point out where i am misunderstanding something.

I think the key is to sit with whatever you're feeling right now without trying to avoid it or change it. If you fully accept and embrace what's happening right now then nothing can touch you. I still have incredible avoidance of doing this though. I feel like I know exactly what to do but I'm still resistant and avoid sitting with what's ocurring right now. One technique that may work: Imagine a dream life/scenario, the best possible option for your existence it doesn't even matter how unrealistic it is just imagine it, and then think about how all you really want from that scenario is how it would make you feel... it's realistic that you could feel just like that now without actually getting what it is you want, then once you have a sense of some ideal version of yourself (and how that would feel/be).... bring your attention to how you feel in the moment and fully accept whatever is happening. If you get off track or distracted etc then use that ideal version as a reminder of what is possible to gain from just accepting everything as it is right with all your heart/being.

Time for a new journal. I want to be as open and as transparent as possible on my journal, but It's hard to write on here without some sense of worrying about how it will be perceived by others. In any case I think it will be good to get my thoughts on a document and get out of my head more. I've overcome the suicidal thoughts for now, and I do believe i have turned a corner on my path. I'm noticing how much "me" there is in this journal. This is ego. It's the mind claiming ownership over what's going on. My Path. The path is being claimed by the mind. I can recognize how much i am attached to the mind, the narrative mind seems inseparable from experience. Most of my days now are spent either laying down, or trying to meditate. It's gotten me out of depression, but I want to start doing more and make healthier choices. I have been living like a hermit for months now, and it's about time I go out of my shell and immersed myself in the world again. I want to incorporate exercise into my routine, and some social interaction with some friends. I have this tendency to write NEED vs WANT when discussing things i'm going to do. It reflects the intensity and seriousness i've lived my life with. I believe my best self will come from peace and equanimity, moving from a happy place, based on what i want and desire. The paradigm of being a serious, intense person has not worked out for me so far, and it seems about time to let that go. I also notice this tendency to write in more words than is needed to make my point. I want to be more of a direct writer. I especially want to notice how what i type/think relates to how I feel. Aligning thinking and feeling is stressed a lot, and I belive i'm at a point where I can apply this principle. I have this tension in my head that has been growing since the meditation time has increased. If I just sit and let go, I feel this resistance to just being that consists of knots/tension as well as feelings of nausea. I even threw up today from the tension in my head, and I've had to miss work 3 times in the past 2 toNweeks, and I just started lol. I want to figure this out, i actually like my job it would be a shame to lose it. I don't like these long form journal posts, i really want to feel each word and sentence being put on here, that was one thing i noticed with my LSD trips. It was like I could feel each individual word/thought it was amazing.

I think I made a major breakthrough.

I think i'm on the verge of a breakthrough. Even just saying it I worry i'm setting myself for failure with delusion. But I feel good about my insights lately. I have to sit with whatever i'm feeling in this NOW and accept the feeling with full embrace. I am constantly running from how i'm feeling NOW,If t and that is where all my problems are coming from. I can't think beyond my current emotional state, and until I resolve the underlying emotional blockages/issues I will not be able to move forward and expand my mind. Become aware of how you feel NOW. Then fully accept and embrance how you feel, no matter what arises. Stay with the feeling/emotion, breathe into the emotion. Don't resist, accept what is happening. We all want to change our state of being. But in order to change our state we must accept our current state of being, and love who we are as we are. The paradoxical thing is that once you fully accept your current state of being as it is without wanting to change it... then your state will be in alignment with your highest self. Once i figure this out i'm going to find out how to make a bunch of money so I can move out. I want to buy a ferrari spider and buy a beach house in hawaii... for starters (:

I feel stuck. l don't know what to write, I want to express how i am feeling but I don't know how to do it. I just want to spam random characters like a mad man tbh. Hopefully I can find a good teaching/teacher I can follow through with. I like what i've heard about David Hawkins and letting go so i'll look into that. I believe right now I have a repressed emotion/emotional blockage that is undermining my entire state of being and life. I feel a constant tension in my head, and I believe it's related to some repression or emotional blockages i'm going through. I ordered some shrooms so i'm pumped to start working with psychs again. I view the psychs as a jail break or a glimpse of god, I can get free for a time being and use that time to assess where i'm at and what I need to improve, and i'll also hopefully gain insights into how to achieve a happy state while sober. I want to be more honest and authetnic when writing. I feel myself wound and anxious even while writing this. Maybe i'm just really uptight and need to learn to let go. So simple.

Does anyone have a concise way of summarizing Dr. Joe's teachings? From my understanding, he's teaching people to meditate and practice visualization/positive thinking, to practice a positive state of being, so people can then bring that positive state of being into all parts of their life. It seems like he's saying that people who are suffering are stuck in a habit of negative thinking and focus on negative emotion, and these 2 things feed back on each other and trap the person in an eternal hell of bad thinking and bad emotional states. He has a simple way of speaking about the path which I like, but i'm not sure how accurate his teachings are, or if there are better teachers that have a more simple and complete map and more effective techniques. Is his entire teaching like another religion, like there are people who practice zen buddhism, meditate x hours per day etc, and I wonder if this guy is just another form of zen buddhism for example. Some teachings are probably way better than others, and I wonder if this guy's found a recipe here that can be more effective than any other techniques out there. Any other thoughts on this guy, or his philosophy of healing and transcendence.

@arlin I mean that the same a way a person can follow a religion and get benefits from following the religions teachings, you can view Dr. Joe's teachings the same way. Ideally this guy is like a modern jesus and these are his teachings, uncorrupted. In 2000 years people may looking at Dr. Joe's hair and think the slick back look is a key part of the meditations lol. Wouldn't it be awesome to follow a modern buddha

Dr. Joe Dispenza is pretty sick. I think he's spitting facts. The way he describes the mechanics of suffering seems to really map on to my experience. I like how directly he speaks about improvement and suffering, i haven't found any preachers like him. I was listening to a lot of abraham hicks, but I don't really resonate with her teachings. I understand her main point, and it seems like Dr. Joe is saying the same thing but with a different delivery, and although i understand what she's trying to get at, I just don't feel it resonate with me in my experience. I want to find more and more teachers. I do believe that if there is a teacher that really resonates with you, then they could give advice that could be recognized and applied directly in the moment. The best preachers are always pointing you to a better feeling perspective on life as often as possible, and so there must be teachers out there who you can identify with strongly. Part of me thinks that Dr. Joe is a con artist, and i'm just being scammed haha. He's probably not perfect, and maybe he's wrong about stuff, but I have faith in what he's saying, and given where i'm at I'm going to trust him and follow his teachings.