JonasVE12

Only after yoga. Does not matter at what time of the day I do it, I end up opening my eyes and feeling like I come out of anesthesia or like I just woke up lol. Don’t know if it is something unusual, but it’s weird that other people get energized from their yoga routine, While I become sleepy. I wonder what influences that.

I didn't know sensory deprivation tank experiences could induce mystical states like that. I'd think it can give you some samadhi experience where there's only awareness left, but that's something else lol

I did not know my mind is able to interpret what is being said when I'm asleep. That's cool. I'll try that technique

The pressure is less present now, so I think I'll be good. Also, I have heard people being really energized after their yoga routine. For me it's the opposite. I get extremely tired. That's unusual?

While sleeping?

What are your goals?

If there’s any use in knowing the difference? I guess that depends on the differences. I’ve seen a lot of debate online about people arguing that shrooms can get you deeper. I’m looking for the most efficient method to do energetic cleansing.

Where I live, you can attend workshops with 2 breathing sessions of 3 hours, hold over the course of a weekend. Costs €225. In the end, you can do breathwork at home for free. Maybe attend a workshop and then go from there. It makes you familiar with the dynamics, although every experience is different. imo, that amount of money can better be spend on something else that gives you more growth in comparison to that retreat.

I have been focussing on medulla, looking at bruhmadhya for 3 weeks.

When I do spinal breathing, my body starts to vibrate really crazy, I also get some kind of ecstatic feeling in my body. For a week I have been feeling some pressure in my head at the top. Keep going?

You keep talking absolute when you go to sleep, ‘you’ are ‘conscious’? Or are you asleep? When you go to sleep, does God know itself through YOUR individual mind-body ?

When you die as a mind-body, What happens? Do you stop existing as form and become infinity and have no sense of being for infinity? Or will we reincarnate as form, until we extinguish karma and enter mahasamadhi? When you experience these scenarios of past lives in detail and they correspond to history, that makes you consider reincarnation does actually happen When you think about you dying as body-mind, does it not feel strange to you now? The fact that there will never be experience ever again? Before you do 5 meo, you realise that you’ll be back eventually.. but when you die, there is no coming back. Or is there?

The form in the formless is duality Form is always bound to duality, otherwise it would be formless. And thus would God not know itself. And because there is form, there is relativity, and thus relative truths. Meaning that I (GOD) exist THROUGH human consciousness having an EXPERIENCE. As it is RELATIVE. So, after the physical body of this current 'human' conscious being dies, will there be a consciousness of relativity? Or will this human consciousness become formless?

The death of my physical and mental body is not a belief. I know no human living for eternity. It's a matter of identification tho, God will always be God Whenether there is experience, or no experience. Let's say you're a person who does not believe in reincarnation, then you assume that this if your first time you are 'experiencing', and after this human life, there won't be experience ever again. No conscious object-subject relationship ever again. If you are a person who does believe in reincarnation, then u believe in the fact that you have been conscious previous to this life. But you cannot remember because you can only access the memory of your mind-body. How do you declare that people are being able to remember past lives? in detail, and corresponding with actual historic events. How does that memory come to you? This opens posssibility that you will have a next life, same karmic body, so same energetic body. Why do yogi's talk about extinguishing karma and enter mahasamadhi to end cycle of dead - rebirth? Is it shit on a stick? As I have no direct experience, reincarnation will remain a belief. I found this video about reincarnation from Sadhguru after making up my theory and it's scary how much his theory comfirms mine. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BlzXhiQa4mk

What would you choose? Die with good karma, while knowing that you'll be born again, and have a similar life. Or would you end Saṃsāra, and become infinity?

I get the impression that there will be no escape from duality without entering mahasamadhi. I mean, really.. do you think there won’t ever be experience again? Ever? If you are able to remember a past life. HOW does that memory come to you? HOW? I guess there are layers of our being that got reincarnated. There is no other possibility. The mind-body is a new one. The subtle one also. Astrale body, I don’t know what that intails. But I heard these stories of people traveling astrale realms and meeting entities. Who the hell are the entities? Maybe those are the actual people who died in mahasamadhi. Channeling to us now because of their higher wisdom. Maybe they were able to dissociate from the mind-body because they got rid of their materie bound karmic bodies making them able to live in astral realms with their own consciousness. I mean, what are these actual entities? Imaginations from our brains? Or are they actual beings? One time here in Antwerp, belgium, I was going to a job interview, I passed an indian man on the street who I said hello to (just being friendly). He started talking about my past and my plans for the future which were accurate as fuck. For example, I was planning to move from my city to another city to become better socially, which was a really important goal for me. I wanted to do pick-up there. It was like the most important thing at the time for me and it would be on my mind a lot. He just knew that. Not the pick-up. But about the fact that I wanted to move and that that was an important step in the proces. He just asked ‘you speak english’ and instantly began talking about that. Maybe I was so unconscious at that time, that it didn’t resonate with my marialistic paradigm and found it spectacular therefore, but come on. How is that possible. Now I know about siddhis and occult stuff, and see that experience is not bound to your physical body, and when you start to detach from that, and develop good mind-control so you can control chitta or something and do crazy stuff. That day my mind opened to spirituality and mystici. Sadhguru kind of gives the same vibe as him. you remember Leo talking in his video about sagery. That there’s something with these people. A certain vibe. I don’t know man. But I definitely associate him to sadhguru and by the way, Stan grof associated karma with birth trauma. So every life you have the same kind of problems. Which means karmic body influences your energetic body, and your mind body therefore and maybe when your karmic body is not there, your energetic body can not be influenced by it and then you cant become form. But because you have been born because of karma, you cant escape, it has already formed you. You cant be born liberated right???

I’m noticing strange visual perceptions at this point. Also a beeping sound in my ears. A small shadow moving on the wall next to my bed 20 inch next to me. I put my flash on it and it started moving. But dissapeared after 20 seconds Also when I focus on my phone, I start to see flashes on the edges of my visual field. When I meditate, sometimes my whole visual field almost dissapears into black light. I’m not on drugs btw. It’s strange, maybe it’s imagination but that shadow moving on my wall was sure there. I started wearing moldavite and kynate, and okay no, it’s definitely not imagination. Sadghuru is coming for me. God damm.

I guess I will go to India and kidnap sadghuru and ask him about this as an offer to actualized.org A lot of what he says is accurate in my experience, I have heard people say that he still has this cultural dogmas but I highly doubt that such a realised person would spread fantasies. Even in the most stupid thing he says, I would lean towards believing there is atleast partial truth in it I have heard about psychokinesis so maybe this is not a good idea. I’m curious if that’s actually possible. Would it really be all fantasies? I doubt it. Maybe I can indeed kidnap him and threaten him, so I can confirm first hand when he magically transforms himself out of all the 20 heavy steel chains that I tied him up with. I guess I played too much GTA.

The version of you in your previous life also didn’t think he would reincarnate. But here you are again. Forgot every single bit of your previous existance as a human. You can only access the memory of your body mind and bring that to your awareness, so I guess it’s normal that you didnt think this would happen, right? But now it appears that u can actually remember past lives in altered states of consciousness which opens the possibility that it’s about other dimensions of your being that got reincarnated. So why do these advanved yogi’s stress the extinguishing of karma when entering permanent state of being one with God ending cycle of dead and rebirth u probably have to become conscious of it that if you dont enter mahasamadhi in this life time, u gonna be here again in some years, but I don’t know how you’ll like that in 100 Year. It’s not that the condition of our planet and society is improving. Although it is strange to think about never going to have a sense of being again ever. I rather become nothing forever.

Yeah, right. You’d think that is what would happen. becoming one with your creator. But what about those transpersonal experiences of people having experiences of past lives during altered states of consciousness where they experience situations in detail that for example correspond with events in history. How could you remember? Who brought the memory to your current being. Who brought up the experience? Not your mind-body. Not your energetic body. What kind of body do you have more than just those? I heard about karmic body. Stan grof researched the influence of transpersonal and prenatale trauma on your current postnatale biography. the trauma experienced in a past life often sets the base for corresponding trauma in prenatale and postnatale biography.You might have chronic pain in your chest without a biological cause. Then having an experience of re-experiencing an event of a past life where someone stabbed you with a knife in your chest. That means that SOME body of your past life got reincarnated. How can otherwise remember that? And after you experience that, the pain goes away. So if you are open to the possibility that you had been conscious of form previous to your current body-mind, that you also have to be open to the possibility of rebirth. So a condition of entering mahasamadhi is extinguishing karma, right? Then it is said to escape the cycle of death and rebirth when entering BECAUSE the karmic body is removed. And the karmic body makes you reincarnate I don’t know man.

To be aware of something, you need some type of object - subject relationship and as there is no mind-body, so I guess he channeled from reddit.

What is the substance of “me” then? What is ‘less awareness’ and ‘more awareness’ when there is no duality to be experienced? The mind-body is gone after dead. What is left then? What seperates me from becoming God then?

I think it's caused by feelings of not being able to take on the masculine heterosexual role as a kid and therefore associating feminity with sexual arousal. Got placed in a lot of situations where I could not handle the pressure and that caused me to have low self-esteem, a lot of anxiety related issues. Toilet-anxiety, blushing phobia, insecurities, social anxiety, body dysmorphic disorder, compulsive behaviour. These things alienated me from 'normal' masculinity. Combined with the heterosexual role that I felt I could not take on, meaning that I was scared of girls. Extreme anxiety. and therefore didnt feel like I was worthy of taking on a heterosexual role. These 2 things often lead to homosexuality. The reason I did not turn homosexual is because I did not get the opportunity of development leading to homosexuality. So when the period ended where you establish your sexual identity, I was left with a heterosexual identity and ideal, but no opportunity. I think this caused me to associate feminine submissive behaviour with sexual arousal. Integration of a feminine fantasy into myself, because I felt like I was not good enough to get a girlfriend. The feminity in myself doesn't judge, shame, or gives me negative emotions. This fetish also caused some homosexual fantasies. But I am only romantically attracted to females. Also never would get turned on by a male in real life. After masturbating with these kind of thoughts, I intuively feel that my fetish caused my brain to want to get more and more into this role of feminity and want more stimulation so turned to these kind of thoughts. I only look at girls tho, I feel romantically drawn to females only. My sexual idenity still corresponds to the identity of when I was a child. As I'm now not an unconscious ignorant little kid about everything, I grew into my masculinity a lot more, and am more secure of myself. I didn't heal fully tho. I am trying. I am meeting people and doing activities to boost my social skills and have made a lot of progress. Also with meeting women. But now I'm facing this issue of not being able to enjoy the fruits of that. Because I lacked so much in this area in childhood, I was really hungry for this, and was obsessed about this goal. Coming to realise that It's actually not that it's not as enjoyable as I thought it would be. I have definitely been aroused of normal sex, yes, I get an erection without a problem. But I miss the feeling I get from masturbating with fetish fantasies. That's the issue, I want to be able to be present when I'm having sex, and not be in my head fantasizing about other things. After the sex, I reflect back on my behaviour and I realise that that's kind of problematic. This is my action-plan: - stopping porn, thoughts, fantasies, activities that activate corresponding neural pathways - Emotional releasing - strenghten neural pathways corresponding with normal sexual behaviour. Trying to climax and enjoy sex in the present moment as suggested here - Electrical shock aversion therapy: Associate fetish with pain. Read some case studies and this method has good results. I hope normal sexual interests will automatically come, because I'll still need a sexual outlet, so I expect it to turn to normal heterosexual relationships with an actual female. I won't turn asexual I hope lol.

I had an experience during childhood where I got shamed for. I developed a fetish for the act I got shamed for. Now I can't really have fulfilling sex without the fetish being involved. Is it possible to eridicate a fetish if I heal? do yoga, meditation? Or is it really hard wired into my brain and I will never be able to have fulfulling sex ever again if it doesnt involve the fetish?

I’d work on releasing all the energy blocks from your system and also engage in activities that afirm your brain that it’s okay to be you. That it’s okay to fail. There’s improv classes designed for people with social anxiety. Go out to the park, scream, move your body like an animal. When we experience situations in our past where we felt like we weren’t acting appropriate to a certain context and felt negative emotions because of that, we condition ourselves to shut down that part that we felt like was not okay. So we are left with a lot of inhibitions that prevent us to be able to be fully out there and be authentic and connect with people authentically. If a past experience teached you that it was not okay to be yourself at that time. Your expressiveness suffers and that will Influence your talking/voice habits. For example you begin to talk soft, dont articulate, stutter, .. So if you go out and scream while moving your body like an animal, you’ll break through a lot of tension that you hold. I guess it’s a good idea to first engage in activities that give you more confidence in social situations and then do activities you like. You’ll also enjoy them much more because you’ll be actually fully engaging in the activities instead of being stuck in your head worrying about the social setting. I get that it feels really isolating. You’re living in your head while you really want to connect, but you cant seem to get out of the mental prison. You become really introverted. Someone who only thinks, and then you got only thoughts to relate to, kind of dissociating feeling. If you think about doing that improv, and you’re already anticipating the anxiety, that’s okay. Start lower. Take small steps. I too felt like that was overwhelming at first when I wanted to do improv, but when I went to work and talked to a lot of people, I felt energized and felt like I would be really confident doing the improv at that time. But that was some situational confidence that was caused by the rush I got off the social interactions from that day. Next day improv scared me again. I’m saying that if you want to reduce the anticipation anxiety, you’ll need some foundation. Try to take initiative, say hello to people, have small conversations, ask for directions, ask how the cashiers day was, at work or whatever, just say something. Try to build a habit of taking initiative. If you dont build a habit of it, your inhibitions will probably return. If you build the habit, eventually, you don’t experience the anxiety anymore. I had severe social anxiety as well. When I was looking for a job, some sales company called me (door to door sales) and asked me if I was still looking for a job, I came to the interview being in my head really much. There were lots of candidats and was quite an overwhelming social setting. Suprisingly I managed to get the job, because somehow I behaved kind of like a social Guy, and I don’t know how I did that, but anyways The first door where I had to pitch, I felt my heart in my chest and I stuttered really badly. After 30 doors, I was confident as fuck and said my pitch fluently, and could small talk really well, counter objections effortlessly, I don’t know how because I had a lot of inhibitions and I felt like my creativity and spontaneity got unlocked. I remember me being really creative and funny when younger and found it to be really inhibited after puberty. I guess I want to say that the first steps are the most difficult. Getting out of your comfortzone -) anxiety zone -) growth zone. After you take the first steps, and make some progress, you’ll feel like the paradigm through how you experience social relations will transform completely. Also dont underestimate the power of taking iniative. It’s really the small things like talking to random people that make a huge difference. I’m suggesting to go out of your way a bit and do things specifically to work on this. After you done that, maybe new doors open for you. Not having inhibitions really allows you to be free and creative to do with your life what you want. Also relates to life purpose. People with social anxiety almost always have false beliefs about their potential. They don’t consider it possible for them to have a really magnetic personality. It is. There are no limits. People are drawn emotionally to your energy. Insecure, inauthentic energy repels people. Being authentic, energetic, optimistic, funny, spontanious attracts people. Most people’s life is mediocre and really thrive of stimulation as they dont get a lot. People will want to be around you then, they’ll be drawn to your personality. I witnessed it myself. This gives more opportunity to connect with people on deeper levels than just emotional. It gives opportunity to more intellectual connection, spiritual. also more opportunity for intimacy. all the good stuff