jbram2002

I was told that I should watch Gladiator the other day. Part of the reason, I assume, was so that I would awaken dormant forces within me that would make me "capable" of violence. In nondualism, violence isn't "bad" per se. There are times where violence is necessary, such as fighting to protect your family. But it's an element I have eschewed since elementary school. To me, violence is usually childish and cowardly, especially when directed at someone you know to be weaker. One never looks up to the school bully. One never respects them. They fear them, and fear and respect are not the same. With this in mind, I began to watch the show. As a side note, I haven't finished it yet because my computer decided to crash when I had about half an hour left, so please don't spoil the end. That said, I'll probably spoil a few things below, so click away if you haven't seen this movie that's almost 20 years old. These are a few of my initial takeaways: The main character Maximus shows us right at the start of the film that he has several important qualities: Emotional control in the heat of the moment, extensive knowledge of battle, an innate ability to command respect even from those who disagree with him, an intense love of family and country, nearly excessive amounts of humility, and faith in a higher being and purpose. Throughout the film, these qualities remain evident and are consistently reinforced, even though Maximus is a very dynamic character that bounces between highs and lows. From a characterization standpoint, Gladiator is a beautifully written film and Maximus is a fantastic character. Also right at the start, the film promises to be brutally violent. The movie is honestly borderline gore-porn for how much violence they put into it, from seeing maggots infesting a wound to watching people get skewered left and right. That's not generally something I prefer to see in movies I watch, but after the first few minutes or so, you get deadened to the excessiveness of it. However, no one respects anyone for the violence they show (up until Maximus becomes the Spaniard at least). Violence is seen as either a necessary evil for the good of the country or as a symbol of weakness and cowardice. In the first half hour, we see another of the main characters (the Emperor) trying to copy Maximus's violent tendencies several times. He tells his father that he will slaughter a hundred bulls in honor of the battles, and his father almost rolls his eyes at the stupidity of the suggestion. He argues with his father about violence for some time, then eventually chokes his father to death. Over the next several minutes of the film, he exercises violence through others in order to get his way. At this point, the only aggressive violence shown that would be taken positively is his sister slapping his face, but then immediately submitting to him as the new Caesar. One of the most poignant moments in the first half of the film is when Maximus returns home to see his family killed and strung up for him to find. He cries at this, as is something anyone would do, but instead of the well-curated Hollywood crying we tend to expect, this is messy and ugly. He has snot dripping from his nose, mixing with the dirt and blood in his beard. And yet, it felt right. This was an overwhelmingly sad moment for him, and he showed that emotion beautifully. I said earlier that he exercises emotional control. At this moment, he had no reason to stay his emotions and let them go uncontrolled. It's one of the few times we ever see this. Maximus is then captured by slave traders and sold to a gladiator-trainer. He refused to partake in the bloody training so as to not harm anyone unnecessarily. You can tell he was planning not to fight in general, but once he got to the arena, that was impossible. We see the person in front of him literally piss himself in fear, but Maximus doesn't give in to his fear, knowing that to do so was to already give in to death. But he still did the minimal effort possible in order to survive, and didn't understand why the crowd hated him, saying his famous line after a few battles: "Are you not entertained?!" Afterwards, his owner told him in order to win his freedom, he would need to win the crowd. From that point on, he became a true gladiator, making the crowd love him. In his first battle in Rome, Maximus organizes the scared competitors in a wildly uneven fight and leads them to victory. Caesar enters the ring after the battle to inspect the victors. Maximus had a broken arrow that he was going to use to kill Caesar, but before he could, a young boy (Caesar's nephew) joined them. This was another instance where Maximus controlled his emotions, refusing to kill a man when he might end up harming an innocent. The next battle we see, Maximus spared a fallen foe even when Caesar and the crowd demanded blood. But the crowd loved him for it, and Caesar hated his mercy. We see Caesar wallowing in his emotions: his fear, hatred, lust, and never able to control any of these things. The movie is painting a clear distinction between Maximus, who is manly because he is able to control his emotions even in the arena, and Caesar, who can't control anything without resorting to the threat of violence. Caesar looks childish, immature, impotent, ridiculous, whereas Maximus is beloved, masculine, and shown as obviously stronger in all ways. I feel like the person who told me to watch this film may have missed this message. When one gives in to their emotions, they turn into a babbling fool. They are impotent and weak, unable to do anything but command fear. Caesar held no one's respect. He just controlled the men with swords. Maximus, on the other hand, was praised for his ability to utilize his emotions wisely, to bolster his allies. Outside of battle, conversations with him focus on the good of Rome, remembering his family, learning about his faith. We almost never see him exercise emotion rashly, except when he first sees Caesar's sister and is overcome with vengeance. At that moment, the movie highlights his weakness as he is chained to a wall and completely powerless. And he later admits he was wrong and has the rendezvous she requested. No one loved Maximus for his violence. Anyone can be violent. They loved him for his mercy and composure. What is the worth of a man when something as debilitating as anger can control him?

More 80s music than tea party.

It wasn't me! I'm just as lost as you are lol Had a very interesting afternoon. Lots of disappointments, lots of great things happened. Expectations sometimes make things less enjoyable than we would want. I'd go in depth, but I highly doubt most of you care about things like OWL, D&D, etc. I need to go into things with fewer expectations. I learned this with gaming... if I went into a game with a preconceived notion of what to expect, I almost always liked the game less than if I had new clue what to expect. On the plus side, had a nice family walk. The water was amazing today.

Unfortunately, today I didn't get much chance to focus on my spiritual journey. I did get a chance to see the Avengers movie, which I won't spoil. I'm not sure if mundane pleasures should theoretically be shunned, but ya know, I enjoyed it, and I was grateful for the time to go watch it. The theater is a solid 40 minute drive from our house in a city that I'm not a fan of, but today, that didn't matter much. The theater is this tiny hole in the wall place that has the sun shining into the screen whenever anyone opens the door to use the bathroom, which in a three hour film, happens fairly often. But I wasn't as bothered by it this time as I was for the last movie I watched there. What did bother me was that I had to cough, and I didn't want the entire theater of about 30 people to hate me for it (Yeah, small town here). I feel bad for my wife though. She was stuck at home with no car and two kids. I offered to stay home, but she told me to go. Sorry honey D: I ate at the most mindful aware restaurant as well: McDonald's. I typically grab a booth with a one-seat-wide table so I don't take up too much room. The exhaust fan from the soda machine was blowing on my seat, and instead of moving or getting frustrated with the hot air blowing on my face, I just focused on being present and feeling the air. I dunno, it was weird. I'm weird, guys. But hey, I'm ok with that.

@mandyjw It's interesting that it's the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil that did them in. Before then, there was no Knowledge of Good and Evil. And because of that, there was no Good nor Evil. There was only one rule. One temptation.

One explanation could simply be that his expressions and changes in timber and pitch are designed to keep the attention of the audience. He's probably become more and more comfortable speaking to an audience over time and figuring out what people complained about. There's nothing wrong with that, of course. But I think going deeper than that is likely a projection of what you want it to be. Even this might be.

https://i.imgur.com/1jNGmVV.mp4 I took a walk in the rain to an intersection of a brook and a river. This place has been calling to me for a little while now. The last time I walked past it, I started to walk out to this spot, and the wife waved me on. This time I was alone. I stood here for an unknown amount of time. Maybe 20-30 minutes; I didn't keep track. As I was walking this way, my mind was whizzing with my thoughts on a conversation I was having. When I stopped here, my thoughts drifted down the stream, and I was at peace. I lowered the hood on my jacket and let the rain pour over my head and face. Water is my element. I finally tore myself away to head back, and the same thoughts returned as if there had never been a break in my thinking. The same song that was echoing in my mind, the same reasoning I used to explain my position. I couldn't get it to leave, so again, I lowered my hood, letting the rain pour down on me. This time, the thoughts were still there, but they quieted. Only once or twice did I think about how I was getting soaked, how someone driving past would wonder why I'm walking with my perfectly good hood not on my head. Those things didn't matter. Water is my element.

Reality is too big for us to grasp in an unenlightened form. Words help chop it up into bite-sized pieces. Yes, advice is partially for oneself and others to just think about, and to bolster and busy our ego with these ideas. But it also helps us grasp the bigger picture. We're all a bit crazy. But what's wrong with that?

The prequel to the previous video. Possibly even more useful.

@Eric Tarpall It's possible the name was invented by someone connected with the government. But it's highly unlikely that autism was invented to shame intelligent people. I am very familiar with autism because of several people in my life. It's not just smart people. There's a lot involved beyond simply intelligence. In addition, it's only been fairly recently that the term "autistic" was used as a slur against people.

I was falling asleep while listening to a video last night, not because the video was boring, but because my energy was drained and it was late. Instead, I closed my eyes, leaned back, and listened to the words. Probably not the most effective method of gleaning the truth from the video, but it was better than not listening at all. Unfortunately, I only got about 15 minutes in before I had to crash. But it was an interesting experience.

"Autism" doesn't mean intelligence. It's an actual mental condition that can both negatively and positively affect someone. It wasn't simply invented by the government to shame intelligence. "Nerd" is an insult used by people who do not see the value in intellectual conversation, usually in a high school or lower education setting. I don't think this was made by the government either unless they have some stealthy 6-year-old agents. Personally, I take the word "nerd" and turn it into a positive. If someone calls me a nerd, I see it as a compliment that they acknowledge my passion for an intellectual topic, and a request to learn more. I have a lot of nerdy friends who see the word the same way. The only person who can be insulted by calling you a name is yourself. Choose to not take it as an insult, flip it on its head, and wear the moniker proudly.

@Zigzag Idiot Thanks for the video. I'll try to fit that into my to-do list soon I'm not sure if I'm ready for that step yet when I'm not exactly consistent with normal mindfulness or meditation though. On a different topic, I was opening up Youtube for my lunch hour, and this video from Teal Swan popped up... I probably need to watch this at some point.

I'm not a practicer of Ramadan, so I'm sorry I can't help with the food aspects of your question. The purpose of the fast is to submit to a higher authority. The goal is to act as if you are standing before God all the time. You can further this goal while also practicing mindfulness and self-actualization. Meditation is probably an excellent way to do this, and hopefully also to de-stress. Whenever you feel yourself mentally pushing back against the restraints of Ramadan, try to free your mind by reflecting on why you do this, how it helps your faith and your spirituality, and maybe spend a few seconds just being present in your resistance. Understand that these feelings are natural, and use them to help yourself moving forward. Don't look at the practice as a restriction, but rather as a celebration. Best of luck to you moving forward!

Nothing is unbearable when you're fully open. Sometimes it's useful to completely open yourself to an emotion for a short time and feel that intensity to its fullest extent. It can be painful, sure, but not unbearable. Holding it back is what makes it hard to bear.

@Zigzag Idiot To be fair, Jesus needs to be mindful of our schedules sometimes So your Centering Prayer is mostly clearing the mind, if I understand it correctly? How do you handle insights that happen then? Just ignore them and let them pass? Is there a point where you feel it's worth it to stop the meditation and deal with an insight? Obviously you said Jesus himself wouldn't stop you, but why is that? @mandyjw I'm still learning. It's a painful process. @tsuki It's impossible to avoid all pain, but it is fully possible to avoid some pain. Many people cause themselves unnecessary pain by blaming themselves or others, or falling into depression or anxiety traps. A positive outlook can lessen the pain significantly. For example, I could see that my wife has male friends online and fall into a trap of jealousy, inflicting excessive pain on myself, her, and her friends. Or I can accept it, realize that I have female friends online, and be joyful that she has found people she can interact with that give another perspective than I can share. One of these options is a pain that is entirely unnecessary, but a close-minded individual may fall into that trap very easily.

@tsuki An interesting way to look at it. Although I'm not sure they relate directly to classical psychological deconstruction of the elements, I might equate them as such: Fire = Pain (hot to the touch, burning) Water = Pleasure (cool, bouyant) Air = Elation (Sky, upwards, uplifting) Earth = Depression (down, ground, under our feet) As I wrote in my journal, combining the two axes of the elements can provide a lot of unique looks. Fire/Earth = Depressive pain Fire/Air = Elative pain Water/Earth = Depressive pleasure Water/Air = Elative pleasure Deconstructing these corners could provide a lot of insight into their connections. I'll let you take that step, though.

@tsuki Pain is mental. I cause myself more pain than anyone else does. So if I focus on not being in pain, my comfy life can get pretty comfy. Instead, I focus on sharing the joy of each present moment. And then I often fail and cause myself pain anyways because I'm human.

@tsuki I almost want to try that deconstructive meditation, but at the same time, I'm pretty sure that would mess me up a bit lol

I remember demolishing our living room ceiling before we cleaned the shit out. That was nasty. The shit rained down on our heads. But at the same time, it was pretty clear just how shitty the house was at that point. Then we cleaned it up, and the place is fantastic.

A sincere question: what is the goal of meditation? I was always told that you had to empty your mind and let the thoughts float past without grasping at them. It's definitely a calming practice, and I use deep breathing if my emotions are taking over to great effect. But I've also heard that they can provide great insight. How does one obtain insight if their mind isn't allowed to grasp the thoughts that surface? Is there a point where one should stop meditating and begin pondering? If you don't ponder a passing thought, how do you write it into your memory? Or is there a form of meditation that actually requires deep thought? Are you supposed to spend the time searching within your mind to determine the truth? Or is this just an egoic fallacy?

Nonduality though... is it his or yours?

I agree. One informs the other. Science without spirituality has little meaning or purpose, and spirituality without science can be misguided or even dangerous.

I was talking about the elements with my wife yesterday as we sat by a river swollen with ice melt. I've spent far too long deconstructing the classical elements, creating connections and drawing lines where they shouldn't be drawn. Take all of this with a grain of salt, as it probably spits in the face of the classical understanding of the elements. I also understand that some of this is spoken from a dualistic mindset. Please bear with the dualistic terms and apply them in a nondualistic way in your mind. One thing I've known for far longer than even the start of my spiritual journey is that I identify with the Water element. I am a Cancer sign (although I don't currently put much stock in astrology). I spent all my formative years on the ocean's shore. I work in view of the same ocean, and it calms me. My first foray into meditation involved staring at moving water, either a babbling brook or the waves on the shore. Water flows. It's loving, life-giving, and predictable. However, it's also harsh when needed, being able to weather down the toughest Earth. Water flows through all living things, yet is simultaneously one of the most dangerous chemicals known to man. It dissolves more minerals than any other liquid that I know of, including harsh acids. Its density with respect to temperature is a crazy curve where it actually expands as it freezes. And somehow, it's one of the few molecules that is naturally abundant in all three states of matter: solid (ice), liquid, and gas (vapor). Water is often seen as a feminine element due to its life-giving properties, but men can harness this power too. There are generally four classical elements in the wheel: Air, Water, Earth, and Fire (some models have Wood or Metal added in as a fifth element). When the four classical elements are unified, they represent Aether (sometimes called Spirit). Aether has been called many things throughout history: void, magic, mana, the Force are all representations of Aether in one way or another. Aether can also be considered responsible for things like paranormal activity, ESP, etc. It's the element that binds all things in the universe together. The four classical elements have been broken down by many others. I'm no expert. But I feel like something is missing. Nearly everyone has a dominant element in their lives, in my opinion. There may also be a secondary or opposing element that contests with the dominant one, but most people in tune with themselves should be able to say which of the four elements they represent with some clarity. What happens when two elements work together? I apologize if the above image is hard to read. Many people have combined the elements together in this way to explain how things "feel." Wet is Water + Air, while Water + Earth is cold. Fire + Earth is dry, and Fire + Air is hot. This... somewhat makes sense, but to me, it's a bit boring and doesn't really dig into how things interact. What if you're a Water personality, and you're dating or married to an Earth personality? What does this mean? Does it mean your relationship is cold? I don't believe so. I came up with a different elemental wheel. Fire + Air = Lightning Fire + Earth = Metal Water + Air = Ice Water + Earth = Wood If a Water (emotional, life-giving) personality combines with Earth (solid, foundation), you get a nurturing relationship like Mother Nature. If a Fire (Impulsive, expressive) personality combines with Air (Intellectual but fickle), sparks tend to fly. This is a good picture for neighboring elements, but what about opposing elements? I haven't seen much material about how Fire and Water personalities interact (I'm sure it's out there) or Air and Earth personalities. I think a lot of people simply believe opposing elements are incompatible. If you mix fire with water, the water turns to steam and the fire is smothered. Air and Earth are as different as Night and Day. But when you push past these boundaries, I feel like you can tap into something far greater and deeper: Air + Earth: Holy Fire + Water: Arcane Holy and Arcane, two elements we see used all the time in video game or television media, but are never truly explored in our own lives. We tend to see these elements as "magic" or otherwise unobtainable, but each of us has Good and Evil within them. Nonduality tells us that Good and Evil are all the same, but in this example, Good aligns with Holy, and Evil aligns with Arcane. I'm not saying Fire and Water is a demonic combination that only brings out the worst in people. Instead, it can be a combination that allows people to examine their Shadows, fully realize the deeper and darker parts of themselves, and utilize that knowledge. When used carefully, knowledge of evil can be utilized for great Good in the world. However, this goes even deeper. Once someone has truly tapped into their potentials for examining their Arcane and Holy side, they then can begin to explore the Aether. Some people achieve this by opening their chakras, others through meditation and enlightenment. The Arcane and Holy could be looked at as Shadows (Id) and Personas (Ego), the repressed and visible aspects of our psyche. But we need to fully understand and deconstruct those things before we can reach the next step. I am Water. My wife is Fire. Without Shadows, we can never see the Light. How far can this go?