Farnaby

Sounds like an important discovery, good job! I resonate with your neutral feelings towards everything, because I go through phases like that as well. My hypothesis is that part of it is just the nature of emotions (they come and go pretty quickly if you don't attach any thought stories) and another part is psychological coping mechanisms. To love is a big risk because if you "open your heart" you can get hurt and it will seem like it's more painful than just being detached from everything. Maybe deep down you are afraid of getting hurt (and feeling depressed) and automatic coping mechanisms kick in that repress any hint of love as soon as you notice it. To reconnect with love, I often find it easier through animals (especially dogs) because your ego doesn't need to be on guard with them. Hope this helps!

@Megan Alecia in a sense, you can only feel provoked if you're identified with your ego. If you are identified with what you truly are (pure awareness) there is no one/nothing that can get triggered. Yet, it feels real. So, IMO a practical solution to this is letting your body process what you're feeling and just be aware of it, without judging it or reacting from that place of hurt. Our body processes emotions very fast if we let it and don't add thought stories to it. This is easier said than done, but in my experience reacting when you're hurt only creates more problems. Once you feel centered and grounded again, you can try to communicate to this person how you felt. Preferably when you sense this person is calm and you both can talk without other people around. Their reaction is out of your control, but it will help you know what kind of relationship you can expect to have with this person. Good luck, I'm also working on this myself ?

@Breakingthewall @Exystem I've actually thought about this a lot and still can't decide whether the ego is really necessary or that is just another belief of the ego lol I feel like you need some sense of "I" to pursue anything in life, but at the same time, I've experienced states of sitting in the ever-present awareness and things just happened naturally without the need of an ego.

@mellifluous_mind you seem to be very conscious of the suffering you're putting yourself through and also of the mechanism that leads to this suffering (believing your thoughts). It's very positive that you're aware of the fear of dropping all of this. In a sense, these beliefs about yourself didn't pop out of nowhere. Babies aren't born thinking they are bitter, boring, etc. You probably picked this up from someone who projected this on you. In this sense, these beliefs are conditionings that come from your experiences so IMO it's important to honour them because they fulfill a purpose. Don't fight them when they appear, just observe them and let them pass. Yet, at the same time, they make you feel bad and make it difficult to relate to other people freely. I agree that meditation can help you a lot, as well as therapy in order to process your painful experiences.

@Recursoinominado it's true that I have never learnt any pick up stuff. I've read about it and watched some videos, as well as seen some people approach girls with premade lines. Never resonated with me and actually seemed a bit cringy. I'm happy with my girlfriend and had other girlfriends before her without needing to learn any pick up steps. I understand though that if someone has 0 social skills it can be a good way to start developing them or if you are chasing one night stands only to find out that they won't satisfy you in the long run.

@Recursoinominado I never said you shouldn't socialize. Of course you learn through direct experience. The problem with learning from a step by step guide is that especially without "inner game" girls will smell the fakeness from miles away and thinking about this in terms of numbers ("oh I need to get laid with x amount of women") is not the best approach IMO.

Could it be that your ego gets scared of disappearing when you hit that state of pure awareness and starts judging it? Just an idea. I haven't meditated as long as you do so maybe I'm wrong lol

@Recursoinominado I see how learning these skills if you work on all the internal stuff that's holding you back can be really useful. But then again, by working on that internal stuff, the skills come naturally, because, as you said, it's who you are, it's just covered by insecurities and so on. Anyways, with the right mindset and approach I think PUA can be useful. But you certainly don't need it to learn how to talk to women and become attractive.

I think they say that because doing something requires an intention, and this reinforces the idea of an "I" that has an intention and does something. Also, having an intention takes you away from the present moment. This "I" will then claim the achievements and failures when doing something, further reinforcing the notion of an independent "I". As you can see, this hinders you realizing your true nature and non-duality. However, I think when you're starting this journey there is nothing wrong with learning some meditation techniques (doing something), even if there is an intention that comes from the ego. But personally, I find "doing nothing" the most direct way of becoming aware of your awareness. Unless I'm having an hyperactive mind. In that case, focusing on sounds, etc. works better to calm the monkey mind.

@arlin opening your mind to the possibility that your beliefs could be false is a big step. When I say false, I don't mean to say that you're dumb and are making things up. You probably had experiences that led to these beliefs about attraction, ugliness and so on. If you get rejected and a girl explicitly tells you she finds you physically unattractive, it's completely natural to feel bad and believe her. However, she's just one person, so be open to the idea that her perspective is not an absolute truth. Also, consider the possibility that your beliefs are trying to protect you from feeling hurt again. Yeah, sitting at home envying guys who get laid sucks, but in a sense it's safer than allowing yourself to trust girls and get hurt again. So don't judge yourself for these thoughts, just acknowledge them and try to observe them without identifying with them. You can't be your thoughts because they are always changing. Or did you believe you were ugly when you were born? You say you would feel relieved and be able to express yourself freely if you didn't have these thoughts. You can actually let go of them, but "something" is creating resistance to letting go. From a psychological POV that's usually due to fear and conditioning because of painful experiences. You could consider therapy to process those painful experiences.

@arlin do you notice how all these thoughts about what other people think of you are a projection of what you think of yourself? You say it bothers you that people judge the value of a person based on looks. That is exactly what you're doing with yourself so of course you will think other people do it too. And to a certain degree they may be doing it, I agree with you. But most of it is your own internal dialogue being projected outwards and you believing it comes from other people. How would your life look if you didn't believe these thoughts about your nose and so on? What would you do? How would you feel? You can even go deeper than this and inspect who you really are. Are you a guy with an ugly nose? Or is that also just a thought? What is left when you put everything you think about the world and yourself aside for a moment? What remains?

What would you say is the number 1 thing preventing this from happening. I can assure you it's not your looks.

All this is the same as solipsism and I don't think solipsism accurately describes reality but I understand that other people think differently.

@Gesundheit lol I just noticed your name is exactly about what we're talking (fellow german speaker here). Yeah I agree on that and the things I mentioned that bring people together instead of apart usually make us feel good.

@Carl-Richard yes, I agree. But it's one thing to say that until I see them, they don't exist in my awareness and a very different thing to say that they don't exist at all and I'm hallucinating them. An external world exists even when we're not directly perceiving it. Subjectively it doesn't exist, sure, but you can be sitting in front of your computer while I'm elsewhere and we both exist even if we're not aware of of each other. This actually reminds me of little children thinking you can't see them when they put their hands on their face. They think that if they can't see you you can't see them, which is obviously not true.

@The Lucid Dreamer hmm. I don't live with my parents. And yet, while I'm at home, they are in their own house. I can visit them, call them. They can live their life when I'm not aware of them and tell me later about what they did during that time I wasn't perceiving them. They exist and do things even when I'm not aware of it.

@Meta-Man I see. We'll have to disagree on that one lol

@Gesundheit more love and respect= healthier. That's how I see it. What's your definition of health?

@Leo Gura what if other people are in that forest? It certainly exists in their awareness.

@Gesundheit it depends how important sex is for that couple, but there's no perfect relationship so if everything else is fine it would be healthier than your average relationship. Maybe the problem is working seriously at it as if something is wrong ? But I was actually thinking about human relationships in general, not only couples.

@Gesundheit for me a healthy relationship is respectful, with honest communication, willingness to get on the same page instead of creating more barriers, both people working on their self-development so the ego gets less and less in the way, etc. So in this sense, IMO there are behaviors and attitudes that promote this and others that make this more difficult.

@Recursoinominado tbh, someone who claims to be here to wake people up from their arrogance sounds pretty arrogant to me. I just stated my opinion (which of course is based on partial experience and biased). I could also say the same about you: since you're attached to pick up, you're going to defend it no matter what. In the end it doesn't matter. If pick up helps people become more confident, authentic and get the life they want, good for them. And thank you but I'm not interested in approaching lots of random girls lol.

@mandyjw yeah I agree, misunderstood is a better word. @Gesundheit what do you mean by those being arbitrary? Don't you think there are some attitudes that promote healthier relationships than others?

@Bazooka Jesus yes, maybe "toxic femininity" is not the best word, but IMO there are definitely behaviors stemming from women that separate us instead of increasing compassion, understanding and equality.

@Kross I think I had it slightly, but the doctor didn't see the need to circumcise and he was right. Through slowly retracting it in the shower, a bit every day, it got solved. But I know this isn't possible for everyone so you may need the circumcision. I would ask a doctor.