Kimasxi

Hi, So I am going on vacation on Saturday and I am going to work on my social skills. I already challenged my being introverted, yet I just lack social skills and I am stumbling through the process from time to time. I have a week to spend on intensive working on my social skills and I would like to learn how to make people laugh. Sometimes I do it naturally but often I am just not in the mood to be able to force any joke and make the atmosphere suitable for fun. Please give me some YouTube links to videos I can watch before Saturday to learn some theory on what to do. Thanks

Actually, I disagree with your "don't". People smalltalk because they are afraid to speak, but it's the last thing they want to talk about. I believe being afraid is wrong and social courage is something we should excercise as much as possible. I believe people would be grateful if I saved them from smalltalk and spoke about something more interesting. And if they react negatively? Still a good excersize on rejection and being fine with that.

Avoiding it because of that fear: this is completely anti-actualization! A sheet of paper talk to your girlfriend and fill out two columns : what does it mean to me/about me vs what does it mean to her/about her (she fills out the other column) then you discuss why in her opinion what you wrote is not right, how can it be not right? the same about her statements. You exchange these thoughts, and let´s see what your conclusions are

Dear Fitness Model, I have problems with my sexual attraction to men. I am reading books that are dating guides for men. I invite you to do the same because it's really absorbing and fun! Find them, read them and see if there is something that might apply to you. Going back to the beginning and seducing each other may be more important than toys and kinky stuff from porn. Especially if as you say you have already fallen out of love. "but after watching some of Leos videos about this subject, it was a big AHA moment for me, that I dont need anything from him or anybody, I am self sufficient, and want to be a giving force rather than a receiving and expecting force" What I read recently in one of those guides for men is a theory that sexual attraction in women to their partners naturally fades with time because nature evolved us in such a way to ensure that after providing care for one offspring (the first couple of years when it's the most needed. 9 years you say?) the woman can get more variety to her genes, so she "kills" her partner (killing her sexual attraction to him) to get prepared for a new one. So, perhaps you should feel that you are losing this guy, maybe he should become more unavailable, a challenge again so that you have an impression you're dealing with a new person. Some people get horny when they quarrel. Maybe you should watch each other flirt with other people and get a bit jealous? Is your guy behaving masculine enough? Do you have an opportunity to observe the activities when he exerts his masculinity? Do you respect him or you have thoughts like "he's useless"?

What are your opinions on the following idea: how about letting go your ego at demanding faithfulness from your partner and deciding to love someone who is going to sleep with /love other women? Is it wise? Is it constructive? Will it help to overcome our fears? Or is it self-abuse? Endurism?

I cannot. I've been telling them myself for all my life, my mother started it when I was 4. I need sth more radical. I want sth more radical. I thought that if I can prove to myself that being cheated on or disrespected by a man does not really hurt me, then I could resolve my trust issues.

Hello, I have some kind of sexual anxiety. I don't know if it has a name. Whenever I fancy someone I have a big problem because I don't want that person to know. Even if I actually fantasize about him, in social interactions I think I will let him know one day but not now. So when someone tries to escalate touch with me, instead of feeling emotions I shut them down. I think I don't want them to control me, yet I don't actually know what is that I fear. You may make jokes that women are always afraid and don't know what they want, but this is neurotic: I'm 26 and the only people I slept with were unattractive/asexual to me, so that when we did, it it was boring and I felt nothing, as if I was the observer who's practising detachment from ego Leo talked about some time ago — I was observing what was going on as if it was a film and wonder why it had so little effect on me. So I don't know if I should keep dating unattractive people (as these are those I am not afraid of) and work on it with them; or force myself to have sex with the attractive ones (as they are attractive, they tend to have many other women at hand so why would they bother to heal me? The risk of hurting me is high). I believe that sex is actually something opposite to all the other things we should do, namely, when we force ourselves to do stuff we are afraid of to overcome it. Why? Because that kills it, it's self-rape in a way. How can you relax when you are actually fighting with yourself as you force yourself to have sex or make out? I would force myself to have sex as a form of training if only I knew it would help me overcome my problem. I never had successful sex in life, and I don't want to be in any relationship unless I know I can have sex, so it frustrates me.

This is really serious, but you had no way of knowing he would do that, right? Was there any way you could have known it?

I do the same. What intrigues me is that I tend to imagine a perfect scenario and then FOR SOME REASON I rewind it a bit and change how it ends into a negative outcome. I do it when I think about interactions with someone I fancy. I don't know why I change the outcome into negative. Any ideas? Does it mean I subconsciously want the negative outcome?

What Anicko said is perfectly described by Teal Swan, who's got many videos concerning emotions. This one is on finding core beliefs: But I recommend watching more of her videos that are dedicated to specific negative emotions. Analysing your emotions really helps to dissolve some of the tension. According to Teal, the tension is there because we've suppressed the emotion to the subconscious, but once we work on it, finding its meaning, core beliefs, false assumptions behind them, our needs and fears will be brought back to the conscious, where it's easier to deal with them.

I´ve been doing it for over a year now. I cannot find the answers. Perhaps I'm doing something wrong? It seems I´m falling in love with my fantasies of people, not the real people themselves. It seems that I care too much what people think of me because I want to be liked. I feel performance pressure. When I dissociate, I feel in control and safe. I may be convinced that feeling equals being manipulated in order for someone to use me and then people would rebuke me for being naive/stupid/etc. When I´m being intimate with someone I don´t fancy, I feel at ease, no anxiety, no pressure, but on the other hand I feel no attraction whatsoever. If I am to examine more my thought process I need to get intimate with more people. I hate revealing to them that I may not actually want to sleep with them, or that it's likely to fail if we try. It diminishes my status, my image of a cool person. I am embarrassed of having this problem.

No, because I´ve never really had such negative past experiences. But if it's caused by bullying and not being liked by people for all the time when I was going to school then what should I do?

Is there a way for women to become sexually attracted to more guys than usually? Apart from making yourself meet more new people, cause I think there's more into it, and it's related to our ways of thinking. My current pattern is that I'm sexually attracted to only one guy a year. As you can guess such statistics sucks. If you were a salesman and there was only one potential client a year and then you add to it conversion, which means the majority of potential clients is to reject you, you just end up fuckin' poor I don't want to have scarcity mindset, yet whatever I do to make people attracted to me won't still give me abundance mindset, cause the people I'm looking for are scarce.

But isn't the answer actually pretty simple: you just do both and see what you enjoy more?