Ryan_047

@SFRL ....Why?I would just feel more despair and 100% I would end up killing myself.And..the situation in my country is not as pink and beautiful like in the US.It is VERY hard for an adult to live by himself and cover the taxes,buy food etc..an adult with an average job..not to mention that even for a student who has finished college is hard to find a job,and then here I come..a stupid teenager..very weak chanches..I tried to learn to create websites and I did..to certain degree..but then I felt so desperate and tired that I couldn't learn further..

@Dead_Mouse I guess not disappoint my family..this is what kept me away from commiting suicide.

@Dead_Mouse And how am I supposed to force myself when I feel like I would rather kill myself?I have already tried to force myself..it worked for 2 months,then I falled completely of track because I was way too tired.

@SFRL Please don't take this personal,but you are frustrating me. I don't have any fucking clue of what I am supposed to do.I have falled of track A FUCKING LOT of times and got back up..but I am spinning in a circle,nothing gets better....so please don't tell me that I am constructing some sort of defense mechanism -_-.I can list many things I have fucking tried over the years..Yes,fucking years.But guess what..it either didn't work or I couldn't go on..the only habit that I managed to install is meditation..helped,but not that much.Things are getting worser by fucking day and the only thing that is awaiting me in the future is only pain..more pain.And btw I wanted to start doing some kind of sport,but my parents are labaling sport as waste of time..and they would let me practice only in summer(and fuck yes,I am going to the gym this summer)..try talking to my parents?Hell no!!!!!I can also list many reasons why not to do that.. I am becoming more and more depressed by day..I used to be an extremely good student,now I am an average one and slowly becoming below average...the relationship with my parents is becoming more and more cordial because of that,I am losing trust in myself,I develop social anxiety..yeah,I am pretty fucked up....AND DONT TELL ME THAT ALL OF THIS IS HAPPENING BECAUSE OF MY BRAIN'S DEVELOPMENT..hell fucking no...if that would have been true,than explain why the actual shit the other teenagers are well and develop themselves....One thing that I absolutely hate on this forum is that people (some)are VERY ABSTRACT and might have no idea what they are taking about..once I asked if meditation could cure for past trauma.. somebody literally said:Maybe,maybe not...-_-.I know what lead me to my depression,so don't tell me that depression is because of my brain.. Sorry for what I wrote above..I am really frustrated and I have suicidal thoughts..again:).As you may know,this is not a reaction to you.

@SFRL Sounds logically,but I don't think that high anxiety or even depression is because of that mess..

@SFRL What am I supposed to do about my sexual urges?I am really confused.I heard about that NoFap community and they say you should not masturbate anymore,and there are a lot of people claiming that that challenge has massively helped them.Is it unhealthy to abstain masturbating?Should I masturbate at all?And no,I don't want to have sex(I'm 17).I understand that I should get a girlfriend,but not have sex..there are many risks involved..like the girl getting pregnant even though measures were taken(I know and heard many cases). @electroBeam You described how I feel.I also feel some kind of despair when the night is coming (don't know why).I just start to get really negative and frustrated..and there is a low-medium sensation that peers with despair in the back if my stomach. What does that method imply?How can we know it will work for me?

@Loreena Thanks for the long and honest answer.I appreciate.You said that you sometimes start crying and then stop and feel better.I think that is bipolarity. I will try the techniques that you listed.A good thing that we can both try is shadow work,I guess.It is designed to heal past emotional trauma and surpressed emotions.In theory it sounds well,haven't tried it yet.It also involves cutting off distractions from your life.Yes, distractions are good and they calm you down,but it won't work forever. Ahm..you said that you have difficulties opening up..I can relate to that..but look at the answer that you were so kind to give me.It is easier to open up on the internet because of the anonymity involved..and it is very hard to open up to someone in real life..at least in my case,it is hard even to say my needs and problems out loud when I am alone at home.So..if you want you can send me a private message when you feel like talking about your emotions..it is not like I am a stable emotional human being or that I could help you fully overcome your problems..but I can relate to some of the stuff you mentioned above,and I think we can both understand each other..and sometimes just sharing your emotions and problems help.It is just an idea,no hard feelings if you refuse.

Does meditation cure past childhood unresolved trauma?

@TJM1959 No.I am apathetic,and I heard Real Swan saying that shadow work will work for persons that are dealing with apathy.She also said that the apathetic people have unresolved childhood trauma.

I've had a hard emotional period over the last 2 years.I got depressed (I'm not anymore because of meditation),but now I'm apathetic.I have lost interest and entuziasm for almost everything.And if I ever find myself interested in something,the feeling goes away fast.I have to repeat that I'm not depressed anymore,most of the people who are reading this might think that.. So..How am i supposed to deal with it?

@Vaishnavi You described more of how I feel. Have you tried shadow work?

@Harikrishnan How are you doing shadow work?

@TobyI will try to describe it a little more in depth. So..No motivation to do anything that could improve myself(like meditation or studying better or developing/trying new hobbies,or socializing more). Sometimes I feel that "call" for doing something,but that feeling goes away fast.Like.. Thinking that getting a girlfriend would be awesome,but in 5 minutes I'm like..Meh. Ussualy I have to force myself to do certain activities,like meditation or learning how to code..But even though I know that these things help me,I don't feel that.I feel like everything is useless.Also I would love to form better connections with others..But I have no motivation to do it.

@Echoes I am not happy.I want to do something.I want to study better and find new hobbies.The thing is that I have no motivation to do so.

@Shin Why not?What should I do instead?

@Christian Teal Swan said something like this.She also said that the apathetic people should face their despair that is inside of them trough shadow work.

@Shin No I do not watch porn.I heard about NoFap and even attended it.My streak was 2 weeks.Not that I couldn't go further,but life seemed so boring that I wanted something to.. Refresh..And yes,I masturbate only when I feel like life is boring and I have nothing to look forward doing.

So..In the past few months I have been depressed and highly anxious.But,since I started to meditate daily my depression lifted up,and now I'm anxious about my future or I'm being negative only when I'm really tired(don't really know why).Other than that,my life is going pretty well(I mean..mediocre).My grades are improving,I'm not that anxious anymore when I'm called on in class,and I am socializing better. The point is..Even though I'm not depressed anymore,life still not seems that exciting.When I try to improve myself trough learning programming or socializing(these are the things that I know I should be doing more) I often ask myself..Why am I doing this?And then I realize that I don't have a solid reason for doing them.I mean..I like programming,but I don't see myself doing that for the rest of my life,at least now.And socializing..I do that because I think it will keep me far from depression,and it also raises my spirit when I am down..As you can see,it is about me..Just to summarize..I don't really have much motivation or solid reasons for doing something. Now I think that having a purpose would change my life drastically (in a positive way).I would finally wake up in the morning excited,because it is a new day and I might do amazing stuff,or have fun with friends..But the thing is I can't find it.You might say, "well buy Leo's course"..For reasons not worth mentioning I can't,but there is a way I could gather money and buy it... The thing is...I don't have motivation to put in the effort to do so.I don't have motivation/solid reasons for improving my life,get a girlfriend,socialize more,study harder,etc..And I don't know why.There is something missing.. When I was a kid,I liked waking up in the morning,and I was enjoying my day..(when I was going to school,but I remember times when I was a kid when life seemed very dull).. Anyways...My question is the following:How can I get motivated to improve my life?How can I wake up in the morning excited,even though I don't have a purpose yet?How can I add more zest to my life? Remember when I said I could gather money and buy Leo's course?Well,it would be a good step in the right direction,but that doesn't seems exciting..The idea of finding my purpose doesn't seems exciting to me,and I do not know why. And one more last point..You might ask how I managed to force myself to break out of depression if I still don't have a sense of direction/purpose?I didn't did it for me,I did it for my parents..I was having suicidal thoughts and I realized if I was one day to commit suicide one day,my family would suffer a lot..And I didn't wanted that..(please, don't telle things like "well,find your purpose and improve yourself for your parents if that was a good reason for stop being depressed"..This still doesn't seems motivating to me).

I'm at the beginning of a new period in my life where I have to work really hard.That means that I need to study hard,meditate daily,do affirmations daily,learn to program well,do NoFap and focus a bit more on socializing.I realized that I'll either do the things above,or I'll live a miserable,disappoint every important person to me,fall into depression again and so on.. The question is..How will hard working transform me as a person?It might sound silly because the usual answer is that I'll be a stronger person and blah blah..But I am interested in hearing other people's stories that went through such times as I am going trough now.I have problems with motivation to push forward,and I want some hope that I'm not doing this in vain.I don't have a life purpose yet, because is hard to find one right now..I'm 17 by the way.. So..What's your story?

@Aamir King How have you managed to find your life purpose?Would you tell me what your life purpose is?I find it really hard to think about it..

The title says it all..I apologize if there was such topic created before,I couldn't find another. I have problems mainly when talking in front of other people..My heart beating increases fast and sometimes I start shaking while waiting the moment I'm gonna talk in front of others..I have this problem at school (I'm 16) and it sucks so bad..In the past I liked to talk openly with teachers or have speeches but now..I just fear that I'll make fool of myself as I did many times..Why the situation changed now?I have suffered from depression (and still suffering but I can see the fucking light at the end of the tunnel..And my symptoms decreased)..And please don't tell me that I should try more to speak in front of others..That won't be any different than what I'm trying to do now..And I would get really frustrated.

I have a hard time in continuing my habits that I install for myself.I can't meditate for more than 3 months or do anything consistently... I have depression,and that is stopping me from doing a lot of things...I have no motivation and I don't feel any connection to anyone..I just don't really care about anything.Doing a good thing for you requires at least a little bit of motivation,therefore,I find it really hard to continue a habit on a daily basis.Also,please don't ask me about my depression here in this topic,because I know what I need to do in order to cure it and what caused it.I haven't wrote this having this purpose in mind... As I was saying,I meditated for 3 months using just my will,so to speak...But then I fell of track and since then I'm spinning in a circle...Start a habit,fall of track..start a habit,fall of track..and so on.If I continue this way,I will never break out of depression...So,how can I force myself not to fall of track??Is there a technique other than forcing myself through will?

@MIA.RIVEL That sounds like a good idea.Can you give me some short motivational videos?

@MochaSlap I can't get external help like therapy because I don't afford it,but you're right..I have to take action somehow..but its hard for me..today I wanted to meditate but I just couldn't do it..I wanted to move in my meditation position and just...did nothing. Sometimes I'm able to get things done but sometimes not..and that's the problem because I need to be consistent.

@Pramit can you explain in more depth what is a tipping point?