Ryan_047

@Mad Max How can I process the trauma?

I'll keep it short..I am trying to practice self-love..and one of the ways I am doing that is by writing about my feelings or being really aware of them and feeling them.The thing is that most of the time I feel either depression, anxiety or despair..the rest of the time I am feeling numb,rarely feeling a positive emotion. In those moments I am trying not to escape these emotions and just feel them..but it's so damn hard.. A few moments ago I felt so desperate that I couldn't cope with it and ended up distracting myself.I don't know what am I supposed to do when feeling like your future is absolutely hopeless and you should kill yourself so you can avoid the inevitable massive pain... One thing that I have noticed is that during these moments,I desired really bad someone to hug me and say that it understands what I am going through..I felt like if that would happen I could finally cry hard..I am barely shading a few tears.. So..how should I cope?

@Sukhpaal Yes,I am going to school.The thing is..that I am afraid to death to share my feelings face to face.I've got such a big fear of judgement and rejection..

The title says it all..How can we change our self-image? I want specific techniques on how to do that..no theory,no bullshit,no "fake it till you make it" mindsets.And no,don't give me videos..And if you do,tell the time of when they are getting into actually doing the technique.!I know what negative beliefs I have and I want to know how to actually change/eliminate them.

@Mad Max I have an idea of how some of the negative beliefs formed,and know specifically how other negative beliefs formed and when.Still,that doesn't heal them.What do you mean by "processing" a trauma? I've researched shadow work(which I am sure would help me a lot),but all that I've found was some stupid breathing techniques or journaling.Yes,journaling helps a bit cause you can keep track of things that have happened to you in the past..but still,that doesn't heal my past trauma.The only good shadow work exercise I've found is from Teal Swan,but I found it difficult to do. I can't afford going to therapy..I'm 17,I have no money,no job(I tried to get a job every summer for 3 years now,but my parents wouldn't let me get one).So..now I am trying to learn web development and create/maintain websites.I tried this in the past,but I stopped learning..I was depressed.This is why I want to have more confidence..To be able to have faith in myself and think that the future will be bright for me..My days would be a bit more smoother..Right now I know that the future preservers only pain for me,nothing more. My family's financial situation sucks and will get worse pretty soon..so no,there is no way I will attend therapy anytime soon.And don't even get me started on school..a place where I spend 7 fucking hours learning stupid stuff I'll never fucking use(except math,English and computer science)..the rest of the subjects may go to hell.Know what's funny?My parents get upset for not achieving good grades to all of the subjects.All of this is causing stress,frustration and anxiety in me..this sometimes leads to depressive episodes. I already knew before writing this post that I have to do inner work and heal my past traumas.But I don't have any fk idea how am I supposed to do that in my current situation.So yeah,I am looking for a short term resolve that I hope it will get me through the rest of high school and college until I'll finally get a goddamn job.I am not even sure why I even told you about my situation...

@poimandres I want to raise my self-esteem,self-worth and and self confidence.I know what I want to achieve.I asked specifically for techniques and not explained why I want to change my self image because some people on this forum like to show off their "knowledge" and ultimately help me with nothing or they lead me on other paths which are not good for me.You might say.."well you might not have the life experience or wisdom these guys had and misunderstood what they said"..If that's the case,no.I can give you examples.. Thanks for the reply.

@Sukhpaal Can you please tell me what how to do self love meditation?

I've come to the conclusion that I have some limiting beliefs,and I don't know what I am supposed to do about them. The one that is affecting me the most is that I don't deserve love/affection for who I am right this moment.I feel like I need to change in order to get this need met.And..i don't only mean the love from a girlfriend/spouse,I also talk about the love from friends and family.I can't feel any connection with any of them..I have the feeling that I resist forming any intimate connection with anybody.Everytime a conversation gets more..deep and it starts going in the direction of personal problems,traumas and feelings in general..I just avoid it.For some reason I am afraid to death to tell someone of the unpleasant times of my life or my problems.I think this is because I fear rejection, judgement or not being understood. Having more intimate connections with people would make me feel more alive..but I don't know what to do exactly.. I've never had any girlfriend or talked openly about my feelings face to face.I guess I'm ashamed of them..

@Noname First thing's first..Force yourself.And by that I don't mean getting drunk every time you need to talk about your problems or confessing something(I know it's way easier).There is no need to worry here on Actualized.org.We are here to help you,not judge you.And if somebody is judging you it's because they have a problem.It's not you they judge,it's actually them. You are listing more and more symptoms of severe depression..fear of judgment,anxiety,self hate,emotional numbness.I know it sucks,it sucks really bad.Honestly,I don't know how to help you overcome your fear of judgement,but just bear it.You only have to write your problems on the computer,put it that way.It's a big step forward that you came here for help. I heard self-love can help,you might try it out.I haven't done it for myself,but I guess it would help me as well. One "trick" I used when I was extremely depressed and wanted to kill myself was this:Think of someone you love(even though you might not feel the love because depression sucks your emotions like a black hole..if that's the case,choose someone you know you love even though you don't feel) and just fight for them.That person(or those persons) might have done sacrifices for you or just simple things..When you are depressed you might not feel like you matter anymore(this was my case,maybe yours is different).If you can't find anybody you love,think of the future.What if in the future you might change the life of a girl into good?What if she would love you like you would be the last man on Earth?Or what if you get a meaningful job(even you don't know what job would be right now) and through it you will be able to help thousands of people?Things like this will keep your fighting spirit alive.

@Noname First of all,I am not a psychologist or something like that,I have my own emotional problems and unmet needs but..I guess I can help.Please note that the following things I'm going to write are just my deductions and what I think can help him. Have you tried introducing him to self-development?He's got a ton of addictions,meditation could really help him or other videos from his channel.If you decide to convince him to meditate,tell him to do the "Do nothing" technique.It's really good for depressed people,I know from my own experience. Masturbation eh?Even though I don't fully agree with what I'm about to say,I highly believe that this could help your friend alot.Tell him to research NoFap.It's a community that encourages dissolving the masturbation habit.I've read alot of stories about depressed and anxious people like him getting their lives back by simply abstaining from masturbation and especially porn.I'm pretty sure he's watching porn,and porn completely fucks up your brain.So yeah,I guess this could be a step in the right direction.Why I don't fully agree you might ask yourself..well,I don't think that normal people should do NoFap(normal meaning non-porn addicted)..I think they should masturbate only when they feel like they want to(side note:masturbating to escape problems is good in the short run,but harmful in the long run).Nevertheless,he's a porn and masturbation addict,he's got to stop that.When you masturbate and watch porn dopamine stops being produced by your brain and therefore,you experience low motivation,low sex drive and that could lead to depression and anxiety.Oh yeah,and the anxiety of talking to girls is 100% because of porn. Sounds like he had got problems even growing up..From what you have wrote above it seems like he didn't had any confidence even when he was a little kid,did he?Maybe his problems did not start now..they might have started when he was just a child.I mean that he might have experienced a lot of traumas growing up and felt a lack of love/support/acceptance.Sounds like he doesn't even understands his own problems.I highly suggest watching Teal Swan.She's got many good videos that will help him understand his root causes of his illness,his unmet needs,his suffering etc. He's in a major depression now..the number one thing that he needs(and also any depressed person needs) is constant support and love..I say again..support and love.This is the first thing he needs before moving on to resolving his problems.If he just gets the advice first,sure he'll try to do these techniques..but he'll fail a lot,which is normal.But depressed people will get more depressed and frustrated because of that..I even got so frustrated that I wanted to commit suicide.Support from other people will prevent that.What people?Anybody..as much people as possible.Also..ask him when was the last time he cried..If he can't remember or the last time he cried was a long time ago(years) there is a problem..And..tell him not to drop his counselors.Yeah,they might not be such good counselors but he needs to talk about his emotions,problems and traumas as much as he can whether is a counselor or a friend/parent. I understand your friend because I was depressed too for a long time and had difficult times..I am healing from it slowly..and I can assure you that these things above helped me.The only thing I need now is love and support which I am afraid to death to seek,but that's another story.Hopefully this helped.

Are visualizing, fantasies(not sexual fantasies) and daydreaming the same thing? I just made a personal discovery that led me to think that they might be the same thing,the only difference being that visualizing is a more conscious process.I am trying to establish a visualization habit.After I watched Leo's video I tried for the first time to imagine in detail how my "perfect life" would look like..it felt nice,but not that much..like I didn't really wanted that.Then,I remembered the fantasy/daydream I have late at night or in early mornings..which also reflects a set of my unmet needs.When I play it in my head,I feel good(until I become more conscious and my mind comes with counter arguments).

As the title says,I am experiencing lack of motivation.And not that kind of lack where I'd rather stay all day in bed and no nothing..I don't have motivation to grow myself..to become a better person..to study..to meditate..etc. Currently,I am just meditating daily and soon I'll hit the gym.I'm not doing these stuff for a definite purpose,but because it's better than doing nothing (side note:I started to meditate because I was depressed..but now I'm not,I'm all right). I have the entire summer vacation ahead of me,and I don't know what I could do.I wanted to get my first job,but my parents won't let me and there is no fucking way I can convince them. Back to my problem..I'm expecting answers like.."find your passion" or "buy Leo's course"..I need money for those things..and guess what, I don't have..and I have some things that I would like to study further..but the lack of motivation comes in..I usually start the habit and then fall off track multiple times until I give up.Why? Because I have no real idea of what I want to achieve.Ideas like becoming a better person or getting a girlfriend or having lots of money or becoming a better student or master my emotions...I just don't seem to connect with them.I may feel "charged up" when I think about them..but for a short period of time(1 minute at Max..) I just can't keep forcing myself to do things for no good and clear reason.I need some kind of purpose,goal..but again, something in me just resists or doesn't want to pursue anything..(I guess).

@Nahm How is this supposed to help?

@RichardY How??

@egoeimai I was expecting some kind of..tips or directions or anything..not jokes.

@egoeimai ....

@jse Lol

Hello there! I wanted to open this new thread because I have some dilemmas.So,first of all I guess it is important to say that I'm 17(male). My question is..Is masturbation bad in itself?Should I masturbate?If yes,how much? I usually do it for 2-3 times a week.I am not an addict from what I can tell.And I don't use porn for it..Just pictures. You might have heard about NoFap..If not,it is a community that encourages individuals to drop masturbation and porn for ever,or for a few months.They consider this a kind of self-development tool,and there are a lot of cases in which people prove trough their own experience that NoFap works.They experience many benefits like loss of depression,anxiety,increased self-confidence etc. On the other hand,there are people that support masturbation(without porn).They say it is healthy..but many people in the NoFap community are saying that masturbation is bad,and that it only harms you.I have posted a similar thread there,but I think I received only 2-3 good answers.The rest were bullshit like.."I think you are an addict,but you can't admit it to yourself" or they respond by saying that porn is bad in a million different ways,even tough I asked something different -_-. I tried NoFap 2 times and failed after 2 weeks..Not that I couldn't abstain and go further..But I was still skeptical about it..and still am.It sounds kind of scary not to go masturbating for 3 whole months or even a year. So..is masturbation bad or not?Has anyone tried NoFap around here?

@jse Are you a doctor?

@TJ Reeves A good reply,thank you. I didn't said that Ralph Smart became enlightened trough NoFap,lol..

@Alex4 Because of such abstract answers people get confused(me included).Can you please develop your answer?

@TJ Reeves That's a new way of looking at it.Thank you. I am thinking about trying NoFap for 60 days tough.I am really curious if I would experience some benefits.What do you say? And,how can I know if masturbation interferes with my goals? Also,there are some.. let's say enlightened people that have tried NoFap and now support it..like Ralph Smart.He is got a video on it.

So..yeah..today is the first time in my life that I had the urge to cut myself and stick sharp objects into my skin. How I came about? Well..today I called of track with affirmations and NoFap..again.And I just can't get myself to study(tommorow I have an important test-_-).And because of that,at first I tried to calm myself with high volume metal music.. didn't work..after I started to bang my head hard with a notebook.. didn't work..and then the urge came..I just wanted to go and get a knife and start cutting,or start to hit my head against the wall..but I managed to control myself.I am not calm now,I am just surpressing my emotions like I did all my entire stupid life... I am meditating for 20 minutes per day for like 5 months..and even though I may not have a lot of qualities,I am at least a calm and tolerant person. What the heck is going with me and how can I stop this?And no..there is no way I can talk with my parents or sibling about it..Don't ask why,the point is that I can't..nor going to a psychologist.

@SFRL Is it?How it is that?I thought that I will just go to work get back home sleep and the cycle continues.

@SFRL My alternative is to go to college, study get a job and then I'll see.I am more light headed today,sorry again for what I have written.