effy01

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About effy01

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  • Location
    madrid
  • Gender
    Female
  1. it depends on who is the therpist ? how they do it ? the only valuable thing i get is talking with somebody who actually TRY to understand what am going through and get it out of my chest , but most of them are in orange state make it difficult if you have layers of grren and yellow ....
  2. @nahtanoj yes that's what im doing im in transition phase i wake up one hour gym and swimming then trying to practice the craft now i need to quit smoking at night im not ready yet until i feel the flow of mastering the craft otherwise my mind would go crazy wanting to smoke at night ...
  3. @Athena hey athena no i cant go back ... i don't have money anymore to pay my rent or studies there if i wanna move to another university with the same bachelor i should do other 2 years because they don't validate all the credits ..... and trust me even if i had the possibility to do it i wont , i cant no longer study VIA university , i cant trick my self anymore . its not about calling your self something ..... its about being able to produce results look yes i had like few semesters to get the bachelor but trust me , we didn t learn GEARS until the 3rd year do you find that logic ? like WTF , i cant load my mind with bunch of random teories and pass tests just to call my self mechanical engineer at the end .... what do i have to study how to cut steel or how to pump water if i wanna train my ear to master mix record the sound i don't wanna be a sound engineer but rather mastering technical aspect of audio yes the physics and the mathematics i studied all my path are helping me to understand the sound as a wave and all the characteristic that goes with it so im not having troubles to understand the foundations and the theory part of that field abut what you said , maybe you are right maybe not i need to verify it my self ....
  4. @Leo Gura Hey ,thank you all for your feedback I relate a lot to what you wrote Leo . yes , that s what I learned you don’t need to follow the system to produce results I ve already started researches like 2 months ago And yes there is a lot of websites that offer online courses like Lynda and skill share i was planning to do 2 years professional training because its public , for free ...and it can help me with lack of material i need to train properly I have the opportunity to stay in my aunt house here in Spain , free food and shelter , its not the best atmosphere for healing but I’m flexible i can sacrifice my intimacy , my freedom , not feeling at home , just to get closer to my vision. I ve just wanted to clarify that my mental state is low Most of it due to being addicted to pots it make it worse Now I smoke only at night so I can sleep but still When I sit down in the morning and want to train in my room My heart start racing i can’t focus and my learning abilities are low Im seing a therapist but they wanna load me with chemicals I don’t want to use ,…… So I’m in stage 0 I don’t wanna believe what my mind tell me Because it tells me I’m gonna die every morning and at night I’m still alive I should burn all the impurities from my system just to get back on track and can train normally Other problem , is all my life I never trained alone But rather sucking on society education system for years LMAO but I wont give up , This is my struggle for now MY JIHAD @Empty I can’t experience mysticism , GOD if I’m worried about how to survive….. But I had glimpses of it when I used LSD 3 years ago And know deep down that there is more to life than how my mind picture it right now …..
  5. DONT STAY IN SOME COUNTRY ILLEGALY , its gonna close all doors for you , i talk from my experience
  6. yes dropping my career at age of 26 years old is so overwhelming i didnt have a plan B at that time , no i struggle with being stucked and worrying
  7. hey I have 26 years old and I’m struggling with a big turning point I wake up feeling anxious , and I can put my finger into what scares me Its changing my career after spending more than 5 years studying mechanical engineering in a foreign in country that I dropped this year when I had only 3 semesters left Trust me this is the most scariest thing I did external factors like my addiction to smoking pots and not being mentally stable in the village I was studying in drive me to choose my self instead of a career that doesn’t feed my soul . In my second year in college I discovered my love for music No I didn’t play guitar or piano when I was 6 years old ….. Its my alone time in that village that make me discover other interests I probably didn’t know about …. Im from morocco and its a blue stage country , my parents just didn’t give a shit about me wanting to learn guitar when I was young ,but they were always helping financially in my academic career So this passion becomes stronger and stronger as I was listening to a lot of music, buying records and learning how to dj in my free time ,at that time I thought that I liked this stuffs just because it seems cool I couldn’t understand my self 3 years from now I can say its not a crush I actually love music in the most spiritual divine way I dint quit my college to become a rockstar or DJ its not what I want even tho I like the creative part of blending songs together and tell your story ….but my vision is bigger than me I wanna build an association in Morocco that have infrastructures like A STUDIO to help young artists to express them selves mostly in hip hop , electronic music. BUT I need a skill set , As I hate the system of education I couldn’t go for another university degree but rather a professional training in 2 years to become a sound technician that record master mix the craft . Its a whole another domain , it scares me ,because its more like freelancing , trust me its all I need to escape wage slavery but I’m afraid to fail again , because my mind had token this years studying mechanics and no bachelor at the end as a failure I can’t help it I have a low self esteem when I sit and imagine my self sound technician and try to do visualtion technics I feel this huge resistance and fear … Everybody tell me to be realistic , but I know deep down that this is the most realistic thing I can do , wake up at 40 years old and doing things I love with passion and help the human cause. I just wanna be able to stay focused and master the craft But I’m way too anxious Leo if you see this your response has so much value for me Sorry for my bad English Thank you community PS: im in illegal situation in the country I was studying in Because they didn’t want to renovate my residency in here , but its my right to defend my self but the procedure takes so much time , I sometimes feel blocked just to try to solve the problem via justice , its a lot of emotional labour , and there is no sound path education in morocco , I feel blocked stucked and anxiety is killing me ——