howdoistopobsessing

I have bad Pure-O OCD. Basically, I have a morbid fear that God/the universe will make every girl reject my attempts to kiss her, either because it wants me to be lonely/sad/miserable/for fun/sadism, so I'm terrified that if I actually start meeting women and go for the kiss, and get just rejections, I'll start believing it's actually true and that I'm destined to be alone. Also, I can't start new habits because almost every month day year combination has a number that I fear is permanent bad luck (4 and 9 (Asia) and 13), and what makes it bad luck is either God/the universe or many people believing it which I fear can give it negative energy. I have no evidence for or against any of this so I have no idea how to solve it. I'll do basically anything to get rid of this. I don't think they're delusions because I don't believe in them 100%; I'm just afraid of the possibility that they're true. I've tried the Art of Living's meditation and breathing techniques and didn't feel anything. I desperately need something that will actually work.

I consulted an Ayurvedic doctor a few months ago and she gave me a diet plan and said I'm too high in air and space, and that my dosha is vata. I don't know if this is true or bs. Another option is paleo, but it involves meat and I'm vegetarian and don't want to contribute to animal suffering so I don't get bad karma, but if it's really necessary, I can switch back to meat to see if it helps.

@Dan502 I would absolutely feel less terrified! About your next point, that reminds me of something called DiCarlo's escalation ladder. How do I put myself in a drunk girl situation? Should I go to a bar after midnight? Clubs aren't good for me unless women don't mind earplugs because I have hearing over-sensitivity.

I don't have any (for free) right now (see my last post) and I feel like the only way to solve my OCD problem is if there's a sure way to live happily without intimacy in case it never happens to me.

@Michael569 what you quoted means that I think/(over)analyze/worry/ruminate/philosophize WAY too much. It explain my issues in my recent post "What's the most effective meditation technique?"

@IndigoGeminiWolf "If everything you desired manifested, would you truly be happy?" I strongly think yes because once you've lived in scarcity for so long you can hardly function normally.

@TheSomeBody it is but I'm too terrified to try to kiss anyone.

@AlphaAbundance ok, I'll figure out which one to do. Now I'm debating whether I should follow the paleo, vegetarian paleo, or the Ayurvedic diet that was prescribed to me two months ago. The doctor said that I have too much air and space and that I'm "vata", some Sanskrit term. I don't know if I should eat meat again or not because it seems like I can get all my nutrients from non-meat sources, but I don't know.

@AlphaAbundance thank you so much for your input. The most immediate problem with starting tomorrow is that there are 3 9s in the date, and if I start on Tuesday, the second day is the 11th and being the second day, add a 2 and you get 4. What I could do is start them for a few weeks, then when I come across a "good" date, I quit them for a week before, and then start them again. I know I'm crazy; sorry .

@AlphaAbundance I like where you're going, but those other forms of intimacy could also be "banned" by God. Regarding your second bullet point, psychedelics I fear could be way too dangerous for me (bad trips that could either temporarily terrify or permanently damage me), same with Kundalini which could be very dangerous from what I've read, and maybe God either doesn't want me to get enlightened, or Christians are right and enlightenment doesn't exist, or anything else. All these issues obviously stem from not knowing "for sure" how God works, because of obsessively fearing all the negative possibilities despite not having any personal proof for or against them. It's very complicated, like my ego (if it really exists) created a prison in me, or maybe I'm the only conscious being and no one else in conscious and God is some kind of semi-sadistic "scientist" or aliens or anything. I'd do the Wim Hof method (did it for two days but then read about cases where people got permanent tinnitus and I noped out) or holotropic/Shamanic breathing, but I'm afraid of negative consequences, so I'm completely stuck and paralyzed. I have no idea how/why all this even happened. It's so crazy that I feel like I'm the only one dealing with this. I guess there's some kind of way overblown fear/negative energy in me for some reason. I saw Sri Sri Ravi Shankar Ji of the Art of Living in person, and meditated with him, but felt no difference or change at all.

@AlphaAbundance yeah, I can approach and talk to them sometimes and it goes fine, but it's the kissing and sex that I'm so afraid will be rejected. It's all the practices that you listed. Yes, that the practice won't work, and that I'll possibly even get injured or go insane or something else bad. What do you mean find other ways of physical intimacy and fuck them?

@AlphaAbundance forgot to mention you. I'll research more about Kriya yoga.

That's what I definitely need to do but I "need" a backup plan so that if the fears come out to be true, how to live happily anyways if I don't have personal evidence that any lifestyle habit/modification can make you happy if you lack intimacy.

Leo pretty much said that in his last video. It's freaking me out because I don't want to feel insane pain and suffering an infinite amount of times.

This is all freaking me out like crazy. I can't focus on anything. I wish I would've never seen that video.

I saw the video about karma but am unsure if I believe it because apparently in Hinduism, you cause harm to yourself when you eat meat and possible when you consume animal products, which makes me think that egoic thought alone doesn't "cause" bad karma. Also, when people die, are they reborn and that process continues until they reach enlightenment and then they forever get absorbed into the God mind? Also, I'm on medication so it's not a good idea to take psychedelics and I have fears that I'm afraid will feel out of control if I'm tripping. Don't want to become mentally damaged. Also, Yogananda I think said that you need a teacher but Leo says to practice Kriya yoga from a book. I read that it can be very harmful to not have the guidance of a guru. Whose advice should I follow?

My family's pressuring me to get job and I'd kinda rather just die. The thought being under stress at an Amazon warehouse for example is just too much. I don't even know if others are conscious so if I were to help people, it could all just be for nothing. I either don't know enough about myself or the world to figure out my life purpose, or life purpose for me just doesn't exist and I'll be stuck in my head stressing about life forever. What the heck can I do?

I was told on Reddit that Yogananda's guru's guru didn't write any book so I'm confused, unlike what Leo said in his Real Yoga video. I also need to find my life purpose but don't know if the course is worth it. I also have no idea whether or not I should just Leo in general because I've read some bad opinions about him but don't want to base decisions or random people. I feel less neurotic after having seen a shamanic healer so I'm more bought into this whole spirituality thing. I also read that Kriya Yoga shouldn't be taught without a physical approved teacher.

Thanks for the replies everyone. I feel better now.

@TheAvatarState yes, I'm free to do whatever I want. Problem is I don't like the idea of work at all. Literally any work. Everything just seems pointless and just a coping mechanism until death and maybe even beyond.

I'm on medication for certain things (see my post history) and I need to get a job but I'm dreading it. Is there a yoga practice I can do to clean my mind and body?

Hey Actualized. I posted earlier this year about my problem with dating but feel like I wanted to take the wrong action (forgetting about women instead of solving the core problem). So basically, I have a fear that God/the universe will prevent any hookup attempts I make because either because of the sin of premarital sex, because of a cosmic change (since I've hooked up years ago), because He doesn't want me to be happy, or some other reason. I'm also the kind of person who considers the possibility of other consciousnesses not existing, so only me existing, and thus this stuff would only affect me since almost everyone around me hooks up with other people regularly or semi-regularly. I also have an issue that when I talk to someone, this worry gets to my head and I can't focus on what I'm saying and I just freeze up. I'm also afraid of making mistakes in the sense that someone asks me to do something and I won't know how to do it and feel like an idiot (sounds stupid but I am afraid of making of fool of myself in any (social) situation). Sounds like social anxiety but it's not so bad. I'm posting this in the mental health section because I'm diagnosed with psychosis or something since I had kind of a breakdown years ago when I was super germophobic because I thought that getting others sick with my germs would cause bad karma for me and thus the universe wouldn't let me hook up with any girl. The medication I'm on (Risperidone and Wellbutrin) completely solved the germophobia but this hook up and mistake problem still sticks. I've watched three of Leo's videos as a friend on Discord is helping me out and they're very interesting. I do want to expand my mind. Any input toward these issues will be appreciated.

Hi Actualized, I'm posting because I want to know how to become happy without needing a woman in my life. I was born in the U.S., moved to a Central American country with my family when I as a kid, got off ADD pills, had a hard time socially at school (which lasted until graduation from high school), had symptoms similar to autism; all that. I'm moved back to the states with my dad's support to do a music program, although I'm not even sure if that's what I'm interested in. I'm 20-25 by the way. The other issue I'm dealing with is a constant fear of making some stupid mistake with anything because of my lack of concentration because I'm always thinking that I want a gf. I don't have the confidence or looks (I don't look that bad but bad-enough) to cold-approach them. I need to know how I can become happy. I tried volunteering but didn't feel any better (picking up trash almost every weekend around my neighborhood) and giving food to people in need. I'm just sad and tired guy in general, plus the anxiety. I also fear certain numbers like 4, 9 (Asian superstitions), 13, 18 (from a Redditor with bad experiences with that number) and now the apartment I'm living in has a 4 in its number (I'm on the forth floor) and I'm afraid that that no self-improvement I try will work then. I'm on Risperidone, Wellbutrin and Sublitamine as well. As far as meditation goes, I've done forty days (forty-day challenge) of the Kriya and Sahaj Samadhi taught by Sri Sri Ravi Shankar (Guruji) of the Art of Living Foundation. I haven't felt better with that either, so I stopped the practices because I find them annoying anyways. Once or twice I also tried chanting Om along with a YouTube video that a friend recommended. Didn't help either. Maybe I have to do it for more days. I don't know. Also, every now and then I run 1-2 miles almost every morning to get some exercise, hoping that that will help me, but I don't feel much difference either. All I want is to stop caring about wanting intimacy with women. I tried PUA very half-assed as I lack confidence but if something works, then maybe I'll try it again. I don't know if it's spiritually a bad idea to be promiscuous; I still want to do it anyways because it's in my biology although at this point I wouldn't mind a long-term relationship and maybe marriage if it's a better idea. I tried getting involved with Christian Evangelism but didn't feel anything either. It seems like nothing makes me feel anything. I really want to get off these meds but if I do, I'll start freaking out about whether or not I'll get a gf or fwb's in the future or not. I'm supposed to work part-time too but I feel that if I don't feel better soon, I'll just rage-quit after the first day, not to mention it could make the depression worse, doing something repetitive for hours on end. I'm also terrified of messing something up because my of lack of concentration. I know that billions of people in the world have to do that, but I feel like it's just for happy people who can stand it. I really want this year to be different. I made a bunch of New Year's resolutions and only kept like one of them. The only one that's succeeding is no-fap. I've been sleeping for like 11 hours every night too. I don't want to see an escort because I don't want to spend my dad's money on that and I don't want any chance of getting arrested. It's all fake anyways. I want to do whatever it takes to get better. If vibrations are real, then I need to raise then somehow. I guess Christians think all this Hindu stuff is bs and maybe they're right, but I don't know. I wish I knew which religion was the true one. I've even "opened my heart" to Jesus but nothing happened either. It's so frustrating. I don't see the point in reading any religious book like the Bible or the Bahavat Ghita or however you spell it because I don't necessarily think it's more knowledge that I need but connection to God/the universe. I just want to be happy. Thank you for reading and I hope that by the end of this year I'm a happy guy. Maybe some of Leo's videos and practices can help me. There's just so much content though that I don't know what to start with a I don't want to spend three months watching videos and then start to get better. I'd rather start whatever practice right now. Every waking moment for me is a form of psychological torment because I'm so afraid that I'll stay celibate for life. I really hope that things improve. Just please tell me what practice to start, and I hope it'll be effective regardless of being on the forth floor of this building.

@F A B Thank you so much for the reply, but how exactly do I raise my confidence? It also just bugs me that I'm on the forth floor (I know it sounds super retarded but it legit bothers me. I'm thinking about moving out after this month's over). I really hope no number brings bad luck.