SQAAD

I have combined Syrian with LSA capsules. Big mistake. It made me not sleep for 2 days in a row and start losing my grip on reality. Its not a good combo for sure. It can lead to an unexpected trip.

Can you please tell me who are your role models?

I just realised that i am God now. WOW................................................................. And i am in God mode. What now???

I don't get it.

What if you stutter which makes your speaking skills go down the toilet or have some other disability. Maybe half of your face is burned from some fire when you were a kid or your nose is too big or you can barely walk with one leg. Is it possible to be succesful at pickup then when you have an obvious issue and you are not considered normal or you shouldn't even try? It seems pickup can only work for normies. I have never seen anyone who stutters attempting to do pickup.

Today i got my results for my cholesterol. It is 210 ng/dL. I have been eating many many whole eggs the last year. Like >15 eggs per week on average. And the last couple of months, i began noticing a feeling of blockage in my heart area. What should i do from now on? Is cutting down the eggs enough to lower my cholesterol?

@Rilles I'm interested to know, how do your rest days look like? How many times a week?

Haven't watched the attached video. But i have watched many other videos from Russel Brand. He is a pretty conscious and evolved guy who has overcome a lot of sh*t in his life. Also a great example of Stage Green. I don't think he is a Trump supporter, no way.

We've heard about how Reality is Perfection and Paradise but i think that at the same it is also Hell. Many peeople don't appreciate how hellish existence can become because they've just lived a basic comfortable existence somewhere in the Western world with somewhat decent parents. There are definitely levels to this. Levels that we don't even comprehend. For me it was a shock the previous year the amount of suffering that i've experienced from a silly mistake. That little mistake costed me 1 year of pure misery. One year of pure torture. There was a period where nothing i would do, would make the depression go away. I just had to let the time pass. It was the worst thing i've experienced in my entire life. I never expected reality could turn so ugly so fast. You can do all the ''right'' things and still get cancer, suffer through a terrible disease for years for no good reason, brain damage, dementia, lose all your money, get tortured , get murdered, etc etc. There are many things you can't control and can't completely avoid. My biggest fear besides getting tortured is losing my mind, my intelligence and my great memory. Every time i feel a painful sensation in my brain i get terrible anxiety. This can make my life unpleasant some of the time. Most of the time i am in a decent mood. But i am generally afraid of eventually losing everything i've worked so hard to gain. Many times i think that all the things i've learned , i can completely forget my just getting dementia. This can make it hard to motivate yourself. Yesterday i sat with a 90-year old man who has lost his memory abilities recently. He can't remember much. After his son died, he fell into a deep depression and his mind deteriorated significantly very rapidly. He was a physicist. The challenge of life i believe is that there are all these terrible things that can happen to you and you can't deny them. You can never say ''that will never happen to me''. All the sh*t you don't wanna experience, there is a chance you will experience it. It seems to me that all this suffering and pain is somewhat senseless at times. I don't get it why it can get so bad. I understand the necessity of pain and suffering but its just too much. Too much...

@Leo Gura You are right. ''Action is what really matters''.

@Leo Gura Fixing a stutter completely may be impossible though for some people. I have watched people with terrible stutters that did improve it but not all the way. Still the understanding on stuttering is very limited but it seems there is a neurological component. From my experience it is 80% psychological and 20% neurological. My situation is not completely hopeless and my stutter is mild. You are right that i am making excuses. It is because i am unsure whether i will be able to overcome this or not the way that i want. This is why i prefer to accept the worst case scenario before it even happens, i don't know if this is the best strategy though..

@Leo Gura Sometimes though some fears if they come true they will not be insignifant at all. If inability to speak well to women comes true and you can't change it well enough then that will mess up your game for good with not much hope....... Only in the cosmic scale it will be very insignificant & it won't matter at all. But for me, things that make me happy or not matter the whole world to me, as is with every living being i assume..

What is Not a thought then?

@Nahm I get what you are saying... But it is almost impossible to detach from thought... Thoughts exists for a very good reason, they help us survive. Personally because i am meditator i don't take every thought seriously.. But some thoughts i take them seriously because they are very good representation/narratives of whats going on in my life.

@Leo Gura Lol But what if the fear is not bullsh*t?? Sometimes the fear might represent/symbolise something legit....

@Leo Gura Yes, that's a good advice. I just like accepting the worst case scenario, which is tough to do at this moment.. In your video about fear you said, that its good to be willing to accept your fears.

@museumoftrees I don't really know. I guess it depends how much you have abused this substance and other factors. For me , even when i abuse it, i don't get any WDs. Everyones different. Some people get WDs when they quit weed for example, others don't.

@yolosmoothie No , i don't feel embarassed by it. I just don't like it because it decreases the quality of my conversations and i can't speak the way i want to speak all the time. Its very distressing not to be able to express yourself as you would like to. I have accepted it but still i worry how it affects my life.

@Leo Gura I don't know if the stutter can be completely eliminated. It is challenging to accept that this obstacle may be there for the rest of your life. That is the biggest thing holding me back at the moment. When i was a kid i had a terrible stutter, but i went to a specialist, did some exercises for 1 year and a half, then my stutter was completely gone away for few years. Which was very impressive. For some people it never goes away and they can only manage it to a certain extent. Then after 4-5 years when i went to high school i started feeling anxious again. And my stutter returned. It didn't return to a severe state like before, but i would find myself too anxious at times to get certain words out. My stutter was to a state where most people would not notice it. And i could work, get a job with this stutter. As i said , still most people don't notice it. Still though it is tough when people think that you are stupid because you are delaying an answer because you can't say it at that moment you wanna say it. Its a terrible experience to not be able to control your speech at times when for others it is effortless. I will start doing some exercises again which i know will help me out. But still i fear approaching people in general because of my stutter. I usually speak well when i am comfortable around people who i know. Some ''experts'' say that suttering is not psychological. I don't know what to believe anymore. I have noticed that if i am anxious i stutter more. When i am calm i never have issues. Maybe these experts are full of sh*t.

@museumoftrees For me all it took was 1 week. I don't think it takes that long for most healthy subjects. Its not that hard of a drug. It doesn't affect dopamine a lot like other drugs. The adenosine receptors should return to normal fairly fast.

@Javfly33 I don't think that it exists such thing as a harmless drug. Some things suggest that coffee may also be neurotoxic. Of course the dosage is always important. It is the dose that makes the poison as they say. I have been in a similar situation like you and now over the last months i have managed to significantly improve my relationship with caffeine. The first thing i did was to to stop coffee cold turkey. Now everyones different. But i didn't react too bad to it. I didn't feel any massive withdraws to be honest. Only the first 3 days were brutal. After few days , you realise that you don't even need coffee. You have all the energy you need without it. It becomes redundant and you view it as such. I was off coffee for like a month, then i began drinking it again but in smaller doses. Now when i wake up, i really don't need that coffee. I don't feel like i need it. I just have it because i am a drug addict and i like the whole ritual (lol). Also every now and then i do 3-5 days where i don't drink any caffeine without getting WD. The fact that you are so sleepy its probably a sign that you are sleep deprived and abusing coffee.... My tip is to wait at 1 and a half hours if you can before drinking your 1st coffee. Because when you wake up, you have tons of cortisol running in your system. You don't need any more. And cortisol should give you the energy you need. Coffee also raises cortisol so it would be a good idea to drink it after your cortisol has decreased a little bit. There isn't any research on this. But from my experience it seems a good idea. If i were to drinki coffee in the morning , i feel like i am pushing my body beyond its limits. My body tells me ''you don't need coffee right now, take it a little later''. Its a very intuitive observation of how my body feels in the morning. You should have tons of energy 1st thing when you wake up. Otherwise you may not be getting enough quality sleep. Don't drink much caffeine because it can reduce your deep sleep by 20% or even more. I only take 120-130mg of caffeine a day. More than that it scews my sleep, the next day i feel groggy and sh*tty and i need even more coffee...

@Bando Leo says that speaking skills are super important and women will reject you if you don't have them. Sometimes i stutter when i speak (it's not very severe and people who don't know me may not notice it). But it can manifest as an inability to speak exactly at the moment i want. I may have to wait or delay an answer for 1-2 seconds or change completely what i wanted to say because a certain word may not come out off my mouth. This makes me even more apprehensive about doing a cold approach. If she rejects my stutter then what's the point of even trying.

@Nahm The thought is not the problem. The main problem was the sensation. The sensation was not discordant.

@Shin I don't have to. I am already dead. This is not life. This is death.