Zigzag Idiot

Through inner separation and self observation, as Ocke de Boer articulates- This is a process of -it- in a state of becoming I. This only can happen if we observe ourselves in states of identification. Our mechanicalness and identifications makes us unguided projectiles. In spitual seepThe Automaton with the ego is just an unguided golum

In the land of the blind, the one eyed man is king. In regards to negative emotion, sometimes I eat the bear but then sometimes the bear eats me. Muarice Nicoll - INNER SEPERATION AND SELF-OBSERVATION “In all self-observation, if it is to become full self-observation, you must observe IT. That is, you must see all your reactions to life and circumstances as IT in you and not as ‘I.’ . . . The instrument of self- observation is like a knife that cuts us away from what is not us. If you begin to see what it means to say: ‘This is not I,’ then you begin to use this instrument. When you can really say: ‘What is IT doing?’ instead of ‘What am I doing?’ you begin to understand the Work.” V. 1, p. 216-7 UNCRITICAL SELF-OBSERVATION “Remember that it is said that self-observation must be uncritical. You do not observe yourself in order to criticize yourself. If you do so it will at once stop self-observation and lead to internal considering. . . . In self-observation we do not try to analyze—i.e. find the causes and origins of different ‘I’s in us—but seek only to become conscious of them.” V. 2, p. 560, 571 UNCRITICAL II “The Observing ‘I’ in the sense of the Work does not take sides with anything. It merely records what you are doing, what you are saying, at different moments, through the action of different ‘I’s, and does not say that this is better or this is worse. Observing ‘I’ is not shocked by anything. It is not a kind of Grandmamma or Grandpapa in you, but is quite pure and simple...It will have its own uncritical, gentle memory of all the different sides of you... We have to acknowledge and accept all sides of ourselves, because only through the acknowl- edgement, the acceptance, the consciousness of all sides of ourselves can we advance at all.” V. 2, p. 722, 724 THE VALUE OF SELF-OBSERVATION III “Self-Observation clears a space in your mind so that you can see things coming in and going out. If the energy which was about to go into a negative emotion is prevented from doing so, it may pass on and may create a moment of Self-Remembering. All this means that you have brought the Work up to the point of incoming impressions.” V. 1, p. 199

Reflecting on Ken Wilber's Kosmic Consciousness audio set this morning brought to mind the movie The Minority Report. Mostly because he referred to this movie in the interview which aroused my curiosity to see it. Which I did and thoroughly enjoyed it.

@fridjonk Actually,,, barely any. I've flipped through his Integral Psychology some and studied a lot of the graphs in it. I bought his Kosmic Consciousness audio set about a year after it came out sometime around 2004, though. I listened to these cd's obsessively for 3-4 years, to the point where I would often quote verbatim out loud both of what Ken and Tami said as they talked. Tremendous amount of information here. 10 cd's each over an hour, if I remember right. I've read a fair amount of Jana Dixon referring to things Wilber has said. Also, I've read just about everything A. H. Almaas has written whom Wilber seems to have a lot of respect towards, which is kinda related. There is also a later related condensed audio interview set of Wilber (4-5 cd's) which I listened to quite a bit but his Kosmic Consciousness set has been my main Wilber resource.

Two Treasures Also, everything @Rebecca Kalamata articulates. ? Haven't listened to the video yet but I read and reread his (Neal's Donald Walsch's) first 6-8 books as they came out years ago.

@fridjonk Thanks for sharing. Good summary you give. Excellent resource. Mucho bueno. ? @bonesurfer This reminded me of the question you brought up. I see the Wilber Combs matrix as a map of the ladder up the Spiral. His description here also reminded me of the phrase/idea of 'Self similarly over scales'. Feel free to engage on my Journal or private message if so moved. I'm often slow to respond if I deeply ponder an issue. By your wording, I intuit a part of your emotional intelligence. Personally, I have found the practice of - not outwardly expressing negative emotions- to be a challenging but also a rewarding practice. This doesn't mean I repress. I allow myself to feel fully whatever it may be but in not outwardly expressing negative emotions, some inner space begins to develop which turns into Witness Consciousness. My informal gut paraphrasing here,,,,

To avoid editing, I lately add the following for sincere interested seekers. Midway down the page are related links. https://www.diamondapproach.org/glossary/alphabetical?alphabet=5 Also Google - maximum attraction Enneatypes - for independent research.

Singer/musician Pink and I are about the same mixture of essence types, heavily influenced by the adrenal glands and represented by Mars. I have more Solar quality than she does. Solars are archetypal airheads. Dark eyed, dark headed Venusians like Ally Sheedy are closer to my maximum attraction as it's referred to in this typology. I was 17 in 1985 when The Breakfast Club movie came out. I had a complete lovesick crush on Ally Sheedy back then. It was an active year for me. In addition to ordinary things like car wrecks and water skiing, I passed the written examination for my private pilots license. Solo-ed a Cessna 150 and completed a couple of short cross country solo's. Got out of high school an hour early as part of a school work program to go work at the Sawmill. Fed cattle, hauled hay and had numerous ranch chores. Had two of the best sex partners of my life. (Not at the same time) One was a blonde mars/jovial essence type girl with big boobs and the other was a true maximum attraction Venusian type. I didn't have a clue about reality,,, There is a long list of activities for that year while staying either continually drunk or on methamphetamines, sometimes intravenously. Less than two years later, I didn't know whether to shit or wind my watch,,, as the saying goes.

I ran across an old VHS tape of Terence that I watched many times back in the 1990's. In the last year I've developed more appreciation of him juxtaposed to the nineties. I think it's possible that the truth in this particular theory might be realized more in hindsight in the future. Maybe, maybe not. This video is 24 minutes. The two below it are under 5 minutes in length and to the point. My life has been an ever changing series of enthusiasms. The older I get the more I catch myself retelling a story already told. I recommend not taking psychedelics as a given. I discovered the hard way you can't take the experience as something taken for granted. Developing the capacity for staying present in a stressful situation is imperative, IME.

I'm definitely a Beatles person in this general typology. Listening to Elvis usually made me have something similar to the feeling of what Terence McKenna called Fardow. Fardow was a word he made up as a kid. Paraphrasing from my faulty memory. It's the sensation one gets when witnessing someone else fucking up.

I pretty much tuned out most country music years ago. I think I understand why some men are compulsively drawn to cross dressing and sissy role play. I feel that I've always been naturally yin/yang integrated for the most part and don't feel drawn to this particular fetish. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cross-gender_acting

No worries. I've always done that at times,,,,

I was swallowed whole by all of Castaneda's books in the 1990's. I'm vaguely aware of Eliade writings but completely unfamiliar with Holger Kalweit. Thanks for sharing. Unfortunately I never have had a Facebook account,,,,,

I didn't want to overload the music thread. But my binge watching of Pink videos continues. Pink is a good example of psychological integration and individuation. She's a great dancer and fun to watch. She also has the capacity for role playing.

G I'm rediscovering a lot of Pink's music. She's a creative genius.

Thanks, @DrewNows I enjoyed these. Both of which were new to me. I like watching people who are good dancers. I've always felt the heart of Lynard Skynard died in that plane crash in 1977. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/1977_Mississippi_CV-240_crash

As Lento related, I as well appreciated your sharing. I don't see auras either or experience astral projection except possibility on one isolated occasion but I went ahead and related a bit of the paranormal phenomena which I have experienced in the last few years in my Journal last night. ?‍♂️✌️

I've had just one brief instance of a lucid dream. The effect it had on me was very powerful. This was twenty years ago. I've kept a dream journal off and on over the years. Doing this always results in an increase of dreams and dream recall. I've had a few dreams which were super vivid but they were not lucid dreams. I have one paranormal symptom that developed a couple of years ago. I hear a chorus of crickets that varies in volume. When I do Centering Prayer meditation, the sound of crickets will often grow louder in association with states of objectless awareness. At the same time, I'll feel an increase in pressure or slight throb in my prefrontal lobes. At about one year after beginning Centering Prayer meditation this Cricket sound appeared along with an inner seeing which happened during one particular meditation. It was not a pleasant thing I saw. There is a correlation though in my experience between the third eye opening, objectless awareness and hearing the Crickets. http://humanityhealing.net/wp-content/uploads/2010/10/The-Cerebellum-and-the-Alta-Major.pdf

Arnold Keyserling's teaching on palmistry came out of an obscure Chinese text if I remember right. In describing the potentials represented in the lines of the hands he Called the left hand, the moon hand and the right hand, the Sun hand. If your "awareness" line in the moon hand is like mine, which runs up in between the index finger and the middle finger, he says this indicates someone who has a hard-on for spiritual development. This is a picture of my moon hand which I marked with a red dot. Did you realize the lines of your hands change? Observe them over time and see for yourself. Its a fascinating study. Triangles represent gifts and squares indicates difficulties. http://www.chanceandchoice.com/course-overview/energy/

From the Sufi Tradition The Presence of Pure Joy and Delight So, for example, activating the Yellow Latifa opens up one of the faculties of the heart, which is to wish, want, or long for what it misses. The wish is for what the soul, or its heart naturally and spontaneously loves. The Yellow latifa is the presence of pure joy and delight, but it also causes the soul to become curious and activates its sacred impulse of true and innocent wanting. This means that the greater and deeper that the realization of the Yellow Latifa, the deeper the truth one's heart loves and wants to behold. ISpacecruiser Inquiry, pg. 256 The Lataif are a Dimension of Essence The lataif, as Shah says, are not only centers but also forms of consciousness, operating on the subtle dimension. These forms of consciousness when understood precisely, will be seen as a dimension of essence, a subtle form of substance. They comprise the subtle body (Jism latif). They are the beginning experience of essence in some of its basic aspects. For instance, the green latifa is the beginning of compassion, or the loving kindness aspect of essence. The red latifa is the beginning of the strength aspect of essence, and so on. They are called lataif, meaning qualities that have subtlety, gentleness, and refinement to them, and are the first subtle and fine manifestation of essence. To use an analogy: if essence is like the oil of a perfume, the lataif will be its aromas. A latifa is like the vapor of the oil, which, in turn, is the essential substance. So the lataif are forms of essence that is a fine, very subtle, and gentle presence that pervades space. It is so fine and so subtle that it is very likely that an individual will fail to discriminate it from space, the void. Of course, as each latifa is activated, it will bring out with it to consciousness a certain sector of the personality, which must be confronted and understood objectively. The experience of the void does not indicate that the work on the personality has ended, definitely not. It heralds the beginning of essential development. Essence with the Elixir of Enlightenment, pg. 143 More about the Lataif can be found here https://www.diamondapproach.org/glossary/refinery_phrases/lataif

It varies a lot it seems and often depends the kind of work I'm doing as well as how mindful I am with my posture. The effects for me are immediate though and often lasts for several days. That's a good idea with the rubber ball. My father used to do something very similar to that. I near constantly adjust/crack my neck. More than once a day for sure.

I've had near chronic neck tension for most of my adult life. Luckily there is an abundance of massage therapists where I live. I've sampled enough of them to realize that some of them are especially gifted. A good massage therapist can help relieve deep tensions which can realign the body posture and make a significant difference. That's my experience anyway. Hot steaming shower on neck and upper back at the end of the day also helps me a lot.

@tsuki Interesting,,,, I'm going to ponder on that. @Leo Gura Can I put $35.00 in the tip jar to get Wasem access to the booklist?

I made a decision when I joined Actualized that I would not follow other jounalers officially, although I've been tempted a time or two. But if you are following my Journal, I always read your posts when I run across them. There are several jounalers and posters out in the forum that I follow in my own way and I'm probably making too big a deal out of it but thought I should maybe explain myself. I seek out their Journals and posts sometimes because their viewpoints interest me. My reasoning for taking this stance could be skewed and illogical. So it's probably more selfishness than arrogance that I do this although I struggle with both. My ego is flattered but my True Self is humbled that I have a few who are following my Journal. Anyone is welcome to private message me. Especially you guys following me. Conversations with me out in the open often result in me saying something off the wall and awkward and half cringeworthy but not on purpose. Not always, so take your chances if you want or like I said private messages are fine. I don't do well usually in a quick back and forth message exchange with PM's. I'm usually multitasking and I'm bad to obsess and spend too much time phrasing and wording when I'm cooresponding. But if someone writes me with a question or sometimes a comment that begs a response although sometimes slow, I always write back. Often quick though. Depends on what I have going on. This is one one thing that has made me reconsider my Center of Gravity in regards to the three brained being typology. At first I considered myself an intellectually centered type. After a great deal of self Observation of the pattern of intense swings in emotion, I thought then I must be an emotionally centered person.. This is all after I ignored the suggestion of the lady who taught me the system or got me started on the study of essence/endocrine types, anyway. She suggested that I was an Instinctive or moving centered type. People who can't sit still is an indication of one having their center of gravity as Instinctivemoving. Intellectual type isn't any better than emotional or Instinctive centered. It gets complicated because the Instinctive Center is subdivided between Instinctive moving centered and just plain Instinctive centered people who are often preoccupied with diet and cooking. Ive always been one to chose my words carefully where it stops the flow of conversation unless I'm on a rant or inspired download. The element of being slow speaker is a very dominant trait with Intellectually centered types. This is going to miff a percentage reading this because I'm going to declare that pure true thinking is slow. Way slower than the reactivity of strong emotion or really any emotion. When a baseball pitcher catches a batted baseball that would have hit his face is an example of the speed of the instinctive center which is even quicker than the emotional center. Perhaps I've lept up out of my grave and I'm a balanced person. From what I gather though even after reaching the station of balanced human, one of the centers will still be slightly dominant. So I've gone full circle in typing my center of gravity. This is really practical in regards to self observation, Inquiry, and work on oneself. Nobody can do it for you. You have to have enough interest to be self motivated in learning the system good enough to see if it applies to making sense of things in your life. Requires some effort. True thinking is a very slow process opposed to being witty which is represented by the Jack of diamonds or Formatory center of the mind which is also defined as the mechanical part of the Intellectual center. Queen of diamonds is represents the emotional part of the Intellectual center. She represents the center of gravity ruled by an emotional love of ideas. King of diamonds represents the Intellectual part of Intellectual center which involves the capacity in always being able to direct one's attention. Self Love means self acceptance and not identifying with thoughts or emotions. We experience the thinking and the feeling of them but we don't identify and take them as who we are. Self Love requires absorbing the small self in integration and separation from the superego (individuating).

Catchy song from back in the day I ran onto. I always liked it but never I gave the words much thought. Gives me a tinge of remorse of Conscience because I'm the kind of selfish, self absorbed knucklehead like the guy singing the song. It's catchy but kind of a depressing negative song.