Zigzag Idiot

I opened up this old book and realized Nassim Haramein is still talking about much of this. It's fascinating the flower of life symbol is found precisely etched in granite. I think in some old ruins in Syria and elsewhere. Nassim's elaboration about the energy in the vacuum sounds like the Causal (Imaginal realm) speculated about by contemporary mystics. Carol Anthony refers to the realm of the Atom as the realm of Consciousness also as the realm of transformation.

Since too much time has passed for an edit. Just wanted to fix this guy's lisp. Tell him to not mutter and speak more clearly. Encourage him to try and get out of fight/flight mode more often,,,,

Jordan Peterson, Hey! Yeah, Hey man, It's not like I think you're waiting with baited breath on what I'm going to say next, but dude, you're trying way too hard. Just let go some. M'Kay I love you but your dualistic frames of reference are no better than everyone else's dualistic frames of reference. Okay, I know your busy and all,,,,

Have you ever been laughed at while you're being shit on while your also being cursed. That's bad. M'Kay. On the the other end of the spectrum. Have you ever laughed and orgasmed at the same time? That's good, M'Kay,, That's really really good. ? A wise old man, who was a friend both to me and my father, on his death bed told me- "Get it while you can",,,, He left to me his 4 ft carpenters level. This wise old man, like my father and also Peggy, they go with me. They are in my heart. Along with many others.

Schadenfreude is a German word for which there is really no English word for. Terence Mckenna's word he invented in childhood - Fardow - is at the other end of the spectrum to schadenfreude. In the spirit he gives it, It concerns having empathy in seeing someone else mess up instead of Joy. You think you're above shadenfreude? Is there anyone who gives you grief or annoys you? Automatic judgements that you accept? Look close and be honest with yourself. Do you feel good when the villain in a story gets his ass handed back to him? Fardow is a useful word useful to juxtapose against schadenfreude. Fardow is closer to love. Witnessing your suffering makes me hurt. Schadenfreude is an expression of grandiosity born out of fear. The feeling of security that comes from being superior to those who are the fuck ups,,,

This was about a 2 years after I got of the 'nervous hospital' and remained in my parents basement somewhat agoraphobic for a few months. Turning my back on my father in all of his entrepreneurial pursuits and struggles while battling my demons with alcoholic compulsion, anxiety and depression. I had become a shamed conversation piece of the community, peers of my successful 'self made' parents who seemed to have it all and their messed up boy,,,, speculated in hushed tones. After having read through read Dianetics 3 or four times I sought out a study group who met in Little Rock. This group was Informally organized by a lady about 10 Years older than me. Her name was Peggy. From the beginning of our first meeting in person, I was smitten with her. Something about her presence immediately attracted-completed-intrigued me. Secretly I prayed BiIly Jo, her live-in boyfriend, would lose interest and she would be with me for the rest of our life as my formal or common law wife/partner. My days were often filled with daydreams of future scenarios where we could share life together. I wanted to be blessed with her presence everyday for the rest of my life. Another woman I knew from one of the Missouri organizations who was witty, super smart and bubbly called me at my parents house on an April afternoon in 1989. She told me flat out Peggy had been killed in a car crash caused by ice on her way to Missouri in late February. NO!!!! I screamed,,, Completely out of character I collapsed and sobbed and screamed in a heap on the kitchen floor. When it rains it pours. I was called out and bullied and subjected to ridicule by a handful of different unrelated twisted sadistic individuals during this time. I was laughed at while I hurt. I had been in a period of ignoring Peggy and Billy Jo because it turned me inside out just to be around her. That's why I hadn't heard from any of the group in the last few weeks,,,,I had felt like a greasy slime-ball in Billy Jo's presence because he was a really decent guy and I was so infatuated with his live-in girlfriend. Wiped from the face of the earth. For a 2-3 day period, time stood still and cracked open. She spoke to me through multiple synchronicities as I sought escape into the bottle in trying to find relief for my crushed heart and confused mind. I could write a book about this period of my messed up life. The hurt, fear, confusion, anxiety, depression, meaninglessness, overwhelm, guilt, etc.,, Writing this out has caused my eyes to fill with tears and my throat to contract and hurt. This song was popular at the time and forever linked with the memory of Peggy.

Some of the things you've written sounds like something a counter-phobic enneatype 6 would say. That's what I've typed myself as. If you care to think out loud about which type of personality you have, or have typed yourself as, I would find it interesting. Regardless, I'm enjoying your Journal. ?‍♂️?

? ?? Light of the world Shine on me

Lost in obsession and fantasy over Christy McNichol in my prepuberty life. How could I have forgotten about this? I was completely obsessed with Christy McNichol as I entered puberty. She was about 4 years older than me. Still is,, So strange how intensely I ached for her, I wanted to leap over trees. I wanted to rip my teeth out,,,, To me, she was the most beautiful person on earth and also the focus of many imaginary situations and daydreams.

3rd try,,,

Let's try this again for links that work,,,, The lyric versions of Billy Joel's songs wouldn't play because of copywriting issues,,, How was I able to play and then post them in the first place? ?‍♂️

I feel like a fresh scrubbed baby. A baby just set out of the tub onto dry blankets and it's just sitting up and taking a look around. This was the mixture done twice in a 4 day period. Natural Mystical Ayahuasca Analog Capsules with 5MeODMT #1 Capsule 200mg Harmala/Harmaline (MAO-I) #2 Capsule 100mg Cumala Extract from Virola Theiodora with 8% 5MeODMT (8mg 5MeoDMT) + BetaCarbolines #3 Capsule 100mg DMT Fumarate I had psychonaut partner with me on the second trip. The first trip was just a trial run I guess. My fellow voyager did a lot of puking while reassuring me, ,,,"yeah I'm ok." This is a person not put off by a little bit of vomiting but I lost count of the times they threw up. I fed them a fresh cooked hamburger patty at the end of the day. They seemed ok but somewhat subdued. They're still recovering. I'm optimistic about their Psychological feedback after they process for another day or so. I felt some nausea both trips. If I had been unable to burp a lot and fart a little, I probably would have thrown up some too. But I didn't,,,. After crossing the rough waters everything was wonderful. If only I had had an audio recording going. (Just joking) Especially when I closed my eyes. Some rarefied downloading and testifying took place,,,,,, for sure. Everthing all better now. ?

Caution for those who are sensitive to witnessing violence I feel depressed in the idea of being born in times where there were no cheetos or air conditioning,,,, I need to watch The Last Samurai. I've never seen it.

@Marc Schinkel That Elvis song and a few others are exemptions to to rule, ? Here's a song I really liked as a teen but the video now seems kinda cheesy. How could any feeling type Contemplative person not love this old John Denver song about becoming a twice-born.

I've observred periods in life where the new moon brought out crazy phenomena at times as opposed to the full moon. That quote - " The one eyed man is king in the land of the blind" is a quote from The Minority report.

Through inner separation and self observation, as Ocke de Boer articulates- This is a process of -it- in a state of becoming I. This only can happen if we observe ourselves in states of identification. Our mechanicalness and identifications makes us unguided projectiles. In spitual seepThe Automaton with the ego is just an unguided golum

In the land of the blind, the one eyed man is king. In regards to negative emotion, sometimes I eat the bear but then sometimes the bear eats me. Muarice Nicoll - INNER SEPERATION AND SELF-OBSERVATION “In all self-observation, if it is to become full self-observation, you must observe IT. That is, you must see all your reactions to life and circumstances as IT in you and not as ‘I.’ . . . The instrument of self- observation is like a knife that cuts us away from what is not us. If you begin to see what it means to say: ‘This is not I,’ then you begin to use this instrument. When you can really say: ‘What is IT doing?’ instead of ‘What am I doing?’ you begin to understand the Work.” V. 1, p. 216-7 UNCRITICAL SELF-OBSERVATION “Remember that it is said that self-observation must be uncritical. You do not observe yourself in order to criticize yourself. If you do so it will at once stop self-observation and lead to internal considering. . . . In self-observation we do not try to analyze—i.e. find the causes and origins of different ‘I’s in us—but seek only to become conscious of them.” V. 2, p. 560, 571 UNCRITICAL II “The Observing ‘I’ in the sense of the Work does not take sides with anything. It merely records what you are doing, what you are saying, at different moments, through the action of different ‘I’s, and does not say that this is better or this is worse. Observing ‘I’ is not shocked by anything. It is not a kind of Grandmamma or Grandpapa in you, but is quite pure and simple...It will have its own uncritical, gentle memory of all the different sides of you... We have to acknowledge and accept all sides of ourselves, because only through the acknowl- edgement, the acceptance, the consciousness of all sides of ourselves can we advance at all.” V. 2, p. 722, 724 THE VALUE OF SELF-OBSERVATION III “Self-Observation clears a space in your mind so that you can see things coming in and going out. If the energy which was about to go into a negative emotion is prevented from doing so, it may pass on and may create a moment of Self-Remembering. All this means that you have brought the Work up to the point of incoming impressions.” V. 1, p. 199

Reflecting on Ken Wilber's Kosmic Consciousness audio set this morning brought to mind the movie The Minority Report. Mostly because he referred to this movie in the interview which aroused my curiosity to see it. Which I did and thoroughly enjoyed it.

@fridjonk Actually,,, barely any. I've flipped through his Integral Psychology some and studied a lot of the graphs in it. I bought his Kosmic Consciousness audio set about a year after it came out sometime around 2004, though. I listened to these cd's obsessively for 3-4 years, to the point where I would often quote verbatim out loud both of what Ken and Tami said as they talked. Tremendous amount of information here. 10 cd's each over an hour, if I remember right. I've read a fair amount of Jana Dixon referring to things Wilber has said. Also, I've read just about everything A. H. Almaas has written whom Wilber seems to have a lot of respect towards, which is kinda related. There is also a later related condensed audio interview set of Wilber (4-5 cd's) which I listened to quite a bit but his Kosmic Consciousness set has been my main Wilber resource.

Two Treasures Also, everything @Rebecca Kalamata articulates. ? Haven't listened to the video yet but I read and reread his (Neal's Donald Walsch's) first 6-8 books as they came out years ago.

@fridjonk Thanks for sharing. Good summary you give. Excellent resource. Mucho bueno. ? @bonesurfer This reminded me of the question you brought up. I see the Wilber Combs matrix as a map of the ladder up the Spiral. His description here also reminded me of the phrase/idea of 'Self similarly over scales'. Feel free to engage on my Journal or private message if so moved. I'm often slow to respond if I deeply ponder an issue. By your wording, I intuit a part of your emotional intelligence. Personally, I have found the practice of - not outwardly expressing negative emotions- to be a challenging but also a rewarding practice. This doesn't mean I repress. I allow myself to feel fully whatever it may be but in not outwardly expressing negative emotions, some inner space begins to develop which turns into Witness Consciousness. My informal gut paraphrasing here,,,,

To avoid editing, I lately add the following for sincere interested seekers. Midway down the page are related links. https://www.diamondapproach.org/glossary/alphabetical?alphabet=5 Also Google - maximum attraction Enneatypes - for independent research.

Singer/musician Pink and I are about the same mixture of essence types, heavily influenced by the adrenal glands and represented by Mars. I have more Solar quality than she does. Solars are archetypal airheads. Dark eyed, dark headed Venusians like Ally Sheedy are closer to my maximum attraction as it's referred to in this typology. I was 17 in 1985 when The Breakfast Club movie came out. I had a complete lovesick crush on Ally Sheedy back then. It was an active year for me. In addition to ordinary things like car wrecks and water skiing, I passed the written examination for my private pilots license. Solo-ed a Cessna 150 and completed a couple of short cross country solo's. Got out of high school an hour early as part of a school work program to go work at the Sawmill. Fed cattle, hauled hay and had numerous ranch chores. Had two of the best sex partners of my life. (Not at the same time) One was a blonde mars/jovial essence type girl with big boobs and the other was a true maximum attraction Venusian type. I didn't have a clue about reality,,, There is a long list of activities for that year while staying either continually drunk or on methamphetamines, sometimes intravenously. Less than two years later, I didn't know whether to shit or wind my watch,,, as the saying goes.