Zigzag Idiot

Reading some of the Journals this evening. The idea of Castaneda's peerless warrior came to mind. Self-importance is our greatest enemy. Think about it--what weakens us is feeling offended by the deeds and misdeeds of our fellow men. Our self-importance requires that we spend most of our lives offended by someone. Every effort should be made to eradicate self-importance from the lives of warriors. Without self-importance we are invulnerable. * * * Self-importance can't be fought with niceties. * * * Seers are divided into two categories. Those who are willing to exercise self-restraint and can channel their activities toward pragmatic goals, which would benefit other seers and man in general, and those who don't care about self-restraint or about any pragmatic goals. The latter have failed to resolve the problem of self-importance. Self-importance is not something simple and naive. On the one hand, it is the core of everything that is good in us, and on the other hand, the core of everything that is rotten. To get rid of the self-importance that is rotten requires a masterpiece of strategy. In order to follow the path of knowledge one has to be very imaginative. In the path of knowledge nothing is as clear as we'd like it to be. Warriors fight self-importance as a matter of strategy, not principle. Impeccability is nothing else but the proper use of energy. My statements have no inkling of morality. I've saved energy and that makes me impeccable. To understand this, you have to save enough energy yourself. Warriors take strategic inventories. They list everything they do. Then they decide which of those things can be changed in order to allow themselves a respite, in terms of expending their energy. The strategic inventory covers only behavioral patterns that are not essential to our survival and well-being. In the strategic inventories of warriors, self-importance figures as the activity that consumes the greatest amount of energy, hence, their effort to eradicate it. One of the first concerns of warriors is to free that energy in order to face the unknown with it. The action of rechanneling that energy is impeccability. i skipped some here------- If seers can hold their own in facing petty tyrants, they can certainly face the unknown with impunity, and then they can even stand the presence of the unknowable. Nothing can temper the spirit of a warrior as much as the challenge of dealing with impossible people in positions of power. Only under those conditions can warriors acquire the sobriety and serenity to stand the pressure of the unknowable. skipped some more-------- To be defeated by a small-fry petty tyrant is not deadly, but devastating. Warriors who succumb to a small-fry petty tyrant are obliterated by their own sense of failure and unworthiness. Anyone who joins the petty tyrant is defeated. To act in anger, without control and discipline, to have no forbearance, is to be defeated. After warriors are defeated they either regroup themselves or they abandon the quest for knowledge and join the ranks of the petty tyrants for life. There are a series of truths about awareness that have been arranged in a specific sequence for purposes of comprehension. The mastery of awareness consists in internalizing the total sequence of such truths. The first truth is that our familiarity with the world we perceive compels us to believe that we are surrounded by objects, existing by themselves and as themselves, just as we perceive them, whereas, in fact, there is no world of objects, but a universe of the Indescribable Force's emanations. Before I can explain the Indescribable Force's emanations, I have to talk about the known, the unknown, and the unknowable. The unknown is something that is veiled from man, shrouded perhaps by a terrifying context, but which, nonetheless, is within man's reach. The unknown becomes the known at a given time. The unknowable, on the other hand, is the indescribable, the unthinkable, the unrealizable. It is something that will never be known to us, and yet it is there, dazzling and at the same time horrifying in its vastness. There is a simple rule of thumb: in the face of the unknown, man is adventurous. It is a quality of the unknown to give us a sense of hope and happiness. Man feels robust, exhilarated. Even the apprehension that it arouses is very fulfilling. The new seers saw that man is at his best in the face of the unknown. Divider//////////////////////////////////// This guy has extracted the "teaching" out of Castaneda's stories and devoted a website to it with all of Castaneda's books. I gave him a little donation a few years ago. I tried listening to his MP3 years ago but was dissapointed in them. To me, reading Castaneda's phraseology is entertaining as well as helping to integrate other Teachings better. What he describes above reminds me of the Fourth Way practice of not expressing negative emotions, If you're hooked here's the link. https://www.prismagems.com/castaneda/donjuan7.html

People can be composed of such a weird mixture. Vincent Van Gogh was in love/lust/infatuated with a certain prostitute but she would have nothing to do with him. Being the tortured genius artist that he was, he cut off his left ear and mailed it to her as a gesture of his sincerity. This song by Don McLain is about Van Gogh. It's such a sad yet beautiful song that was about his beautiful yet twisted soul. If I listen to it in solitude, I get weepy almost immediately. He has such an exceptional voice, especially back in his prime. I learned the other day he was arrested for spousal abuse. What the hell? People can really have a stage mixture of elements about them.. Don McLain back in his prime.

I feel that I understand where you're coming from. What you describe has been in my experience, also. An ebb and flow that happens with different aspects of the work. The undertone of it In the long run feels like I can't retrieve it at will. Nor can I throw it away.

@Thittato Brother-and fellow-head-injury-Journaler-friend. ?‍♂️ Sitll enjoying your Journal,,,,, Your steadfastness and adaptability. Thank you for sharing.

I can't lift the plank I'm standing on. Thats possibly another way of paraphrasing ACIM. It points out the folly of making the ego into something which we can or need to dissect. This doesn't distract at all from the Course teaching that we human critters are constantly dissociating from reality through imagination, food, sex, being a dutiful workaholic of some kind or other, bowling, soap operas, forms of seeking merit, bird watching, etc.,you name it. Anything, anything at all instead of what I believe Castaneda was referring to as the experience of "stopping the world". That's a shame because stopping the world is a beautiful experience. A lot of people have very manicured lawns because they would rather do that than deal with very tender pockets of mostly buried and repressed - self hatred. That's what hobbies are for,,,, Dissociating from reality! And yet,, to see and experience the understanding that internalized images are the building blocks of ego structures. A larger frame of reference is present and watches as the body steps off of the plank and it is then lifted to reveal empty space. To say this empty space is the home of the witness is not spot on. Because it's nature is unnameable. Ironically trying to name the unnameable is something that those who have a certain center of gravity, can't seem to shut up about. I've heard this profundity/joke stated in a couple of ways,,, I confess and surrender,,,, I like though, when Ken Wilber was told by a Spiritual Teacher at a very specific time, during an intense 10 day period of Witnessing conscious awareness - "The Witness is the last stand of the ego"- The Teacher told him. If I remember the story right,,, Wilber said something to the effect of,,,that's when 'something deeper dropped away,,,, I get long and twisty with my descriptions sometimes. Short notes - internalized images are the building blocks of ego structures which oddly correlates with the notion that ego is actually something which is nonexistent. One can gain everything by erasing all of one's personal history, to state it from another of Castaneda's perspectives. For some reason, this idea scares the shit out of a lot of people. This is related in a roundabout way to the saying that- "Saints are the eaters of suffering." Saints get out of the habit of dissociating from reality nonstop, as most people continue to do and me being one of them at times. Lost in a form of amnesia or Self forgetting. We get snagged by the momentum of the world. I surrender again. I just remembered what I was going to express in a post about 10 hours ago, though. We are all contaminated and possessed by our own minds. The state of having monkey mind or forms thereof. We are constantly identifying with many of these thoughts which pass through. Kenosis is the Teaching of letting go which Jesus taught. The kenotic gesture is one of releasing and letting go of thoughts and just having inner quiet. The Witness is then present.

Excuse me please. I forgot where I was a moment ago and so I just hid that post.

Spiritually Awakened people are Love drunkards.

I'm generally most attracted to Dark haired, dark eyed women who are a little fleshy and have some curves and padding. The Venusian type, in the endocrine (essence) typology. The parathyroid being their dominant endocrine gland makes them laid back. I'm mostly aderenaline (Mars) essence type. Red or blonde hair is an indication of the adrenal type. Mercury and Mars are usually fairly short. Mercury types are governed by the thyroid. Mars and Mercury essence people miss understanding and but heads. One of my most intense relationships was with a Mercury essence type. She also was a libra and on the ennneagram of personality she who is the -One- Perfectionist type who wrestles with the passion of anger. On personality side I'm a counterphobic -six-. My chief feature is fear. Counterphobic type sixes mistrusts authority. Counterphobic sixes have difficulty with possible doom scenarios to the point that we speed up to encounter seemingly bad situations because waiting things out is too much. It's the let's hurry up and get this over with so I don't have to live with dread. As a mars essence type, I'm spun towards being blunt and also destructive.My mother is a phobic six, who are usually conformist and non confrontational but still based on fear. We just deal with the passion of fear differently. Sixes have to transform their passion of fear into the virtue of courage.. Yep, we're born cowards,,, Type one's whose chief feature is anger need to work towards culitivating the virtue of serenity. Sometimes people can have a personality type which mixes awkwardly with their essence type. I deal with anger of course as well as all of the passions, as their called. Lust, Averice (greed), sloth, deceit, melancholy, the epicurean (hedonist), pride. It's taught the one can transform the personality over time but essence doesn't change. Astrology has its place, I think. Which I'm slowly trying to learn but I get more insight from the Enneagram with its outside flow of direction concerns the personality (ego; false "I") and also the essence types which corresponds to the inner, reverse flow of which their are fewer. I can be physically attracted to all the types but the Venusian is my maximum attraction. it's taught that there are very few pure essence types and that we're all a mixture but whichever endocrine gland is somewhat dominant in the system will affect their demeanor. Im a slow learner, usually honest but prone to being destructive. If you need someone to demolish an old building with a sledge hammer, I'm your man. I love busting glass,,, and building big campfires. Throwing a glass bottle against a brick wall for me is almost orgasmic. A life spent looking at soft porn has, in a way, poisoned me. That's one way of putting it. I used to have a nearly overwhelming compulsion to call or mail Garrison Keillor and telling him what a smug prick I thought he was. Porn was comparatively terrible when I was growing up compared to today. A lot of the women seemed traumatized or have maybe some kind of arrested development going on. Nowadays there is not as much shame culturally. I'm sure there are a variety of factors but I see women in porn nowadays who are authentically enjoying themselves, laughing, cracking jokes, and having a good time. Mars types are particularly prone to being horn dogs. I know for sure I wasn't cut out to be a parent. Most of my life I was too mentally and emotionally unstable. I feel like a kid. I've always felt like a kid. A horney, obsessive compulsive, destructive, kid, fixated on philosophy, spituality, and psychology , somewhat. I also require a lot of solitude. I'm a natural hermit.

This we have very much in common. I watched and lived with the stress of my parents being in debt most of their lives and I knew then that having a lot of debt means being more or less a slave for the bank which equates into a major loss in freedom. In my twenties I struggled to just keep $1000 in the bank as buffer/emergency money. In the nineties I built most of my house only subcontracting out certain bits. Had to borrow 10,000 to get it finished after 2 years of working on it. Never married or had children. 2 years ago. Shortly after turning 50, I realized I could semi-retire by being out of debt and having saved a little nest egg to see me through until I can draw social security. That is, if I'm able to maintain a minimalist livestyle. I think the word mortgage translates to 'death grip'. I would rather be a little poor and somewhat free than to be highly leveraged materialist with all the latest goodies. I enjoy the thoughts you express and your Journal in general.

I posted some of Gurdjieff's sayings on his page in High Consciousness Resources. Here are two- Humanity is the earth’s nerve-endings through which planetary vibrations are received for transmission. Conscious love evokes the same in response. Emotional love evokes the opposite. Physical love depends on type and polarity. Faith of consciousness is freedom. Faith of feeling is slavery. Faith of body is stupidity. Hope of consciousness is strength. Hope of feeling is cowardice. Hope of body is disease. Conscious suffering is the medicine to make the Automaton surrender to the Permanent Witness. The Automaton is an instrument. The Permanent Witness has to learn how to use it. This process comes into being with man number four. From http://www.higherbeingbodies.com/a-dialogue-with-ocke.html Witness Consciousness is the same thing as the Permanent Witness. To become the Permanent Witness requires one to see how one changes emotionally every five minutes day after day. The most spiritually asleep will insist the most that they have continuity of Consciousness. If you try to wake them up they most likely will try to project things onto you and/or attempt push your buttons or sometimes mean-mouth you. I'm a little bit awake but not awake enough to try and wake up others and catch all or some of their bullshit. This is all just a way of framing it. The above is not meant to be aimed at anyone.Its just a statement of my understanding which stays in a state of slow transformation. I'm also a bullshiting animal,,, This is not a belief system or an ideology. It's about you working on yourself and making contact with the inner part of your centers. Don't be triggered by my framework of words. See if it applies to you or just disregard and turn away if you wish. That's fine too. Sometimes I'm an unguided projectile. If emotional, an unguided Golum,,, Man #1 Man #2 and man #3 are asleep. Woman is also Man. Man #4 has become balanced and is capable of Witness Consciousness. Man #5 has continuity of Consciousness. I've heard Jesus was Man #7. The Pearl beyond Price is experienced beginning around Man #5 Hameed said- "You can stand totally alone, completely independent of all that comes through the mind, through time and space. This station of realization is difficult and rare. Most of us don’t have the nerve to lose our minds. Although terrifying, it is necessary for true freedom." I like Arnold Keyserling's phrase about "smashing false seriousness with a joke". To me he's describing someone who can be lighthearted the way Hameed Ali Almaas, Maurice Nicoll and Ocke de Boer sometimes are. Nicoll's description of Monkey mind. Nicoll psychological commentaries page 683. Have you got sufficient inner observation? Have you cleared and well dug a big space in your mind through the practice of inner attention and put a hedge round it and a gate so that you can hear the click of the gate and watch this darling little thought coming up the drive all ready to say: “Oh, how tired I am,” etc.? I fancy that once we let it in very far every thought gets hold of us and wrings us, takes our blood, makes us react, talk, behave, in a certain way, and then, satisfied with having dined off us, it retires for a time. Or my two favorites of Ocke's- "This is the difference between us and the angels. Angels are perfectly made and, therefore, naive and stupid; they can only do what they are made for. Humans have many more possibilities. There is more joy in heaven for one perfected human being than for a thousand angels." "If you could float above the earth and become aware of all the negativity that is going on, you would never laugh again. The world is ruled by negative emotions." Since I'm reposting my favorite quotes, here is one that's not funny but very pertinent. “The repetitive motion of finding oneself through Identification (even true and worthy descriptions) keeps the being energy just below the critical velocity needed to escape the gravitational field of narrative selfhood.” - Cynthia Bourgeault

@Petals Thank you for contributing! ? Good Stuff,,, Gurdjieff International Review Sayings of Gurdjieff An excerpt from A Study of Gurdjieff’s Teaching by Kenneth Walker Gurdjieff had the capacity to convey so much in some forceful saying that his words echoed for a long time in the hearers’ minds. His maxims did not usually take the form of polished aphorisms for, although he was acquainted with many different tongues, he was a master of none of them, and was inclined to poke fun at what he called the ‘bon ton literary language.’ Indeed, some of his phrases were memorable chiefly because of their colloquial character, such as that saying of his which Ouspensky so often quoted: ‘To know everything it is necessary to know only a very little but to know that very little is to know pretty much.’ A great deal of the force in G’s maxims was imparted by the man who uttered them, and this force is absent from the written word. Yet despite the weakening which his sayings will undergo in print, I have felt it worth while recording some of them in this final chapter. If it were possible for me to introduce them with a short and telling description of the man who uttered them and whose presence made such a strong impact—not necessarily favourable—on everybody who came into contact with him, I would do so, but I have never read any successful description of him. I shall not attempt, therefore, to make a thumbnail drawing of a man so difficult to portray as George Ivanovitch Gurdjieff. His maxims must stand by themselves. It is better to be temporarily selfish than never to be just. Only conscious suffering is of value. Man is given a limited quantity of experiences; being economical with them lengthens his life. Know that this house is of value only to those who have recognized their nothingness and believe it is possible to alter. Here we can only direct and create conditions, but not help. Remember that here work is not done for work’s sake, but as a means. Like what it does not like. Conscious love evokes the same in response. Emotional love evokes the opposite. Physical love depends on type and polarity. Faith of consciousness is freedom. Faith of feeling is slavery. Faith of body is stupidity. Hope of consciousness is strength. Hope of feeling is cowardice. Hope of body is disease. Only he can be impartial who is able to put himself into the position of others. We can only strive to be able to be Christians. I love him who loves work. Judge others according to yourself and you will seldom be mistaken. Consider what others think of you, not what they say. If you are not critical by nature, it is useless for you to remain here. He who has got rid of the disease ‘Tomorrow’ has the possibility to attain what he is here for. If you already know what is wrong and do it, you commit a sin that is difficult to redress. The chief means of happiness in this life is the ability to consider outwardly always, inwardly never. One of the strongest motives for the wish to work on yourself is the realization that you may die at any moment—only you must first realize this. Man is refreshed not by the quantity but by the quality of sleep—sleep little without regret. The highest that a man can attain is to be able to do. Here there are neither English nor Russians, Jews nor Christians, but only those following one aim, to be able to be. Take the understanding of the East and the knowledge of the West and then seek. Only he who can take care of the property of others can have his own. Remember yourself always and everywhere. A good man loves his father and mother. Help him only who strives not to be an idler. Love not art with your feelings. Respect all religions. Judge no one according to the tales of others. Blessed is he who hath a soul, Blessed is he who hath none, Woe and sorrow to him who hath it in conception. The worse the conditions of life, the greater the possibility for productive work, provided you work consciously. The energy expended in active inner work is immediately transformed into new energy; that expended in passive work is lost forever. Practice love on animals first; they react better and more sensitively. I add some additional sayings of Gurdjieff’s, most of which have been abstracted from accounts of meetings taken by him in London and America during the years 1921–24: There is only one kind of magic and this is ‘doing.’ All energy spent on conscious work is an investment; that spent mechanically is lost forever. We must destroy our buffers. Children have none; therefore we must become like little children. We attract forces according to our being. Humanity is the earth’s nerve-endings through which planetary vibrations are received for transmission. Everything in the universe has a place in a scale. No energy is ever lost in the cosmic scheme. One twentieth of all our energy goes to emotional and instinctive centres. Self-remembering is a lamp which must be kept alight by energy from these two centres. Our thinking centre is not really a centre, but an apparatus for collecting impressions. Formatory apparatus resembles a hired typist who works for a firm and has a large number of stereotyped replies for external impressions. She sends printed replies to other centres who are the ‘directors’ of the firm and who are strangers to each other. Wrong replies are often sent, as the typist is asleep or lazy. In deep sleep all communication between centres is closed. Our sleep is bad because we do not cut off lines of communication. We have good and bad angels. The good angels work by way of our voluntary, active nature and the bad through our passive nature. Mr. Self-love and Madame Vanity are the two chief agents of the devil. Do not be affected by externals. In themselves they are harmless; it is we who allow ourselves to be hurt by them. We never reach the limits of our strength. If we do what we like doing, we are immediately rewarded by the pleasure of doing it. If we do what we don’t like doing the reward must come later. It is a mathematical law and all life is mathematics. Man is a symbol of the laws of creation; in him there is evolution, involution, struggle, progress and retrogression, struggle between positive and negative, active and passive, yes and no, good and evil. Men have their minds and women their feelings more highly developed. Either alone can give nothing. Think what you feel and feel what you think. Fusion of the two produces another force. For some people religion is useful but for others it is only a policeman. We are sheep kept to provide wool for our masters who feed us and keep us as slaves of illusion. But we have a chance of escape and our masters are anxious to help us, but we like being sheep. It is comfortable. He who can love can be; he who can be can do; he who can do is. Sincerity is the key to self-knowledge and to be sincere with oneself brings great suffering. Sleep is very comfortable, but waking is very bitter. Free will is the function of the Master within us. Our ‘will’ is the supremacy of one desire over another. Eastern art has a mathematical basis. It is a script with an inner and an outer content. In Persia there is a room in a monastery which makes one weep owing to mathematical combinations of different parts of its architecture. Real art is knowledge and not talent. An ordinary man has no ‘Master.’ He is ruled now by the mind, now by the feelings and now by the body. Often the order comes from the automatic apparatus and still more often he is ordered about by the sex centre. Real will can only be when one ‘I’ rules, when there is a ‘master’ in the house. Morality is a stick with two ends; it can be turned this way and that. From the time when man began to live on the Earth, from the time of Adam onwards, there started to be formed within him, with the help of God, of Nature, and of all his surroundings, an organ whose function is conscience. Every man has this organ, and whoever is guided by it automatically lives according to God’s commandments. If our consciences were clear, and not buried, there would be no need to speak about morality, for consciously or unconsciously everyone would behave according to God’s commandments. Unfortunately conscience is covered up with a kind of crust which can be pierced only by intense suffering; then conscience speaks. But after a while a man calms down and once more the organ becomes covered over and buried. You should forget about morality. Conversations about morality are simply empty talk. Your aim is inner morality. External morality is different everywhere. You should understand, and establish it as a firm rule, not to pay attention to other people’s opinions. You must be free of people surrounding you, and when you are free inside you will be free of them. To be just at the moment of action is a hundred times more valuable than to be just afterwards. To gain anything real, long practice is necessary. Try to accomplish very small things first. There are two kinds of doing—automatic and doing what you ‘wish.’ Take a small thing which you ‘wish’ to do and cannot do and make this your God. Let nothing interfere. If you ‘wish,’ you can. Without wishing you never ‘can.’ ‘Wish’ is the most powerful thing in the world. To bear the manifestation of others is a big thing. The last thing for a man. In the river of life suffering is not intentional. In conscious life suffering is intentional and of great value. To love one must first forget all about love. Make it your aim and look for direction. As we are we cannot possibly love. Until a man uncovers himself he cannot see. Aphorisms © 1924 G. I. Gurdjieff A Study of Gurdjieff’s Teaching © 1957 Fletcher & Son Ltd. This webpage © 1997 Gurdjieff Electronic Publishing Featured: Fall 1997 Issue, Vol. I (1) Revision: April 1, 2000

What is the Wheel? The Wheel is your tool with which to make sense of the world and to clear the path… The Wheel is the foundation of the new time. It has been built and is beginning to truly turn. Anything not tested by the Wheel has no permanence. The weapons of the Wheel will, unnoticed, smash false seriousness with a joke. The Wheel is a weapon which opens the gate to inspiration to whoever entrusts himself to the dissection of the false “I.” Inspired poetry by Arnold Keyserling From https://schoolofwisdom.com/visions-and-poems/from-dark-to-life/what-is-the-wheel/

The Fourth Way in general refers to the inner and outer parts of the centers. Personality is at the outer part of the centers. Contact with the inner parts of the centers reveals essence. Different aspects of essence. Distinguishing Physical Sensation from Essential Substance The capacity to sense oneself must become so refined that the individual can discriminate between physical sensation and the sensation of essential substance. It is not enough that the mind be quiet. It is also necessary for the body to be sensitive. The mind can be quiet while the body is deadened. The body has to be awakened so that the center of sensing, the belly center, can be activated. The belly center, or what Gurdjieff called the physical center, is the center of sensing for all parts of the body. Its deepest function is the subtle sensing, the sensing of essential presence, that the Sufis call the organ for touch. Touch is, in a sense, the most intimate of the physical senses. The skin must be directly against an object to touch it. There is no intermediary medium, like sound for hearing or light for seeing. So this subtle capacity is a very intimate one. Accurately speaking, it is sensing essence by being essence. It is the most direct way of perception. This capacity of touch, connected with the belly center, is very intimately connected with the embodiment of essence. It is the body center; its mode of perception is embodiment. Here, perception as touch, and being, are the same act. So this capacity is the most important one. Essence with the Elixir of Enlightenment, pg. 130 from Glossary page - https://www.diamondapproach.org/glossary/refinery_phrases/belly-center

Watching Leo's last video I'm reminded of the notion of how many of the denominations of evangelical Christianity in America came about. With the westward expansion of the early Settlers in America, many times the only book that families would carry would be the Bible. Ignorant uneducated people mostly in isolation from others as well as any educated folks, then began more and more on their own to interpret the New Testament in a literal way creating these ignorant fundamentalist evangelical denominations which hit a peak in the twentieth century. The parables of The New Testament were meant to be interpreted metaphorically, not literally. Two Hans Wilhelm's videos I watched this morning.

I don't understand why there aren't any more people interested in the I CHING than there seems to be. In writing the forward to the first widespread English translation of the I CHING, the Wilhelm Baines translation, Carl Jung coined and introduced the word synchronicity to the world. Alan Watts and Terence McKenna were also students of this text since I'm name dropping. In 1983, the rock band, The Police released an album with this title - Synchronicity. Probably in an effort of trying to appear more intelligent than everyone else in addition to trying to appear cool. ?‍♂️ Maybe that's my projection. Good Album though. As I've stated in the past. The translation I use is Carol Anthony and Hanna Moog's The Oracle of the Cosmic Way. I had an odd I CHING reading today in that every line of the first hexagram changed in forming a second hexagram. That's a lot of reading. Below is just a small piece of hexagram 62 which was my first hexagram. 41 Decreasing was the second hexagram.

As a student and enthusiast of the Science of Idiotism, I place most of Trumps supporters and loyalists to be stuck in either Super Idiot, Arch Idiot, Squirming Idiot, Doubting Idiot and maybe some in the station Round Idiot. I place Idiots in second Tier of Spiral Dynamics to be in stage growth in and beyond standard Enlightened Idiot. I enjoyed Leo's latest video.There was some optimism about it. Leo is a very high Idiot for sure. Perhaps a Patented Idiot, Genial Idiot or Polyhedral Idiot or maybe even beyond.? The world could use more of his kind. The Science of Idiotism is about waking up, uncovering buried Conscience, working on oneself and cultivating more being and higher levels of consciousness. The higher the level of being, the more one emanates and the less one radiates. Higher level Idiots emanate Love with a capital L.

@fridjonk You'll find it interesting for sure, I bet. Yes, I've vaped quite a bit over the last year. I'm going back to a form of freebase NN DMT that has trace amounts of DMT Oxidase and beta harmaline in it. I got breakthroughs into the chrysanthemum with this particular blend last year. My biggest mistake with vaping has been in scorching it and rendering it harsh and not as effective. It's a common mistake people often make I found out. I just caught on to Leo's new enthusiasm for NN dmt recently. My first ever dmt trip was back in 2017 insufflating it and having a very intense and unpleasant trip. That first time, I broke through into the chrysanthemum but didn't get beyond that. I've found there to be a wide variety in the quality of different sources and mixtures. I like 5 meo dmt because it's so potent and takes such a small amount. No harshness plus mind blowing,,, ? I'll probably be a psychonaut of some form for the rest of this life. But then, who knows,, Ive tried some of the dmt and salvia mix. I found it to be fairly unpleasant but some scorching may have contributed to that. Im glad you're back to journaling,,,,

Need help in returning into the flow? This is an excellent book. My friends weekly mini-column- Taking More Control of Your Life by Dr. Jim Rosen ©2020 Dr. Jim Rosen “Why are people always trying to control me? Why don’t they let me be myself?” Perhaps a more effective question is, “How can I take more control of my own life?” It’s not enough to be assertive with just your words. You can learn to state your preferences; you can learn to say “no”; you can learn to ask for what you want. But if your behavior is submissive, if you don’t follow through in your actions, then your assertive words have no meaning. Having control in your life requires that you take positive action. Control cannot be given to you by someone else, because then the “giver” is the one in charge. You must take control, the way a young child walks away from its mother to explore the new world. Indeed you can do it.

Bob Dylan just released this new song. It reminds me of Leonard Cohen's You Want It Darker.

Yeah, me too, for the most part. Talking with an old friend years ago after a funeral. He said, you know, calf roping is like jacking off. Everyone wants to do it but nobody likes to watch. Note: I live in the heart of redneck country,,,,,

@liamnewsom202 I hear and acknowledge,,,, That's tough, man. I have no advice to share. Instead just some quotes from Maurice Nicoll that I go to at times on matters of working on myself. These quotes may or may not be applicable. They are from Gems Of Wisdom. It can be found on the Maurice Nicoll thread in High Consciousness Resources. OVERCOMING THE PAST “The overcoming of the past is one great line of personal work on yourself. Most people have such a great register of unhappy moments which they have nourished so much...The whole of the past must be cancelled eventually. In other words, you must have nothing against anyone.” V. 3, p. 811 OVERCOMING THE PAST II “It is quite useless to forgive: you have to cancel. And this is always done by finding the same thing in yourself, and you will always find it if you are sincere...You must remember here that you may not have said something unpleasant externally yourself but you have thought something and consented to it.” V. 3, p. 812 REAL POSITIVE EMOTIONS “If you, all alone, in this solitary place, in yourself, full of the integrity of your most Real I, have decided, made a decision, not to identify or feed a particular negative emotion . . . you will taste positive emotion for a brief moment—something blessed—that is, filled with such bliss that nothing of human love-hate emotions can be compared with it... Such emotions . . . never change into their opposites but visit us and then withdraw.” V. 4, pp. 1238-9 BEING PASSIVE TO REACTIONS “Now let us come back to the meaning of being passive. In the full sense it means being passive to the personality, and this, in turn, means being passive to oneself. Can you be passive to your mechanically-arising objections for even five minutes? Well, I advise you to observe how your personality reacts every moment to everyone and everything...Notice when you begin to object inside—notice what reactions arise in you—and try to be passive to them, not to the people who cause them to arise. Is this clear? You must make yourself passive to your own reactions, not to the people you are reacting to.” V. 1, p. 276 Good luck to ya,,,

Well, I gave doing NN dmt intravenously a few tries here lately. By the way, (VERY IMPORTANt) it has to be in fumarate form for it to be done intravenously. The first time I diluted 17 mg in 20 ml of water. Afterward I went to 24mg, then 30mg, and then mid to upper 30's. Given my weight, this was beginning to go past the .5 x kg body weight formula that is often given as a maximum amount. I don't think this is really going to be for me because I'm not real adept at doing an IV push. One reason is that sometimes I get a case of the shakes. I've given shots to farm animals all my life but rarely was it done intravenous. Getting the shakes while putting a needle in your vein is unhealthy as well as unnerving. The stress this created interfered with me really fully experiencing the first 2 or 3 times in a staying present kind of way. The last couple of times though at the upper range was quite an experience. There was a high pitched kind of sound that I heard as well as a lot of pressure felt in the cranium and equally in the prefrontal lobe area. I can't say that I had a 'breakthrough' but it was very intense none the less. I may try it a few more times and then be done with it. 5 meo dmt is of more interest to me as is lsd as a tool for the psychonaut trips. I've mentioned in the past this seemingly paranormal phenomena I have of hearing crickets at varying volumes most of the time. For about the past three years. It's actually a pleasant sound. This goes away when the NN dmt high pitch sound comes on. It is not really a pleasant sound either and It might actually be tinnitus or something close to it. I don't know...

My favorite Nisargadatta quote - "Nothing is wrong anymore ".

On another note. I'm just not relationship material. I've been single for too long. I have to admit, I like to flirt though. Enjoy my solitude and living selfishly not worrying about making noise disturbing anyone anytime of the day or night. Don't have to coordinate anything with anyone. Go in any direction at anytime,,,,,,I like the freedom. There's a decent chance I'll die alone and that's ok. We really all die alone anyway. My Automaton will have a heart attack or a stroke or I'll choke on something. My great grandfather choked on a cracker sitting on the couch a year after my great grandmother died of mouth cancer. He was born with a club foot in 1898 and she dipped and snorted snuff and cussed like a sailor. Born in 1900. I was about 8 years old when they passed. They never had an indoor bathroom or running water.