Zigzag Idiot

Great notes and also self observations, @seeking_brilliance . The term 'deficient emptiness' is one that I find useful which encapsulates the core of a variety of negative states of consciousness and the practice is to develop the capacity to sit with it. Sitting with it then allows space for transformations to occur. On the subject of suffering is a quote from the Fourth Way work. I find it very sustinct and to the point distinguishing unnecessary suffering and intentional (conscious) suffering. The first is Unnecessary Suffering. This would be the type of suffering that we incur because of our unreasonable attitudes and expectations towards others, from our ill-will, hatred and rejection of others, from doubt, possessiveness, arrogance and self pity. In other words, suffering arising from our self-importance. The second is Unavoidable Suffering. This would be the type of suffering that comes to us by accident or from events beyond our control, such as interpersonal conflicts, war, disaster, disease or death. Third, we have Voluntary Suffering. This would be the type of suffering that we take upon ourselves in order to accomplish a personal aim, such as an athlete who disciplines himself to win a race, or a student who labours to get good grades. And finally we have Intentional Suffering. According to Bennett, this would be the kind of suffering that we take upon ourselves in order to accomplish an impersonal or altruistic goal, one that is directed more towards service to others or to the Work, and not for any personal gain. I too, have used cannabis for dissociating from the world. If one is half aware that that is what's going on, though, it looses its effectiveness and although not immediately, integration to some degree will occur. I'm just saying this seems to be the case in my own life. IME, A great hardcore practice for dealing with suffering is ruthlessly observing ones own schadenfreude. It's culturally acceptable to wish ill on the bad guys in the movies but when these kinds of thoughts arise in association with family and friends, it's another story. If not observed and sorted out and dealt with, these kinds of thoughts can hurl one into a psychic entropy. I can give myself some space and declare yes, a reactive part of me is saying this but in my heart of hearts, this is not me and I say NO to this negative little sub personality. After engaging in this kind of Inquiry, I even begin to have empathy towards people who are chronically negative in some way, realizing that they're caught up in suffering and being propelled automatically in reactive behavior. In a sense, they're caught up in their own Hell. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schadenfreude

This is a GREAT video because this issue is so overlooked in the Self development/Actualization world. Ouspensky and Gurdjieff framed it as people consisting of many "i"s. Gurdjieff also referred to people as being taxi-cabs in that these different "I"'s would be directing the cab (one's body) with the frequency of a busy metropolitan taxi-cab. This issue has been completely overlooked by the majority of modern Therapists which ironically explains the existence of some ineffective Therapists. This issue was articulated well by one of the grandfathers of Transpersonal psychology, Charles Tart. In the conventional world of Psychologists with its vested interests of theory and more or less dogma, as far as I can tell up to now, it has mostly been dismissed or looked past. Not to get off the subject here. I'm in agreement for the most part with @DefinitelyNotARobot and others. Cannabis affects people differently and the variety of strains adds much to that mixture. Having a grasp on the fundamental fractureness of humans in general, the use of cannabis can accelerate integration but by all means it's not going to be a walk in the park. At least periodically at times, anyway. As a rule, when I've let my system clean up and then I smoke again. A good deal of paranoia will surface. If I then double down and keep smoking, usually this inner territory is traveled past. I don't think Cannabis use is for everyone but on the other hand, people shouldn't let the effects of some paranoia and introvertedness to completely scare them away. The only one to decide this is each individual deciding for themselves while taking into consideration all of the variables. IMO I would be getting in over my head in a hurry if I brought up the issue of cannabinoid receptors being discovered in many types of cells in the body. This would be good grounds for arguing and perhaps advocating for the medicinal use of Cannabis. It could be already and I'm just not aware of it. The strains of Berry White and Purple Hindu Kush among a few others have been agreeable with my body and psychological make up.

Gurdjieff was a good example of a multifaceted being. He would often play a role provoking others in some way to 'help'people in their work on themselves. He looked after and more or less supported several couples and families that had followed him out of Russia. He fathered some children out of this bunch of followers who were fleeing the War as well as some other followers from France and the U.S.. Gurdjieff was a Mystic but was definitely not a Saint. He was a good business man and entrepreneur. From trading and selling Persian rugs to being a silent partner in a restaurant when he settled in Paris. He was a Musician and a Teacher of Dancing. Gurdjieff also drank like a fish. I wouldn't rule out that he was an alcoholic by today's measure. Although Gurdjieff speaks highly of Christianity and of Jesus Christ, there are also many stories of his making fun of Catholic priests, even shouting at them on occasion. For example, his niece Luba reported in her Luba Gurdjieff: A Memoir with Recipes, "My Uncle never taught us how to go to church, or pray, or anything like that. And he never liked priests or the nuns. When we were out driving and he saw a priest, he would say, 'Shoo! Son of a bitch.'"

The Facts of an Imperfect Life by Dr. Jim Rosen ©2020 Dr. Jim Rosen Fact #1: You are not perfect. Nothing you do can possibly make you perfect. This is not because there is something basically wrong or inadequate about you. It is because you are a person, a human being. Fact #2: If you think you are supposed to be perfect, you are probably doing lots of senseless things to reach that place you can’t get to. And none of them work. It doesn’t mean you’re not doing it right. It means you can’t get there, and nobody else can either. Fact #3: You are a worthwhile, loveable human being on the inside, just the way you are right now. This is true even if you don’t know it, and even if you’ve made lots of regretful mistakes. Fact #4: There is nothing you can do to change these facts of life. Fact #5: If you accept these facts, you will be making a significant step toward reducing anxiety and finding peace of mind. You are at your best when you are at peace.

I agree with @AwakenedSoul444 You can get off the pharmaceuticals later on. The degree that they take the edge off may enable you to process some shadow stuff that may otherwise have been too much. You can both be right but I would settle in for the long haul. Your displaying a degree of honesty that a lot of people with healthy functioning ego/personalities won't express. There"s a lot of people here I know that respect you for that. Even if you've acted out in ways that may be uncaring or petty. Well, so what, we all do that. A lot of people won't admit it. I remember about a 2 or 3 year spell that I was devoid of tears. Try not to worry about it. One day it will just happen. Its difficult to not engage in self criticism. through the ICHING and other sources I've warmed up to the idea that our world is made of language. Self critical phrases can have the power of essentially casting spells on yourself. Just the automatically said negative phrases. Repression of negative thoughts only seem to make them stronger. You don't have to claim them as yours because a lot of negative thoughts are just churned out by the mind when we're not in a bad state. It can be empowering to consciously decide that you really want in your heart, to wish others well. For me, its been a powerful process in eliminating chronic feelings of guilt. Ive had to work on not complaining about virtually everything. It does take a lot of time. It's good that you recognize that that"s a big issue. Having love and respect for yourself also means the need to forgive yourself. The emotional pendulum can really be hard to handle. Twelve step recovery programs urge people to make amends with anyone that you feel you need to. A lot of vital energy can be regained quickly when this is done. Ive observed that in my life for sure. It can backfire sometimes so you have to use your own discretion about it. Know that you'll have good days. They'll keep you going. There is a community here and many in it do wish you well.

Listening to Faith Alone Is Dangerous, today, it occurred to me that a few of Hans Wilhelm's would go well on this thread. Although I don't agree with everything he says, he gives many concepts concerning Christianity which has helped me to stretch my frame of reference and maybe resolve some inner disparities like ACIM did and also the Fourth Way. A Course In Miracles has its own thread. There are threads on Gurdjieff and Maurice Nicoll will have some Fourth Way material which is sometimes referred to as esoteric Christianity. This is just a sampling of podcasts of Hans Wilhelm's relating to Christianity. I recommend checking out his channel.

The world is made of language and we're all going to die but we're not. That seems to be the synchronous messages in my life at the moment. Several sources say this about language. My ICHING reading this morning touched on it as well as the topic of death. Pardon my sloppy picture taking,,,, Still haven't bought another copy. Isn't it funny that my book split apart right on hexagram 23. The title of this hexagram is 'Splitting Apart'. I'll let my ICHING reading speak for itself. It was hexagram 30 (Attaining Clarity) with changing lines 3 & 4 making second hexagram of 27 (Nourishing) which I didn't include trying to keep things fairly brief. I'm adding on Martin Butler's podcast at the bottom which is also relevant. It came out yesterday.

@LearningPodo Some say purifying the emotional center or the lower chakras. That's a tall order. Integration of awkward aspects, processing any shame, shadow work. Yeah, fun stuff like that. You can be your own Teacher and decide what to work on that would make you a more relaxed person. Being radically honest with yourself, decide what you need to work on maybe to become more confident and authentic by undoing possibly some of your childhood - adolescence conditioning. Ideas and ways of thinking that cause you any conflict within yourself. Watching Leo's videos and maybe taking his life purpose Course. Having found Actualized.org is a good synchronicity!

@Aspiraling Wizard Yeah, ? lol I'm afraid so,,, Thats an indication of how far gone I was 25 years ago as a Scientologist at roughly 25 years old. Things change,,, @Alex bAlex ? Thanks for being a placeholder.

This lower Video is posted further up the page. Thought it might be good to group these two together since both are primarily about identification.

@Raptorsin7 Jana Dixon as well as Stan Grof and his deceased wife Christine call/ed them Spiritual Emergencies. There are others besides them that look at things this way. I've been the route with pharmaceuticals for anxiety/depression and finally quit them about 8-10 years ago. But in the near term, I think your hunch is right and you should utilize them for taking the edge off to help give you some space, near term. I'll put some relevant links down in case your interested in what's being said. On any of these, all the links will be on the left of the web page. You may see something you want to look at other than my picks. This is definitely a book to skip around in. IMO http://biologyofkundalini.com/article.php@story=DownisUp.html http://biologyofkundalini.com/article.php@story=ShockofAwakening.html http://biologyofkundalini.com/article.php@story=MeaningofKundalini.html http://biologyofkundalini.com/article.php@story=ToxicMindTheory.html http://biologyofkundalini.com/article.php@story=WelcomingBelongingTherapy.html

I'm having to log on every 5 minutes. It did this months ago but I forgot the cause of it. If anyone knows what I need to do, I would appreciate some advice. Even just A hint left in a private message would be appreciated. I'm a technological Idiot. Integrating male/female yang/Yin qualities 27 [22]. Jesus saw some children who were taking the breast: he said to his disciples: "These little ones who suck are like those who enter the Kingdom." They said to him: "If we are little, shall we enter the Kingdom?" Jesus says to them: "When you make the two <become> one, and when you make the inside like the outside and the outside like the inside, and the upper like the lower! And if you make the male and female one, so that the male is no longer male and the female no longer female, and when you put eyes in the place of an eye, and a hand in the place of a hand, and a foot in the place of a foot, and an image in the place of an image, then you will enter [the Kingdom!"] I

I remember when I was a Zen Devil.

Letting go and practicing forgiveness have a lot in common it seems. People who enjoy abstract thinking and pondering space-time should play around with home security cameras. The ones I got have about a 20 second delay. I get confused sometimes whether I'm looking into the past or future. The other day I ran outside and back in real quick and I actually met myself coming back! Being of split mind implies fragmentation doesn't it? A blank spot regarding integration? It's that way with all of us I surmise. To varying degrees. I would wager that Integration runs parallel with continuity of Consciousness. Like Willie Nelson, it's when one is the same all the time regardless of the situation. There's probably a group of people insisting he actually has that certain disorder having to do with impersonalness. It's on the tip of my tongue but I can't think of the name at the moment.

Forgot about this one. Good lyrics and melody.

These guys could all be in a Rest Home by now. It's crazy how time flys. Some 80's and early 90's Ive always liked Steven Tyler and AeroSmith. This song, it's the melody and his voice range more than the lyrics. I like Avril Lavigne too.

Me too also,,, ? whoever I am and what it is I'll do,,,? Regarding chapter 3, A quote from Ocke de Boer delivers a perspective given in the Fourth Way regarding Acquired Conscience vs. Awakened Conscience as seemingly very relative food for thought with what was given in chapter 3. Ocke: These religions almost always fall into the hands of people with a lower level of being, often possessed of intolerance and a need for convention. These religions soon become dogmatic, and therefore increase subjective, or acquired, conscience. Acquired conscience has been well described by Nicoll in his Commentaries. It is a subjective conscience based on collusions (collective illusions). It is also well described at the end of the chapter Bogachevsky in Meetings With Remarkable Men. Bogachevsky often urged me not to adopt any conventions, either those of my immediate circle or those of any other people. He said; From the conventions with which one is stuffed subjective morality is formed, but for real life objective morality is needed, which comes only from Conscience. And in general I repeat, acts of this kind occur simply because people stuff their children, while the future men is still being formed in them, with all sorts of conventions, and so prevent Nature herself from developing in them that conscience which has taken form over thousands of years of struggle by our ancestors against just such conventions. Ocke: One of the aims of our Work is to bring us in contact with Conscience, which is in our subconsciousness. Conscience is the inner memory for those actions necessary to bring any given situation back in tune with Unity. Although this definition of Conscience is correct, it stays incomplete, because Conscience cannot be reasoned but must come into Being. Taken from- http://www.higherbeingbodies.com/a-dialogue-with-ocke.html

To All who read this- Don't let me get away with spewing imagination and bullshit. Please call me out also if I've approached any of this in a wrong or skewed way. That's very possible. I do stuff like that. The statement- "Living on Earth may be expensive but it includes an annual free trip around the sun". The first part is definitely a belief because expensive is a subjective and relative term. I guess the second part is a belief also because I'm using others study of this part of physical existence. If I got a telescope and studied observable astronomy then it might become a known. As long as I'm using others data, I think it has to stay in the category of belief. I'm going to die in a few years. I know that because I've observed human beings growing older and then dying, most of my life. Well, I know my body is going to die. I'm sure of that. My body has slowly deteriorated with age. I've observed this trajectory in other living creatures and also in myself up till this point in my existence on this planet. I don't know what my experience will be when my body dies though. So anything about my experience of awareness after the death of the body can only be framed as belief,,,, I think. Mind is separate from being. I BELIEVE the majority of humans are not able to distinguish the difference here but I KNOW it's possible through following the Inquiry process. Through the felt sense of the present moment, it can become ontological and known. It's paradoxical though in that the mind can overwhelm being at times and through imagination and self deception the experience can suddenly become all beliefs. So I don't know how it will go tomorrow but I also know it's possible to for this to be distinguished in the felt presence of experience. on·tol·o·gy /änˈtäləjē/ noun 1. the branch of metaphysics dealing with the nature of being. 2. a set of concepts and categories in a subject area or domain that shows their properties and the relations between them. "what's new about our ontology is that it is created automatically from large datasets" e·pis·te·mol·o·gy /əˌpistəˈmäləjē/ noun PHILOSOPHY the theory of knowledge, especially with regard to its methods, validity, and scope. Epistemology is the investigation of what distinguishes justified belief from opinion. I heard Alan Watts say this one time- “There was a young man who said though, it seems that I know that I know, but what I would like to see is the I that knows me when I know that I know that I know.”

Appropriate for this thread. Good effective practice for everyday life/struggles- The Welcoming Practice

J.G. Bennet certainly had a long interesting life. As a Young British military officer he first met Gurdjieff in Constantinople as Gurdjieff was leading a small group out of and away from the Russian revolution. J.G. Bennet's personal Diary combined with his wife, Ezlizabeth's Diary were made into a book about Life with Gurdjieff during the last 2 years of Gurdjieff's life. This book is Titled - Idiot's In Paris Bruno Martin who put together the book- The Realized Idiot - in 2008, was a Student of J.G. Bennet This book is subtitled The Artful Psychology of G. I. Gurdjieff and "The Science of Idiotism" In an online group reading of Beelzebub's Tales To His Grandson I wrote a summary of chapter 38 which is somewhat flawed and amateurish. The last couple of paragraphs addresses Judas and The Last Supper. I put this Summary in my Journal a while back for anyone who might be interested. If this were moved to the Thread on George Gurdjieff, it would be fine with me. Not all of the Students of Gurdjieff, past and present, go along with this version of The Last Supper.

I think Red Hawk referred to one's 'chief feature' as it's called in the Fourth Way also as one's 'blind spot'. There was a similar thing in Scientology. I think it was called one's 'ruin' I certainly don't like to group The Fourth Way and Scientology together, though. Scientology is definitely a cult and as a general rule Fourth Way Teachers will try to run people off by offending them or other ways. Gurdjieff did this as well to insure that only people who were really sincere about working on themselves would be the ones to stick around, regarding whatever bullshit they had to put up with. Side note- This has to do with the Title of his magnum opus- Beelzebub's Tales To His Grandson. Being offensive in this way, Beelzebub aka The Devil, guaranteed Religous people would stay away and for the most part only the highly educated would be drawn in out of curiosity or as he put it, if they had a magnetic center. Someone with magnetic center is someone who has a natural inclination for gathering knowledge as well as working on oneself. Back to chief feature. Jane Heap, a student of Gurdjieff's, boiled it down to a short list. She said chief feature is usually based on one of five things- Greed, Fear, Sex, Lying, or self Pride. So chief feature, in being also a part of the makeup of one's psychological blind spot has to do with how we usually react. If anyone reading this is aware of the phenomena where people see one another's foibles better than they can see their own,, This is the ball park, so to speak. If you tell someone what their chief feature is. They won't believe you,, Through radical honesty and long self observation, one has to learn it for themselves. The goal isn't to be rid of it but to know it and be it's Master. One's chief feature is said also to be a distorted reflection of a personal virtue. For instance, fear becomes courage,,, Chief feature can also be a combination of Greed-Fear-Lying-Sex-self Pride. One has to be willing to observe over a long period of time, one's own habitual reactions. This process is definitely linked to the Science of Idiotism.

If nothing else works, start smoking cannabis. Or quit smoking cannabis in case you already smoke it.