Zigzag Idiot

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  1. "Hell is only terrible first few days." That's a quote from Gurdjieff. It was said offhand during his last few years living in his Paris flat. It was heard and written down by John and Elizabeth Bennet who both kept diary's during this time. Years earlier Gurdjieff had spent a lot of time in the Hindu Kush region and Gobi Desert. The experiences he had there in addition to harsh conditions earlier in life were probably inspiration for his pithy quote. What is the superego? It is our inner critic that beats us down with doubt and superficial morals. It keeps one from being an independent thinker. How do I Work with the Superego? To work through your superego, you must go all the way down to a pre-verbal, chaotic, hellish, negative merged state. And when you get down to that, you feel lost, you don’t know what is going on, there’s no firm place to stand. There are swamps wherever you turn—up, down, left, right—all swamps. That’s how you experience it; everything is negative. As you experience this fully, without defending against it, certain essential states arise to move you through this negativity and hell. Diamond Heart Book One, pg. 119 The Apex of the Psychic Structure The superego is a structure that forms the apex of the psychic structure and includes the ideals of the personality and the principles of judgment. It is the seat of what is customarily called the conscience. Essence with the Elixir of Enlightenment, pg. 134 The Inner Coercive Agency From our perspective, the superego is the inner coercive agency that stands against the expansion of awareness and inner development, regardless of how mild or reasonable it becomes. It is a substitute, and a cruel one, for direct perception and knowledge. Inner development requires that, in time, there be no internal coercive agencies. There will be, instead, inner regulation based on objective perception, understanding, and love. Essence with the Elixir of Enlightenment, pg. 137
  2. @Buck Edwards I like the pics!
  3. Beautifully put .... What is Superego? The superego forms the apex of the psychic structure and includes the ideals of the personality and the principles of judgment. It is the seat of what is customarily called the conscience. It develops mainly by internalizing and identifying with the prohibitions, rules, values, and preferences of the parents and society at large. . . . From the Diamond Approach perspective, the superego is the inner coercive agency that stands against the expansion of awareness and inner development, regardless of how mild or reasonable it becomes. It is a substitute, and a cruel one, for direct perception and knowledge. Inner development requires that in time there be no internal coercive agencies. There will be instead inner regulation based on objective perception, understanding, and love. The best approach is to decrease the power and influence of the superego and to replace it with awareness as much as possible, all the way to the final and complete dethronement of the superego. taken from https://www.diamondapproach.org/glossary/refinery_phrases/superego
  4. Every feeling you have is a legitimate message of sorts. Every feeling you have should be felt fully and not repressed. This doesn't mean you have the right to spew negative word vomit at others. When you can experience something negative and not take it out on others by remaining quiet,,,,, That is called solar coating of the Kesdjan, "astral" or "energy" body. It is an act of conscious suffering, and it is not an easy thing to do. Emotions are produced in the body by feelings encountering uncontrolled thoughts and unconstrained imagination. Emotions and feelings can vary widely in both substance and intensity. Intuition occurs haphazardly but happens more naturally after emotional purification. There are forces which can block this capacity on occasion. Solar coating accumulates in the Astral body which eventually actualizes the potential of the subtle and causal bodies. This makes you paranormal. It is not a quick process. Lunar coating happens just by life affecting you in the normal way in which you bitch and moan about how awful everything is. This is a form of unnecessary suffering which perpetuates itself. Wisdom accumulates at a dreadfully slow pace with lunar coating. Beings who actualize some of their higher potentials are often not recognized because of other's preconceived notions. It requires solar coating to really get anywhere. Make it a practice to genuinely wish all people well and you'll accumulate more force or chi energy. Even the people who hate you. Try to authentically wish them well. If you can't do that. It's okay. Now, here's another practice of mine, so take it with a grain of salt. It may not be appropriate for certain types of people. - If you find yourself hating someone then just get it out of your system by absolutely hating the shit out of them. It burns out more quickly by not repressing your hatred. Try your best not to direct your anger at them verbally while in their presence though.
  5. Much of the time, I'm still a coward. Real Relationship Means to Manifest the Courageous Heart A person who does not have a heart cannot hate, cannot be angry, cannot be hurt, cannot be jealous. Without love there is no such thing as jealousy, hurt, fear, hatred, or anger. All of these things are reactions to the absence of love, to the blockage of it, to the non-perceiving of it. To be aware of the real relationship means that there is always awareness of love. This never goes, in any relationship. There is always the lovingness, and love has understanding in it. Love has forgiveness and acceptance in it. Love has compassion, appreciation, pleasure, happiness, strength, and gratitude. All these are elements of love, and it is there all the time; it is part of our nature. The courageous heart is the heart that is always present, regardless of what happens. If your heart is present only if good things happen, your heart is not yet free, not actualized. You are still a coward, still afraid. You have a heart, but not yet a courageous heart. So to have a true relationship, a real relationship, means to manifest the courageous heart. There are several more good excerpts here : https://www.diamondapproach.org/glossary/refinery_phrases/heart
  6. Be your unique Self. Sometimes I classify as a redneck snowflake. ?✨
  7. In a way, I'm all over the map with what I write in this journal. Much of it tends to be 'off the wall'. Sometimes goofy and at other times too emotional. I often condense entries into my journal to the point that my persona is often eclipsed. If that makes any sense. I'm a quiet person. An introvert for sure but find a certain fulfillment expressing specific inward perspectives. I realize in hindsight that this presents or displays a quirkiness that contradicts my known personality. The speed with which feelings arrive and which produce emotions at times ,,,, It often takes me by surprise. But take music for instance,,, with regard to the feelings and emotions which show up ,,, and intensely! In observing myself a few days ago, a strong emotion arose within me instantaneously with a felt sensation in the area of the heart, eyes and frontal lobes of the brain. It was a sensation that was familiar to me. I'm a lot more stable emotionally than I was 20 years ago. I still experience powerfully felt feelings and emotions but it seems that with age there is a natural decline in being completely swept away from overwhelming emotions. Still, observing myself at times, there's no doubt I can act like a son of a bitch or at other times get nostalgic and weepy. Below is an excerpt from; https://schoolofwisdomcom.wordpress.com/laws-of-wisdom/laws-of-human-consciousness/ It's a fairly long article. If you read and enjoy the excerpt below. Click on the above link for the whole article. Left-brain, head-centered, ego-dominated consciousness is human functioning at the lowest level. It is constrained potential equivalent in chemistry to the ground state of the atom where all electrons are in the lowest energy position. To reach awareness and attain mastery you must increase your energy level by tuning into the body, and creating a kinesthetic dream body. The energy body is created by the limbic brain and the right brain of the cortex. It comes from out of chaotic imagination. There are hundreds of methods procedures to do this, to take this second step on the way of Wisdom. For instance, there is the energy work component of PrimaSounds music where the chakras are tuned, strengthen and balanced. This is described in detail in my book Chakra Music (Volume 4 of the School of Wisdom Series). The bioenergies once created then become a Vehicle of Awareness. The energy body links the conscious ego with the total Self. Then a new “I” linked with All can develop, create and act. The ego is transformed, liberated from petty self centeredness, to concern for humanity as a whole. The meaning of your life then begins to become clear as all sides of the neo-cortex start to work together. As the integration process concludes and the subtle Sybils fade, your special work for all of humanity begins. You begin to see your life in the context of history and a larger Universe. The final transcendental step into the spirit of the times is taken. This is the path to reality, to fulfillment of our full human potential. You begin as a student from out of the left brain of the neo-cortex, to down below to the body and body awareness. Then the way goes back up again, through the limbic system and back into the right-brain of the neo-cortex Symbols the “far-out” Self, and the development of energy awareness. This Path then leads on to mastery with a fully-developed and balanced brain. We then know who we are, all sides of our self, and we know what to do. As a Master of our Self the process of integration of consciousness can be completed. The big questions of life can be answered and personal fulfillment and enlightenment attained. The Path again moves on. Action in service of the Earth and all of Mankind becomes the focus. The integration process the Way can thus be seen to travel full circle, but as a spiral. It starts from the little “I”, the disassociated ego in the left brain doing its little business in the world. Then the way goes down to Awareness, back up to the Self in the right brain, then on to true individuality, using the whole brain. The last step is the real Man or Woman the actualized being with an Ego in tune with Self. The Way no longer ends from ego to Self, as in most religions, but travels on to individual fulfillment and mastery/adulthood the big “I” identified with the whole Universe. Our highest potential is no longer sublimation to the infinite and the loss of personal identity. It is affirmation of our unique individuality in tune with the infinite by carrying out our sacred Work. Thus the end is like the beginning. The realized person has an Ego, but not like the alienated ego he had when the journey began. Now the Ego rests on integrated consciousness and a whole Self. The Ego is in tune with the infinite, with all of the cosmos. The work of the big “I” is not the business of success which preoccupied the little “I” when the journey began. In the next loop of the spiral our Work is completely different. It serves the species, the Earth, all and everything.
  8. I get a kick out of this guy. His timing seems pretty amped up,, Thanks everyone for contributing!!
  9. @Spiritual Warrior Because of the contradictions I pointed out, Maybe it could be seen as a contradiction in usage of phrase,,,,? par·a·dox [ˈperəˌdäks] NOUN a seemingly absurd or self-contradictory statement or proposition that when investigated or explained may prove to be well founded or true: "in a paradox, he has discovered that stepping back from his job has increased the rewards he gleans from it" SIMILAR: contradiction contradiction in terms self-contradiction a statement or proposition that, despite sound (or apparently sound) reasoning from acceptable premises, leads to a conclusion that seems senseless, logically unacceptable, or self-contradictory:
  10. Self Love / self love I've read of 2 usages. In The Fourth Way (Esoteric Christianity) self love is mostly referred to as being egoic, self-centered, self satisfied, conceited etc.,,, I equate this almost with contemporary self esteem,,, As I understand it, to integrate we must develop a healthy ego so that it can then be transcended. Perhaps this could be placed as the difference between Tier one and tier two..? Self Love equating as self understanding, self acceptance,,, Maybe even Self realized,,, Self Love / self love at first glance looks paradoxical,,,,
  11. Some Maurice Nicoll that applies to projection. Thinking the other person should be different Now if you start by trying to externally consider another person from the basis of internal considering, from the basis of thinking the other person should be different, your external considering will be nothing but internal considering. You are making no attempt to start from the right basis of external considering, which is putting yourself in the other person's situation. On the contrary, you are starting from your own situation, not from the other person's. And in comparison with the real external considering, this is nothing but a form of hypocrisy and you will probably end only by shrugging your shoulders and saying: "Well, I have done my best for this person and I cannot do more." So you will wash your hands of him or her in your own feelings of merit and virtue. But I assure you that external considering in the Work-sense is nothing like that. Take an ordinary mechanical individual--that is, an ordinary person. They are full of buffers, prejudices, negative attitudes, pictures of themselves, vanity, typical gramophone records, and so on. Suppose they attempt, as they are, to externally consider, really to put themselves in another person's life, into their situation, into their mind. Do you think they will be able to do so? Of course not. They do not see themselves. So how can they see the other person? And if they do not see the other person, how can they put themselves in the other person's position? That is why it is said that before you can begin to externally consider in a real way, you must have reached some degree of self-observation and it is only according to your degree of self-observation and self-knowledge that you can externally consider another person. Seeing yourself In so far as you know yourself, you will know aright the other person: in so far as you can see yourself you can see others aright. Do you know, each one of you here now, how tiresome, how difficult, how unpleasant, how prejudiced, how exacting, you can be? Have you noticed it? If so, then you are in a better position to externally consider other people, for when you see their faults you will also see your own faults. But as we are made, looking out from our senses, and not looking in at ourselves, we only see other people's faults and to balance the account takes a lifetime of work and insight. We all have pictures of ourselves; we are all, in one way or another, smug. Let me give you the dictionary definition of smug. The word is derived from a German word meaning to dress up; smock, smuggle, and so: "to be scrupulous in keeping up the appearance of respectability, to be absurdly self-satisfied and complacent." One thing is quite certain, and that is that the more sincerely we observe ourselves and what is in us, the less smug we shall be. And from this it follows that we shall be less satisfied to think that we know what the other person should be like. So we shall judge less and in consequence be able to put ourselves in another person's position more easily. You will remember the two examples of praying in the Gospels--the man who prayed thanking God he was not as other men, and the man who beat his breast and said he was a sinner. Which of these two men do you think would best be able to externally consider? And which of those two men would you rather be judged by?
  12. I was in my early forties when I had a major insight about the prevalence of my own projections upon others. From what I experienced, the more I see my own projections the more I see the projections and transferences of others. eve One thing I need to work on is distinguishing transferences from projections,,,, Everyone has a psychological blind spot. Everyone projects upon others. All actualizers at some point goes through a Zen Devil phase (spiritual materialist). I can almost hear the boo's and hisses,,,. Wait a minute,,, the things I just listed could be called projections!! Face palm,
  13. It seems to me that a good deal of homophobic attitudes exist in most parts of the world. It's normal for boys and girls to experiment sexually in their adolescence. A lot more shame is leveled at boys in regards to same sex experimentation than girls. Girls have more shame leveled at them in general regarding promiscuity. Advice to younger folk- Make peace with yourself regarding any experimenting you have done sexually. Integrate this part of yourself and you won't be prey for bully's who overhear gossip and proceed to 'push your buttons'. A joke I heard a man tell in a club a few years ago. He said, when I was a boy. I sucked just one little ole pecker and for the rest of my life I've been called a cocksucker. To many that may seem an offensive joke. It could also be a comeback line for someone who sense they are on the verge of being bullied,,,,,, I experimented with another guy a couple of times in my youth and resolved my curiosities, so to speak,,, I'm a hardwired heterosexual and have no trouble with people who are gay. One exception though is being 'hit on' by guys who don't get the message and persist in being a nuisance,
  14. Because I’m from Arkansas, when I sing I can sound like this character. I’ve been listening to country music more lately for some reason. “I got a thinking problem.” Sounds like standard neurosis,,,
  15. IMO - This a good example of liberated red energy that Almaas speaks of in his work. The Red Essence is the Quality that Will Keep Our Inquiry from Collapsing So when the going gets tough and we start thinking, “I don’t know if I can continue this inquiry; it’s too difficult,” our true nature can manifest what is needed. In this case, it is the quality of our true nature that we call the Red latifa. It gives us the sense that “Yes, I can do it, I’ve got what it takes,” so we don’t feel overwhelmed and give up. The Red Essence is the quality that will keep our inquiry from collapsing. You have probably noticed that even when you’re not confronted by blocks or challenges to your inquiry, simply engaging this subtle process of observing your experience and investigating it requires energy. If you’re tired, it will be difficult to effectively engage the process; the most you can do is be aware of what you are experiencing. It takes energy to go beyond that basic awareness—to understand the truth that lies hidden within our experience. Inquiry takes a lot more energy than doing your job because it takes all of you, all of the capacities of your psyche. Even when you’re not tired and not avoiding difficult issues, you still need energy to inquire. You need energy in order to be open and interested enough to remain engaged with such a subtle process, to allow such a subtle capacity as our inner guidance to function. That’s why it is important to practice inquiry when you feel energetic and robust, when you have vitality. That is also why you need to live in such a way that you have sufficient energy for inquiry, just as would be needed for doing any other inner practice. So if you’re really serious about engaging this work, you need to conserve your energy and balance your life so that you can be effective in your inquiry. Spacecruiser Inquiry, pg. 270
  16. When you self observe. Do you observe attitudes of dismissiveness or superiority? Holding onto grudges or grievances with others? How about denying oneself the pleasures of life for no good reason? What about indulging in pleasures to the point of diminishing one's sovereignty over the animal self. Lack of discipline,,, Understanding the difference between necessary suffering and unnecessary suffering? Necessary suffering = intentional suffering = conscious suffering = discipline Unnecessary suffering = useless suffering = unconscious suffering = expressing negative emotions, indulging,,, Do I observe the Zen devil parts of myself? The inner Pharisee,,, The Do-gooder,, The spiritual materialist,,, Does this high minded part of myself ever squarely encounter the part of me that's a complete slut. What an odd couple they are in contrast,,, Is that not a step towards a more full integration and individuation? Is it only my inner Pharisee that will express in some way about feelings of Love? Sometimes yes. But not always. In other words, can my animal have innocence? The cultural ego will mostly say no. The cultural ego is usually more judgmental towards women than men. Men have dominated in the Patriarchal age. Thinking dominating over feeling,,, Look... the Proselytizer has overtaken the Observer ,,,, There "I" go. Or to be more exact, there goes my "I's",,, This ship of fools,,,
  17. “God consciousness” - I don’t know anything about that. One’s degree of being,,, The yo-yo of being or presence experienced in flux between physical sleep cycles,,, Continuity of consciousness and also whether non-conceptual awareness is experienced. What is the attainment of the pearl beyond price? What is the value of light-heartedness?
  18. Seeing through one's conditioning. No longer craving to express oneself while being tongue-tied and evasive - as Castaneda put it. The capacity of not being identified with our opinions. Peace through understanding. It's not a one time occurrence. “The repetitive motion of finding oneself through Identification (even true and worthy descriptions) keeps the being energy just below the critical velocity needed to escape the gravitational field of narrative selfhood.” - from Cynthia Bourgeault
  19. Hello readers, To start with. Whatever.., This communication will be most likely, non-sequitur. Most often, people are going to believe whatever they want to believe. For the most part, I don't lie very well. I practice when I can though. You need to be a fairly decent liar to succeed in this crazy world. I'm not exactly innocent but neither am I a sociopath. Sometimes on accident it seems,,, I'm an excellent liar. I think my Journal is being read more by people who know me. From around my home town. They may be shocked or disturbed at some of the things I write. I often express with a lighthearted-ness that comes across as silly or extremely irresponsible at the expense of whatever credibility I have remaining. Having a Journal like this is, in itself fairly self-referential and can come across as self-absorbed or narcissistic. We're all narcissistic fundamentally. Being a mature person doesn't mean being overburdened with a constant display of false seriousness. Being rather unexpressive generally, my hyperbolic rhetoric sits in contrast to when I write. I'm often misunderstood. (This is 10 hours later and I'm correcting some typos. I have more to say but I'm unable to put it into words,,,,, I leave entries in this journal which are unflattering. This is an attempt towards a form of being authentic and it might make some people feel uncomfortable. My apologies for that. Most of us are insecure and crave acceptance or approval. I see it in myself and admitting it makes it less,,, Displaying vulnerability can sometimes invite aggressiveness from others. IMO Forgiveness and understanding go together with self acceptance. Have a good day,,, The Self of the Average Individual is Deeply and Fundamentally Narcissistic Narcissism is a very general, basic element of ego life. The self of the average individual is deeply and fundamentally narcissistic. The complete resolution of narcissism will elude us until the achievement of self-realization. All that conventional psychotherapy can do is alleviate symptoms resulting from severe disturbances of narcissism, and, when successful, can help the individual to reach the level of the narcissism of everyday life. To proceed further and address this fundamental narcissism, only spiritual development will make a real difference. We also believe that understanding the spiritual nature of the self can help us to understand even the severe forms of narcissistic disturbance. This perspective can help us to see that we cannot separate our psychology from our spirituality, our psyche from our spirit, for we are fundamentally whole. Our self is one self, and cannot be dichotomized into a spiritual or “higher” self and a psychical or psychophysical self. The Point of Existence, pg. 46
  20. My 2 cents \Shame is a weapon used by power hungry as well as insecure people to manipulate others. Stratagize at owning your sexuality and being comfortable with it. This takes effort over time in pondering Don't let others divide you against yourself.