Zigzag Idiot

Poetry by Arnold Keyserling Truth Only that truth which is recognized by all can become a fellow-being. You should grow up around your grievous mistakes like a tree, and let them be, until one day they become a part of your strength, and they no longer hinder your ascent. Thinking is a force, feeling leads to new motivations. Remain receptive to both and truth will become attainable. Truth is that knowledge which becomes one with being. You will become one with being when all of your burdens and loves, objects and fears, sorrows and joys have found their place in the whole. Sorrow No one would make the decisive step without sorrow and doubt. But taking that step has nothing to do with sadness. It is shed like the skin of a snake. The darkness is able to generate the right reason, one more difficult, but also better, than the next. But it will not always be so. Some day love will shine upon you. Then sorrow will simply be the undertone of the resulting harmony. The path is there from the very beginning. Sometimes it is easier, sometimes harder. But one thing is essential: the depth emerges from the strength of sorrow. Without sorrow there is no course; without the course the path is not passable. Mourn – not over the self – but over what is yet to be done. Each day brings further sorrows, and eventually you will reach the original cause of sorrow. Then you can finally begin the ascent back. Rejoice in your sorrow, for the darkness will not remain with you much longer.

@tsuki Hi friend! Good to hear from you. I would enjoy seeing you journal here again if you decide to,,,,. Hope all is well,,,,

Some of my I-CHING consultation from last night.

What’s at the heart of actualizing one’s potential I’m a rogue student of different approaches to self understanding. There’s a commonality I’ve notice between Emerald’s use of Jungian psychology in her Shadow Work program to that of Almaas’s Ridhwan school and also Dianetics/Scientology. One commonality is the ability to internally face uncomfortable aspects of oneself through recall and thoroughly do so until you see, in a historical sense, your own innocence. This allows you to see the inherent innocence that is present within everyone you meet. This is an email sent to me by Emerald. It is something worth pondering for those who are on the journey. Here's another Shadow Work Tip to help you along with your Inner Work journey. Today's Shadow Work Tip is... "Integrating your Shadow requires developing emotional proximity to the Shadow Aspect you're trying to integrate." When we repress parts of ourselves to the Shadow and go unconscious to parts of our personality, one of the main reasons we do this is because the emotions those Shadow Aspects are dealing with are difficult and over-whelming to be present with. There are four main reasons why we repress aspects of ourselves: preserving an identity, preserving a worldview, coping with trauma, and coping with unmet needs. With the latter two (coping with trauma and unmet needs), the reason why we go unconscious to these parts is because it's very difficult on our nervous system to be present to the intensity of trauma-based emotions and the feelings of despair and desperation associated with unmet needs. So in order to avoid these intense emotions, a few things happen. The first thing that happens is that the Nervous System shuts down the processing of those intense emotions and stores them away in the body. Then, the mind and body work together to keep us from becoming conscious of those unprocessed feelings that reside in the Nervous System. Then simultaneously, the psyche fragments off the part of the personality that bore the brunt of the trauma or bears the brunt of the unmet need. And we go unconscious to all the memories, wants, needs, desires, strengths, wisdom, and perspective of that aspect. This is how our Shadow Aspects get split off as autonomous agents that have wants, needs, and agendas that can (and often do) clash with the wants, needs, and agendas of the Conscious Personality. So, if we want to integrate our Shadow Aspects... we must be able to (gradually) sit with the emotions that the Nervous System has shut down. I call this emotional proximity. Being able to have emotional proximity with a Shadow Aspect means allowing yourself to sit with the emotions that a Shadow Aspect is experiencing. For example, let's say that I experienced an overwhelming amount of shame that created a trauma in my Nervous System around that experience of shame. And this caused an aspect of my personality to be relegated to the Shadow where it is constantly looping around with feelings of shame and trying to resolve those feelings of shame. What that means is that in order to become conscious of this aspect... I have to be willing to experience the feeling of shame. And in order to integrate that aspect... I have to be willing to sit with shame gradually over a longer period of time. It is with the gradual, slow, and gentle experiencing of shame over time and a willingness to be with that shame that will start to process the shame. This in turn will make it easier and easier to be with my Shadow Aspect that's dealing with shame. And once the shame has been processed, this renders the repression obsolete and there is a reintegration that occurs. Now, this process of sitting with uncomfortable and overwhelming emotions should be taken gradually and slowly. The Nervous System can only handle so much at a time. And the reason why the repression occurred in the first place is because the Nervous System got overwhelmed and an aspect got repressed as a result. So, we never want to rush the process of sitting with emotions... and we never want to bit off more than we can chew. But if we gradually sit with our uncomfortable emotions over time while remaining in a state of emotional regulation, this is what's necessary to integrate many of our Shadow Aspect. I hope this Shadow Work Tip is helpful to you! Best Wishes, Emerald P.S. Are you interested in learning more about Shadow Work? If so, you might want to check out my Shadow Work Self-Study Course which is a self-paced program that's designed to provide deeper clarity and practical tools to people who are on a Shadow Work Journey so that they can integrate their Shadow Aspect without all the confusion. If you'd like to integrate your Shadow WITHOUT all the confusion,click this link to learn more about the Shadow Work Self-Study Course! Unsubscribe | Update your profile | 113 Cherry St #92768113 Cherry St #92768, Seattle , WA 98104-2205

D IMO.,,,A bit cynical but true. Very sobering,,,,

Been sickly the last 2-3 days. I feel like an earthworm with the shit slung out of it. Wish I could find more old Bozo clips with Arkansas's Gary Weir. Like the one above. Some of my favorite Bozo questions- Jason, do you walk to school or do you carry your lunch? ,,,,,,, Christine, I want to know something ,, okay? She says, okay. Michael, where are you from partner? Michael say's, Arkansas. Bozo asks. I wonder how Come? Michael replies. I don't know.

Don't Litter Watch old episodes of Bozo Self-observe while trying not to think too much. Abandon cynicism and genuinely wish people well

Scratching my face under my beard At peace I am like a cat I love solitude All people are crazy as am I This morning tears flowed thinking of her being alone She deserves to be shown more love I’m feeling weepy again I find it ironic that she is a person who requires a good deal of solitude as well

The Fourth Way is largely concerned with Self Observation or Inquiry. Self Observation shows a person how "asleep" they are at times. When we're reactive and act simply as stimulus response mammals,,,,

No need to sugar coat things @Danioover9000 . Tell me how you really feel.... For now . I'm pondering and viewing it as poetry.. You're abstracting,,,, perhaps. I've been kicked around somewhat lately and have grown shallow, reactive and sometimes mean. As a result I'm 98% heterosexual; 2% bisexual. Not as openminded as I used to be.,,,, I wish someone would tell me if I were involved in government or solipsism experiment and I'm being viewed as a specimen by a large population. I realize too it really didn't have my nametag on it,,, “Blessed is he who has a soul, blessed is he who has none, but woe and grief to him who has it in embryo.” - Gurdjieff

So 6 hours later and I’m sitting here stupidly looking at the last bit of daylight. There are crickets, frogs and cicadas singing and chirping. There are other sounds I’m not mentioning. It feels nice to be stupid and calm. There are sounds like the neighbors voices that draw my attention. I know nothing and I feel fine. But information can be burdensome as well as informative. Does the information further understanding? I don’t have to ask for insight. It usually shows up mixed in with trash thoughts. So letting everything go (kenosis) or role playing stupid and empty-headed works somewhat. It depends on how much you apply such disciplines. Just my opinion.

We often become miserable in varying degrees by thinking too much. Recognizing that the mind is not quiet is often overlooked,,, ironically. To become quiet inside. Pretend that you are extremely stupid and then just persist with this role playing exercise.

People see whatever that want to see, you could say. You see? This is/was a seer’s seeing eye song. It was about a Being who awoke and then died from seeing what they saw. Later on, the Being decided to leap out of the grave. Waking deficient emptiness dying deficient emptiness rebirth/reborn

I’m all ears and I can’t hear anything that disturbs me. That is inner quiet. When the attention is there, inner quiet is present. In my inner world everything is the same and is no problem. Curiosity exists. This is no guarantee that I’ll be completely identified and lost in a reaction a few minutes later because some thing in my outer world has gone off the rails. Perhaps I blow a tire out going down the Highway or my house is found to be on fire. In some way my attention has been drawn away emotionally. There are countless ways this can happen. Staying centered and able to direct my own attention is a long term practice. To not be startled when others are. This is a sign of a person who is present and not glued to the parallel reality of the collective ego.

A home is more than a house. It’s a place to fuck and fry bacon. That’s just a memorable remark I overheard years ago. I believe one has to guard against the tendency to be a goody-goody which is a typical characteristic of a zen devil, to borrow Leo’s phrase regarding spiritual materialism. I’ve always had a tendency for being too serious. Reading The Psychological Commentaries on the Teaching of Gurdjieff and Ouspensky by Maurice Nicoll showed me the value of lightheartedness. One of my favorite quotes of his regarding the neurotic mindset overburdened with internal dialogue.,,, Working to maintain a space of inner quiet that's not affected by the world. How often do we let thoughts trigger us and ruin our day? Do you have a mind or does your mind have you? Have you got sufficient inner observation? Have you cleared and well dug a big space in your mind through the practice of inner attention and put a hedge round it and a gate so that you can hear the click of the gate and watch this darling little thought coming up the drive all ready to say: “Oh, how tired I am,” etc.? I fancy that once we let it in very far every thought gets hold of us and wrings us, takes our blood, makes us react, talk, behave, in a certain way, and then, satisfied with having dined off us, it retires for a time.

Rewatching this short clip is good for me. The knowledge it contains relates to the volatility of states of consciousness that exists with everyone. Below is a new one I’ve found that relates to conscience. Worded excellently,

Related phenomena to ponder. Accidents waiting to happen,,,, The strange attractor from chaos theory, evolution, involution, creation or manifestation, epigenetics, synchronicity and possibly other specific stuff,,,, Holy spirit working through human beings/ Diamond guidance as described in the Diamond Approach Below are quotes from A.H. Almaas The Essential Nous I sometimes call the Diamond Guidance the essential nous, the individual soul’s version of the universal nous of the Greeks, as described by Plotinus. In Sanskrit, the essential nous is referred to as prajna, while the discriminating awareness – the universal nous – is called jnana. It is known in both Buddhist and Hindu teachings that you use prajna to arrive at jnana. Prajna is referred as discriminating insight and jnana as inherent knowingness, or discriminating awareness. So Prajna is the recognition of patterns, understanding, insight, realization, while jnana is the inherent self-knowing of pure awareness. Jnana is not the experience of a specific insight or understanding; it is the recognition that all experience is knowledge and that you exist as knowingness, as knowledge. Spacecruiser Inquiry, pg. 42 The Vehicle that Opens up Our Experience The Diamond Guidance is the vehicle that opens up our experience, and that opening begins our unfoldment, becomes the unfoldment, and is also an important aspect of the unfoldment. We can see this process, then, as having two sides—opening up and unfoldment. And when we see the complementary nature of this process, we call it “self-revelation.” Here we mean self-revelation in the sense that the soul reveals herself. But self-revelation is actually understanding, because understanding is the disclosing of the truth of what is arising. Thus, the whole process of opening up—which begins the unfoldment, continues as part of the unfoldment, and becomes self-revelation—is what we call understanding. In other words, the opening up, the unfoldment, and the self-revelation together are the understanding. So understanding means both the upwelling of new elements and divulging the significance of these elements. When the Diamond Guidance is operating without restrictions, understanding is the arising of new elements inseparable from the recognition of their meanings. When we say that unfoldment is guided, we mean that it is a deepening revelation of our human potential. We call it guided because it is going toward optimization. We are guided from being closed to being open, and always from a present manifestation to a deeper one. This guidance happens through the opening up of understanding. In other words, guidance is the facilitation of our natural unfoldment. Spacecruiser Inquiry, pg. 238 The Angel of Revelation In other traditions, the Diamond Guidance is sometimes called the angel of revelation, the holy spirit that brings the word or message from the source. It is the angel that guides us to Beingness that is our ground, our nature, our source. It is the true friend, the total friend, because the Guidance’s only concern is for you as a soul to go back to your source, to be who and what you can be, with total acceptance, total support, total guidance, total kindness. The soul needs to place herself in the right attitude for this kind of blessing to come. You have to do the work of correctly orienting yourself. Basically this means harmonizing your consciousness with the mode of presence and operation of the Guidance. This is what we are exploring when we discuss inquiry – the right orientation, the right posture, the ways of being and functioning that will invite the Guidance. Spacecruiser Inquiry, pg. 223

I Had a very rich I-Ching reading today. It was very meaningful for me anyway.

Have Your BEING. Have Fun! Now No?

We are 3 brained beings. Many of the esoteric spiritual traditions taught the three realms in terms of each human having three different brains. For instance, the esoteric spiritual philosopher George Gurdjieff, always spoke of Man as a “three-brained being”. There was one brain for the spirit, one for the soul, and one for the body. In some traditions the spirit brain was thought to be the usual brain located in the skull. The soul brain was the heart, and the body brain is somewhere lower, frequently in the sacrum (sacred bone). Along those lines many women today believe that, for men at least, the third brain lies somewhat lower and to the front, with a separate mind of its own. Taken from https://schoolofwisdomcom.wordpress.com/laws-of-wisdom/laws-of-human-consciousness/ Difficult and convoluted excerpts read from Beelzebub's Tales to his Grandson. 3 brains - Head/intellectual center Heart/emotional center Belly-Hara/instinctual center 3 categories of food - Groceries Breath Impressions For a deep dive --https://www.gurdjieff.justwizard.com/FoodEnigma.html

Observing one’s own spiritual materialism is mandatory. Be aware that there are successive layers. Attitudes of some form of superiority that encroach into one’s being,,,, Time return to the beginner’s mind of Ordinary Idiot,,,,

"Hell is only terrible first few days." That's a quote from Gurdjieff. It was said offhand during his last few years living in his Paris flat. It was heard and written down by John and Elizabeth Bennet who both kept diary's during this time. Years earlier Gurdjieff had spent a lot of time in the Hindu Kush region and Gobi Desert. The experiences he had there in addition to harsh conditions earlier in life were probably inspiration for his pithy quote. What is the superego? It is our inner critic that beats us down with doubt and superficial morals. It keeps one from being an independent thinker. How do I Work with the Superego? To work through your superego, you must go all the way down to a pre-verbal, chaotic, hellish, negative merged state. And when you get down to that, you feel lost, you don’t know what is going on, there’s no firm place to stand. There are swamps wherever you turn—up, down, left, right—all swamps. That’s how you experience it; everything is negative. As you experience this fully, without defending against it, certain essential states arise to move you through this negativity and hell. Diamond Heart Book One, pg. 119 The Apex of the Psychic Structure The superego is a structure that forms the apex of the psychic structure and includes the ideals of the personality and the principles of judgment. It is the seat of what is customarily called the conscience. Essence with the Elixir of Enlightenment, pg. 134 The Inner Coercive Agency From our perspective, the superego is the inner coercive agency that stands against the expansion of awareness and inner development, regardless of how mild or reasonable it becomes. It is a substitute, and a cruel one, for direct perception and knowledge. Inner development requires that, in time, there be no internal coercive agencies. There will be, instead, inner regulation based on objective perception, understanding, and love. Essence with the Elixir of Enlightenment, pg. 137

@Buck Edwards I like the pics!