Zigzag Idiot

Overcoming cynicism I’m looking at my progess over a period of a 20 years. Twenty years ago my spiritual egotism was intact with buffers protecting and perpetuating the condition of what some call spiritual materialism. Around that time I had encountered a Teacher of the Fourth Way (esoteric Christianity). He pointed out,at various times, the presence of my inner Pharisee, which, by the way is synonymous with a Zen Devil or spiritual materialist. Guilt perpetuates self condemnation and as a result we extend that judgement to everyone we encounter. This projection stains our entire world. Self forgiveness sets everyone else free from our own condemnation. How wonderful it feels to discover everyone’s innocence including our own. The discovery of this state of consciousness is transient at first but to return to it is synonymous with what Gurdjieff called Self-Remembering. Everything in one’s perceptual field becomes vivified. You become lighthearted.

My I-Ching reading today. A part of it anyway. Hexagram 3 Line 5. Difficulties in blessing. A little perseverance brings good fortune. Great perseverance brings misfortune. Here, the difficulties encountered refer to the retreat of the Sage that occurs when the ego takes over a person's work on developing himself. The ego hopes, through ambitious and pious work, to be recognized by the Sage as "spiritual." The meaning of "a little perseverance" is to approach liberating the true self with modesty. This means not to forget to live one's life joyfully. The ego, in its striving, would drive the person to ascetic extremes and deprivations. This is the meaning of "great perseverance brings misfortune." The problem with the idea of "being spiritual" is that it contains all the self-flattery that maintains the ego as leader of the personality.It further divides a person's true nature into a higher and lower self, splitting his wholeness and placing spells on what is believed to be his"lower,"" or animal nature. Accepting this idea creates a fate, which is usually that of illness. This line can also indicate a person whose progress is blocked due to mistaken beliefs about the purpose of human life. It can refer to human-centered beliefs such as: "I have to do it all, "humans are the representatives of heaven on earth, "humans are responsible for making everything work," and "for creating order in the world." Such difficulties in blessing can be erased if he asks the Sage to help him rid himself of these mistaken beliefs. This will engage the Helper of Transformation to remove the blocks created by these phrases in his inner program.

Being authentic is overrated This goes against a basic premise I had when this Journal was started. I see the truth in what she says.

Do cats have linguistic awareness? I wouldn’t think so. Do cats have non-conceptual awareness? This sounds more likely. I just don't know, really. Just imaginative conjecture on my part.

@Francis777 I do that too. Welcome! If you prefer to not have comments from others. Just let us know.

Two Alejandro Jodorowski movies El Topo Holy Mountain They are very weird. I think it wa El Topo that John Lennon financed a theater in New York City to have it run as a midnight movie for quite a while.

@Ash55 @mmKay I think that's fine. It's good of you to express authentically.in a way that may make you stand out as vulnerable. I'm impressed with his ability to speak off-the cuff. But at other times he seems like an arrogant dick. Juxtaposed to that though, he admits his own self-deception. Like many of us. If you were to spend some time alone with the guy. Other unknown aspects of his being/persona would be experienced.

Been more than once in my life that I was crying and eating. People were looking at me like something was wrong. Well, there was something wrong. I was grieving but at the same time it coincided with an appetite with hunger pangs. I intuited that people were judging me for shoveling down food right after had received very distressing information. There I was trying to chew and swallow a mouthful of food and cry at the same time. Where is it written down that if you're extremely worried and/or grieving that it's somehow improper to ingest some cooked food? And so-what if you're crying also. It's normal for human beings to cry! People are so quick to judge sometimes,,,

Some of what I wrote in my last entry is garbage. Thats okay with me though. Making mistakes. inaccuracies, summarizing wrongly. It does matter and it doesn't matter. Never mind. If it doesn’t matter then I don’t mind. If it’s a question about mind over matter then it’s a sometimes but not always situation. Like pouring empty into the void which to me seems opposite to all and everything. Then does that constitute a matter over mind equation which is in essence a brain juxtaposed to mind consideration. Brain being more basic to mind similar to the analogy of what the body is to the Soul. What about the nucleus of an atom to the circling electrons? Seems like that is similar but much lower of an octave comparatively to a central star in a solar system that has orbiting planets. Theorizing that God is a collection of galactic clusters,,,,then perhaps a human being’s lifetime is a quark in the body of God, I'm pondering my unacknowledged fear of death as well. The death of the body is pretty much unescapable. for all of us. Although there are some glimmers of hope in the sciences with age reversal. There are so many advances nowadays in connection with A.I. Fell asleep last night editing on my phone. Got carried away with all that gibberish,,,, It’s cathartic somehow.

@Thought Art Sciatic nerve is getting impinged? Maybe a hip is out just a little bit.. My hip used to go out from traveling long distances on the Interstate with my wallet continually pushing my hip and slowly wrecking my posture,

Thoughts on shift between first tier and second tier of Spiral Dynamics map of Human worldviews or levels of consciousness. There seems to be an energized empathy at the green level which precedes the yellow level beginning the shift into the second level. It seems to me that people at the yellow level and above have emerged after being overwhelmed in a ‘dark night’ of sorts. They have died to parts of themselves that were constructed out of a naïve imagination which kept them in an all-knowing certainty devoid of the harsh realities that are at the basis of human survival in which a scarcity of resources mandates that a form of narcissistic competition must exist. This competition has a dominant theme which includes social acceptance through demonstrating wealth. Those who are not born into wealthy families and even those who are, are conditioned into the idea of getting a “higher education” with the promise of wisdom and success for those who make it through. From my perspective I see an eroding of common sense and in its place a construction of self importance based in part on the ability to confuse or intimidate others with an attitude of glib, erudite confidence. Otherwise known as the ability or capacity for successfully bullshiting others. The building of this capacity can also overtime put one through the meat grinder of higher education. So it’s not a this or that choice. It’s the half measures on the path of struggle which leaves people in cul-de-sacs of chronic depression or an overwhelmed apathy. Actualization is not solely for the educated. In part It’s about discovering and expressing in some way that uniqueness that is yours alone. Do you see a distinction between identifying with multiculturalism or relating with transcultural non attachment? One is an “ism” and the other one is not. It’s not the 3 letters of ism that cause a blind spot but rather the identifying with ————— fill in the blank. Pluralism, socialism, capitalism, monotheism, etc., I’ve digressed,,, As Gurdjieff put it- Identification is one of our worst foes. Going back now to being overwhelmed on the path, stalling out and just barely surviving day to day or week to week. A distinction was made by Abraham Maslow between “survival or deficiency needs” and what he referred to as “being needs”. The lower levels below 2nd tier are concerned mostly with deficiency needs; food, shelter, sex, social acceptance. He equated “being needs” with whatever you do that inspires you. It’s where a person works because of a selfish fulfillment, in a sense. Say that a someone works above and beyond what’s expected in order to finish a job. They are willing to endure tiredness and perhaps criticism from others in order to accomplish whatever it is that they are doing. That’s a path with heart as Castaneda phrased it. People who are confident and at peace are trustworthy. They know the difference between a neurotic state of mind juxtaposed to having inner quiet. They know that unbalanced or neurotic states of consciousness come and go with varying intensity. The same can be said of having inner quiet or as some Buddhists have defined wisdom as understanding silence. A distinction should be realized between unconstrained imagination and constrained imagination. Unconstrained imagination may be one of our worst enemies. It runs hand in hand with self deception. Also with either fear or hope. Trustworthy people are disciplined people for the most part. But not always. You can also find many disciplined people who are deceptive, devious and cunning, I guess,,, It’s almost a fad for people these days to be pointing out someone that they think are narcissistic. We are all narcissists to a degree. It just means being selfish or self absorbed to a degree that they are willing to actively step all over other people. I know someone who absolutely exhausts themselves trying to do the right thing while viewing themselves through the eyes of other people. There is little joy to be found there because the inner critic in them never lets them off the hook. Do something for others when you WANT to. There are times when you choose to help others when you really don’t want to but a sense of responsibility beyond that of self condemnation mandates that you do it. It is very important to take care of yourself and charge your own batteries. You can be of service to others more effectively when you are doing it from a place of exuberance and finding a selfish fulfillment while doing it. Helping others or doing a good job or creating something of quality or value pays an inner reward that speaks to your inner quiet. Writing this out on my phone has taken a little time and I’m ready to step off my soapbox. Good night.

Transcultural diversity

To endeavor to persevere. To remember yourSelf in not splitting off and fragmenting your instinctual drives. Strategy of putting the whammy of a Care-bear mindmeld on others who are causing trouble,,,

Kip demonstrating his salesmanship. I can relate to this scene. Uncle Rico- “How much you want to make a bet, I could throw this football over the them mountains.”

Being independent minded Breakfast I have my usual mixture of sugar, margarine, salt, cinnamon, and just a little bit of oatmeal and water. I return to my bed and crumble as many chocolate chip cookies as I dare into the bowl to offset the inevitable overabundance of margarine. Just because I'm into actualizing my potential in terms of realization of awareness and cognition doesn't mean I have to sign on to the idea of proper nutrition. I applaud those who eat in a healthy way and for those who try to do so but sometimes fail. Please excuse me for being a bad example. Lunch-midday Gatorade, 3-4 pieces of raisin bread and a couple of chocolate chip cookies or perhaps some fried sausage with 3 greasy fried eggs and a couple of chocolate chip cookies for my sweet tooth. Suppertime Salted greasy fried potatoes with macaroni and cheese and 2=3 chocolate chip cookies. Then a bowl of chocolate ice cream at bedtime. My practice is inquiry. To observe with ruthless honesty when I become negative in my inner world or perhaps seek merit and praise from others. Also, this means not to fall into self-criticism but rather to sit with and observe my weaknesses in regard to emotional negativity and its effects. * Note- Intake of sugar, caffeine and other stuff,,, often produce a greater likelihood of reactivity and the expression of negative emotion.

There seems to be a simultaneously movement of direction in the following poem, by Dzou'l Noun. All men are dead, except those who know. All those who know are dead, except those who practice. All those who practice are dead, except those who act. All those who act are lost, except those who act with righteous intent. All those who act with righteous intent are in grave danger. This is what I hear. It speaks of the need to return to beginners mind every day or as needed. This is the springboard used to leap out of my grave. I strive and then I don't strive. Simultaneously observing inward and observing outward at times creates a unified perceptual field, difficult to describe and the more I try to do so, cheapens it.

The book Soul Without Shame, alone I found valuable in regard to self-hatred. As well as Red Hawk's book - Self Observation; The awakening of Conscience. Good luck.

@Ulax I really enjoyed your last selection. These guys don't seem to be into self-promotion but rather focus on their art of creating music. They utilize the art of Alex Grey quite often. https://www.alexgrey.com/

The Work is for losers. Scale of being,,,, I heard a teacher of the fourth way once say this. A person must be disillusioned with life. The following is from Maurice Nicole’s work. I enjoy his humorous style of speaking which was written from transcripts from speeches given to his work groups. The illusion of doing and knowing Now let us sketch the person who is full of vanity, self-merit, self-admiration, self-love, self-estimation, self-worthiness, self-conceit, self-importance, self-esteem, self-excitement, and so on. That person is very identified with himself or herself. This person is rich -- "the rich man" (or the rich woman). Such people have no idea that they cannot do. This idea would startle them. They also have no notion that they do not know. They are sure they know best. They feel depressed only when their vanity meets with a check, or no doubt they feel furious. But they cannot see themselves. They may be very kind so long as they are gratified with thanks and praise. They help the poor, they give money to those in distress, provided they get proper recognition and feel they are properly treated. Such people may be very useful in mechanical life, but in the Work, which is under a reverse sign from life, they may find themselves at a loss. The Work grows out of our "poorness", not our "richness" I remember many years ago that some people of this kind who were in the Work decided to get together and make the Work "really go." They felt that it was all too slow and that they could rapidly make it a great success and they no doubt pictured themselves sitting on the platform at some great meeting at the Albert Hall or some such place bowing to thousands of people. They felt that out of their "richness" -- I am speaking psychologically -- they could enlarge the Work. But it is out of our "poorness" that the Work grows. It is not from the rich personality that the Work grows in us but from the starved and real essence. If impressions fall on essence you see in a new way. Now a "rich" person, very identified with himself or herself, cannot expect to see things without associations or to get any new impressions falling on essence which is the growing point of a person. That person will live always in associations -- in the past. Also an opinionated person, a man or woman openly or secretly in love with themselves, and certain of themselves and their virtue, and standpoint, such a man or woman, wholly identified with themselves, will not be able to divide themselves into two. That is, they will not be able to shift their position but must always remain where they are and so what they are in the Scale of Being. Where and what are the same in this scale. That is, the level of being where you are, is also what you are. If you begin to see yourself passively you begin to see the level of being you are chained down to by the active, self-acting side of you -- the side that calls itself "I" and which, in my case, expects to be "Maurice Nicoll." This side, in everyone, usurps the throne and sits on it. Scale of being,,,, hmm

DID You know? It's Ok. Everything is just Okay. I don't know anything about what's to come. The future for all of us may be filled with terror and painful death if humankind does not wise up to the uselessness of war. I can think of nothing sadder than children and the innocent among us facing extreme terror produced by the weapons of modern warfare. Did this get too melodramatic? It's sobering. Perception becomes more vivid when you face your own mortality. When death is near,,,, The present moment can become a cherished gift. Even if by others I'm perceived as a fool. I'm so thankful I don't care what others think of me. With no shame. Do your eyes fill with tears? If so, I've entered your heart. or perhaps you've entered mine. My heart is a perceptual filter used to examine reality. It has a dimensional range. Both vertical and horizontal it seems. Tender and mild at times. Indifferent and cold when it closes up. Then there is boredom, rage, lust, awe, gratitude and other qualities. My heart is like your heart.